...one last goodbye...

03.01.2008., četvrtak

evo i mene malo... nakon dugo vremena..

ovo je prvi dio, drugi dio je ispod... iako je drugi dio, napisan poslije.... ma... jebeno...

da li je moguce, ali od zadnjeg mog posta je proslo nekih skoro 2 mjeseca...

malkoc previse,,, ali kao i sve u zivotu,,, prelako ispustam i ostavljam... i uvijek me nesto drugo zanima i za to grizem kao lud...

samo kada se sjetim, svog nogometa / faksa... upisao sam faks vanredno, samo da bih mogao igrati nogos... da bih se nakon nekog vremena malo upitau i skuzio da sam zajebo, zesce zajebo stvar...
ali eto... na greskama ja svojim ucim,,, ali ne!!
nista od toga... uvijek iste greske pravim i nikako da se opametim... ali valjda ce i to nekada doci..

kao sto se i iz prilozenog i vidi, cijeli moj blog je vezan uz moja dva jako dobra, poginula prijatelja... i zbog tog dana sam i "otvorio" ovaj blog...
a sa vremenom sam ga zapustio, jako... i evo sad sam ga se sjetio, cisto "slucajno"... opet zbog mog uvjerenja i razmisljanja... ali ima vremena.. i o tome cu...

nego, evo proslo je 5 mjeseci od tog ponedjeljka i kako sve vise razmisljam, sve mi je i dalje nejasno...

da, jucer me brat fino "oprao" preko msn, u vezi svega ovoga... oko mracenja oko svega,,,
sto je najveca stvar, ja to uopce nisam skuzio... ja sam i dalje mislio kako je sve ovo sto se dogadja, ostalo u meni... da to nisam pokazao nigdje vani... ali ocito sam se grdno zajebao...

pa kad i razmislim, skuzim da je tako... razjebao sam dosta prijateljstava, i mogucih prijateljstava, odaljio sam se od svih svojih najblizih, zapustio faks i to previse (preeevise!!), a da ne govorim o curama, vezama i ostalim stvarima vezanim uz to... a to je opet ono sto sam gore naveo, ima vremena i o tome cu...

ali ja stvarno nemam pojma da mi se sve to dogodilo... mislim, sada znam... ali tada nisam znao... htjeo sam da to ostane za mene,,, nikome ne pokazati svoju slabost i tugu... no, ipak sam zasrao! i to dobro...

a sada kad to sve gledam, nemam pojma kako to sve ispraviti.. ne znam... pokusam kojekakve stvari... ali ne ide,,, nece i mozes ga jebat...

da! slavio sam novu u jednom bircu u osijeku... a u tom bircu sam i prosle godine slavio, zajedno sa tomom... ali sam mislio da cu to "zaboraviti" tu noc... i sve savrseno, dok nije pustena pjesma;

"svega ce bit', al' prijatelja nece"

e jebi ga,,, to me stvarno sjebalo... a mozda sam i ispricao, a mozda i nisam,, ali tu pjesmu smo tomo, marko i ja slusali jedne subote u bircu "treff", nekoliko dana prije nego ce njih dvojica krenuti na faks, u opatiju, tj. pulu... zagrljeni, glava uz glavu, pice u ruci i sa suzom u oku,,, jer smo znali da ce se tada sve promijeniti,,, jer su predaleko... ali mater mu jebem, opet je bilo podnosljivo... sta?? pa doci ce nazad nekada...

i eto, da se vratim na ono... pokusam se ja svakim danom vratiti u "normalu", pustiti to, zaboraviti,,, ali ne ide! ne mogu... ali ja opet smatram da sam ja, kada sam vani u drustvu, onaj stari mario,,, i ne znam sto napraviti vise... ali je izgleda sto ja ne izlazim toliko van, sto to sve zapustim... nemam pojma...

i kada krene nesto bolje, evo ga.... hopaa... opet se sve vrati u Qrac (Q=ku op.a.)!!

ajmo sada.... hehehe... sad mi zvuci smjesno, ali nije ni najmanje...

- 23:05 - reci SVE (5) - * - #

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sve... i nista...

nemam pojma sto pisati... vidjet ces... nadam se da ce tu biti svega..

vremena se nadam da imam, volje bas i nemam, ali to je i glavni pokretac svega ovoga... jer zbog bezvoljnosti, praznine i svega toga sam se i odlucio na ovo...

sada, evo nakon 2 mjeseca pauze... vratio sam se i ja... znam da sam malo zapustio, ali promijenit cu se ja... hehehehe... vazno je obecati,, a da li ces ispuniti, ma tko te pita....

ako me trebas, evo... javi se...

MSN

granicarZU@hotmail.com

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All the hate that feeds your needs
All the sickness you conceive
All the horror you create
Will bring you to your knees

_____________________________

I take a walk outside
I'm surrounded by some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear
and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
I'm spinning, I'm spinning
How quick the sun can, drop away
And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
Of what was everything?
All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...
All the love gone bad turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all that I'll be...

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star
In somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine

_____________________________

I see a girl in the night with a baby in her hands
Under an old street light, oh, near a garbage can
Now she put her kid away, she's gone to get a hit
She hates her life, and what she's done with it
That's one more kid, that'll never go to school
Never get to fall in love, never get to be cool

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Don't even think about reachin' me, I won't be home
Don't even think about stoppin' by, don't think of me at all
I did, what I had to do, if there was a reason, it was you...

Don't even think about gettin' inside
Voices in me head...ooh, voices
I got scratches, all over my arms
One for each day, since I fell apart
I did...oh, what I had to do, if there was a reason, it was you

Footsteps in the hall, it was you, you...
Pictures on my chest, it was you, it was you...

I did, what I had to do... and if there was a reason
Oh, there wasn't no reason, no
And if, there's something you'd like to do
Just let me continue, to blame you

Footsteps in the hall, it was you, you...
Pictures on my chest, it was you, you...

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I admit it...what's to say...
I'll relive it...without pain...mmm...
Backstreet lover on the side of the road
I got a bomb in my temple that is gonna explode
I got a sixteen gauge buried under my clothes, I pray...
Once upon a time I could control myself
Once upon a time I could lose myself

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Is something wrong, she said
Well of course there is
You're still alive, she said
And do I deserve to be
Is that the questionpar
And if so...if so...who answers?? who answers??

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Bury me softly in this womb
I give this part of me for you
Sand rains down and here I sit
Holding rare flowers
In a tomb...in bloom

Down in a hole and I don't know if I can be saved
See my heart I decorate it like a grave
You don't understand who they
Thought I was supposed to be
Look at me now a man
Who won't let himself be

Down in a hole, losin' my soul
Down in a hole, losin' control
I'd like to fly,
But my wings have been so denied

Down in a hole and they've put all
The stones in their place
I've eaten the sun so my tongue
Has been burned of the taste
I have been guilty
Of kicking myself in the teeth
I will speak no more
of my feelings beneath

Oh I want to be inside of you

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I will light the match this mornin', so I won't be alone
Watch as she lies silent, for soon night will be gone

I will stand arms outstretched, pretend I'm free to roam
I will make my way, through, one more day in Hell...
How much difference does it make

I will hold the candle till it burns up my arm
I'll keep takin' punches until their will grows tired
I will stare the sun down until my eyes go blind
Hey, I won't change direction, and I won't change my mind
How much difference does it make
Mmm, how much difference does it make...how much difference...

I'll swallow poison, until I grow immune
I will scream my lungs out till it fills this room
How much difference
How much difference does it make

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