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Strange feelings in my mind...

Vaša Mrtva Spisateljica...
Ime:+Anamarija+
Nick:+Malena+
Datum rođenja:+19.7.1993+
Volim:+emocore+gothic stil+crnu,ljubičastu i bloody boju+mjesečinu+krv+paranormalne stvari+psihologiju+medicinu+
Hobi:+Pisanje+psihologija+
Uzor:+E.A.Poe+Anne Rice+
Škola:+SŠ Viktorovac Sisak+
Smjer:+Medicinska sestra+

My angel...






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Emo Quotes <3

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.
I cry for the time that you were almost mine, I cry for the memories I've left behind, I cry for the pain, the lost, the old the new, I cry for the times I thought I had you
Not all scars show, not all wounds heal Sometimes you can't always see The pain someone feels
Whats the sense of wishing for something when I always just wish it away?
Every night i talk to the stars pretending its you.. it acts just like you tho.. far away and never replies to my questions
Why do people tell you to believe in what you want to but then tell you not to believe in the one true thing you do believe in?
Times a precious thing to waste, but friends are more precious
Kiss me im emo!
The sad truth is that most evil is done by people who never make up their minds to be good or evil.
The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.
Do not assume that he who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. His life may also have much sadness and difficulty, that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, he would never have been able to find these words.

Slike...<3/Emo poetry(www.emo-corner.com)/Gothic Poems

Our Love
Loves memory has traced our outline in this place.
But will the spider remember, or the sun?
Did the water capture our faces in permanence?
Does the wind create us anew as it blows?
Did the shadows from the trees record our passage beneath them?
Our secret been revealed.
Yet I have told no other.
I write these words in silence, in mute testimony
To what once was.
But our image remains alive in this place.
It can not be removed.
You, me,
We then,
Were here.
We saw the day and hoped for tomorrow.
We caught a brief glimpse of love's promise.
We were not liars,
But thieves of time.
For now time has now forgotten us,
Yet our memory lingers, and love remembers
This place that was ours.


Falling Away
I am bored with love
and it's passionless limbs
that drape over my bed
in a lethargic state of impotence
while wearing the same red heart
my soul picked up hitchhiking
off highway serendipity

Now here we are
alone in togetherness
trying to build dreams
with two by fours and glue,
but even a home
won't tie us together
when our hearts live alone

Poetic vows cliched
into nothingness
like all words do, eventually
and we allowed
our bodies to become
another pair of hollow shadows
that make love to a wall
instead of each other
and we wonder why
the roses are dying


Your Lies
Funny when things never change
Even when you say they will
But while your off s(rewing her
My life is standing still

You tell me that you love me
When I go to leave
You tell me I'm your only one
And I let myself believe

I know that you are using me
But you'll never let me go
I know that you don't love me
I know I'm just for show

I don't know If I can stand
To see you love another girl
You know that you broke my heart
You know that your my world

But while your standing by my side
I'll believe your lies forever
Cause everything seems so perfect
When we are together


Autumn Times
Autumn breeze frigidly touches ailing dreadful lives
Harshly darkness quietly surrounds the broken souls
Mellow serenades that once played between hearts
Pathetically have transformed into bitter sad songs

Somewhere beyond the flossy clouds
Cupid has lost his romancing arrows
Plays sad sonorous tunes on his bow
Dedicated to all weepy lonely hearts

Howling chilly wind blows through the mist
Sounds of sorrow spread allover the place
Fuzzy humid air submerges the inner lust
Lives decay slowly as the autumn leaves fall...

Emo-Corner.com - The place for emo guys and emo girls, emo hair, and emo music
Emo Girls


Emo-Corner.com - The place for emo guys and emo girls, emo hair, and emo music
Emo Girls


Emo-Corner.com - The place for emo guys and emo girls, emo hair, and emo music
Emo Girls


Emo-Corner.com - The place for emo guys and emo girls, emo hair, and emo music
Emo Girls


Emo-Corner.com - The place for emo guys and emo girls, emo hair, and emo music
Emo Icons


GOTHIC QUOTES <3<3<3

"what is it about the moonlight that draws my spirit in? The seduction? The stygian agony? I would give up my silber visions to know."
--------
"The agony in my eyes mirrors the moon light of my flawed soul"
--------
"Whay are my eyes so exquisite with poetry? And why do I no longer care?"
--------
"There is much darkness to be found in shadows.But you may need to sacrifice your silver mind to find it..."
--------
"The graveyards in my mind mirror the blood of my unliving purpose"
--------
"Why are my fears do tortured with solitude?And why do I no longer care?"
--------
"The graveyards in my existence mirror the moonlight of my obtenebrated solitude"
--------
"Why do we love death and the blood? My dear, you need only look into your own pain-filled soul to fine out"

GOTHIC POEMS

The Vampire

A man in dark from the east
prowels the night for blood to feast
he walks the streets from dusk till dawn
and doesnt even pass a yawn

this man is pale as though hes dead
his body cold from toe to head
his canines long and pearly white
he gives his victims no time to fight

a man came knocking on his door
he came at night to implore
he came and answers tried to find
he tried to unravel the creatures mind


he saw a coffin upon the floor
and found him self pinned to the door
he bared his neck and drank and drank
until to his knees the man had sank

their he knelt begging mercy please
and his clothes the vampire seized
he dragged him up upon his feet
and to his maker went to meet

I NEED NOT A REASON

The sky was filled with blood tonight
No wind a-blew
No smoke a-rose
But somewhere it seemed, d’it not seem right
Far below in nether
Across the seas a-feather
My life in thine
Mine heart in hand
A-top a raging storm a-stage
Sweet words flow from honey mouth
‘Tis not how they see me or hear
How dare thee speak when light doth shine
The light, it dote your saddened soul
A deciding decision in thine vast nothingness
How can one breathe when you are full of it?
Nothingness is, last of all
Only place to be filled or felt to rot
A hole in thine soul
It aches to desperation
But be three true
And stay thee noble
Fare not far, but search carefully
With a still learning heart
Thine spirit hath no where to turn but lust
A lust for love, is no love at all
But merely a pawn to castle in game
Then thee who nighly see
The truth of the dreams
What would one be
If one could not ponder
Unable to release a death-rising screech?

Black light in darkness

Sitting in darkness, around me just fear
You left me behind, you are not here.
I am full of questions that are making me insane
Maybe you can hear me, but I still feel just pain...

A black light is all that I can see
Just want it to stop, don't want it to be
I'm telling to myself- this can't be real
Is it my life that you had to steal?

And now I know that you played with me
Now I feel it, now I see
The shit that I went through because of you
You played with me and I had no clue

Black light shine on me...
Black light be here with me...
Black light take him away...
Black light stay...

DARK BLOOD BEAUTIES

In your hands,
We form the bonds
Together we shall die
No one can even lie

Fallen beauties of eden
Never even forgotten
But not begotten
In the eyes rotten

We shall be together
It shall be forever
No one will bother
Our love will gather

In the shadow
We shall wallow
In the high and low
Not even tomorrow

The end of light
We shall fight
With you my might
We shall have height

We never bend
We shall make amend
Gaia we shall tend
Till the end

PAIN
Pain is
hidden.
Not something
i share
with the
world.

It made
me what i am
today.

selfconcious.
scared.
hurt.
tears.

i cant be
me because
of the pain.

i want to
be free.
every thing
that happens
justs adds
another hole
to my already
damaged heart.

my pain is
like acid
its burns.

its toxic.
bottled
up and
stored to
keep everyone
from seeing
its true power.

im full of
toxic waste.
it runs through
my veins.
my heart.
my mind.
leaving a
mark where ever
it goes.

always stored.
my pain.
never shown.
kept to myself.

no one knows
the real me.
The me that
hurts inside.
they all think
im happy.
they will never
know the truth.

im hurt.
and ill say it.
but no one
can feel my
pain.
it belongs to
me.
it created
me.

Pain is who i am.

Nightmare

Its half past midnight
So dark except for the moon light
Walking through ‘can see graves afar
Looking up ‘can perceive the nebula neath a star

The air’s filled with a horrible atmosphere
Isolation and fear possesses the earth’s sphere
The vegetation’s dominated by deadly arbour
All these I perceive at this witching hour of horror.

As I proceed, the air gets hazy
Sense a creature afar and I get pacy
I took a close look
Not long how long it took.

Hear the sound of nocturnal creepers
Totter left ‘n’ right, a thorny branch hooked my zippers
Like unleashing the contents of Pandora’s Box
Behold I perceive a ferocious fox.

Think I see this creature again
A chimera, I try to make the best bargain
Run eastward as fast as I can
Seems to catch ‘spite the pace I ran.

I run southward which seems an advantage
Must escape this barbarous savage
But then in sight I see a creeping creature
Out of a graveyard I assumed a pasture.

Then I’m attacked by this ferocious beast
I surrender myself a wholesome feast
Look downwards and I see nothing but doom
Ah! It was a dream I heaved as I woke in my room.

IN YOUR ARMS

Hold me, my love,
Just one more,
Just to feel again your warm touch
Kiss me, again, my love
I want to taste your soft lips, again
Bite me,
I want to taste your sweet blood
Just one more,
Embrace me, again
‘cause in your arms I feel so safe
my angel, stay with me tonight
don’t leave me alone
share with me with this beautiful night,
oh my dear love, even words can’t describe how beautiful you are
when I am looking into your eyes, I see peace and joy
from that moment I know that you are my true love
oh, my love, how beautiful you are
after all this years I have lived I have never seen someone who had good heart
in your arms I feel safety and warm
when you embrace me I feel like I am in the heaven with you

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Tears Don't Fall...i nova priča!!!
ponedjeljak, 05.05.2008.

Tears don't fall...
Slušam tu pjesmu(od Bullet For My Valentine) i mislim na Darkmana...
Danas je bio s djevojkom u koju je navodno zaljubljen od trečeg razreda...Uglavnom,pitala ga je hoće li biti s njom,ali on je odbio...Kada mi je to rekao,više nije odgovarao na poruke.
Čini mi se kao da se ja trudim više od njega,nego on oko mene.A rekao je da želi nešto više od prijateljstva,a sada se tako ponaša prema meni.Više mi ništa nije jasno...
Zašto se tako ponaša...?Zar me samo pravi blesavom?
I dalje ne odgovara...
Tears Don't Fall

Let's go!

With blood shot eyes, I watch you sleeping
The warmth I feel beside me is slowly fading
Would she hear me, if I called her name?
Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?

There's always something different going wrong
The path I walk is in the wrong direction
There's always someone fucking hanging on
Can anybody help me makes things better?

Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home

The moments died, I hear no screaming
The visions left inside me are slowly fading
Would she hear me, if I called her name?
Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?

There's always something different going wrong
The path I walk is in the wrong direction
There's always someone fucking hanging on
Can anybody help me makes things better?

Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home

This battered room I've seen before
The broken bones they heal no more, no more
With my last breath I'm choking
Will this ever end I'm hoping
My world is over one more time

Let's go!

Would she hear me, if I called her name?
Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?

There's always something different going wrong
The path I walk is in the wrong direction
There's always someone fucking hanging on
Can anybody help me makes things better?

Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come

Back!

Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Pjesma je tako dobra...
Tužna sam užasno...Nešto grozno me razdire iznutra...A nema nikoga da podijelim svoju tugu s njim...Ne želim biti tužna...Ne više...Želim da mi svaki dan bude sretan...Ali kako???
Danas sam se zezala s Dacyjem...Kreten(ma šalim se...) mi nije rekao da smo prošli put imali kemičare i sad nisam bila na njima.Uf...Dobar je on dečko,samo ponekad pretjera u svemu.
Na primjer,ako se zafrkavamo,on pretjera s nekom izjavom koja me povrijedi pa se naljutim.
Ali sve mu oprostim odmah...Kada vidim njegov pogled u stilu Pete Wentza i čujem njegov smijeh u stilu Villea Valoa odmah mu sve opraštam.Ah,slaba sam na to,eto...(Nadam se da nikada neće pročitati ovaj post...)...On je moj fallout boy...
Opet sam počela pisati...Evo vam jedna priča:

Simbolika papirnatog ždrala

U moju sobu je dopiralo slabo svjetlo iz dnevne sobe.A zatim se ugasilo.Uz moj krevet je stajao bijeli papirnati ždral.Sa osmjehom na licu sam ga uhvatila u ruku i raširila mu krila.To vam je bio moj ritual svaki puta kada bi moj brat došao iz svojih noćnih pohoda i ostavio mi ždrala uz krevet.Ne znam zapravo pravo značenje tog ždrala.Osim što smo za lektiru imali onu prekrasnu knjigu Sadako hoće živjeti.To vam je roman o maloj djevojčici iz Hirošime koja preživljava napad amerikanaca atomskom bombom,a poslije umire od zračenja.Vjerovala je da će ozdraviti ako napravi tisuću ždralova.
Ponovno sam ga stavila na ormarić koji mi je stajao uz krevet u uzela svoj dnevnik iz ladice.Uz prigušeno svjetlo džepne svjetiljke,pisala sam dnevnik ispod pokrivača.Isprva nisam znala kako da započnem,ali onda sam se odlučila za svoj uobičajeni način počinjanja dnevnika,te ga zapisala po najmanje tisućiti put:
Dragi moj dnevniće!
Buraz se vratio iz svojih noćnih osvajanja i kao i obično ostavio mi ždrala uz krevet.Upravo sam se sjetila one knjige koju smo imali za lektiru.Možda bih je trebala opet pročitati.Znaš da se ja i moj osamnaestogodišnji buraz baš i na slažemo dobro.Stalno me kritizira i odbacuje,a to me jako boli.Ne razumijem što sam krivo napravila.Svaki puta kada mu frendovi dođu ja moram napustiti našu zajedničku sobu da bi se oni u miru mogli cerekati i pričati o tom debilnom nogometu.Ne vidim svrhu trčanja za loptom kao muha bez glave.Mene zanima samo Christiano Ronaldo.Iskreno,ponekada poželim da sam ja starija.Još kako sam bolja od njega u školi,ali i u satovima klarineta u glazbenoj školi nije ni čudo što me baš i ne voli.Ali zar je to razlog da me baš mrzi?!Baš i nije zar ne?Samo se pitam žato mi onda ostavlja ždrala uz krevet!Prije je to značilo da je došao doma kada bi išao na neki ludi tulum do jutra.Ali sada je to započeo stalno ostavljati.Čak kada ide sa onom kravom od svoje cure van.Zaista ne podnosim tu likušu sa čubama kao Severina i Angelina Jolie zajedno.Moram gibati jer sam čula kako se vrata kupaonice zatvaraju.Čujemo se sutra...
I zaista su se u tom trenutku zatvorila vrata kupaonice popračene bučnim škripanjem.Moj brat je ušao u sobu i izvalio se na krevetu pokrivši se jastukom preko glave.Nije primjetio da sam budna jer sam već tako dobro uvježbala glumljenje spavanja da sam majstorica u tome. Duboko je uzdahnuo okrenuvši se na trbuh.Odjednom sam čula glasno bučkanje i zavijanje.
- Što je to?-pitala sam naglas.
- Moj želudac...-odvratio je moj brat.
- Što se dogodilo?-
- Spavaj...-
- Reci mi!Ja sam samo tri godine mlađa od tebe!-
- Naroljao sam se malo... u hladnjaku nema ničeg jestivog...Da ne pričam dalje...Spavaj-ponovio je.
- Hočeš malo rižinih keksa?Znaš da uvijek imam zalihu u najdoljnjoj ladici u tvom ormariću.-
- U mom!?Zašto u mom?!-
- Jer mama ne traži to kod tebe,a meni ne da jer misli da to nije baš zdravo...Hoćeš?-
- Daj!Umirem od gladi!-ustao se.
Poslušno sam izvadila kekse iz ladice i pružila mu ih.Tiho sam se ustala i iz kuhinje donjela malo kave što je ostalo u aparatu.Pošto je odstajala,bila je dosta jaka da se budala od mog brata otrijezni.Dala sam mu šalicu kave i sjela na svoj krevet.Ne daj Bože da sjednem kraj njega propucao bi kao luda puška na automatsko upravljanje.
Pogledao je prema meni i po prvi puta u ovih nekoliko godina se nasmiješio.
- Zašto se toliko trudiš oko mene?-
- Pa ne želiš valjda da te mama uhvati da piješ?-
- Ma baš me briga za to.Pitao sam te nešto drugo.-
- Pa ti si mi brat...Iako se ponekada pitam znaš li ti to...-
- Naravno da znam.-
- Zašto se onda ponašaš onako prema meni!-zatražila sam objašnjenje.
- Ne razumiješ...-
- Hajde malo razmisli tko koga ne razumije ovdje!Idem spavati!-rekla sam ljutito i pokrila se prekrivačem preko glave da ga ne moram gledati.

Ujutro sam se probudila uz uobičajenu ironiju.Mama je bijesno trčala po cijelom stanu tražeći cipele i ostale odjevne predmete jer kao i obično kasni na posao.Moj brat je još spavao.Ne moram objašnjavati razlog zar ne?Baš pravo subotnje jutro.Ustala sam se i navukla svoje preuske traperice sa zakrpama na koljenima.Mama je baš u tom trenu izjurila van iz stana sa svojim poznatim brzinskim pozdravom.
- Marko diži tu svoju lijenu pijanu guzicu iz kreveta već je osam sati!-pokušavala sam probuditi brata.
On se kao i obično nije odazivao.Uf kako mrzim tu životnu ironiju koja me pegla svako jutro(ironira) kao da sam tek oprana Markova košulja koja je deset dana bila u perilici rublja.Pohitala sam po čašu vode.Još jedan moj ritual po utjecajem svakodnevnice.Došavši do Markovog kreveta sam započela ljevati tanak mlaz vode po njegovom vratu.Prestrašeno se trgnuo skočivši iz kreveta kao žaba koja lovi skakavca.Baš su mi super te usporedbe.Baš su fora.
- Ti zaista nisi sva svoja!-derao se na mene.
- Pazi da te ne bih ja otkucala staroj za ono sinoć!-
- Nađi si život!-
- Ma najprije si ga nađi ti!Ili možda da ti ga ja nađem umjesto tebe!-pilila sam ga.
On je samo zakolutao očima i ponovno sjeo na krevet.Ja sam se snažno protegnula i napravila svoj krevet da ne moram poslije.On to nikada ujutro nije radio.Samo bi dignuo rit sa kreveta i zbrisao u školu.Ostatak dana sam provela sama u svojoj sobi ispred udžbenika iz filozofije čitajući neke besmislene Sokratove izjave bez repa i glave.
Navečer se ponovilo ono od jučer.Marko je ponovno došao doma u tri ujutro stavivši mi ždrala uz krevet.Prije nego što je izašao iz sobe uspjela sam ga zaustaviti.
- Marko!Ja ne mogu više ovako!-
- Što ne možeš?Ne pili me sada jer me tako glava boli da ću poludjeti!-
- Marko ovako više ne ide!Zlo mi je lagati svaki dan staroj da si cijeli dan bio samnom u ponavljao za test.-
- Onda nemoj ništa reći...Baš me briga.-
Zapanjeno sam gledala kako odlazi u WC žurnim korakom,a onda čula njegovo uobičajeno riganje.Poželjela sam vrisnuti.Ali umjesto toga sam odjurila za njim.Vidjela sam kako sjedi kraj WC školjke podbočivši glavu rukama.
- Daj me barem saslušaj!-molila sam ga.
- Ne želim!Gubi se!-
- Čekaj malo!Meni je dosta da svaki dan gledam kako si uništavaš život!Dosta mi je kuhanja kave kako bi se otrijeznio!Zlo mi je od gledanja te kako rigaš u WCu!Više tako ne može!Nije me briga što tebi nije stalo do mene!Ti si jedno obično bezosječajno alkoholičarsko nezahvalno smeće!-histerično sam vikala.
Odjurila sam plačući u sobu.Sjedila sam tako u mraku tresući se od jecanja.Da postoji mjerilo za bijes,bojim se da bi mu federi iskočili kada bi mjerio moj bijes.Za pet minuta sam vidjela Marka kako stoji na vratima sobe.Prišao je bliže i kleknuo kraj mene.Zagrlio me.Jecajući sam ga obuhvatila oko tijela naslonivši glavu na njegovo rame.
- Oprosti...-ponavljao je.
- Ne znaš koliko me je boljelo to što si me odbacivao i izbjegavao!-
- Oprosti....-ponovno je rekao još više me zagrlivši.
- Zašto si to radio?Zašto si me mrzio?-
- Oduvjek sam želio biti kao ti...Ti si u svemu bolja od mene...-
- Nije istina!I samo zato si uništavao i meni i sebi život?!A što je sa ždralovima buraz?-
- U zadnje vrijeme sam razmišljao o tebi.Pokušavao sam ti reći da mi je žao...Jednostavno nisam mogao.Ždralovi su trebali to reći...-
Više nisam osječala tjeskobu oko srca.Disala sam slobodno...kao ždral sa raširenim krilima...


Ždral je simbol mira,obiteljske povezanosti i ljubavi prema bližnjima.Postignite sreću,i ne dopustite da vam se obiteljski život uruši poput kule od karata...poput Hirošime.



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