petak, 28.10.2005.
14 vrsta žena
1. Internet žena
Morate platiti da biste dobili pristup.
2. Server žena
Uvijek je zaposlena i preopterećena kada ju trebate.
3. Windows žena
Znate da ima puno mana, ali ajd' sad vi živite bez nje.
4. Powerpoint žena
Idealna da ju prezentirate ljudima na kakvom slavlju.
5. Excel žena
Kaže se da može štošta, ali vi ju i dalje koristitie samo za one četiri osnovne radnje.
6. Word žena
Nema što, svakim danom vas sve više iznenađuje, pa ipak, ne postoji nitko na svijetu tko ju zbilja razumije.
7. MS-DOS žena
Svi su je imali i nitko ju više ne želi.
8. Back-up žena
Mislite da ima sve, no kad vam nešto zatreba, skužite da joj ipak nešto fali.
9. Scandisk žena
Svi mi znamo da ona može napraviti mnogo toga dobroga i da samo želi pomoći, no u načelu nitko ne zna što to ona zbilja može.
10. Screen saver žena
Nema nekih bitnih funkcija, no volite ju gledati.
11. Hard disk žena
Sjeća se svega, u svako doba dana.
12. E-mail žena
Od deset stvari o kojima vam priča, 9 su apsolutne gluposti.
13. Virus žena
Kada to najmanje očekujete, instalira se u vaš stan i dočepa vaših stvari. Ako ju pokušate deinstalirati, možete se oprostiti od nekih stvari. Čak i ako ništa ne poduzmete, ubrzo sve gubite.
14. SAP žena
Nakon dugogodišnjeg rada, slušanja savjeta vaših frendova i skorog proglašenja bankrota, konačno ste ju prilagodili vašim potrebama. U međuvremenu se na tržištu pojavila puno jednostavnija varijanta.
nedjelja, 23.10.2005.
četvrtak, 13.10.2005.
Poezija na FER - u!
Pjesma koja se pjeva po FER-u:
(C - ovski nastrojena prerada Beatlesa. Kolegi bi trebalo čestitati!)
WRITE IN C (LET IT BE)
When I find my code in tons of trouble,
Friends and colleagues come to me,
speaking words of wisdom:
Write in C.
As the deadline fast approaches,
And bugs are all that I can see,
Somewhere, someone whispers:
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
LOGO's dead and buried,
Write in C.
I used to write a lot of FORTRAN,
For science it worked flawlessly.
Try using it for graphics!
Write in C.
If you've just spent nearly 30 hours,
Debugging some assembly,
Soon you will be glad to
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, yeah, Write in C.
BASIC's not the answer.
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
Pascal won't quite cut it.
Write in C.
Neke pametne izjave Al Bundya (2. dio)
"A skinny woman with a hooked nose oliveoils into the shoe store says 'I want something to make me look sexy.' I say "you'll have to wait a long time before someone that ugly comes in and stands next to you!!!' Now, I don't know when they started letting women carry nunchuks..."
A fat woman clip-clops into the shoe store today says 'I want something I can feel comfortable in ' so I say 'try Wyoming!' Now, I don't know when they started letting women carry chainsaws..."
"Then this woman comes in who doesn't speak English. She points at the shoes, I point at the door. She points at the sky and kness me in the nay nays!!!"
"A customer walks into the shoe store today. A tall willowy brunette. She sits down and asks to try on a pair of size 12 pumps. So I sit down there doing my business and I notice she's wearing a garter belt which I like. All the time she's smiling at me. Suddenly she uncrosses her legs like in 'basic
instinct'... it was a guy!!!!!"
"Marcy! have the nerve to face me when you're speaking to me! Whoops you are! we gotta get you a sign says "front" and "back"!"
"A fat women walked into the shoe store today. She was so fat, she had three smaller women orbiting around her."
Al about sex...
"You're a toad, you know that jefferson? Why would I say I loved a girl if I ever had sex with her?"
Al about death...
"Give me beer or give me death! Or give me both!"
Al about computer...
"Police? Al Bundy here! I want to report a stolen apple! No not the stupid computer! I'm talking about a fruit!"
Al about beer...
"Give me beer or give me death! or give me both!"
"Anyone know who was elected president? Well, who cares? But, whoever you are, read my lips: don't tax beer!!!"
Al about Peg...
"We're married, Peg. We can't be friends!"
"My wife bought the wrong batteries and since I can't exchange her, I'd like to exchange these for these..."
Al: "We've got to do something about this baseball strike. It's affecting the way we live!"
Bob Ronnie: "Yeah, I had to take my wife to the beauty parlor!"
Sargent-at-arms Ike: " I had to take my wife to the opera!!"
Al: "I had to take my wife!!!"
"Please don't touch me on my birthday!"
srijeda, 12.10.2005.
Neke pametne izjave Al Bundya (1. dio)
"They brought the horse trailer. Your mother in there, Peg?"
"A woman comes into the shoe store today, so huge she's protected by greenpeace. She asked for a pair of size 4 shoes so I asked if she would eat them here or take them home, and she has the nerve to complain about my
performance!"
"A fat woman godzillas into the shoe store today. asks for something she could wear to walk in the woods. jokingly I suggest she wear a sign that says 'don't shoot! from the front I look human!'"
"The home shopping network! There's a good idea for women! It was a little too hard driving to the mall with a couch strapped to their ass!!!"
Al: "Cut to the left, cut to the left!!! Now!!! Go for the end zone!!!
Bud: "I thought you were looking at cheerleaders."
Al: I am. Damn cameraman's shooting their faces!!!"
"A man is a man all of his life, a woman is only pretty until she becomes your wife."
"Woman, you can't live with em', the end..."
"Woman, you can't live with em', you can't herd them all into Canada..."
"If god wanted woman to bowl he would have placed their breasts on their backs to give us something to watch while waiting our turn!"
"The perfect woman has three breasts - one on the back for dancing!"
"I'm not selling shoes for the money. I'm in it to torture fat woman."
"Peg, you have the look of a woman who just swallowed a canary!
Bertha, you have the look of a woman who swallowed a cow who swallowed a
canary!
And Marcy... you look like a chicken."
"You girls want a ladies' night? try having it in the kitchen cooking for a man!"
"A fat woman sloshed into the shoe store today. Said she was retaining water. I told her not to worry the dam of cellulite should keep us all safe the next few years!!! No
Zatvor ili ured?
Mučite se kada morate ustati iz kreveta, nabrzinu jedete, vozite se pokorno u koloni automobila,
a ako zakasnite minutu, šef vas tretira kao roba?
Zatvor: sjedite u čeliji 2x3 m
Ured: sjedite u boksu 2x2 m
Zatvor: dobivate triput dnevno obrok
Ured:: dobijete samo jednu pauzu za obrok, a onda to što pojedete morate i sami platiti
Zatvor: ako ste dobri, dobijete slobodno
Ured:: ako ste dobri, dobijete još više posla
Zatvor: stražar vam otvara i zatvara vrata
Ured:: morate nositi kojekakve kartice, koje redovito zaboravljate doma, i otvarati vrata sami
Zatvor: možete gledati telku i igrati igrice
Ured:: čim vas uhvate da gledate telku ili igrate igrice, dobijete otkaz
Zatvor: imate vlastiti WC
Ured:: WC morate dijeliti s hrpom idiota koji pišaju po dasci
Zatvor: prijatelji i rođaci vam smiju doći u posjet
Ured:: nema vizite, jedini kontakt s obitelji je putem e-maila, a i on se nadzire
Zatvor: sve troškove vašeg uzdržavanja plaćaju porezni obveznici, a ne morate čak ni raditi
Ured:: morate sami platiti sve troškove vezane uz dolazak na posao, a zatim vam još od plaće odbiju poreze, prireze i razna davanja kako bi platili održavanje zatvora i zatvorenika.
Zatvor: morate se nositi sa sadistićki nastrojenim upraviteljima.
Ured:: ovdje ih zovu menađerima.
subota, 01.10.2005.
Malo vulkanske filozofije
Ima nešto i u njihovoj famoznoj frazi!
Kako bi rekli Vulkanci:
tich tor ang prosper
FER - 2 ili kako ću postati bakalar
Kreće se to polako i već je drugi tjedan pri kraju! Kaos se polako stišava i svi su se, kao Brog, nekako prilagodili, svatko na svoj način! Zanimljive je promjene uvela ta čudesna visokoškolska reforma, prema Bolonjskoj konvenciji! Studij više nije što je nekada davno (još prošle godine) bio, prema usmenoj predaji starijih kolega! Osjećaj je gotovo sličan srednješkolskom sustavu, a ne prekrasnom studentskon životu. Isto je prorekao i prodekan za nastavu na uvodnom predavanju. Zavest će srednjoškolski sistem u fakultetsko okružje! Naravno da je takvo razmišljanje izazvalo kaos. Nama, studentima i budućim baccalaurusima (ingeniozno nazvanim prvostupnicima na jaziku 'rvatskome), i ne bi trebao biti problem prilagoditi se jer, eto, mi smo svježi iz srednje škole. No, očekujući i pripremivši se na stari sustav, zatekla nas je prilično nefleksibilna srednjoškolsko - fakultetsko - bolonjska glupost. Kažu: predavanja su obvezna i bit će rigorozna kontrola prisutnosti. Ne daj Bože se razboliti i biti u ne mogućnosti doći na predavanja kojih tjedan - desetak dana, jer je onda mnogo bolje proglasiti se mrtvim i upisati se ponovno sljedeće godine. Prekrasna birokracija vlada i u najbanalnijim situacijama! Dakle, predavanja su obvezna, ali tamo se teško može saznati i literatura iz koje bismo trebali učiti! Nove knjige samo šro nisu izašle, stare ne vrijede, a prvi međuispit se bliži! Još jedna zanimljivost su obvezne domaće zadaće koje se jednom tjedno provjeravaju da ne bi kojim slučajem bile prepisane. Ako se na zne zadatak iz domaćih zadaća logično se zaključuje da je prepisana i ne dobivaju se dragocjeni bodovi! No, to nije jedini način dobivanja bodova kojih se, začudo, mora skupiti najmanje 50, a ocjene će se ditribuirati relativno. Dakle, bodovi se mogu sakupiti, naravno, ispitima ali i sudjelovanjem na nastavi, jer profesori su svi odreda računala i kao Data mogu se prisjetiti svake sekunde.
Razmišljajući vidim da zapravo studentima i nije tako loše. Osoblje je to koje se najviše pati tim promjenama, jer za njih je to šok. Nakon nekoliko decenija predavanja jednim načinom teško se prilagoditi novim putevima utiranja znanja, još u tako kratkom vremenu! Teško je nama, još teže i njima, ali barem ćemo na kraju imati zanimljive titule, zato pozdravljam sve kolege, posebno one buduće bakalare, magistre struke i doktore. Dao Bog da živjeli u zanimljivim vremenima!
