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< kolovoz, 2008 >
P U S Č P S N
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Prosinac 2008 (2)
Studeni 2008 (1)
Kolovoz 2008 (3)
Srpanj 2008 (2)
Lipanj 2008 (7)
Svibanj 2008 (3)
Veljača 2008 (2)
Siječanj 2008 (7)
Prosinac 2007 (2)

Dnevnik.hr
Gol.hr
Zadovoljna.hr
Novaplus.hr
NovaTV.hr
DomaTV.hr
Mojamini.tv

Me:

Ime: Laura

cudna je... povucena, blesava...
voli tog jednog prekasnog decka...
sve bi napravila za njega
i sve vas voli da ne zaboravim :)
nije sigurna u sebe, ne vjeruje nikome, pa ni sebi... iznenaduje samu sebe svojim ponasanjem... luda je



MSN/mail
laura16anna@hotmail.com

slobodno mejlajte il dodajte...

×X MJERE I SLIČNO

visina: 179

02.11.2008. - novi pocetak eek
oko 66 kg namcor


×X CILJEVI
64 -
63 -
62 -
61 -
60 -
59 -
58 - najveca zelja


2.11. +
3.11. +
4.11. +
5.11. +/-
____

6.11.
7.11.
8.11.
9.11.


×XLEPTIRICE
nekadasnje i sadasnje:

Ambra

Just me

Ne težim za savršenstvom, samo želim smršaviti

Samo želim biti lijepa

Thin Fantasy

Baby Ana

Nesretna i debela

Yellow

Tia

crvena

I wanna be thin...

debela sam

Anna Freak

*look what they have done to my dream*

ghetto girl

UN-kica

Mulla

Miss Ana

Smjer Ilica

Best friend to Anna

Apple

Be my baby

Jedna od mojih najdrazih:
Beautiful_disorder :)

Chat:
Leptirice chat

eek

Savjeti:

Ovo nemojte shvacat Pro-ana jer ja nisam Proana... ovo je samo za cure koje poremecaj u prehrani vec imaju i dobro znaju kaj je to i kak je to.... nadam se da ce vam pomoc bar malo....

1.) ne preporucam vaganje svaki dan... voda i sve to... radije svaka 4-5 dana
2.) uvijek morate imat cilj, bez cilja cete jako brzo odustat
3.) ponekad je osjecaj gladi najljepsi osjecaj...
4.) zabavite se necim... napravite si manikuru, provedite dan u shopping-centru, zabavljajte se... samo da ne mislite na hranu
5.) nemojte govorit drugim ljudima da ne jedete... pocet ce vas uvjeravat da vam treba hrana, da niste normalni i na kraju ce se udaljit od vas jer nece znat kaj da naprave s vama
6.) ako se zelite nekom povjerit il vam je tesko, sigurna sam da ce barem jedna leptirica saslusat i pomoc... ja sam uvijek tu za vas
7.) nemojte gladovat pa se navecer prezderat... jedino kaj s tim dobijete je uzaaassaaannn osjecaj krivnje, isti tren se osjecate duplo deblje i na kraju pošizite do kraja... radije jedite malo tijekom dana umjesto gladovanja i recite NE
8.) pisite postove redovito... pomaze i vama da pratite kilazu, osjecaje, promjene i da razmisljate o necem drugom, a pomaze i curama koje citaju
9.) nadite neku svoju mantru... ponavljajte ju kad vam je tesko i kad vidite da neide dalje... nek vam to da snage da nastavite
10.) thinspiration... predivna stvar.. svakoj od vas preporucam bar jednu sliku mrsave cure u novcaniku il na zidu...
11.) nemojte se zavaravat s tim da su sve kalorije iste... mozda uneses 500 il kolko vec kalorija dnevno, al nije isto dal je to 500 kalorija špeka, čipsa i čokolade il 500 kalorija jabuka i naranči, kaj ne? zato pazite i na kvalitetu i masnocu hrane, ne samo kalorijsku vrijednost
12.) ZLATNI SAVJET... ako dulje vrijeme ne jedete il jedete npr. samo naranče il nesto kiselo vrlo vjerojatno dobijete žgaravicu ili bolove u zelucu il nesto... sir pomaze... samo kockicu nekog mrvicu masnijeg sira pojedite i odma ce bit bolje... puno bolje nego da (na vjerojatno jaaako prazan zeludac) pijete tablete...


to bi bilo to, dodat cu jos toga kad smislim nesto pametno :D

Lyrics...

DEAD CELEBRITY STATUS
"Someone I Once Knew"

She wasn't born anorexic, but nowadays she suffers,
staring at these half-naked stars on magazine covers.
feeling pressured by the public.
She only weighs 90 pounds but still sucks in her stomach.
On the inside she's dieing, lying to herself, thinking:
- 5 more pounds won't jeopardize my health.
One day she might just collapse, she can't avoid it.
Too many sleepless nights spent bent over a toilet.
Spewing vomit, like she was an alcoholic.
Praying to a God she never believed in to stop it.
Hasn't eaten in weeks, drinks water by the heaps.
Now she looks like the skeleton she sees in her closet.
So close to death she can taste it, body looks wasted.
Hates life, hates you, hates the way she looks naked.
Now she's feeling drowsy, lousy,
thinking maybe this world's better off without me

I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.

She's staring at her belly, she's so scared to touch it,
imagining the feeling when it kicks inside her stomach.
Too late for safe sex, should have used a latex.
She can't afford a baby on minimum wage paychecks.
Her waistline climbs by inches,
'cuz she traded in the morning workouts for morning sickness.
Feeling nauseous, sleeps on a mat because she's cautious.
Give life or take life, that's her only options.
Only if she had a magic wand, she'd go back to that night
and put her clothes back on.
But she can't change time, or what's growing inside.
How could she love something that's barely alive?
Her body's aching, shaking, from sweaty palms, and cold sweat.
Mentally exhausting like phone sex.
No regrets, life or death, it's high stakes.
'cuz right or wrong, it's only her choice to make.

I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.

[Side]
- Help!
[Girl:] You smell like perfume. That's NOT mine.
[Guy:] Your head's going fucking crazy, Your head is going crazy.
Gotta get outta here and look after myself.
[Girl:] What? What's so wrong with me that you can't love me?
[Guy:] Look-
[Girl:] What is wrong with me? I do everything for you.
I, I, I make myself look good, I go to the gym.
I, I eat like a fucking rabbit.
I don't, I don't know what else to do.
Tell me.
[Guy:] Baby, you don't understand because-
[Girl:] What it is I have to do to make you love me.

I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.

----------------------------------------------------


SUPERCHICK
"Courage"

I told another lie today
And I got through this day
No one saw through my games
I know the right words to say
Like "I don't feel well," "I ate before I came"
Then someone tells me how good I look
And for a moment, for a moment I am happy
But when I'm alone, no one hears me cry

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be OK
Together we can make it through another day

I don't know the first time I felt unbeautiful
The day I chose not to eat
What I do know is how I've changed my life forever
I know I should know better
There are days when I'm OK
And for a moment, for a moment I find hope
But there are days when I'm not OK
And I need your help
So I'm letting go

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be OK
Together we can make it through another day

You should know you're not on your own
These secrets are walls that keep us alone
I don't know when but I know now
Together we'll make it through somehow
(together we'll make it through somehow)

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be OK
Together we can make it through another day


----------------------------------------------------

SILVERCHAIR
"Ana's song"

Please die Ana
For as long as you're here we're not
You make the sound of laughter
and sharpened nails seem softer
And I need you now somehow
And I need you now somehow

Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you

Imagine pageant
In my head the flesh seems thicker
Sandpaper tears corrode the filth

And I need you now somehow
And I need you now somehow

Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you

And you're my obsession
I love you to the bones
And Ana wrecks your life
Like an Anorexia life

Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you
Open fire on the needs designed
Open fire on my knees desires
On my knees for you

---------------------------------------


RADIOHEAD
"Creep"

When you were here before
Couldnt look you in the eye
Youre just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
And I wish I was special
Youre so fuckin special

But Im a creep, Im a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.

I dont care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When Im not around
Youre so fuckin special
I wish I was special

But Im a creep, Im a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.

Shes running out again,
Shes running out
Shes run run run running out...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
Youre so fuckin special
I wish I was special...

But Im a creep, Im a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.
I dont belong here.

------------------------------------

JOYDROP
"Beautiful"

If I was beautiful like you
All the things I would do
Those not so blessed would be crying out murder
And I’d just laugh and get away with it too
Like you do

If I was beautiful like you
I would never be at fault
I’d walk in the rain between the rain drops
Bringing traffic to a halt

But that would never be
That would never ever be
Cause I’m not beautiful like you
I’m beautiful like me, beautiful like me

If I was beautiful like you
I’d be quick to assume
they’d do anything to please me, why not
To see their reaction when you walk into the room

But that would never be
That would never ever be
Cause I’m not beautiful like you
I’m beautiful like me, beautiful like me
Beautiful, beautiful like me
Like me, Like me...

If I was beautiful like you
I’d have so many friends
All fighting for my time to be next in line
So if I hurt one, I wouldn’t have to make amends

That would never be
That would never ever be
Cause I’m not beautiful like you
I’m not beautiful like you
I’m not beautiful like you
I’m beautiful like me
Beautiful like me, beautiful like me
I’m beautiful like me, I’m beautiful like me.

Thinspiration

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CREDITS

picture: deviantart
base code: blogskins


Behind the door...
srijeda, 27.08.2008. u 11:23

jucer navecer sam jako puno razmisljala o svemu... isla sam doma iz grada, pjesacila kao i inace i sve vise i vise odgadala dolazak doma... znala sam sto ce se dogoditi kada udem,zatvorim vrata od stana i okrenem kljuc... vani imam neku zastitu, neko utociste i mjesto na koje mogu pobjeci od same sebe.. vani nemoram razmisljati, vani nemam ogledalo, vani nemam frizider i najvaznije, vani nemogu ispovracat ono sto pojedem... kada zatvorim vrata taj moj osjecaj sigurnosti nestaje. prvo sto vidim kada zatvorim vrata je ogromno ogledalo... glava mi se ispuni mislima tipa: "kako si mogla izac van takva?!?! pa ti nisi normalna, sad su svi vidjeli tvoju debljinu!!!". onda udem u svoju sobu i prisilno iskljucim mozak jer nemogu podnjet kolicinu negativnih misli koje su se samim zatvaranjem vrata uvukle u mene... nedaju mi disat.. guse me vlastite misli.... ja sam razocaranje.. za sebe, za svoju obitelj, prijatelje... za sve... iz ocaja krenem prema frizideru.. vec znam sto ce se dogodit... jos jedan binge... jel uopce imam snage za jos jedan? nisam valjda toliko slaba i jadna da ni to nemogu? otvaram frizider i gledam sto bi mogla pojest... znam i sama da cu to sve ovak ionak ispovracat za par minuta pa to nemora bit neka kvalitetna hrana... prezderem se bilo cega, boli me zeludac i neznam ni sama zasto sam to napravila... sljedeci korak-wc. uvijek isto.. kao da imam raspored... udem, ispovracam sve sto mogu kroz suze, sjednem na pod jer nemogu izdrzat tu bol... kao da mi neko zabija nozeve u trbuh.... tisuce nozeva... a i dalje nisam dovoljno dobra... pokusavam otkrit zasto boli... i onda shvatim da je to treci binge-purge u tom danu.. naslonim se na zid i trudim se prestati plakati, al neide.. suze su sve jace i jace, bol ne prestaje, fizicka kao ni psihicka...
sto mi je doslo?? zasto sam to napravila? zasto sam zatvorila vrata?
zasto nisam jednostavno produzila dalje? mogla sam ostat vani, mogla sam bit dalje od toga... mogla sam setati po ulici koji ce me vidjeti onakvu kakvu zele.. mogla sam biti negdje gdje sam djevojka od 16 godina s lijepim ocima koju nista na ovom svijetu ne brine.... mogla sam ostati vani, sama sa svojom maskom, uvjerena vec da sam to ja... mogla sam jos bar 5 minuta sjest na klupicu i bit normalna... ali ja sam usla i zatvorila vrata.... znala sam da cu s vremenom ipak morat uc.. prije ili kasnije to bi se dogodilo.
borim se sama protiv sebe... kao da sam podvojena licnost... jedna licnost preuzima kontrolu kad zatvorim vrata a druga bi bila neki glas razloga koji mi tjesecim glasom punim sazaljenja pred ogledalom govori: "draga, nije tako strasno.. nemoj plakati..", koji ce mi reci da je dovoljno, da nemoram vise to radit sama sebi jer izgledam u redu... onda ce se javiti druga koja ce me popljuvati i iznjet mi jedno 100 razloga za nastavak.. ona koja ce mi srusiti svo samopouzdanje koje sam ikad imala... u 2-3 recenice ce me sjebat do kraja... natjerat ce me da pocnem plakat i sazaljevat samu sebe a onda ce me jos i za to samosazaljevanje izvrijedat jer ne zasluzujem ni to... najgore je kad nemogu razabrat koja licnost sto govori, kad se njih dvije pomjesaju a ja neznam sto da poslusam... najcesce poslusam onu glasniju... onu krivu... onu koja me svakodnevno unistava... i unistit...
ozbiljno razmisljam o tome da potrazim pomoc prije nego sto ovo ode predaleko... osim ako vec nije predaleko.. al ja nemogu realno sagledat situaciju... neznam gdje sam.. dali sam na putu prema propasti i unistenju ili sam vec unistena... i neznam kako da to saznam.. jedino sto znam je da mi se cini da iz ovog nema izlaza...

ljubim vas sve cure...
puse

...untitled...
utorak, 19.08.2008. u 00:00

nisam sigurna kako bi bilo najbolje nazvat ovaj post....mozda Odustajanje? ne... svi smo svjesni da se to nece desit tako uskoro samnom.... mozda Promjena misljenja... vjerojatno... al dokle god sam neodlucna ostaje Untitled.... nekako sam otkrila da sam u svoj toj strci oko savrsenstva koje toliko zelim zaboravila na sebe... na svoje osjecaje, na svoju srecu... cijelo vrijeme mislim da cu bit sretna kad budem tanja.... moja jednostavna formula glasila je GLAD=MRŠAVOST=SREĆA.... u stvari je sve to jednako jedan veliki ZAJEB.... valjda odrastam pa drugacije gledam na sve... meni mrsavost samo daje neko samopouzdanje koje sam gubila svih ovih godina, ali srecu ne... kaj meni znaci mrsavost ako sam sama... u toj svojoj neuroticnoj fazi koja je trajala 3 godine uspjela sam si od zivota napravit pakao... upropastit sve sto se upropastit dalo... a sad nemam nista od toga... i dalje tezim savrsenstvu, mrsavosti i svemu tome, nemojte me krivo shvatit, al cu se uz fizicko potrudit stec i psihicko savrsenstvo...
Shoot for the moon... even if you miss you'll lay among the stars...
drzat cu se toga... nastojat cu da me ne zanese ta zelja za savrsenstvom... to uvijek kobno zavrsava... savrsenstvo ne postoji a ja si to ne zelim priznati... tvrdoglava koza s krivim stavom... losa kombinacija...
uskoro pocinje nova skolska godina... uskoro pocinje razdoblje u kojem nemam vremena za razmisljanje... korisno razdoblje...
morat cu se prilagodit opet tome... tek sam se navikla na ljeto...
uhh... opet besmislen post... ja bi vjerojatno trebala prvo na papir napisat sve kaj ocu rec pa onda smisleno prepisivat... mozda bi tak izbjegla skakanje s jedne teme na drugu....
idem probat odspavat par sati... mozda sutra nes pametnije našvrljam....
cujemo se....
pusee

Laura is back!
utorak, 05.08.2008. u 15:12

Evo i mene najdraze moje :)
ne zadugo, uskoro se opet vracam na more, al nadam se da cu vam stic iskomentirat.. mislim da je prosli post bio post s najvise komentara i stvarno sam vam zahvalna na njima, puno mi znace :) bas kao i vi.
na moru je bilo savrseno... upoznala sam puno novih ljudi, imala te svoje planirane ljetne avanturice, odmorila sam se... zdebljala.... al sad to opet skidam... bilo je stvarno i uspona i padova, al nije li uvijek tako? sve u svemu, savrseno mi je bilo na moru...
dosta vas me pitalo za UN-ku... na moru ju nisam mogla odrzavat jer nisam mogla mami rec da sam na njoj... ona ne vjeruje da moram smrsavit, cak me i tjera da jedem... zajebala sam 1 dan, pa ono, why not, nastavila jest... moja uobicajena pogreska... sad sam OPET, po jedno 100-ti put na UN-u, al opet idem na more i vjerojatno ce se opet desit ista stvar... uspjela sam se natjerat da se ne vazem tak da promjene mogu pratit samo u izgledu. uopce nemam pojma kolko imam kila, ali i nije mi tolko bitno,... imam ogledalo :)
nadam se da vama ide dobro, ja stvarno nemam pojma o cem bi pisala.. sve mi je super, uzivam... i nemam tema...
volim vas sve i hvala vam na podrsci

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