...one last goodbye...

07.02.2008., četvrtak

hmmm...



evo, ponukan necijom "kritikom"....

iako vec nekoliko dana razmisljam sto bih mogao napisati... stvarno nemam pojma sto...
ovih dana nisam imao bas nikakvih "gluposti" tj. stvari o kojim mogu pisati...

da se razumijemo,, predobro mi je pa onda nemam sto pisati...
jer, prva stvar koju pogledas kada otvoris moj blog, je ova BOJA,, sve crno...
a i 98% bloga je u tom smislu i napisano...

pa onda bas i nisam navikao da pisem o lijepim stvarima,, kojih ovih dana ima jaaako puno..
=)


ali evo, sada sam u osjieku,, u stanu sam...
lezim na krevetu i tipkam... onako, fino hladno, spustene rolete, mracak... neka dobra muzika svira... (ljudi, Pearl Jam je zakon! vjerujte mi i poslusajte nesto od njih,, preporucujem album "Ten"...)

=)


i da se vratim,, evo lezim sam u stanu i razmisljam,,
pa jebo te,, kako je svim tim ljudima koji zive sami... mislim na jednu osobu,, sam u stanu...
ajde dobro, zivim i ja sam u stanu,, ali meni su starci u istoj zgradi,, to je malo mjesto, sta ja znam,, svi su tu blizu...
ali kako je nekome zivjeti sam u osijeku, zagrebu,, a da ne govorim ove svjetske gradove! to je vec tragedija...

zamisli jutro, budjenje sam.... u hladan stan... bez igdje ikoga da sa njim popricas,, ajde dorucak sam,,, ides na posao,, sam... zavrsis sa tim... dodjes kuci... onako, vjerojatno, razjeban... opet sam.. evo noc,, krevet... ajd opet sutra dan sve isto...
eto govorim na primjeru nekog starijeg, ne mislim na studente i to... to je "lagano"...

o cemu takav jedan covjek razmislja,, kako se on ponasa kada je sam u ta svoja cetiri zida?? nesto sto me fascinira...
evo gledajuci sebe,,, pa ja ne znam sto bih da moram tako zivjeti 2 dana.. hajde, nisam ni ja bas neki lik koji je svaki dan vani i takve stvari,, ali opet...
eto, predobra cura koja me i digla da ovako razmisljam da sam zadovoljan,, tu je nekoliko prijatelja u bosnjacima, svaki dan trening, tamo 15 prijatelja (od vise igraca) sa kojima u svakom trenutku mogu pricati bez ikakvih problema i uvijek sa zajednickom temom... roditelji blizu,, kada nismo posvadjani (hehehehehehe...)...
i eto,,, uvijek se nadje nesto...

a kako bez toga svega??
ne znam,, smatram ljude savrseno drustvenim ljudima...

savrsene, zbog samog ovog naseg postojanja,, savrsene zato sto postojimo da osjecamo, da radimo, da stvaramo sve ovo sto imamo i da se koristimo time, savrsene zato sto imamo svoju svijest i razmisljanje...
a drustvene, zato sto smatram da covjek moze biti tako "savrsen" samo u suzivotu sa nekim,, sa drustvom, curom, zenom, muzem... uglavnom, znas na sto mislim...

i kako onda covjek moze bez toga biti??
vjerojatno se zbog nedostatka toga i dogadjaju sva ova sranja sto se dogadjaju,,,
da ljudi jednostavno popizde i naprave prevelikih sranja... jer svaki dan mozemo cuti, ovaj napravio ovo, onaj ono, ovaj se ubio, ovaj ubio roditelje, ovaj poubijao 15 ljudi u restoranu, ovaj ubio 25 kolega u skoli ((najbolji dokumentarni film u zivotu koji sam pogledao,, o jednom decku koji je poubijao svoje kolege u skoli, u americi,, njegova razmisljanja, njegov um, snimke, planovi... bolesno!!))

zato i dolazi do svega toga,, zato je to sve ovako "nategnuto" (kako moj stari kaze, kao u tvornici tregera! hihihihi...)
ne znam....

ostao sam bez dva prijatelja (mozda sam nekome naporan, ali to je nesto sto mi je odredilo zivot, pa cu to zauvijek spominjati..), dosta stvari se od toga dogodilo,, i sam sam bio blizu svega onoga kako sam gore naveo...
ali kada te netko barem malo "uhvati za ruku" i pokaze ti neki drugi put,, iako ti ponekad ne osjecas tu ruku,, to je nesto sto covjeku treba...

i onako za kraj,, ne znam koliko ja mogu na ista ili ikoga utjecati... ali eto...

ljudi,, sredite neke stvari u svom zivotu,, oprostite neke stvari, predjite preko ponosa, inata,, okrenite se nekim stvarima vise,, ma jednostavno.. drustvo, prijatelj, prijateljica, ekipa,, to je nesto (trazim rijec da zamjenim "presveto"!).. to je NESTO...

jbg,,,
uzivaj...





- 10:31 - reci SVE (41) - * - #

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_____________________________




sve... i nista...

nemam pojma sto pisati... vidjet ces... nadam se da ce tu biti svega..

vremena se nadam da imam, volje bas i nemam, ali to je i glavni pokretac svega ovoga... jer zbog bezvoljnosti, praznine i svega toga sam se i odlucio na ovo...

sada, evo nakon 2 mjeseca pauze... vratio sam se i ja... znam da sam malo zapustio, ali promijenit cu se ja... hehehehe... vazno je obecati,, a da li ces ispuniti, ma tko te pita....




ako me trebas, evo... javi se...


MSN

granicarZU@hotmail.com




_____________________________

All the hate that feeds your needs
All the sickness you conceive
All the horror you create
Will bring you to your knees

_____________________________

I take a walk outside
I'm surrounded by some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear
and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
I'm spinning, I'm spinning
How quick the sun can, drop away
And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
Of what was everything?
All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...
All the love gone bad turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all that I'll be...

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star
In somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine

_____________________________

I see a girl in the night with a baby in her hands
Under an old street light, oh, near a garbage can
Now she put her kid away, she's gone to get a hit
She hates her life, and what she's done with it
That's one more kid, that'll never go to school
Never get to fall in love, never get to be cool

_____________________________

Don't even think about reachin' me, I won't be home
Don't even think about stoppin' by, don't think of me at all
I did, what I had to do, if there was a reason, it was you...

Don't even think about gettin' inside
Voices in me head...ooh, voices
I got scratches, all over my arms
One for each day, since I fell apart

I did...oh, what I had to do, if there was a reason, it was you

Footsteps in the hall, it was you, you...
Pictures on my chest, it was you, it was you...

I did, what I had to do... and if there was a reason
Oh, there wasn't no reason, no
And if, there's something you'd like to do
Just let me continue, to blame you

Footsteps in the hall, it was you, you...
Pictures on my chest, it was you, you...

_____________________________

I admit it...what's to say...
I'll relive it...without pain...mmm...
Backstreet lover on the side of the road
I got a bomb in my temple that is gonna explode
I got a sixteen gauge buried under my clothes, I pray...
Once upon a time I could control myself
Once upon a time I could lose myself

_____________________________

Is something wrong, she said
Well of course there is
You're still alive, she said
And do I deserve to be
Is that the questionpar
And if so...if so...who answers?? who answers??

_____________________________

Bury me softly in this womb
I give this part of me for you
Sand rains down and here I sit
Holding rare flowers
In a tomb...in bloom

Down in a hole and I don't know if I can be saved
See my heart I decorate it like a grave
You don't understand who they
Thought I was supposed to be
Look at me now a man
Who won't let himself be

Down in a hole, losin' my soul
Down in a hole, losin' control
I'd like to fly,
But my wings have been so denied

Down in a hole and they've put all
The stones in their place
I've eaten the sun so my tongue
Has been burned of the taste
I have been guilty
Of kicking myself in the teeth
I will speak no more
of my feelings beneath

Oh I want to be inside of you

_____________________________

I will light the match this mornin', so I won't be alone
Watch as she lies silent, for soon night will be gone

I will stand arms outstretched, pretend I'm free to roam
I will make my way, through, one more day in Hell...
How much difference does it make


I will hold the candle till it burns up my arm
I'll keep takin' punches until their will grows tired
I will stare the sun down until my eyes go blind
Hey, I won't change direction, and I won't change my mind
How much difference does it make
Mmm, how much difference does it make...how much difference...

I'll swallow poison, until I grow immune
I will scream my lungs out till it fills this room
How much difference
How much difference does it make


_____________________________




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