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I date a lot. Well, not a lot. Some. Frequently, yet, infrequently. Actually, I don't date. I'm not good at dating. Mostly from a general dislike of people, in general. But aside from my homosapienaphobia, I just don't know HOW to date. Additionally, I don't really even know how to GET a date. Mostly because I don't know how to flirt. Unless I'm drunk. In which case I flirt with anything that moves. Mostly. Well not really. I don't know how to flirt either.

Rachelle tells me that I do tend to get flirty if I've had some alcohol (I personally prefer a bottle of red wine, or a bottle of Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum, but you can choose whatever libation works for you if you are trying to learn to flirt). Though, I can never really pinpoint the exact behaviour that entails flirting. If I could, I'd be able to turn it on when sober (which really isn't very often, I'm drunk and flirting with myself right now), and use it to my advantage. But let's assume for the moment that I have the ability to flirt, am sober, and therefore have the ability to get a date via the flirt process. Let us further assume, that is never going to happen and I need to find another way to get a date.

Enter, the internet. More and more often, people are finding potential mates online. Whether it is through a dating service which is specifically designed to collect demographic and social information about you and match you up with someone with similar demographic or social preferences; an online chat room with a hodge-podge (HETEROgeneous mixture) of folks that you can interact with and narrow down the choices yourself based on those who starts a conversation with "a/s/l" (age/sex/location) or those who start with "Oh Hello. Um, my name is Cherysh, with a Y. Um, I work out in West Hollywood with Lorenzo..." (snaps to AbFab); or even the spicy personal ads that we see in online bulletin boards, MWM seeks DWM for LTR or MSSG, must have own 4BR2B house no PTS or KDS and no SMKR.

Ultimately there are many venues for me to "shop" for a mate. Having the whole people aversion thing, however, tends to prohibit options like a bar, a club, a coffee shop, the mall, church, work, the gym, social groups, etc. (Although, now that I have my bartending degree, I might get picked up more often.) Therefore, the online world is fast, efficient, allows me to view an image of the person prior to a date, and talk with them online or even on the phone, all before committing to that final moment when they get out of their car, walk towards me, open their mouth, and remind me why I generally don't like people.

So... I am currently "hanging out" with someone. Although you could consider going to the movies, dinner, the zoo, and playing 1.5 rounds of minigolf, DATES, I'm not really sure that my aversion to the term will allow me to use it to describe what has happened so far. I like to chat online. I don't do it incredibly often, but it's a good diversion after a long day of interacting with people's faces. There is a veritable cornucopia of online chat locations to pick from such as planet out, gay.com, IRC, Yahoo chat, MSN chat, or other popular sites. Some chat rooms are broken down by geography, others by fetish or gender preference. It really just depends on what you are looking for, how soon you want it, and who you want it from.

And so, I was online chatting, and happened to be virtually approached by an individual who happens to live in my area. For the most part, I don't like to chat with people from the town I live in, because that would imply that I might run the chance of actually having to meet them face to face, or the even scarier chance that I already know them and they have discovered that I chat online and are trying to deceive me as people are apt to do. Distance is safety, and from all the stories we have heard about people being misled by their online chat buddies, I think I'm rightfully over-cautious.

This person sent a little message to my yahoo messenger window announcing his presence in my virtual life. A conversation ensued. A nice, normal, G rated, professional conversation in which I began to escalate my online teasing about being very hungry (it was dinner time) and that it would probably be a good idea if I stopped chatting and got something to eat soon. I should mention at this point that this person and I had also had a brief chat (5 minutes or so) the day before, so he was not unknown to me.

I continued to hint that my stomach was tossing and turning from lack of food, and that if he wasn't going to ask me to dinner, I would just have to go into the kitchen alone and eat alone. After about 15 minutes, I wore him down, and he recommended we quickly get to dinner so that my stomach didn't deteriorate. Why not? Rachelle keeps telling me to do something unexpected and spontaneous. So I checked myself in the mirror, sprayed some cologne on myself, and headed out the door.

I was already looking pretty flawless from being a little dressed up at work that day, so I didn't have a need to change clothes. Off I went flying down the highway, and arrived less than 1 minute late to the restaurant destination. He hadn't arrived yet, so I settled myself down at an outdoor table and waited. In the mean time, sent a few text messages to inform Rachelle of my daring, unpredicted, unplanned, unscheduled in Outlook, evening event. He arrived. No surprise about appearance, as I'd already seen a picture of him. He opened his mouth to say hi, and I returned a big smile and hello. (seeing as how I rarely smile, this was quite an achievement for me, the non-dater)

Dinner was ordered. Gay waiter who was apparently "checking me out" (I discovered this later when my "date" mentioned it jokingly). Over dinner I also discovered that my date had actually never had a date with a guy before. Shock, but not a showstopper, as I had no expectations for the evening other than dinner and to meet someone new. Everyone has to eat...

Dinner was coming to a conclusion and I hear "would you like to see a movie"? The evening gets more interesting. Where is this going to lead? Dinner and a movie, both unplanned, unscheduled. I felt a little unprepared for this turn of events, but heck, I'm this far, let's see what happens, and besides, I haven't seen Spiderman yet. Off to the movies. No real issues here other than the drunk straight people who decided they had to sit right next to me even though the theatre had plenty of space. I don't know about you, but I can't stand it when people talk during a movie..."It's time to keep it DOWN!"

The movie was just fine. Fast parts, slow parts, romantic parts, action parts, things blowing up, spiders, webs, good guys, bad guys, but this really isn't a movie review so I suggest you go see it for yourself instead of looking to me for a thumbs up or thumbs down. The movie was over, we headed out to the parking lot. I had a great time. He had a great time. I don't kiss on a first date. Frankly, kissing requires touching lips, which are part of the face, and that entails a person, plural'd to people, and we all know I don't like people, so therefore no kissing. We said goodbye's and thought about doing it again sometime.

The following week, off to dinner and minigolf. Lots of hitting golf balls all over the course while avoiding a gnat swarm that wouldn't leave us alone (I ponder now if they were fruit flies...). Again, an enjoyable evening. Again, no kissing. We left minigolf, headed over to Border's, got some books and some frappucino's, and sat outside watching Venus descend into the 9th house. Since he hadn't yet had enough of my standoffishness, he invited me to go with him to the zoo the next afternoon, and so, being the experienced dater that I am, I accepted.

Oh the zoo. My town doesn't have the best zoo in the world. Frankly, neither does the "world-famous" San Diego, but that's another story for another time. I took lots of pictures of the poor animals behind cages, as well as some candid photos of the guy who was stealthily trying to hold my hand. We finally finished with the zoo, the screaming kids, the blazing sun, and headed down to one of the various lakes nearby to chill and watch the ducks swimming around. We watched a little boy try to fall in the water while feeding the ducks. Discussed the mating rituals of the ducks. Discussed why the water was teal instead of normal water colour. And then finally got bored with the lake and decided to tempt our allergies and walk around the flower garden across the street from the zoo.

Lots and lots of flowers in bloom. Lots of bees. Lots of pollen. Lots of stealth hand holding. And then the idea struck me. Hey, there's no one else here in the flower garden, why not do something unexpected? I walked up to him, got a little closer, and there was the kiss. Apparently third dates are fair game for kisses, despite the fact that the lips are part of the face. This guy who had never dated a guy before, was being inducted full-force, and was at the mercy of my professional kissing abilities!

But again, I had no expectations. As I recently heard, the first love is never the last love (except in one specific case I could think of), so better not to have an expectation of something that may or may not happen. The date ended, and we both went home. My parting comment to him was that I wasn't going to kiss him again that day, because if you have too much of something special, it's no longer special. He liked that. (Feel free to interject here that I'm a control freak.)

Thankfully, with an overabundance of open communication, bordering on babbling, all of my fears and concerns and general people issues have already been presented and discussed at length the day before. (What else were we supposed to do while Venus descended?)

And so, here we are. He's on vacation, then I'm on vacation, and then we're going to see Phantom of the Opera when it comes to theaters. For a guy who has never dated a guy before, he sure picks some fun things to do. Though I wonder if these would be the same extracurricular activities he would have picked were it a female, but best not to second guess.

And so, the dilemma. Multiple dilemmas actually. Almost bordering on poly-dilemmic, if you will. First, I'm the first. The first guy he has actually been on a date with. Second, I won't be the second. Obviously, if I'm the first, I can't be the second, or I'd still be the first. Finally, I won't be the last. If I were the first, but not the second, but the last, why would I let myself be the last after having not been the second? And how often does one go from being the first to also being the last, without being the second? Is it possible to be the first and only? Is it possible to skip first and go right to last? Does already being the first preclude the possibility of being the last? If I were able to go back in time, not be the first, would I want to be the second or last knowing what I already know? Does anyone really care at this point?

That being said, I don't know that I want to be the last. Somehow I think I would be cheating myself, and him, if there is no second, third, fourth, etc. The point of dating (from what I hear, not from personal experience), is to experience many different personalities, styles, genres, situations, confrontations, discussions, etceteras. Being the non-dater that I am, what if this series of dates leads to a personality change in me that drives me to become the dating king? What if this little taste for what it's like to date, makes me want to do it more? And with other people? With LOTS of other people? It's almost like coming out of the dating closet! What do you mean it wasn't enough for me to come out of the lavender closet, I have to come out again and actually interact with people? Yes! It's time, I'm ready, I want the party!

So I'll say it loud, proud, and with a resounding sound. I'M A DATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now give me the darn toaster!