četvrtak, 29.11.2007.
Letter to Bracko...
I close my eyes,
Then I drift away
Into the magic night.
I softly say
A silent prayer
Like dreamers do
Then I fall a sleep to dream
My dreams of you.
In dreams I walk with you.
In dreams I talk with you.
In dreams you’re mine.
All of the time we’re together
In dreams.
But just before the dawn
I awake and find you gone.
I can’t help it, if I cry.
I remember that you said goodbye.
It’s too bad that all these things
Can only happen in my dreams
Only in dreams
In beautiful dreams.
-------------------------------------
nedjelja, 25.11.2007.
Mozda nekome pomogne...
Nesto kaj sam nasla,u trenutcima u kojima mi je,kao sada-jako lose...
Zivim u nadi da se bude vratio,da nije istina da ga nema...
Vjerujem,jer se nemogu uvjeriti da je poginuo...
Proslo je 4mjeseca,a ja ga jos cekam,da mi bude parkirao motor pred kucom,bude navratio na kavu,na rucak,pomoci mi oko kompjutera...
A sve kaj je ostalo je hladan kamen,sa hrpom cvijetica,ispod kojeg se nalazi to bice,koje me toliko puta razveselilo,koje me jedino razumjelo...Tak drag prijatelj...
Neznam,nemam rijeci,neznam kaj da pisem sada,zato vam dajem samo tekst koji sam nasla...
When we love someone and they die, it can feel devastating. This seems to be a universal part of our human experience. But why do we have to suffer like this?
If we humans lived our lives separately from others, needing and relying on no one but ourselves, then the loss or death of another would have little impact. But we are social creatures. Compared to other animals, we spend a remarkably long period of our lives—18 or more years—living with and depending on our parents. We are born into families. We grow and live surrounded and supported by our social environment. We make friends with, go to school with and work with our neighbors. It is part of our makeup to form strong bonds of caring and affection with other people. The forces that draw us to others are so deeply entwined in our nature. We respond to these forces in powerful and seemingly involuntary ways. We feel these pressures keenly when we are lonely and bereft of companionship; when we feel ashamed and fear social disapproval; and especially when we fall in love and long for the love of another person.
At their best, these deeply rooted feelings encourage us to help and protect each other. The resulting bonds bring us help when we need it. It is precisely these feelings that have made our incredibly rich, complex human culture possible. Without it we would be spending our lives trying furtively to gather and hunt enough food to keep ourselves alive from one day to the next. We would have neither the reason nor the ability to pass on what we have learned to others. If we were hurt, we would have only the wisdom of our bodies to heal us.
But we are not solitary, and the price we pay for our attachments is vulnerability—the risk of loss. Because we depend on other people—because they do matter to us—they occupy a special place in our hearts. They are like a part of ourselves and cannot be replaced…any more than our hand or some fond memories could be. When someone we love is gone from our lives, it is as if a piece of us has been torn away. The loss rends the fabric of our lives and the wound must be repaired. Grief is that process by which our minds heal this hurt. For us to go on with our lives and again risk caring about others, we need to let go of those we love who are no longer with us. Through this process of mourning, we gradually accept the loss. We allow the dead to be gone from our lives.
At the end of mourning, there is still sadness, but it is a wistful sadness that is tempered by the happy memories that we still possess.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Making a Meaningful Memorial for a Friend
Carol E. Watkins, M.D.
Often it is difficult to make sense of the death of a child or adolescent. One of the ways to deal with grief is to take action. By doing so, you can celebrate and memorialize the life of the friend you have lost.
There are many kinds of memorials. Every culture, from ancient to modern, has developed unique ways for the living to pay tribute to the dead. Some believe that these rituals give special benefits to the deceased, but others see the funeral and memorial arrangements as powerful source of comfort and support for the living. The most common in our culture is the grave marker, which provides a specific place for family and friends to visit. But there are many other types of memorials that you can create yourself. These may be based on your interests and talents or your relationship to your dead friend.
You and your friends may organize your own meaningful memorial service with different individuals providing anecdotes, and simply a place to weep and laugh together. Photographs, videotape, or sports items may serve as reminders of your friend’s life.
If you are artistically or musically talented, you might compose music or a painting to express your grief, anger or love. A particular painting or musical arrangement may evolve and change as you move through your grief. If you write, you may embark on a series of stories or poems.
Your school or place of worship may allow you to build a memorial garden. Working in the earth can be therapeutic, and planting can express hope in the future. If you do build a garden, be sure that someone makes a commitment to maintain it. Weeds and neglect do not make a good memorial.
Anger is a form of energy. Can you transform this energy into something strong and positive? You might organize a group to promote awareness of the condition that caused the friend’s death. If he died as a result of drunk driving, you might promote SADD (Students Against Drunk Driving.) You might organize discrete rides home for classmates who become intoxicated at parties.
Celebrating and commemorating a friend’s life may not mean that you agree with the way he died. Seeking to understand someone’s reasons for drunk driving or suicide is not the same as condoning a self-destructive act.
Finally, your own life can be a memorial. You bear within you the rich, bittersweet lessons learned from your friend's short life and death.
srijeda, 21.11.2007.
4 months
Znas kaj mi je jedino bitno-ti budes shvatio poruku teksta...Je,ova pjesma je malo ''nabrijanija'' ali ti me vidis,i poznajes,i vidis sad koje emocije budi ova pjesma u meni,i zato znam da iako se tekst bas ne slaze,da budes shvatio kaj je smisao poruke...
Inace,nemogu vjerovat da su 4mjeseca prosla bez tebe...
Zasto?
Kaj si ti kome skrivio? Bio si Andjeo na ovom svijetu,a svijet te iznevjerio,i uzeo ti zivot u cvijetu mladosti...
Ugasila se tvoja svijeca,tvoj mladi zivot,sa toliko planova za buducnost...
Kak je to moguce? Kad ce ovo raspolozenje nestati?
Nikad,eto kada...
A Brane,Brane...
Falis svima...Zg je prazan bez tebe,kao da zivota vise nema za neke...
Znaj to...
Daj nam svima snage,i svoje nepresusne ljubavi,da nam olaksas...
Volim te,i znam da nisam jedina!!!!
I feel a chill in my heart
Like lingering winter cold
I and my son are torn apart
He was just 6 winters old
My first-born was he
And the last of my kin
The last one to carry my name
Death smiled at him its deadly grin
There is no one for me to blame
The fate of Norns await us all
There is no way to escape
The day to answer Oden's call
Or walk through hel's gate
I carry him to my ship
He seems to be asleep
But the deep blue colour of his lips
Is enough to make me weep
No man should have to bury his child
Yet this has been my share
The tears i shed run bitter and wild
It's a heavy burden to bear
His body feels so light in my arms
His skin is pale as snow
Yet his weight feels heavy in my heart
As my sadness continues to grow
Allfather!
What fate has been given me?
Why must I suffer?
Why must I feel this pain?
Allfather!
LIfe has lost it's meaning to me
I think I'm going insane!
I lay him down on a pyre
A burial worthy a king
And as I lie down by his side
I hear the weaving norns sing
The fate of Norns await us all
There is no way to escape
The day to answer Oden's call
Or walk through hel's gate
The fate of Norns await us all
I know this to be true
It's time to answer Odens's call
My son, he calls for me and you
LUV U BRACKO!!!
Forever and after... 
četvrtak, 15.11.2007.
Missing you guys...
Nije bas pjesma tocno o dogadjaju kaj se dogodio Njemu,
ali eto,ovo je pjesma za oba moja pala Andjela...
Za Bracka nije tekst po godinama,i po nacinu na koji
je umro,zato kaj njega nije uzeo pijani vozac...
Ali moram na ovaj blog dodati i za mog drugog Andjela
pjesmicu,kako mu se priblizava obljetnica smrti...
Koju sam jedva izbjegla,ali nazalost,ostala sam zivjeti...
Brane me izvlacio,jedini me razumio i pomagao,bio mi je najdraza
osoba u zivotu...A sad ni njega nema...
A onaj tko je mom drugom Andjelu bio najbolji,sada je u zatvoru
upravo zbog njegove pogibije,i alkohola u krvi...
Onda vam je svima jasnije zasto bas ovaj tekst...
Sixteen rose decorate the stone
blackened skies mourn in sorrow.
Breached upon this broken fairy tale
one year will soon make tomorrow.
His room remains sealed and closed
barred away to slowly fade away.
His mother can't bare to face the things
that her son left behind on that day.
For she still remembers his last words
they've become burned in her mind.
Something that always brings her tears
something she longs for to be left behind.
Like a sadistic lullaby the words echo
"Momma, please don't let me go
I'm sorry for all of my worthless mistakes
I just want to say I love you, I hope you know"
She remembers her sons eyes close
as a tear drop escaped his blue eyes.
She had promised to him her world
she promised she wouldn't cry..
But she prays to the skies up above
wishing she can be happy once again
Living without her son isn't the same
this battle she tries so hard to win.
For one year has soon to pass by
as sixteen roses lay across his grave.
Since that drunk driver took his life
nothing has ever been the same.
R.I.P My Angels
Please,rest,rest,have a perfect rest...
Fap & Brane
2 good 4 this world...
They left us to early...But at least they are with their own kind-
real Angels...
Kisses for good night my beloved Angels
utorak, 13.11.2007.
Dodatak prethodnom postu
Svi vi koji ste ga voljeli,pisite u komentare slobodno,sve sto zelite,
uvrstit cu kad se puno toga skupi,uz slike-jedan post kaj ce biti kao Njegov zivotopis,da Njegov duh sirimo jos vise,da Ga jos vise ljudi upozna onak kak smo ga znali mi kaj ga volimo,kaj smo Mu bili bliski...
Ili posaljite na e-mail goth-vampire-r.i.p@hotmail.com
Lijepo
Nemate pojma kak me razveselilo to kaj ste se vas,par ljudi javili tu...
Da vidim da ima jos vise ljudi kaj pate,osim mene...
Svaki pogled na moj motor,na sestrin motor,ubije...
Koji kurac,da se tak izrazim,je uzeo jedno od rijetkih Andjela na ovom svijetu?
A samo je on znao da mi je spasio zivot,kada mi je decko poginuo,tako malo prije te tragedije slucajno sam upoznala Bracka,moj decko nas je upoznao...Kad je poginuo,svi ''veliki'' prijatelji su me napustili,a Bracko je bio uz mene,jedina podrska,jedini prijatelj,jedino svjetlo...
Zbog tatice,znao je kakva je tuga smrt...
A tjesio me-da je to za njega let slobode,jedina,istinska sloboda...
Sjedio je dane i noci uz mene,plakao samnom,grlio me(a znate kak on grli,kak odasilje toplinu,jer se osjeti da je iskreno)
I te kavice,i pive...I da,to kaj se stalno gledao,bas je bio sminkercic,samo da curice trce za njim,i onda se pravio kao da mu smeta,a ujedno pozirao :D
Toliko ZASTO je ostalo nakon te tragedije...
Da mi je vratiti vrijeme,nebih ga pustila na taj motor,ja bih sjela umjesto njega,i neka ja umrem,jer bice poput njega nije zasluzilo umrijeti nikada,a kamoli ne u 24.godini...
I da,to odusevljenje oko krvne grupe,meni je isto tak bio odusevljen,isto-type o negative :D
Mali mishko jedan,sa toplim okicama,osmjehom Andjela,i koji samo sarmira ljude sa tim neduznim izgledom,i u stanju je izvuci sve kaj zeli od ljudi...
Pardon,bio je...
Zasto moram gubit ljude koje volim?
Smatrala sam ga najboljim...
Sjecam se toliko anegdota,od te kose njegove,osmjeha,zagrljaja,pa kad bi se opekao kavom,pa kad me poducavao kaj je to punc...
Pa kad je sa mojom sestricom motor kupovao...
Pa taj njegov fax...Jao,pa vjecni student :D
A uzivao je u zivotu...
Iako je imao tugu u sebi,a znam i zasto,uzivao je...
Volio je,i bio je voljen...
Prijatelju,Andjele,mishko moj neprezaljeni-VOLIM TE! I znam da si sretan,sad te tata pazi,a vas dvojica skupa pazite na sve ljude za koje mislite da zasluzuju...
Type O negative mishko moj :)
Da uzivas up there
Suspended In Dusk
"Damn me Father, for I must sin..."
Four centuries of this damned immortality
Yet, I did not ask to be made. Why?
I will never again feel your sun upon my face
Or the comfort of a grave
I am not alive and I am not dead
This is Hell on earth
How can I possibly explain this eternal youth?
When I can do nothing, but sit by
As my loves grow old and wither
And with each of them, take a fragment of my heart
And prolong this endless winder
It is October's perpetual agony
It is the shadow realm
Father, please forgive him
For he knows not what to do
With every victim I pray for my own death
And as much as I love the night
I curse the moon's eerie glow
Tis bloodlust that drags me to forever
The toxic rays of dawn that condemn me to limbo
I am forced to dwell in grey Autumnal twilight
I am suspended in dusk
Father, please forgive him
For he knows not what to do
Father, please forgive him
For he knows not what to do
utorak, 06.11.2007.
Svi Sveti
Dugo Ti nisam pisala prijatelju najdrazi...
Bilo je puno problema oko kompjutera,ali i tesko je skupit snage...
Tak je tesko,sve podsjeca na nase prijateljstvo...Mene i Andjela...
Kak se nositi s tom spoznajom da svog Andjela,najboljeg prijatelja,kaj nisam ni sanjat mogla da budem znala nekog takvog,kojeg sam tako cudno upoznala pri Njegovom dolasku na fax...
Koji mi je pruzio podrsku kad nije bilo nikoga..Kad si me tjesi,Bracko,tada sam znala da cemo biti najbolji...Da si Andjeo,i da ti one predivne okice nisu pruzene tek tako,nego da su znak da si Andjeo...
I onda,dodju Svi Sveti,i tuga me prelama jos jace nego inace...
Nemogu pisati,ne...Pustam pjesme,i prenosim pozdrave,od znas vec koga :)
Javit cu Ti se brzo..
Do tada pjesmica,i zagrljaj mishko maleni :(
White rose perfume go with thee on thy way unto the thy shaded tomb low music doth fall lightly as
autumn leaves about they solemn pall. Faint incense rises. O'you, you fell away from me my love,
like all earthly things vanish into death's cold mysteries. Serpents marked with azure rings cathedrals
where rich shadows fall, things strange curious solemn saviour. You promised me laughter in autumn
days, now I can't awake from this lucid haze, I can't awake to laugh with you, I'm so weary. Claws
upon my flesh and statues of lost souls dominate this house. Angels have no pity, their wings have
turned to stone. Come travel naked lovers beyond all dimensions of heaven and lie enchanted
forever in the lucid garden of dreams. In all animate sources and creation of belief we travel seas of
illusions that begin at our dreams. Ethereal architects masters of all fate.
---------------------------------------------
Dark oceans we cry, writhing in the misery, cast spit on the love that lay at our feet, the intrigue of
pain we crave it's mystery neglect to explore the depths to sanctity. We reach happiness, divine in
providence, our lamented desires. Lose scent of the essence, shunned is the prosperity, we feel the
anxiety, self inserting the knives in our heart. Luring to degrade with bribes of affection, can't abide
divinity over our imperfection. All love is broken, sombre in devotion, the hearse of selfishness has
drove it all away.
