lera-777 diary

subota, 24.10.2009.

Funeral

I come to find out that the visitation isn't until friday at 4 and the funeral is on saturday, so I could have taught classes this week and not come up until friday. Having said that, I think it's better this way. Lord knows I won't be much good the next few days and Mom really needs the support right now. I'm glad to be able to do this while I still can. For most of us in the family, even going up to her house tonight didn't make things seem real. We all realized that Grandpa Krutzfeldt died 37 years ago today and that's significance but, things felt weird because I just saw her 3 weeks ago when she brought Mom to albert lea so we could go see Ava. She looked like Aunt Nita. When I look at the pictures from Sunday, she didn't look like Aunt Nita. At one point tonight, Aunt Nita's friend Marlys walked up to give me a hug. I was looking down at some pictures standing next to Uncle Arnie. For a split second, I *knew* it was Aunt Nita standing next to me. That was nearly too much to bear. I am very worried about how grandma will react when she sees her lying there. All she can really say about the situation is, "it should have been me." That does not bode well for the next few days. As cold as it sounds, and it's really not, I am relieved that this is not an 'immediate' family funeral where we have to make all the decisions. Doing that for Dad was the worst thing ever. I don't wish it on anyone, especially my family, but I certainly don't wish it for myself...especially this soon.Aunt Brenda and I spent a good chunk of the night looking through old photos, trying to help pick some for her board at the funeral. There were a lot of them I've never seen, and some I have. I realized, I look just like my Mother's-Father's-Mother, my great-grandma I think. Eerily so. The family resemblences in our family are very strong. I guess it must be those good German genes or something. Loking at the pictures reminded me, Aunt Nita was so beautiful. She and Uncle Arnie got married in 1960 and they looked like models. All those women I see in the magazines I use for research, they were my Aunt and Uncle.I'll cut off the rambling for now as it's really time for sleep. One last thing...Getting together with everyone tonight is exactly what she would have wanted. She thrived on family get-togethers and family meals. I am sure she and Dad were watching over us...smiling.

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