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< prosinac, 2008  
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Prosinac 2008 (2)
Studeni 2008 (1)
Kolovoz 2008 (3)
Srpanj 2008 (2)
Lipanj 2008 (7)
Svibanj 2008 (3)
Veljača 2008 (2)
Siječanj 2008 (7)
Prosinac 2007 (2)

Dnevnik.hr
Gol.hr
Zadovoljna.hr
Novaplus.hr
NovaTV.hr
DomaTV.hr
Mojamini.tv

Me:

Ime: Laura

cudna je... povucena, blesava...
voli tog jednog prekasnog decka...
sve bi napravila za njega
i sve vas voli da ne zaboravim :)
nije sigurna u sebe, ne vjeruje nikome, pa ni sebi... iznenaduje samu sebe svojim ponasanjem... luda je



MSN/mail
laura16anna@hotmail.com

slobodno mejlajte il dodajte...

×X MJERE I SLIČNO

visina: 179

02.11.2008. - novi pocetak eek
oko 66 kg namcor


×X CILJEVI
64 -
63 -
62 -
61 -
60 -
59 -
58 - najveca zelja


2.11. +
3.11. +
4.11. +
5.11. +/-
____

6.11.
7.11.
8.11.
9.11.


×XLEPTIRICE
nekadasnje i sadasnje:

Ambra

Just me

Ne težim za savršenstvom, samo želim smršaviti

Samo želim biti lijepa

Thin Fantasy

Baby Ana

Nesretna i debela

Yellow

Tia

crvena

I wanna be thin...

debela sam

Anna Freak

*look what they have done to my dream*

ghetto girl

UN-kica

Mulla

Miss Ana

Smjer Ilica

Best friend to Anna

Apple

Be my baby

Jedna od mojih najdrazih:
Beautiful_disorder :)

Chat:
Leptirice chat

eek

Savjeti:

Ovo nemojte shvacat Pro-ana jer ja nisam Proana... ovo je samo za cure koje poremecaj u prehrani vec imaju i dobro znaju kaj je to i kak je to.... nadam se da ce vam pomoc bar malo....

1.) ne preporucam vaganje svaki dan... voda i sve to... radije svaka 4-5 dana
2.) uvijek morate imat cilj, bez cilja cete jako brzo odustat
3.) ponekad je osjecaj gladi najljepsi osjecaj...
4.) zabavite se necim... napravite si manikuru, provedite dan u shopping-centru, zabavljajte se... samo da ne mislite na hranu
5.) nemojte govorit drugim ljudima da ne jedete... pocet ce vas uvjeravat da vam treba hrana, da niste normalni i na kraju ce se udaljit od vas jer nece znat kaj da naprave s vama
6.) ako se zelite nekom povjerit il vam je tesko, sigurna sam da ce barem jedna leptirica saslusat i pomoc... ja sam uvijek tu za vas
7.) nemojte gladovat pa se navecer prezderat... jedino kaj s tim dobijete je uzaaassaaannn osjecaj krivnje, isti tren se osjecate duplo deblje i na kraju pošizite do kraja... radije jedite malo tijekom dana umjesto gladovanja i recite NE
8.) pisite postove redovito... pomaze i vama da pratite kilazu, osjecaje, promjene i da razmisljate o necem drugom, a pomaze i curama koje citaju
9.) nadite neku svoju mantru... ponavljajte ju kad vam je tesko i kad vidite da neide dalje... nek vam to da snage da nastavite
10.) thinspiration... predivna stvar.. svakoj od vas preporucam bar jednu sliku mrsave cure u novcaniku il na zidu...
11.) nemojte se zavaravat s tim da su sve kalorije iste... mozda uneses 500 il kolko vec kalorija dnevno, al nije isto dal je to 500 kalorija špeka, čipsa i čokolade il 500 kalorija jabuka i naranči, kaj ne? zato pazite i na kvalitetu i masnocu hrane, ne samo kalorijsku vrijednost
12.) ZLATNI SAVJET... ako dulje vrijeme ne jedete il jedete npr. samo naranče il nesto kiselo vrlo vjerojatno dobijete žgaravicu ili bolove u zelucu il nesto... sir pomaze... samo kockicu nekog mrvicu masnijeg sira pojedite i odma ce bit bolje... puno bolje nego da (na vjerojatno jaaako prazan zeludac) pijete tablete...


to bi bilo to, dodat cu jos toga kad smislim nesto pametno :D

Lyrics...

DEAD CELEBRITY STATUS
"Someone I Once Knew"

She wasn't born anorexic, but nowadays she suffers,
staring at these half-naked stars on magazine covers.
feeling pressured by the public.
She only weighs 90 pounds but still sucks in her stomach.
On the inside she's dieing, lying to herself, thinking:
- 5 more pounds won't jeopardize my health.
One day she might just collapse, she can't avoid it.
Too many sleepless nights spent bent over a toilet.
Spewing vomit, like she was an alcoholic.
Praying to a God she never believed in to stop it.
Hasn't eaten in weeks, drinks water by the heaps.
Now she looks like the skeleton she sees in her closet.
So close to death she can taste it, body looks wasted.
Hates life, hates you, hates the way she looks naked.
Now she's feeling drowsy, lousy,
thinking maybe this world's better off without me

I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.

She's staring at her belly, she's so scared to touch it,
imagining the feeling when it kicks inside her stomach.
Too late for safe sex, should have used a latex.
She can't afford a baby on minimum wage paychecks.
Her waistline climbs by inches,
'cuz she traded in the morning workouts for morning sickness.
Feeling nauseous, sleeps on a mat because she's cautious.
Give life or take life, that's her only options.
Only if she had a magic wand, she'd go back to that night
and put her clothes back on.
But she can't change time, or what's growing inside.
How could she love something that's barely alive?
Her body's aching, shaking, from sweaty palms, and cold sweat.
Mentally exhausting like phone sex.
No regrets, life or death, it's high stakes.
'cuz right or wrong, it's only her choice to make.

I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.

[Side]
- Help!
[Girl:] You smell like perfume. That's NOT mine.
[Guy:] Your head's going fucking crazy, Your head is going crazy.
Gotta get outta here and look after myself.
[Girl:] What? What's so wrong with me that you can't love me?
[Guy:] Look-
[Girl:] What is wrong with me? I do everything for you.
I, I, I make myself look good, I go to the gym.
I, I eat like a fucking rabbit.
I don't, I don't know what else to do.
Tell me.
[Guy:] Baby, you don't understand because-
[Girl:] What it is I have to do to make you love me.

I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.

----------------------------------------------------


SUPERCHICK
"Courage"

I told another lie today
And I got through this day
No one saw through my games
I know the right words to say
Like "I don't feel well," "I ate before I came"
Then someone tells me how good I look
And for a moment, for a moment I am happy
But when I'm alone, no one hears me cry

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be OK
Together we can make it through another day

I don't know the first time I felt unbeautiful
The day I chose not to eat
What I do know is how I've changed my life forever
I know I should know better
There are days when I'm OK
And for a moment, for a moment I find hope
But there are days when I'm not OK
And I need your help
So I'm letting go

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be OK
Together we can make it through another day

You should know you're not on your own
These secrets are walls that keep us alone
I don't know when but I know now
Together we'll make it through somehow
(together we'll make it through somehow)

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be OK
Together we can make it through another day


----------------------------------------------------

SILVERCHAIR
"Ana's song"

Please die Ana
For as long as you're here we're not
You make the sound of laughter
and sharpened nails seem softer
And I need you now somehow
And I need you now somehow

Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you

Imagine pageant
In my head the flesh seems thicker
Sandpaper tears corrode the filth

And I need you now somehow
And I need you now somehow

Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you

And you're my obsession
I love you to the bones
And Ana wrecks your life
Like an Anorexia life

Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you
Open fire on the needs designed
Open fire on my knees desires
On my knees for you

---------------------------------------


RADIOHEAD
"Creep"

When you were here before
Couldnt look you in the eye
Youre just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
And I wish I was special
Youre so fuckin special

But Im a creep, Im a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.

I dont care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When Im not around
Youre so fuckin special
I wish I was special

But Im a creep, Im a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.

Shes running out again,
Shes running out
Shes run run run running out...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
Youre so fuckin special
I wish I was special...

But Im a creep, Im a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.
I dont belong here.

------------------------------------

JOYDROP
"Beautiful"

If I was beautiful like you
All the things I would do
Those not so blessed would be crying out murder
And I’d just laugh and get away with it too
Like you do

If I was beautiful like you
I would never be at fault
I’d walk in the rain between the rain drops
Bringing traffic to a halt

But that would never be
That would never ever be
Cause I’m not beautiful like you
I’m beautiful like me, beautiful like me

If I was beautiful like you
I’d be quick to assume
they’d do anything to please me, why not
To see their reaction when you walk into the room

But that would never be
That would never ever be
Cause I’m not beautiful like you
I’m beautiful like me, beautiful like me
Beautiful, beautiful like me
Like me, Like me...

If I was beautiful like you
I’d have so many friends
All fighting for my time to be next in line
So if I hurt one, I wouldn’t have to make amends

That would never be
That would never ever be
Cause I’m not beautiful like you
I’m not beautiful like you
I’m not beautiful like you
I’m beautiful like me
Beautiful like me, beautiful like me
I’m beautiful like me, I’m beautiful like me.

Thinspiration

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CREDITS

picture: deviantart
base code: blogskins


I wish....
nedjelja, 28.12.2008. u 22:29

Bozic je... vrijeme kad svi nesto traze, zele, ocekuju.. planiraju..
moja zelja? ima ih vise, ali nijednu mi nitko nemoze ostvariti...
zelim srecu, zelim njega.. zelim nadu..
tko mi to moze nagurat u kutiju i stavit pod bor? nitko? to sam i mislila...
dakle, moj bozic je pomalo propao.. pocevsi od gubitka decka do gubitka samokontrole a nakon toga i "najbolje" frendice... cini se da ipak ne podnosim lazi koliko god da sam ih do sad uspjesno trpila.
decka cu valjda zamijenit boljim, samokontrolu sam vratila, a za frendicu me trenutno uopce nije briga tako da se stvari cak i popravljaju. zadnja 3 dana nisam skoro nista pojela sto je za mene velik napredak. cini se da emocionalna kriza napokon za posljedicu nema prejedanje i jedenje osjecaja nego gubitak apetita..

naravno, nije sve tako crno.. vidla sam da je meni itekako dobro u zivotu, naucila sam sagledavat sebe i druge objektivno. ako izuzmemo ED i ostale psihicke poremecaje koje imam ja sam u stvari osoba koju bi ljudi smatrali sretnom. ah, kad bi samo znali.. kad bi znali da svaki pogled u ogledalo nosi grceve, prolazak pokraj vage suze, pogled na hranu iskusenje, da osjecaj gladi donosi srecu i ponos, da me svaka gruba rijec boli vise od bilo cega i da je automatski mojom paranojom dobila gigantsko znacenje i da ce me razmisljanje o tome ubijat danima... oni neznaju da ono sto njima predstavlja naviku meni predstavlja muku, oni neznaju da neuspjeh koji je njima uobicajen meni predstavlja SVE. jedan veci neuspjeh i ja sam na rubu. oni neznaju da bi jednog dana mogla prijeci preko ruba. oni neznaju da je samnom mozda gotovo.
razmisljam sad o tome... zamisljam kako bi bilo da si nesto cak i napravim. kakve bi to reakcije izazvalo? dali bi itko shvatio? dali bi itko pokusao shvatiti? dali bi mi pretrazivali ladice i poludili nakon sto bi nasli moju crvenu teku? a tek tablete protiv bolova i za smirenje? vjerojatno i neke za mrsavljenje, a o cigaretama da ni ne pricam... dali bi ih moje rijeci iz teke zaprepastile? dali bi se zamislili? vjerojatno ne. vjerojatno bi si rekli: A jadna, bila je luda, nitko nije kriv... sama si je kriva..
upravo zato si nista ne zelim napraviti. nitko nebi shvatio. nitko nebi pomislio da je mozda bar malo kriv za to. nikome nebi palo na pamet da mi je mozda jos i bilo pomoci. da mi je trebala samo ruka da me izvuce iz svega toga, da mi je trebao samo jedan topli i obecavajuci pogled prepun nade koji bi me uvjerio da je moguce izaci i da nemoram zauvijek biti rob svoje uvrnute psihe.
neke od vas me imaju dodanu na Facebook. svaki put kad me neka od vas doda odem si ponovno pogledati slike. svoje slike. slike koje su toliko nespojive s ovim blogom i postovima na njemu da bi ljudi pomislili da su fulali kad su me dodali. na njima je neka normalna, nasmjesena curica koja ima relativno blag i njezan izraz lica, osmjeh koji zavarava i uvjerava vas da je sretna i oci koje skrivaju toliko tuge... ta djevojka nisam ja. gledam se opet, gledam naizmjence sliku i sebe u ogledalu. vidim dvije suprotne stvari. ludakinja u mom ogledalu ima ogorcen izraz lica, oci prepune razocaranja, ljutnje; maskaru razmazanu od suza, ispijeno lice, blijedu, mrtvacku, suhu kozu... na njoj vidim samo neuspjeh... na njoj vidim sve sto ne stane u kadar slike. sve sto drugi nikada ne vide ili su jednostavno tolko zaokupljeni sobom da ne zele vidjeti...

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prekrasne nozice :)
jos jedna od zelja za bozic ;)
velika pusa

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