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Timov prijatelj Bud, iako već u četrdesetima, provodio je vrijeme ludo se zabavljajući i putujući od jedne gay destinacije do druge: San Francisco, Palm Springs, Russian River, itd. Uporno je odbijao skrasiti se bilo s kim i prestati sa svojim avanturističkim životom. Zbog toga je u društvu zaradio nadimak "Hookerzilla".

Jučer mi Tim kaže da je Bud upoznao jednog tipa iz Oregona koji ga je zainteresirao. Nakon intenzivnog druženja od mjesec dana, tip se seli iz Oregona u Californiju da bi živio s Budom. Bud je iz Hookerzille prešao u bračne vode u mjesec dana. Jako čudno s obzirom na njegov prijašnji lifestyle. Ili možda ne?

Ja bih ovako protumačio Budovo ponašanje: Bud nije bezosjećajna kurvetina nego je jednostavno čekao pravog partnera za sebe, a u međuvremeu se dobro zabavljao. Nije htio napraviti pogrešku da se veže za osobu koja mu savršeno ne odgovara samo zato da ne bude sam. Odabrao je ludi provod umjesto patnje grozničavog traženja savršenog partnera. Stalni izlasci i upoznavanje ljudi konačno ga je dovelo do toga da upozna partnera koji mu odgovara. Ovo je samo jedan od mnogih mogućih scenarija, ali svakako onaj koji se meni najviše sviđa. Budućnost će pokazati koliko će ova veza biti uspješna i dugotrajna.

Zvijezda ženske NBA lige Sheryl Swoopes objavila je da je lezbijka. Obavijest i link o tome sam dobio preko lokalne LGBT mailing liste. Međutim, odmah nakon slanja poruke, uslijedila je još jedna u kojoj ista osoba komentira: "Tako mi i treba kad ne pročitam članak do kraja prije nego pošaljem e-mail. Super je da je izišla iz ormara, ali isto tako je izjavila da ne misli da je rođena kao lezbijka. Baš nam to treba! Daje argumente onima koji tvrde da je homoseksualnost izbor!"

Nakon toga je uslijedila poplava komentara na ovu izjavu, od kojih su mnogi zaista vrijedni pročitati:

"A lot of women that I've talked to that have come out later in life (including me) had some clues, but really didn't know. For me I think it was self-denial as well as a poor experiment when I was young. But having been in a hetero marriage and clueless up to a point in your life could lead people to think that they were not "born this way". It's unfortunate that a such a highly visible person would make a statement such as that, but I'm not surprised."

"I'm a little surprised at these responses of "disappointment." Overall, it seems that whether or not she thinks she was born gay, she's still an example of a successful, high profile, gay person succeeding. I'm glad that we have people like that to point to, and we should be happy to share a story like this. I really don't think people should make such a fuss over whether homosexuality is a genetic or social behavior; are you trying to defend something that's wrong? The bottom line is that it's a form of attraction and love, which should be the least of people's concerns in this day and age."

"Additionally, some people do feel right away, or at an early age, they are gay while others do not. Humans are complicated. I think in general our society as a whole should keep in mind that sexual idenity and preference is a personal thing that isn't always rigid, not everyone comes to it the same way and thus it doesn't fit into a nice, neat box. I don't think we should feel threatened by a few people saying they weren't born that way, because clearly many people are born gay. The research indicates this true more conclusively every day."

"It's always interesting to me to find people in our community that wave the diversity flag… and yet, when someone within the community thinks differently or feels somewhat differently… they are outcasted or thought of being less of a gay person for what they think and believe. As much as I might disagree with Swoopes… I'm very proud of her for having the *&^% of doing what she did!... and coming out!!!!"

"I see no difference between choice or born quality. Equality is equality. As long as people aren't hurting each other then everyone deserves equal treatment. Would it be fair to discriminate against people who choose to part their hair on the left? Of course not. It does not matter whether the attribute being discriminated against is chosen or inborn – it’s wrong either way. It would be like arguing against oppression of dark skinned people and getting caught up in an argument about whether it's okay to discriminate against white people who intentionally tan themselves to dark brown. Sure, they had a choice not to tan so dark… but it doesn't matter!! Discriminating against dark skin is stupid whether the person was born that way or if they chose to be that way. Keep your focus on the point that discrimination is wrong – how the person got there is completely irrelevant."

"I agree with Kevin. The wrong people are worried about the genetic connection. I understand that professionals need to discuss the genetic versus the desire for these types of things. However, us common folk need to stay focused on general acceptance rather than 'Why'. Don't let people derail your defense of diversity by bringing up the genetic question."

"I don't think that it matters if you are born "that way" or not. We all have preferences. Personally, I don't need biology to confirm or deny my preference. In fact if being gay is found to have a biological root I am afraid that people who perceive homosexuality as incongruent would work to have us eradicated through biological means. (i.e. turning off a gay gene or giving pregnant women hormones to encourage a hetero disposition)"

"Discriminating against homosexuals is wrong regardless of choice just like it's wrong (and illegal ) to discriminate against Jews, Muslims and Hindus because of their lifestyle choices and beliefs. Solution: refuse to engage in discussions about whether homosexuality is genetic, stating clearly that you won't entertain the notion that it matters whether or not it "can be helped".

"How" we came to be different does not matter. If we let this divide us it will. We need to stick to the fact that whatever the reason, we are who we are, and entitled to be treated respectfully in the legal realm. If we were to take this stance you have taken, we would not get anywhere with the legal realm. Why you ask, the list has already answered that by showing we all have varying ideas of "why" we are who we are. The Black folks and the Jews were not told to give a scientific reason for "Why" they are who they are, but the law says that discrimination with them is not OK. We just need to stick with the idea that discrimination is wrong for what ever reason."

"If we awake tomorrow morning to television broadcasts across the globe touting the undisputed proof that homosexuality is genetic and "cannot be helped", would we all of a sudden see the discrimination and intolerance disappear? I guess I’ve actually become quite the skeptic that we can ever expect that. I do not believe at all that we can win folks over with love (or at least not all of them). Rather, I seek to clarify my position and have them understand that there are other viewpoints (i.e. they can still think they are moral, but the majority?) It is precisely because I do not hope to convert anyone, that I refuse to pretend to agree with them or pretend that I am not also tolerating them and expect it back.

"I know quite a few people who've gone from being rather homophobic & bigoted to being quite accepting and supportive in the past 5-10 years. I don't think any of them have done so because they've decided that I (or others they've known) was "born this way". Nor is it because they've decided they respect my (their) choice. No – it's because they've learned that it really just doesn't matter – that regardless of the reasons for people's differences, civil rights are due to all."

"READ THIS WITH MUCH CARE IF YOU DESIDE TO ANSWER
So here is what is up with me... I am a s/w/56yo/Paraplegic/male. I'm very clean, kind, fun, friendly, casual, always curious, and open minded.

"I'm stuck with a very frustrating situation. I have a catheter in my dick 24/7. I haven't had an orgasm in over 8 years...

"I need to find a desceet buddy who would really luv making love to my penis, softly, slowly, for as long as you wanted, who can eventually get me to shoot this load that is locked up inside of me.

"I'm not looking for a LTR nor looking to offer anything in return. I just need a mans hands and mouth, plus his thinking powers to get me started again

"If you think that you are interested or could help write me back. Tell me about you. Tell me how we could go about this happening.

"I do get hard. This catheter can be taken out. 6 1/2 cut, about 2 across. Very small most of the time because of the catheter.

"But we need to discuss things."

Čitajući ovu poruku osjećam se zahvalnim za sve što mi život pruža, jer ima pojedinaca kojima je mnogo toga uskraćeno. Nekako je ljudski (i evolucijski ispravno) ambiciozno težiti višem i boljem, ali pritom ne smijem zaboraviti biti zahvalan i sretan zbog onog što već imam, jer nekima uskraćeno i najosnovnije ljudsko dostojanstvo.

"Što ti je to na ruci?", pitao sam Sida koji je pokušavao sakriti sive tragove na rukama. Saznao sam da su tragovi od samoljepive trake (duct tape) koji se ne mogu lako ukloniti. U zadnje vrijeme Sid se zabavlja tako da od partnera traži da mu vežu ruke na leđima. Da im samo mali komad trake tako da se u slučaju nužde može osloboditi, jer ipak se radi o jednokratnim susretima sa neznancima. Osim što ga vezanje uzbuđuje, onemogućava mu da se stimulira pa može dulje uživati u seksu.

Zašto se ja osjećam krivim? Zato što u mnogo čemu nisam fer prema Micku. Moj život u Californiji je dosta različit od njegovog života u Hrvatskoj. Ja se zabavljam sa svojim gay društvom skoro svaki vikend. Bar jedanput mjesečno idemo u San Francisco gdje obilazimo popularna gay mjesta. On uopće nema gay društva nego se druži sa str8 prijateljima koji ne znaju za njegovu seksualnost. Dok se ja zabavljam i upoznajem gay svijet, njegov gay život se svodi na dopisivanje i chatanje sa mnom.

S obzirom da se ni jedan od nas dvojice ne namjerava seliti na drugi kontinent, siguran sam da bi Micku bilo puno pametnije da potraži nekoga u svom gradu s kim može ostvariti smislenu vezu u okruženju u kojem živi. Međutim, reći mu to direktno mi je nemoguće jer bih time povrijedio i sebe i njega. Srce pobjeđuje razum, ali zato savjest ne da mira. Kako je ublažiti? Tako da mu kažem što osjećam i tako da shvatim da smo obojica odrasli ljudi odgovorni za svoje postupke i za svoju sudbinu.

Pedro se vratio iz Ohia, sav utučen, ne samo zbog još jednog rastanka, nego zbog toga što je Mark, iako očito zaljubljen u Pedra, i dalje vjeran svom Willu na filipinima. Moram priznati da sam impresioniran tolikom privrženosti osobi na drugom kraju svijeta koja mu po udaljenosti i godinama puno manje odgovara kao partner nego Pedro.

Mark je rekao da mu je ovaj rođendan proveden s Pedrom bio najljepši u životu. Nakon toga se požalio kako ga muči osjećaj krivnje zato što zbog Willa ne može Pedru uzvratiti istom mjerom iako bi to jako volio. Pedro je uzvratio da se on jako osjeća krivim zato što svojim ponašanjem ugrožava Markovu vezu. Nakon toga su se zapleli u analizama kako postupiti da jedan drugome olakšaju osjećaj krivice. Pale su neke teške riječi i puno suza.

Lako ih je obojicu osuditi zbog njihova ponašanja, ali tko se nije našao u takvoj situaciji teško će razumjeti sukob srca i razuma. Rekao sam Pedru da su i on i Mark posebni ljudi jer ih muči savjest zbog toga što čine jedan drugome. Mnogima je osjećaj krivice stran ili ga olako ignoriraju i brinu se samo za vlastite interese.

A što učiniti da ga se ublaži? Najbolje je drugome reći što nas muči. I pokušati shvatiti da je svatko krojač vlastite sudbine i vlastite sreće. I Mark i Pedro su odrasli ljudi koji su sposobni razmišljati i donositi odluke za sebe, pa što god činili jedan drugome, krivica nije samo na počinitelju nego i na partneru koji prihvaća takvo ponašanje.

• Closet is for Clothes
  
• The Power of Prayer
  
• Dayton (2)
  
• Dayton

Dok se zabavljao s "prijateljima" koje upoznaje online, Reuben je istovremeno pokušavao ostvariti i ozbiljniju vezu s Patrickom. Pedru je ovakvo ponašanje nezamislivo, ali Reuben očito nema takvih problema. Iako je ispočetka bio na distanci, s vremenom se jako zagrijao za Patricka. Otvorio je svoje srce, možda malo previše, toliko da je Patrick osjetio pritisak pa je zamolio Reubena da se vrate korak unazad i da budu samo prijatelji. Reubenu se slomilo srce. Sreća da se poznaju tek par tjedana pa se nije stigao jako vezati za Patricka. Što se Patrickovih obećanja tiče, zvučala su previše dobro da bi bila istinita, a Reuben je tako žarko želio vjerovati u njih. Obećanje, ludom radovanje...

• Na prvi pogled

Reuben nas opet nasmijava svojim avanturama. "Je li to bio orgazam ili kakav zdravstveni problem?", pitao ga je partner nakon odnosa. A Reuben mu je odgovorio: "Još nisi vidio sve!"

U čemu je štos? Reuben ne može objasniti. Već je čuo slične komentare ranije. Kaže da bi se volio jedanput snimiti da i sam vidi kako to izgleda. Ne sumnjam da ćemo uskoro imati priliku vidjeti snimku.

Mark se davno rastavio od žene, ali ni ona ni njegova obitelj ne znaju pravi razlog. Najbolja prijateljica bivše žene upravo prolazi kroz rastavu. Zainteresirala se za Marka. Mark ima jedno dijete, a i prijateljica po imenu Valerie ima svoje djece. Oboje su rastavljeni, Mark je zgodan, pristojan, dobroćudan muškarac. Nema bolje prilike - vjerovatno razmišlja Valerie, kojoj je i bivša žena vjerovatno rekla sve najbolje o Marku.

Valerie je tip žene koja zna što hoće i sve će napraviti da to postigne. Pozivala je Marka više puta na rendez, ali on je uvijek odbijao. Valerie je morala primijeniti silu. "Što radiš u nedjelju kad ne možeš izaći vani?" "Moram se odmoriti, vjerovatno ću gledati utakmicu na TV." "Super, to zvuči zabavno. U koje vrijeme da dođem da gledamo zajedno?" sama se pozvala Valerie.

Mark nije znao što će se zbiti u nedjelju, a i Pedro i ja smo bili nestrpljivi da saznamo. Valerie je stigla, pa su počeli gledati utakmicu, svak na svom kauču. "Zašto ne sjedneš do mene, nemam nikakvu bolest?", bila je opet direktna Valerie. A Mark je odgovorio: "Ne želim doći u iskušenje jer imam djevojku na Filipinima." Kad mi je to Pedro poslije prepričao, skoro sam pao sa stolice od smijeha. Međutim, ovime je Mark uspio smiriti Valerie pa nije bilo daljnjih nasrtaja. Baš me zanima kako će se stvari dalje odvijati s obzirom da Valerie nije odustala, a "djevojka" s Filipina treba doći u posjet iduće godine.

Pedra sam opet odveo na aerodrom. Opet ide u Ohio, ovaj put iznenaditi Marka za njegov rođendan...

• The Power of Prayer
  
• Dayton (2)
  
• Dayton
  
• Nezrelost

Većina ljudi koji mijenjaju mjesto stanovanja i sele se u drugi grad ili regiju, čine to zato jer misle da će im tamo život biti bolji. Međutim, većini život ostane jednak kao i prije. Nova sredina ne može promijeniti naš život ako se mi sami ne potrudimo i ne promijenimo sebe.

Reggie mi kaže da iz naših razgovora zaključuje da ono što meni nedostaje nije nova sredina poput San Francisca nego sloboda. Stoga promjena mjesta stanovanja u situaciji u kojoj jesam neće ništa promijeniti.

I date a lot. Well, not a lot. Some. Frequently, yet, infrequently. Actually, I don't date. I'm not good at dating. Mostly from a general dislike of people, in general. But aside from my homosapienaphobia, I just don't know HOW to date. Additionally, I don't really even know how to GET a date. Mostly because I don't know how to flirt. Unless I'm drunk. In which case I flirt with anything that moves. Mostly. Well not really. I don't know how to flirt either.

Rachelle tells me that I do tend to get flirty if I've had some alcohol (I personally prefer a bottle of red wine, or a bottle of Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum, but you can choose whatever libation works for you if you are trying to learn to flirt). Though, I can never really pinpoint the exact behaviour that entails flirting. If I could, I'd be able to turn it on when sober (which really isn't very often, I'm drunk and flirting with myself right now), and use it to my advantage. But let's assume for the moment that I have the ability to flirt, am sober, and therefore have the ability to get a date via the flirt process. Let us further assume, that is never going to happen and I need to find another way to get a date.

Enter, the internet. More and more often, people are finding potential mates online. Whether it is through a dating service which is specifically designed to collect demographic and social information about you and match you up with someone with similar demographic or social preferences; an online chat room with a hodge-podge (HETEROgeneous mixture) of folks that you can interact with and narrow down the choices yourself based on those who starts a conversation with "a/s/l" (age/sex/location) or those who start with "Oh Hello. Um, my name is Cherysh, with a Y. Um, I work out in West Hollywood with Lorenzo..." (snaps to AbFab); or even the spicy personal ads that we see in online bulletin boards, MWM seeks DWM for LTR or MSSG, must have own 4BR2B house no PTS or KDS and no SMKR.

Ultimately there are many venues for me to "shop" for a mate. Having the whole people aversion thing, however, tends to prohibit options like a bar, a club, a coffee shop, the mall, church, work, the gym, social groups, etc. (Although, now that I have my bartending degree, I might get picked up more often.) Therefore, the online world is fast, efficient, allows me to view an image of the person prior to a date, and talk with them online or even on the phone, all before committing to that final moment when they get out of their car, walk towards me, open their mouth, and remind me why I generally don't like people.

So... I am currently "hanging out" with someone. Although you could consider going to the movies, dinner, the zoo, and playing 1.5 rounds of minigolf, DATES, I'm not really sure that my aversion to the term will allow me to use it to describe what has happened so far. I like to chat online. I don't do it incredibly often, but it's a good diversion after a long day of interacting with people's faces. There is a veritable cornucopia of online chat locations to pick from such as planet out, gay.com, IRC, Yahoo chat, MSN chat, or other popular sites. Some chat rooms are broken down by geography, others by fetish or gender preference. It really just depends on what you are looking for, how soon you want it, and who you want it from.

And so, I was online chatting, and happened to be virtually approached by an individual who happens to live in my area. For the most part, I don't like to chat with people from the town I live in, because that would imply that I might run the chance of actually having to meet them face to face, or the even scarier chance that I already know them and they have discovered that I chat online and are trying to deceive me as people are apt to do. Distance is safety, and from all the stories we have heard about people being misled by their online chat buddies, I think I'm rightfully over-cautious.

This person sent a little message to my yahoo messenger window announcing his presence in my virtual life. A conversation ensued. A nice, normal, G rated, professional conversation in which I began to escalate my online teasing about being very hungry (it was dinner time) and that it would probably be a good idea if I stopped chatting and got something to eat soon. I should mention at this point that this person and I had also had a brief chat (5 minutes or so) the day before, so he was not unknown to me.

I continued to hint that my stomach was tossing and turning from lack of food, and that if he wasn't going to ask me to dinner, I would just have to go into the kitchen alone and eat alone. After about 15 minutes, I wore him down, and he recommended we quickly get to dinner so that my stomach didn't deteriorate. Why not? Rachelle keeps telling me to do something unexpected and spontaneous. So I checked myself in the mirror, sprayed some cologne on myself, and headed out the door.

I was already looking pretty flawless from being a little dressed up at work that day, so I didn't have a need to change clothes. Off I went flying down the highway, and arrived less than 1 minute late to the restaurant destination. He hadn't arrived yet, so I settled myself down at an outdoor table and waited. In the mean time, sent a few text messages to inform Rachelle of my daring, unpredicted, unplanned, unscheduled in Outlook, evening event. He arrived. No surprise about appearance, as I'd already seen a picture of him. He opened his mouth to say hi, and I returned a big smile and hello. (seeing as how I rarely smile, this was quite an achievement for me, the non-dater)

Dinner was ordered. Gay waiter who was apparently "checking me out" (I discovered this later when my "date" mentioned it jokingly). Over dinner I also discovered that my date had actually never had a date with a guy before. Shock, but not a showstopper, as I had no expectations for the evening other than dinner and to meet someone new. Everyone has to eat...

Dinner was coming to a conclusion and I hear "would you like to see a movie"? The evening gets more interesting. Where is this going to lead? Dinner and a movie, both unplanned, unscheduled. I felt a little unprepared for this turn of events, but heck, I'm this far, let's see what happens, and besides, I haven't seen Spiderman yet. Off to the movies. No real issues here other than the drunk straight people who decided they had to sit right next to me even though the theatre had plenty of space. I don't know about you, but I can't stand it when people talk during a movie..."It's time to keep it DOWN!"

The movie was just fine. Fast parts, slow parts, romantic parts, action parts, things blowing up, spiders, webs, good guys, bad guys, but this really isn't a movie review so I suggest you go see it for yourself instead of looking to me for a thumbs up or thumbs down. The movie was over, we headed out to the parking lot. I had a great time. He had a great time. I don't kiss on a first date. Frankly, kissing requires touching lips, which are part of the face, and that entails a person, plural'd to people, and we all know I don't like people, so therefore no kissing. We said goodbye's and thought about doing it again sometime.

The following week, off to dinner and minigolf. Lots of hitting golf balls all over the course while avoiding a gnat swarm that wouldn't leave us alone (I ponder now if they were fruit flies...). Again, an enjoyable evening. Again, no kissing. We left minigolf, headed over to Border's, got some books and some frappucino's, and sat outside watching Venus descend into the 9th house. Since he hadn't yet had enough of my standoffishness, he invited me to go with him to the zoo the next afternoon, and so, being the experienced dater that I am, I accepted.

Oh the zoo. My town doesn't have the best zoo in the world. Frankly, neither does the "world-famous" San Diego, but that's another story for another time. I took lots of pictures of the poor animals behind cages, as well as some candid photos of the guy who was stealthily trying to hold my hand. We finally finished with the zoo, the screaming kids, the blazing sun, and headed down to one of the various lakes nearby to chill and watch the ducks swimming around. We watched a little boy try to fall in the water while feeding the ducks. Discussed the mating rituals of the ducks. Discussed why the water was teal instead of normal water colour. And then finally got bored with the lake and decided to tempt our allergies and walk around the flower garden across the street from the zoo.

Lots and lots of flowers in bloom. Lots of bees. Lots of pollen. Lots of stealth hand holding. And then the idea struck me. Hey, there's no one else here in the flower garden, why not do something unexpected? I walked up to him, got a little closer, and there was the kiss. Apparently third dates are fair game for kisses, despite the fact that the lips are part of the face. This guy who had never dated a guy before, was being inducted full-force, and was at the mercy of my professional kissing abilities!

But again, I had no expectations. As I recently heard, the first love is never the last love (except in one specific case I could think of), so better not to have an expectation of something that may or may not happen. The date ended, and we both went home. My parting comment to him was that I wasn't going to kiss him again that day, because if you have too much of something special, it's no longer special. He liked that. (Feel free to interject here that I'm a control freak.)

Thankfully, with an overabundance of open communication, bordering on babbling, all of my fears and concerns and general people issues have already been presented and discussed at length the day before. (What else were we supposed to do while Venus descended?)

And so, here we are. He's on vacation, then I'm on vacation, and then we're going to see Phantom of the Opera when it comes to theaters. For a guy who has never dated a guy before, he sure picks some fun things to do. Though I wonder if these would be the same extracurricular activities he would have picked were it a female, but best not to second guess.

And so, the dilemma. Multiple dilemmas actually. Almost bordering on poly-dilemmic, if you will. First, I'm the first. The first guy he has actually been on a date with. Second, I won't be the second. Obviously, if I'm the first, I can't be the second, or I'd still be the first. Finally, I won't be the last. If I were the first, but not the second, but the last, why would I let myself be the last after having not been the second? And how often does one go from being the first to also being the last, without being the second? Is it possible to be the first and only? Is it possible to skip first and go right to last? Does already being the first preclude the possibility of being the last? If I were able to go back in time, not be the first, would I want to be the second or last knowing what I already know? Does anyone really care at this point?

That being said, I don't know that I want to be the last. Somehow I think I would be cheating myself, and him, if there is no second, third, fourth, etc. The point of dating (from what I hear, not from personal experience), is to experience many different personalities, styles, genres, situations, confrontations, discussions, etceteras. Being the non-dater that I am, what if this series of dates leads to a personality change in me that drives me to become the dating king? What if this little taste for what it's like to date, makes me want to do it more? And with other people? With LOTS of other people? It's almost like coming out of the dating closet! What do you mean it wasn't enough for me to come out of the lavender closet, I have to come out again and actually interact with people? Yes! It's time, I'm ready, I want the party!

So I'll say it loud, proud, and with a resounding sound. I'M A DATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now give me the darn toaster!

Reubenove avanture s Mikeom i Tomom nisu dugo trajale. Nakon prvog i jedinog susreta, njih dvojica nisu željeli daljnje susrete. Reuben je razmišljao zašto, jer njemu je bilo super, a i Mikeu i Tomu je bilo prilično zabavno. Onda mu je netko objasnio u čemu je problem. Gost se u ovakvim situacijama skoro uvijek dobro zabavi, ali odnosi partnera koji gosta pozivaju vrlo često bivaju poremećeni. Problem je u tome što gost obično preferira jednog partnera, a drugi se onda osjeća zapostavljenim, ne samo od strane gosta, nego i od svog partnera. Izgleda da se točno to se desilo i Reubenu.

Subaru je jedna od prvih kompanija koja je napravila reklame samo za gay populaciju. Reklame se vrte na MTV-evom gay kanalu LOGO, ali i na nekim str8 kanalima...

• Opposites Attract
  
• Shadows
  
• Different Roads

Jako je teško u trenucima patnje razmišljati na način opisan u prethodna dva posta. Međutim, malo sam se iznenadio kad sam s ovim pričicama uspio oraspoložiti prijatelja i (bar nakratko) ga izvući ga iz depresije.

Što se mene tiče, razmišljajući o ovim pričicama, o relativnosti svega što nam se dešava, o nepostojanju uzročno-posljedične veze između našeg ponašanja i sudbine, o čisto meditativnoj vrijednosti molitve, o licemjernosti vjerskih vođa koji jedno govore a drugo čine, o ispranim mozgovima vjernika koji ne znaju razmišljati svojom glavom i ne razumiju osnovne postavke vjere, zbog svega toga osjećam kako sam svakim danom sve manje vjernik, a sve više agnostik.

Prolazeći kroz neko selo Sv. Petar i Isus su tražili gdje će prenoćiti. Naišli su na jedno imanje gdje ih je gazda objeručke prihvatio, ponudio im dobru večeru i smještaj. Za večerom se gazda raspričao o dobroj ljetini koju očekuje. Nada se dobroj zaradi, a s novcima planira sina poslati u grad u školu. Sljedeće jutro Sv. Petar i Isus se zahvale i odu. Kad su bili podalje od sela, primijete veliku oluju koja se sručila na selo. Gledali su kako čitava seljakova ljetina biva uništena. Sv. Petar upita Isusa: "Gospodine, zašto nisi zaustavio oluju? Zar onaj dobar čovjek nije zaslužio tu milost?". Isus mu odgovori: "Ti ne znaš što bi budućnost donijela tom čovjeku. Njegov sin bi se u gradu odao porocima i upopastio svoj život. Ova oluja je za seljaka blagoslov jer neće izgubiti svog sina."

Postoji kineska priča o starom seljaku koji je imao starog konja za obradu polja. Jednoga je dana konj pobjegao na brežuljke. Kada su susjedi tješili seljaka zbog nesreće, on im odgovori: Nesreća? Sreća? Tko zna? Tjedan dana poslije konj se s planine vratio s krdom divljih konja. Tada su susjedi seljaku čestitali na sreći. Njegov je odgovor bio: Sreća? Nesreća? Tko zna? Kada je zatim seljakov sin pokušao pripitomiti jednog divljeg konja, pao je s njega i slomio nogu. Svi su mislili da je to velika nesreća. Ali ne i seljak čija je jedina reakcija bila: Nesreća? Sreća? Tko zna? Nekoliko tjedana poslije došla je vojska u selo i unovačila sve sposobne mladiće koji su bili u selu. Kad su vidjeli seljakovog sina sa slomljenom nogom, ostavili su ga na miru. Je li to bila sreća? Nesreća? Tko zna?

Tim se svidio konobaru u jednom baru u San Franciscu pa je uskoro počeo dobivati besplatna pića, jedno za drugim. I Timu se konobar svidio, pa ga je odlučio pričekati do kraja radnog vremena. A onda se desilo nešto jako čudno. Tim je izgubio svijest, a osvijestio se u autu kad je već bio na pola puta kući. Mora da se vozio kojih pola sata, ali se uopće ne sjeća kada i kako je napustio bar i kako se odvezao iz grada i preko Bay Bridgea.

Tim je zaključio da ga je neka dobra sila izvukla iz bara protiv njegove volje tako da se ne bi našao s konobarom poslije posla. Očito je konobar bio sumnjiva osoba, mora da je imao AIDS ili nešto slično, i sam Bog ga je spasio. Slušajući ovu priču nisam ništa komentirao, ali poslije sam zamislio još jedan scenarij. Možda je konobar bio muškarac njegovog života, ali je Tima neka zla sila odvukla od njega. Timu nije pala na pamet ova mogućnost, ali je za mene jednako nevjerojatna kao i Timova verzija. (Alkoholiziranost je, naravno, puno jednostavnije objašnjenje Timovog čudnovatog iskustva).

Ispričao sam ovu priču Pedru ne bih li mu objasnio da ne može znati da li je Mark najbolja osoba za njega i da će to vrijeme pokazati. Međutim, ubrzo sam shvatio da zaljubljenoj osobi nema smisla ništa objašnjavati...

Pedro mi je stalno u depresiji i na velikim mukama u zadnje vrijeme zbog svog Marka iz Ohia. Nije udaljenost najveći problem, nego Markov dečko na Filipinima kojem Mark ostaje vjeran. Želi ga dovesti u USA, ali su za to izgledi jako mali. S druge strane, Mark i Pedro i dalje provode sate na telefonu i na chatu, obojici je jasno da gaje osjećaje jedan za drugoga, ali Mark jedostavno ne želi prekinuti (nemoguću) vezu sa svojim (skoro duplo mlađim) filipincem. Koga to ne bi izludilo.

Zbog toga je pobožni Pedro u zadnje vrijeme svako jutro u crkvi gdje moli Boga da ga upravi u pravom smjeru: ako je Mark njegov suđeni, da mu da strpljenja i da ih dovede skupa, a ako nije, da to što prije uvidi i nastavi dalje. Volio bih Pedru održati lekciju o besmislu ove njegove molitve, ali ne želim jer smatram da molitva ima meditativnu vrijednost pa mu može koristiti. Bolje je za njega da molitvom i meditacijom smiruje živce.

Zajedno s molitvom, Pedro se odlučio na još jednu žrtvu: suzdržava se od seksa jer smatra da će time poboljšati svoje izglede da dobije Marka. Ali celibat nije lagan, osobito ne u gay svijetu! Neki dan je na jednom seminaru naletio na jednog egzibicionista koji ga je slijedio u WC i tamo pred njim masturbirao. Ubrzo su jedan drugog masturbirali, ali to nije dugo trajalo. Pedro se nije mogao opustiti na javnom mjestu pa je zbrisao. Poslije je bio sav u šoku zbog ovog posrnuća, pa sam ja morao glumiti tarapeuta i objašnjavati kako to nije bilo ništa bitno, te da mu to neće uništiti šanse s Markom...

Simple minds! Pedro je jedan od onih ljudi koji me ponekad izluđuju svojim jednostavnim razmišljanjima (da ne kažem glupostima), a ponekad poželim da mogu i sam biti tako jednostavna uma i ne razbijati glavu puno napornijim problemima.

• Dayton (2)
  
• Dayton

Moj najbolji prijatelj se oženio ovaj vikend. Bio sam mu u svatovima i bilo je super. Bilo mi je jako drago zbog njega i bio sam iskreno sretan jer je on bio sretan.

Istovremeno sam se prisjećao moje zaljubljenosti u njega prije otprilike dvije godine. Bio mi je strašno zgodan. Postali smo jako dobri prijatelji, a ja sam priželjkivao nešto više. Uvijek kad smo bili skupa, promatrao sam svaki njegov pogled i pokret i u njima tražio neki znak da možda i on želi isto. Bilo je teško svaki put se rastajati od njega i glumiti da je sve super dok mi se srce paralo.

Nakon prvog odnosa s gay muškarcem, nisam više razmišljao o svom str8 prijatelju na ovakav način. Ostao mi je samo prijatelj, ono što je uvijek i bio. Nikad mi više nije palo na pamet zaljubiti se u bilo koga tko je str8. Drago mi je da su ove psihičke torture zauvijek iza mene. Tako je divno bilo biti na prijateljevu vjenčanju i iskreno se veseliti s njim.

Istovremeno s ulaganjem veta na zakon o istospolnim brakovima, Schwarzenegger je potpisao 57 drugih prijedloga zakona i stavio veto na ukupno 52 prijedloga. Između ostalog, guverner je potpisao sljedeće:

• Zakon koji poslovnim organizacijama zabranjuje diskriminaciju na osnovu seksualne orijentacije, spola ili bračnog statusa.
  
• Zakon koji zabranjuje osiguravajućim kućama uskraćivanje osiguranja transrodnim osobama.
  
• Zakon o registriranom partnerstvu je osnažen dodatkom koji osigurava nasljeđivanje državne mirovine nakon smrti jednog partnera.
  
• Zakon koji registriranim partnerima daje ista nasljedna prava kao supružnicima.

Ovim potpisima guvernator je potvrdio da ozbiljno misli kad kaže da osobno smatra da istospolnim partnerima treba zakonski osigurati sva prava, te da nema ništa protiv istospolnih brakova, ali odluku o ozakonjenju istih prepušta sudstvu i glasačima.

"Ovaj zakon samo unosi konfuziju u pitanje ustavnosti istospolnog braka.", kaže Schwarzenegger u komentaru svog veta, "Ako je zabrana istospolnog braka protuustavna, onda zakon nije potreban. Ako je zabrana ustavna, onda zakon nema učinka."

Jedna je bitka izgubljena, ali borba u sudstvu se nastavlja. Ranije ove godine sud u San Franciscu je presudio da je zakon iz 1978 godine koji je prvi put formalno definirao brak kao zajednicu muškarca i žene protuustavan, kao i slična referendumska odluka glasača iz 2000 godine. Ovaj slučaj se trenutno nalazi pred prizivnim sudom u San Franciscu, a nakon njihove odluke će sigurno završiti pred vrhovnim sudom države. Sudska odluka o neustavnosti zakona bi dozvolila istospolne brakove, na isti način kako je to postignuto u Massachusettsu.

"Zato imamo Ustav, da bi osigurali da ničija osnovna ljudska prava ne budu oduzeta radi trenutnog mišljenja javnosti", rekao je Kevin Cathcard, direktor Lambda Legal organizacije. Međutim, ni ustav nije nepromjenjiv. Protivnici istospolnih brakova se trude za izbore 2006 godine pred glasače iznijeti ustavni amandman kojim bi se zabranili istospolni brakovi i dokinula sva prava koja su dosad zakonom zagarantirana istospolnim partnerima. Ustavni amandman bi stavio odluku o istospolnim brakovima izvan dosega zakonodavstva i sudstva. Amandman bi se mogao poništiti samo još jednim amandmanom.

Dakle borba se nastavlja, a članci poput ovog o sve većem broju istospolnih obitelji garantiraju mi da će se s vremenom društvo i javno mijenje okrenuti u našu korist.

• Massachusetts... gay marriages
  
• Čemu pravo na brak?
  
• Civil Marriage in California
  
• Civil Marriage in California (2)
  
• Registrirano Partnerstvo
  
• Marriage Equality