O, B(l)ože, čuvaj ti naše golubove i sirotinju...

Ja imam naviku svaki dan zatrpati se poslom. Planiranjem poslova, točnije. Stavim pred sebe hrpu planova, svjesna da većinu toga neću uspjeti napraviti, ali svjesna mogućnosti da bi se lako moglo dogoditi da i ništa ne napravim, na kraju dana sam uvijek zadovoljna učinjenim, ma koliko to malo bilo.
Tako je bilo i za Božić. Puno toga je otpalo, ali i učinjenim sam bila zadovoljna. Otpala je sarma, ali uspjela sam zavjese na prozorima zamijeniti onim šljaštećim, blagdanskim. Otpali su paprenjaci, linzeri i zvjezdice s cimetom... ali sam ispekla hrpu medenjaka, ukrasila ih i ispoklanjala, što je i bio plan pod rednim brojem jedan na listi mojih Božićnih planova. Ne dramim skoro nikada oko onoga neučinjenog, samo pomičem za dan, dva, tjedan... Dobro je, kad god da uspijem.

Zašto sam radila govedinu Wellington već sam vam pojasnila, ali nisam rekla da sam je radila prvi put, a moguće i posljednji :)) Govedina baš i nije jeftina, pa kad se zbroje i svi drugi potrebni sastojci, ode cijena u neebooo... Obzirom da sam je radila prvi put, očekivala sam i poneki problem, ali nekakvim čudom sav moj posao je jako glatko tekao, kao da sve to odrađujem po tisućiti puta a ne prvi. Pa kad svemu tome pribrojim i hrpu lijepih poklona koje sam tih dana dobila, više nego prije, sve mi je nekako bilo potaman, i osjećala sam se baš... bogato k'o jelka iz Rockefeller Centra :O

Enivej, Božić je prošao i približava se Nova godina. Ja baš nikada nisam bila nešto od takvih proslava, no i u našoj kući su se oduvijek vršile velike pripreme za doček i ne mogu reći da me nije zabavljao sav taj šušur, užurbanost i mirisi koji su svemu prethodili... moram priznati - puno više od glavnog zbivanja :O.
Obzirom da su moji roditelji bili vjernici, i svojevremeno, kad sam naučila nešto o povijesti slavljenja novih godina, pitala sam ih kako to da slave nešto što je ostavština poganskih vjerovanja, pa su me poklopili rekavši da se ne radi samo o tome, nego da su to i katolički blagdani. Evo, danas je recimo blagdan Svete Obitelji, a sutra je blagdan Svete. Marije Bogorodice... i uostalom, da božićno vrijeme još uvijek traje tako da se to mora proslaviti. E sad vam je jasno zašto je valjda i sestra rekla da Božić mora mirisati na Božić :D

Za mirise Nove godine nisam se ovaj put konzultirala sa sestrom jer sam se sjetila mame i vidjela je u nekom prošlom vremenu kako, sva zajapurena, istovremeno dovršava nekoliko poslova... ščepala me nostalgija, pa sam se i sama odlučila malo ubiti od posla.
I tako nemam nekog pametnijeg :O
Malo sam se jedino klackala oko vremena... hoće li to biti ranije ili docnije... Obzirom da danas moram oprati kosu (jer ako ćemo po onim nekim omiljenim praznovjerjima, onda nikako ne smijem u iduću godinu ući prljava... majkomilamoglabihtakvaostati), a to će mi oduzeti puno vremena i garanciju da bih mogla još nešto napraviti, tako da sam se od posla odlučila ubiti još jučer.
Sarmetinu (velike su k'o muški opanci, pa zato...) koju sam, je li, također za Božić otepla, i sada bih možda, no ovaj put sam već ranije sve za nju pripremila, tako da uzmaka nije bilo. I eno je... pun lonac masne, onakve kakve je i moja mama radila :)).
E, a uz sarmu sam isplanirala i mesnu štrucu s jajima. Ne znam... ja sam nju uvijek voljela. Zadnji put sam je radila prije dvije godine, i sad mi je ponovno pala na pamet, ali također u lisnatom tijestu.
Wellington za siromašne, tepala sam joj dok sam ju radila :)
Međutoa... kako to često biva - ono što je trebalo biti jednostavno i rutinski, na kraju nije tako ispalo.
Duboko sam uzdahnula, uvjerena da je krivo moje tepanje.
Kao da je (sa) siromasima ikada (bilo) lagano... ehhh... :I











Tijesto se presušilo i odvojilo od štruce, a i jedan veći komad s druge strane se još u pećnici odlomio i plivao u masnoći.
Naravno, ja bih sve to vrlo lako mogla sagledati i iz drugog kuta, i vjerojatno i hoću... ali...









No dobro, sad još idem ispeći paprenjake. Orasi su već pripremljeni tako da ni njih ne mogu više otepsti :O... a i vrijeme je za njih nakon medenjaka (obožavam ih... i jedne i druge), pitanje je samo koliko ću papra dodati :O
Sinoć, kad je bio potres u BiH, sestra me nazvala da pita jesam li osjetila. Ona vam uvijek te potrese sve (pred)osjeti, i kad ih ima i kad nema... pa i one na drugom kraju svijeta... a ja ovaj put nisam, no taman sam dodavala još malo papra u štrucu, pa smo se u nastavku razgovora obje složile kako papra nikad dosta :O
E tako će nekako vjerojatno biti i s ovim paprenjacima :))

Alzo, novih slika (još) nemam ali imam ovu staru koju ću staviti kako bi se Ipsilonka mogla dobro osjećati... :O





I tako... idemo dalje u radne pobjede, tj. peći paprenjake... a do Sv. tri kralja budu valjda i linzeri i zvjezdice :)

Vama sve najbolje želim u Novoj godini. Mogla bih ja sad odmah reći - i u svim predstojećim, ali dobro je imati prilike čestitati ih i kako budu nadolazile :)






'Along the way I find myself
To be confined within me
No place for any other's mind to interfere,
To grasp the meaning of it all
To overcome my limits
And dance away from any void and empty tones,
Just tell me why
Just tell me how
I can survive this time
Believe yourself and look away
From all that's right within you
Leave all your worries at the door and drift away,
I've tried to peer into the core
But could not storm the sorrow
My hollow heart has bled me dry, left me to stray
Another time without a trace,
Condemn me now
Send me to hell
For I'm already failing
Intertwine the lines
That swim beneath the dark
Realize the pain we live in
Demonize the need we reel in, no
In my memories I'll dig deep enough to know
Centuries of dreams unending
Another me that yielded tears when someone had betrayed
No time to ever go to waste
It's not that complicated
You're free to live your life at ease
No more restrain
No heed for shadows on your way
That try to steal your laughter
Your light will drive them all away
Be confident
Will I refrain?
Can I repent?
Will you be there?
Erase the page
For I'm alone and ailing
Intertwine the lines
That swim beneath the dark
Realize the pain we live in
Demonize the need we reel in, no
In my memories I'll dig deep enough to know
Centuries of dreams unending
Another me that yielded tears when someone had betrayed
So, this is my life
And it can't break me down
Go, I will decide
Who can come in and heal my disease
Burn it in flames
Kill it and maim
Why can't you see that you need to be freed?
Intertwine the lines beneath the dark
Every bit of pain we're feeling
Every other solemn life, no
In the memories you will find somehow
There used to be a dream unending
No more need to be alone
Intertwine the lines
That swim beneath the dark
Realize the pain we live in
Demonize the need we reel in, no
In my memories I'll dig deep enough to know
Centuries of dreams unending
Another me that yielded tears when someone had betrayed...'

Ono kad on njoj pokazuje svoj vozni park, pa se zajedno za Instagram naslikavaju pored nove 'zvjerke' :D

A što ćete, znate kako ono kažu - Svaka budala svoje veselje ima... eto, mene ovo zabavlja :O

Inače, iako sama šljaštim kao Las Vegas (znate ono zlatno ulje kojim se mi žene volimo trackati... trenutačno malo i pretjerujem :O), božićni ukrasi su mi ipak najdraži ovakvi... pogotovo ako ih sama radim :)









'Trying to keep myself afloat upon this stream
But a thought is pulling me down
Pulling me all the way down
We are wandering towards a blank infinity
And extinguishing will now be the only way
To diminish your sins
This vortex can't be filled up again
A hole in space and time
Do you cry to the heaven's high
When you're confined in here?
Do you not ever wonder
Why these leaden tears will never dry?
They'll leave behind so many shadows in my mind
High in the sky, all of the clouds are passing by
Wait for this storm, wait for the rain
And wait for the tears to fall down on me
We are wandering towards a blank infinity
And extinguishing will now be the only way
To diminish your sins
This vortex can't be filled up again
A hole in space and time
Do you cry to the heaven's high
When you're confined in here?
Do you not ever wonder
Why these leaden tears will never dry?
They'll leave behind so many shadows
Living in me, living in all the memories in my life
Do you wonder why
These tears never dry?
Time forced into life (in my life)
Living in my mind
Can we ever find a way in this labyrinth without end?
Labyrinth has no end
Which turn should I take?
Left or right?
Should I stay?
Should I be the one?
Do you cry to the heaven's high
When you're confined in here?
Do you not ever wonder why
This leaden tears will never dry
They leave behind so many shadows
This substance in time forced into life
Still exists because it's here
Living in me, living in all the memories, in my life
Lost inside blank infinity...'

Pero Partibrejker

Nije se još potpuno ni razdanilo, a on u svojim prepoznatljivim bojama već krenuo udarnčki.
Valjda hoće reći da su prošli blagdani pa da sad ponovno treba nešto malo i raditi :O


































'Keep hiding
All colors fading
Defining
Time coming for me
Rescinding my inspiration
Rescinding consciousness
Back in the day, I can recall that
My thoughts were unclouded and sage
There was no black stain in the walls of my memories
Now there's a haze pushing me sideways
And leaving me nothing to gain
Taking me back, locking me cold in disparity
Where was I meant to be?
I'm feeling lost in a dream
Long for the day I can be myself
When I'm free
When my sun has set
Release myself forever
I have no regret
To be free
I'll exist again
No more lost endeavors
Nothing to contend
When I'm free
Color declines
All that defines me
Is falling away far behind
Nothing to keep me with the time
The here and now
Where am I meant to be?
I'm feeling lost in a dream
Yearning again only to be myself
When I'm free
When my sun has set
Release myself forever
I have no regret
To be free
I'll exist again
No more lost endeavors
Nothing to contend
When I'm free
Time's just a concept (save me, near me, help me, hear me)
And always the first thing to fade (no more heartache, no misery)
Hiding in weakness(cure me, free me, help me, see me)
Nothing we can ever evade (no more worry, no agony)
Years are cruel, they break us (save me, near me, help me, hear me)
Bringing on decay and despair (we despair) (no more heartache, no despairing)
Awareness and perception (cure me, free me, help me, see me)
Something we can never repair (no repair) (no more worry, no repairing)
Freedom for me is all I'm really wanting, needing
Give me power to break out
I can't hold on for any longer
My time has to come to an end it all
No one to blame
Fate's only random
It's nothing we'll ever explain
So it remains
Where was I meant to be?
I feel I'm lost in a dream
Long for the day I can be myself (free)
When will I be unleashed?
It's not the way to be
Yearning again only to be myself (unleash my consciousness)
Free (cure me, free me, help me, see me)
When my sun has set (no more worry, no more losing)
Release myself forever (save me, near me, help me, hear me)
I have no regret
To be free (cure me, free me, help me, see me)
I'll exist again (no more worry, no more losing)
No more lost endeavors (save me, near me, help me, hear me)
Nothing to contend
When I'm free...'

Slojevito

Pita sestra prije desetak dana da što ću ja pripremati za Božić.
Mnjaaa... kažem ja.
Da što mi to znači, pita ona.
Mnjaaa... ponovim ja pa počnem pojašnjavati - da što ću se umarati i pripremati kad i neću jesti više nego inače, a ,uostalom, priprema ona svašta nešto pa će i tako pola od svega dovući kod mene (kao što i je :O).
A ne, da ne može to tako, kaže ona meni, jer da mora kuća mirisati na Božić... hoće reći - nekakvo pečenje mora biti, pa voljela ja ili ne!
A je l'.. pa dooobroooo ako mora, rekoh ja... i zamirisalo onda na Božić :)
I mogu vam reći da mi baš sve bilo fino... jedino mi se mačak zamalo napio od vina :))


Sretan Božić svima... i mirisalo vam sve na njega :)



Beef Wellington (meni ovo video za meditaciju :)))

Fatum est sempiterna et indeclinabilis series causarum

Što ti je žena Slavonka... sam' bi nešto s koncima petljala... il' štrikala, il' šlingala... heklala...
Zapravo, svaka žena je pomalo (i) Arijadna... a ja se neš' mislim kako je dobro da me nije povuklo na Vilerove goblene :O







'Fill the void in me
See life beyond the veil
Replace all thoughts from the abyss with cosmic energy
Ignite the flame in thee
Fill out the tree of your life
We are rooted deep in the darkness
And keep growing towards the light
Be without your fears
For a thousand years
Search for stillness deep inside
One thought that grows in the abyss of time
Fills up the vast space with matter and life
Free of the darkness that fetters the soul
Find at the source the end of your goal
Find the spark in me
See life beyond the dream
Replace your darkest emotions with pure divinity
Ignite the flame in me
Unite with your inner light
We should free ourselves from the shadows
And the bondage of the night
Be without your fears
For a thousand years
Be the master of your life
One thought that grows in the abyss of time
Fills up the vast space with matter and life
Free of the darkness that fetters the soul
Find at the source the end of your goal
Fight back your fears forever
Be the master of your life
Learn to unlearn
In the beginning there was a timeless, space-less, nothingness
And into that nothingness came a thought, purposeful, all-pervading
So ended the Void
Surge, the Demiurge
Shaper of a false universe
Search that deadly urge
Your walls of self-protection are
Walls of self-imprisonment
Be without your fears
For a thousand years
Search for stillness deep inside
Strive for harmony in duality
To revise the book of life
There was one thought that grew in the abyss of time
It filled up the vast space with matter and life
Freed from the darkness that fettered the soul
We found at the end our reason, our goal
We march on
We're counting down
To singularity
While we drown
We're moving on
To master wisdom
To be free...'

Kad se male šape slože...

Sunčano kao da dolazi Uskrs a ne Božić.
Krasno vrijeme, ako je potrebno, za raditi i oko kuće... a kamo god da krenem, pomagača ne nedostaje :O

Mislim da sam vidio mica macu...

Idemo delati

Ploške naranče i limuna strpane su u pećnicu na duuugo sušenje...






Zapravo, sad su se već posušile, a i medenjaci su pečeni. Uz improviziranu naranča-svjetiljku sve tako divno miriši...
I još samo medenjake ukrasiti.
Idemo delati...:)










'(I can't taste you, I can't think of you,
Do we exist at all?)
The future doesn't pass
And the past won't overtake the present
All that remains is an obsolete illusion
We are afraid of all the things that could not be
A phantom agony
Do we dream at night
Or do we share the same old fantasy?
I am a silhouette of the person wandering in my dreams
We are afraid of all the things that could not be
A phantom agony
The age-old development of consciousness
Drives us away from the essence of life
We meditate too much, so that our instincts will fade away
They fade away
What's the point of life
And what's the meaning if we all die in the end?
Does it make sense to learn or do we forget everything?
We are afraid of all the things that could not be
A phantom agony
The age-old development of consciousness
Drives us away from the essence of life
We meditate too much, so that our instincts will fade away
They fade away
Teach me how to see and free the disbelief in me
What we get is what we see, the phantom agony
A te spiritus noster devoratur et nostra anima capitur
The lucidity of my mind has been revealed in new dreams
I am able to travel where my heart goes
In search of self-realization
This is the way to escape from our agitation
And develop ourselves
Use your illusion and enter my dream...'

Medenjaci

Kako sam ja dobra dušica :O... uvijek s vama dijelim najbolje recepte. A eto, ovo su meni najdraži medenjaci.
Preporučujem izradu (ako imate društvo, s klincima recimo, onda je još i bolje, veselije...)... dobro je za žifčeke.




N'da... i sama ih nisam već dugo radila... :I

Feint

Odlaske ne volimo. Nikakve. Rastuže nas čak i oni privremeni, dok za njima mašemo maramicama na peronu, jer nas valjda i takvi podsjećaju na one vječne. A oni, ako i nisu od onih koji nas bespoštedno bacaju na koljena, nego od onih očekivanih kojima se jedino vrijeme usudi postavljati pitanja, skoro podjednako nas mogu natjerati na nijemu klonulost i(li) obaviti tugom.

Veliko je moje iznenađenje uslijedilo saznanjem da prvi susjedi imaju (i) sina. Odlaskom na školovanje izmaknuo je očima mojih prvih nekoliko godina života i pojavio se pred njima tek kao student-asistent na fakultetu.
Za svoje tadašnje godine ja sam raspolagala solidnim fondom riječi, i bila sam svjesna toga pa sam jednom prilikom, najmlađa u grupi koja je gubila vrijeme na travnjaku ispred kuće, hrabro odlučila ispraviti starije tinejdžere koji su se bavili nekakvim koncertom. Podrugljivo su mi se nasmijali u lice jer da kakva mi je to riječ 'tribine', nikad čuli, i tako sve dok nije naišao student-asistent od kojeg se zatražila uloga arbitra. Njegov se pogled sa zanimanjem zaustavio na mojim malim godina, a onda smo svi (po)nešto naučili nakon pojašnjavanja razlike između bina i tribina.

Nekoliko godina poslije dobili smo od silno uzbuđene susjede informaciju o prvom unučetu. Ona je usput imala i potrebu stati u obranu muškosti svoga sina, govoreći okupljenom susjedstvu kako je to danas normalno, dok je pojašnjavala kako on ravnopravno sa suprugom sudjeluje u hranjenju i kupanju bebe, jednako koliko i kod zamjene prljavih pelena. Obzirom da nekima još ni danas takvo nešto nije normalno, normalno je da je meni tada to bilo strašno zanimljivo.
Pa još nešto vremena poslije stara susjeda je nanovo okupljenoj grupi pojašnjavala zašto njen sin svakih nekoliko godina, pet otprilike, prodaje stari i uz malu nadoplatu kupuje novi automobil. Smatrao je, naime, kako tu razliku pokriva ušteda na popravcima starijeg automobila, jer da su oni skloni na taj način gutati novac, i da, na kraju krajeva, on nikako ne želi ugrožavati svoju obitelj nesigurnim automobilom.
Svi moji stari i polovni predmeti koje godinama kupujem, pa po potrebi popravljam, svjedoci su da ja baš i nisam usvojila to pravilo o novom i starom (no dobro, nije ni da sam ja baš odgovorna i za bilo čiju sigurnost...) ali da mi je svojevremeno bilo strašno zanimljivo takvo racionaliziranje, to da.

Život se posložio tako da sa svojim ima ga-nema ga susjedom baš i nisam imala prilike razmjenjivati nešto puno riječi, više su do mene pristizale informacije, i uz ono što sam i sama vidjela one su stvorile o njemu sliku razumnog, mirnog, tihog i praktičnog čovjeka.
Najnovija informacija koja je stigla - da nas je iscrpljen teškom bolešću zauvijek napustio, nepovratno je izmijenila još jedan dio i mog života... i ogrnula me velikim sivim oblakom sjete.















'The very brightest candle of all has been extinguished
Smothered by those who could not bear to face reality
Every beat of your heart tore the lies all apart
Made foundations quiver
Every wave in the lake caused the porcelain to break
And I shiver...
The leftover tallow just doesn't contain
All the right answers
Under a sea of dust lies a vast wealth of wisdom
An untouched snow turns red
Innocence dies
This black page in history is not colourfast, will stain the next
All that remains is just a feint of what was meant to be
This black page in history is not colourfast, will stain the next
And nothing seems in life, in dreams like what was meant to be...'

Žeeljooo mooojaaa...

Ccc... da čekam da me netko poželi, nikad ja svjetla bložjeg ne bih ugledala :O
Doduše, poželjele su me mačke (donijele miša na prag), al' s njima se nikad ne zna... one obično samo svoje želje ispunjavaju.
Eto, ni mladi macan nije dao da ga ukomponiram u jutrošnju fotografiju... al' onda sam i ja njega izbacila van da se malo provjetri.



























'We're blind and eager
Avarice will set us back to blank
Those who wager all will have to name a reason
If you can't let go, you will end up empty handed
If you can't control, you'll live your life in vain
Who decides about my time to come?
Who is able to break through the circle of life and doom?
Don't look back
Keep on track to break the curse
Take the chance
Design your universe
We can't undo what we have done
So show us now what we've become
Confront us with our viciousness
And our weakness
We can't evade our destiny
So show responsibility
For we all surely have a sense
Of our consciousness
To take for taking's sake
Will leave a path of loss and strain
And endless breaking of faith can warrant acts of treason
If you can't let go, you will end up empty handed
If you can't control, you'll live your life in vain
Who decides about what's true or false?
Who is able to sift through the treasures from the flukes?
Don't look back
Keep on track to break the curse
Take the chance
Design your universe
We can't undo what we have done
So show us now what we've become
Confront us with our viciousness
And our weakness
We can't evade our destiny
So show responsibility
For we all surely have a sense
Of our consciousness
The time has come, we have to see
That total wisdom is in reach
The time has come to color in the lines
We must identify the signs
So many people are full of hate
While love and light are in their reach
So many people will harm themselves
But life can be so beautiful
So many people will idolize
While their own success is in their reach
Don't forget you're able to
Design your own universe
Find your balance, sink into rumination
Ipsum te reperies
Potire mundorum
Potire omnis mundi
Break the...
We can't undo what we have done
So show us now what we've become
Confront us with our viciousness
And our weakness
We can't evade our destiny
So show responsibility
For we all surely have a sense
Of our consciousness
Can't undo
Show us now
Confront us
We're the weakness
Can't evade
Show us how
We have our sense...'