nedjelja, 25.11.2007.
Mozda nekome pomogne...
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Neznam,nemam rijeci,neznam kaj da pisem sada,zato vam dajem samo tekst koji sam nasla...
When we love someone and they die, it can feel devastating. This seems to be a universal part of our human experience. But why do we have to suffer like this?
If we humans lived our lives separately from others, needing and relying on no one but ourselves, then the loss or death of another would have little impact. But we are social creatures. Compared to other animals, we spend a remarkably long period of our lives—18 or more years—living with and depending on our parents. We are born into families. We grow and live surrounded and supported by our social environment. We make friends with, go to school with and work with our neighbors. It is part of our makeup to form strong bonds of caring and affection with other people. The forces that draw us to others are so deeply entwined in our nature. We respond to these forces in powerful and seemingly involuntary ways. We feel these pressures keenly when we are lonely and bereft of companionship; when we feel ashamed and fear social disapproval; and especially when we fall in love and long for the love of another person.
At their best, these deeply rooted feelings encourage us to help and protect each other. The resulting bonds bring us help when we need it. It is precisely these feelings that have made our incredibly rich, complex human culture possible. Without it we would be spending our lives trying furtively to gather and hunt enough food to keep ourselves alive from one day to the next. We would have neither the reason nor the ability to pass on what we have learned to others. If we were hurt, we would have only the wisdom of our bodies to heal us.
But we are not solitary, and the price we pay for our attachments is vulnerability—the risk of loss. Because we depend on other people—because they do matter to us—they occupy a special place in our hearts. They are like a part of ourselves and cannot be replaced…any more than our hand or some fond memories could be. When someone we love is gone from our lives, it is as if a piece of us has been torn away. The loss rends the fabric of our lives and the wound must be repaired. Grief is that process by which our minds heal this hurt. For us to go on with our lives and again risk caring about others, we need to let go of those we love who are no longer with us. Through this process of mourning, we gradually accept the loss. We allow the dead to be gone from our lives.
At the end of mourning, there is still sadness, but it is a wistful sadness that is tempered by the happy memories that we still possess.
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Making a Meaningful Memorial for a Friend
Carol E. Watkins, M.D.
Often it is difficult to make sense of the death of a child or adolescent. One of the ways to deal with grief is to take action. By doing so, you can celebrate and memorialize the life of the friend you have lost.
There are many kinds of memorials. Every culture, from ancient to modern, has developed unique ways for the living to pay tribute to the dead. Some believe that these rituals give special benefits to the deceased, but others see the funeral and memorial arrangements as powerful source of comfort and support for the living. The most common in our culture is the grave marker, which provides a specific place for family and friends to visit. But there are many other types of memorials that you can create yourself. These may be based on your interests and talents or your relationship to your dead friend.
You and your friends may organize your own meaningful memorial service with different individuals providing anecdotes, and simply a place to weep and laugh together. Photographs, videotape, or sports items may serve as reminders of your friend’s life.
If you are artistically or musically talented, you might compose music or a painting to express your grief, anger or love. A particular painting or musical arrangement may evolve and change as you move through your grief. If you write, you may embark on a series of stories or poems.
Your school or place of worship may allow you to build a memorial garden. Working in the earth can be therapeutic, and planting can express hope in the future. If you do build a garden, be sure that someone makes a commitment to maintain it. Weeds and neglect do not make a good memorial.
Anger is a form of energy. Can you transform this energy into something strong and positive? You might organize a group to promote awareness of the condition that caused the friend’s death. If he died as a result of drunk driving, you might promote SADD (Students Against Drunk Driving.) You might organize discrete rides home for classmates who become intoxicated at parties.
Celebrating and commemorating a friend’s life may not mean that you agree with the way he died. Seeking to understand someone’s reasons for drunk driving or suicide is not the same as condoning a self-destructive act.
Finally, your own life can be a memorial. You bear within you the rich, bittersweet lessons learned from your friend's short life and death.
