Personal

Srednja skola - gotova, drzavna matura - gotova, a ja svega toga jos uvijek nisam svjesna. Planiram izaci s ekipom veceras - ipak trebam proslaviti kraj cetverogodisnjeg pakla.
Sjedim u knjiznici - jer moj laptop nesto ne radi kako treba u zadnje vrijeme. I imam nesto manje od 2o min da napisem post do kraja.
Cekam da mi odredjena osoba posalje sms. Trebam li spomunti da cekam vec skoro cijeli sat?
Odnijela sam neke udzbenike u antikvarijat. Dobih lijepih 2oo kn za njih.
Razmisljam pocastiti se sladoledom - jednostavno je prevruce. A tek je pocetak lipnja. Sto ce tek biti ovo ljeto?
Ne mogu vjerovati kako ponekad nekoliko sitnica moze uljepsati dan - crveni ruz, prsten na kojeg sam gotovo zaboravila, Arctic Monkeys...
Mozda prosetam do bake - ne stoji mi se doma.
Jos 1o-ak minuta.
Nemam ideje za daljnje pisanje - jos uvijek su mi u glavi razne asocijacije vezane uz knjizevnost.
James Joyce, Virginia Woolf - pisci romana struje svijesti. Jedna od znacajki nadrealizma - pisanje bez ikakve kontrole, puko pracenje misli. Pretpostavljam da je to nesto slicno ovome sto trenutno radim.
Jedino mi je zao sto nisam ponijela fotoaparat. Uvjerena sam da bih imala par fotografija dosad. A nitko me ne bi cudno gledao. Ionako je grad prepun turista koji fotografiraju sve i svasta.
Jos 5 min - trebala bih zavrsiti.
Nadam se da ce iduci post biti ponovno normalan - sada sam imala potrebu samo pisati; i to je sve zasad.

Oznake: random, personal

Have you ever experienced something and you didn’t know whether you should cry or simply laugh? Well, I have… Actually, the entire year was like that – meeting new people (not that I have something against it), getting to know them and getting close to them (or at least that’s what I thought) and, in the end, ending up being the one who cared too much, being the one who got hurt…
It’s funny. The life in general. And how it works. All those ups and downs. Well, mostly downs if it’s my life we’re talking about.
I somehow meet new people. And everything is fine. We talk, we go out and in the end I start to feel like I’m finally accepted, like I finally fit in somewhere. I start to think that I may actually be important to someone. But, of course – I’m not. I’m just another girl to everyone. Maybe the last choice. To some – not even that.
So, I often over think. Usually about things I’ve said, things I’ve done, things I haven’t said, things I haven’t done… I wonder what I’ve done wrong and whether they hate me or not. Somehow, I convince myself that they do. I convince myself that it’s my fault. Maybe it’s some symptom of some disorder – anxiety, depression. I don’t know.
The craziest thing was to even dare to think that someone might be my best friend. But, you don’t suddenly stop talking to your best friend, right? You don’t start avoiding him or her, right? Now, I believe I was a fool for daring to think something like that. What’s worse, I’m angry at myself for not being able to keep a promise I gave myself long time ago – “I won’t get too attached.”
But that’s something I always do. I always get too attached, I always care too much about others – even about people I shouldn’t care about, I always get hurt. And it’s not normal anymore. I’m not normal anymore.
I‘ve changed during the last year. You’ve changed. Everyone has changed.
So, don’t you dare tell me how a year is a short period of time where nothing can change.
Because everything has changed.

Oznake: random