...one last goodbye...

15.11.2007., četvrtak



ova kisa stvarno ubija svaku srecu u meni... stvarno..

i tako ja danas hodam po toj kisi prema kuci i odlucim otici u trgovinu prije nego odem kuci..
i izlazim ja van iz trgovine, zatvaram vrata i spustam se po stepenicama kad ugledam kako cestu na biciklu prolazi jedan decko... i pogledam malo bolje i ugledam kapu na tom decku (a gledam ga sa ledja) i proderem se kao kreten "MATO" !!

zasto??

zato sto je moj mato imao takvu kapu! i sjecam se dana kada smo ju kupili... to je bilo negdje tamo prije 2 godine... ja sam taman negdje u to vrijeme dobio svoju prvu placu od nogometa... on i ja smo hodali po zupanji i zajebavali smo.. i dosli smo do jedne trgovine sportske opreme...

on je vidio bas tu kapu i bas mu se svidjela... ALI je imao malo novaca kod sebe... hehe..
i onda ja tu uskacem i dajem mu taj ostatak koji mu je nedostajao... ma prejebeno je bilo... on me uvijek pitao jel mi treba da mi vrati tu lovu... ali nisam nikada uzeo od njega to... i sada mi je jos vise drago zbog toga..


a onaj klinac na biciklu, samo se okrenio, pogledao me i nastavio dalje... a ja........

u cudu ostao skamenjen nekoliko trenutaka i samo otisao kuci sa suzom u oku, jer si nisam mogao doputiti da placem na cesti...
otisao sam u stan... i isplakao se kao kreten...

jebemu, bas sad razmisljam kad sam se malo smirio, pa da li ce ikada biti i priblizno "normalno"?? pa vjerovatno nece, ali previse pogodi bas ovakva situacija...

nemam vise pojma nista... jebi ga...


ali kako sam se osjetio sretan u tom trenutku kada sam mislio da je on... ne mogu vam to opisati,,, nesto nevjerovatno....

u toj sekundi izmedju kada sam vidio tu kapu i kada sam skuzio da nije on... proslo je bezbroj misli...
evo ga mato, vratio se, gdje je bio, kako je uspio vratiti se, sreca, moci cu barem malo bolje zivjeti sa njim, a gdje je tomo, jel i on dosao nazad...

ma bezbroj stvari... i onda skuzis da ipak to nije to...









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_____________________________




sve... i nista...

nemam pojma sto pisati... vidjet ces... nadam se da ce tu biti svega..

vremena se nadam da imam, volje bas i nemam, ali to je i glavni pokretac svega ovoga... jer zbog bezvoljnosti, praznine i svega toga sam se i odlucio na ovo...

sada, evo nakon 2 mjeseca pauze... vratio sam se i ja... znam da sam malo zapustio, ali promijenit cu se ja... hehehehe... vazno je obecati,, a da li ces ispuniti, ma tko te pita....




ako me trebas, evo... javi se...


MSN

granicarZU@hotmail.com




_____________________________

All the hate that feeds your needs
All the sickness you conceive
All the horror you create
Will bring you to your knees

_____________________________

I take a walk outside
I'm surrounded by some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear
and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
I'm spinning, I'm spinning
How quick the sun can, drop away
And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
Of what was everything?
All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...
All the love gone bad turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all that I'll be...

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star
In somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine

_____________________________

I see a girl in the night with a baby in her hands
Under an old street light, oh, near a garbage can
Now she put her kid away, she's gone to get a hit
She hates her life, and what she's done with it
That's one more kid, that'll never go to school
Never get to fall in love, never get to be cool

_____________________________

Don't even think about reachin' me, I won't be home
Don't even think about stoppin' by, don't think of me at all
I did, what I had to do, if there was a reason, it was you...

Don't even think about gettin' inside
Voices in me head...ooh, voices
I got scratches, all over my arms
One for each day, since I fell apart

I did...oh, what I had to do, if there was a reason, it was you

Footsteps in the hall, it was you, you...
Pictures on my chest, it was you, it was you...

I did, what I had to do... and if there was a reason
Oh, there wasn't no reason, no
And if, there's something you'd like to do
Just let me continue, to blame you

Footsteps in the hall, it was you, you...
Pictures on my chest, it was you, you...

_____________________________

I admit it...what's to say...
I'll relive it...without pain...mmm...
Backstreet lover on the side of the road
I got a bomb in my temple that is gonna explode
I got a sixteen gauge buried under my clothes, I pray...
Once upon a time I could control myself
Once upon a time I could lose myself

_____________________________

Is something wrong, she said
Well of course there is
You're still alive, she said
And do I deserve to be
Is that the questionpar
And if so...if so...who answers?? who answers??

_____________________________

Bury me softly in this womb
I give this part of me for you
Sand rains down and here I sit
Holding rare flowers
In a tomb...in bloom

Down in a hole and I don't know if I can be saved
See my heart I decorate it like a grave
You don't understand who they
Thought I was supposed to be
Look at me now a man
Who won't let himself be

Down in a hole, losin' my soul
Down in a hole, losin' control
I'd like to fly,
But my wings have been so denied

Down in a hole and they've put all
The stones in their place
I've eaten the sun so my tongue
Has been burned of the taste
I have been guilty
Of kicking myself in the teeth
I will speak no more
of my feelings beneath

Oh I want to be inside of you

_____________________________

I will light the match this mornin', so I won't be alone
Watch as she lies silent, for soon night will be gone

I will stand arms outstretched, pretend I'm free to roam
I will make my way, through, one more day in Hell...
How much difference does it make


I will hold the candle till it burns up my arm
I'll keep takin' punches until their will grows tired
I will stare the sun down until my eyes go blind
Hey, I won't change direction, and I won't change my mind
How much difference does it make
Mmm, how much difference does it make...how much difference...

I'll swallow poison, until I grow immune
I will scream my lungs out till it fills this room
How much difference
How much difference does it make


_____________________________




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