...one last goodbye...

01.05.2008., četvrtak

"znas da me svi znaju i znas da cu sve saznati, sada uzivaj vani.."




odmah da napomenem,, OVO JE JEDAN VELIKI KOMENTAR NA KRISTININ ZADNJI POST... ZATO ODI TAMO I PROCITAJ PRVO NJEN POST!!


dosao sam sa onog "doceka prvog maja",, jos se jednom nazderao kao gladan vuk,, i malo pregledao blogove,, i naisao na kristinin,, tocnije,, prvo sam u svojim komentarima procitao sto mi je ona napisala da ima novi post... procitao sam to,, skuzio da je to o ocu/tati...

pa sam mislio da bi bilo malo glupo da ja isto o tome pisem,, iako sam mislio na to sinoc i danas,, a da nisam vidio njen post...

sjecam se jednog dana,, kada sam ja jos bio nadobudni srednjoskolac,, prepametan za sve, nista me nije jebalo... i kada je moj brat,, stariji od mene 4 godine,, u jednom razgovoru sa starcima rekao mom tati,, nesto u smislu,, da mu zahvaljuje sto je bio takav prema njemu,, u mladosti... nisam ja to kuzio, tj. nisam htio kuziti,, jer me bolio Qrac za sve...
ali u zadnje vrijeme,, jako puno puta znam reci svom tati... cesto mu zahvalim,, za svaku onu rijec koju mi je izgovorio povisenim tonom,, za svaki onaj samar,, za svaki onaj put kada me dobro natukao kada sam napravio neku pizdariju,, svaki puta kada mi je zabranio izlazak,, svaki puta kada je uzeo napajanje kompa,, za svaki onaj namrgodjeni pogled,, ma za svaku onu "odgojnu mjeru"...

ne bih da ispadnem neki mudrijas, da se preseravam ovdje, da glumim da sam neki starac naspram tebe,, ALI,, koliko god mi bilo tesko, koliko god puta sam mu opsovao u sebi sve zivo kada bi me udario,, sada bih mu poljubio ruku toliko puta koliko me udario... da razjasnim,, nije me udarao tako da bi me sakama derao i takve stvari.. ali,, kais, samar i takve stvari...
jer vidim sto je od mene takvom "metodom" napravio,, ustvari,, bolje receno, vidim sto mi nije dopustio da postanem... sto se sve radi, kako se ponasa,, ma sve to.. svi koji ste bili na virovima, vidjeli ste o cemu pricam... jednostavno mi to nije dopustio... jer svaki puta kada cugam,, sjetim se recenice,, svaki puta kada pozelim napraviti neku pizdariju,, sjetim se recenice,, svaki puta kada i pomislim na neku glupost,, sjetim se te recenice...

ako da,, treba zahvaliti starom ili staroj... naravno,, ako su te izveli na pravi put,, a ako nisu...
e jebi se brate moj... nema tebi spasa...
ne kazem da sam zlatan,, ooo nee!! nisam ni malo,, ali postoje granice,, postoje neka nepisana pravila,, MA POSTOJI TA RECENICA

"znas da me svi znaju i znas da cu sve saznati, sada uzivaj vani.."


neda mi se previse pisati,, ali znas na sto mislim,, znas sto zelim reci,, a sada ja odoh u krevet.. jer nisam oka sklopio duze od 10 minuta,, dva dana...

jos jednom,, oprosti kristina sto sam "ukrao" tvoju temu,, ali stvarno mi je to palo na pamet i neznajuci da si ti to napisala...

uzivaj..



- 19:34 - reci SVE (14) - * - #

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_____________________________




sve... i nista...

nemam pojma sto pisati... vidjet ces... nadam se da ce tu biti svega..

vremena se nadam da imam, volje bas i nemam, ali to je i glavni pokretac svega ovoga... jer zbog bezvoljnosti, praznine i svega toga sam se i odlucio na ovo...

sada, evo nakon 2 mjeseca pauze... vratio sam se i ja... znam da sam malo zapustio, ali promijenit cu se ja... hehehehe... vazno je obecati,, a da li ces ispuniti, ma tko te pita....




ako me trebas, evo... javi se...


MSN

granicarZU@hotmail.com




_____________________________

All the hate that feeds your needs
All the sickness you conceive
All the horror you create
Will bring you to your knees

_____________________________

I take a walk outside
I'm surrounded by some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear
and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
I'm spinning, I'm spinning
How quick the sun can, drop away
And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
Of what was everything?
All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...
All the love gone bad turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all that I'll be...

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star
In somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine

_____________________________

I see a girl in the night with a baby in her hands
Under an old street light, oh, near a garbage can
Now she put her kid away, she's gone to get a hit
She hates her life, and what she's done with it
That's one more kid, that'll never go to school
Never get to fall in love, never get to be cool

_____________________________

Don't even think about reachin' me, I won't be home
Don't even think about stoppin' by, don't think of me at all
I did, what I had to do, if there was a reason, it was you...

Don't even think about gettin' inside
Voices in me head...ooh, voices
I got scratches, all over my arms
One for each day, since I fell apart

I did...oh, what I had to do, if there was a reason, it was you

Footsteps in the hall, it was you, you...
Pictures on my chest, it was you, it was you...

I did, what I had to do... and if there was a reason
Oh, there wasn't no reason, no
And if, there's something you'd like to do
Just let me continue, to blame you

Footsteps in the hall, it was you, you...
Pictures on my chest, it was you, you...

_____________________________

I admit it...what's to say...
I'll relive it...without pain...mmm...
Backstreet lover on the side of the road
I got a bomb in my temple that is gonna explode
I got a sixteen gauge buried under my clothes, I pray...
Once upon a time I could control myself
Once upon a time I could lose myself

_____________________________

Is something wrong, she said
Well of course there is
You're still alive, she said
And do I deserve to be
Is that the questionpar
And if so...if so...who answers?? who answers??

_____________________________

Bury me softly in this womb
I give this part of me for you
Sand rains down and here I sit
Holding rare flowers
In a tomb...in bloom

Down in a hole and I don't know if I can be saved
See my heart I decorate it like a grave
You don't understand who they
Thought I was supposed to be
Look at me now a man
Who won't let himself be

Down in a hole, losin' my soul
Down in a hole, losin' control
I'd like to fly,
But my wings have been so denied

Down in a hole and they've put all
The stones in their place
I've eaten the sun so my tongue
Has been burned of the taste
I have been guilty
Of kicking myself in the teeth
I will speak no more
of my feelings beneath

Oh I want to be inside of you

_____________________________

I will light the match this mornin', so I won't be alone
Watch as she lies silent, for soon night will be gone

I will stand arms outstretched, pretend I'm free to roam
I will make my way, through, one more day in Hell...
How much difference does it make


I will hold the candle till it burns up my arm
I'll keep takin' punches until their will grows tired
I will stare the sun down until my eyes go blind
Hey, I won't change direction, and I won't change my mind
How much difference does it make
Mmm, how much difference does it make...how much difference...

I'll swallow poison, until I grow immune
I will scream my lungs out till it fills this room
How much difference
How much difference does it make


_____________________________




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