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Ime: Laura
cudna je... povucena, blesava...
voli tog jednog prekasnog decka...
sve bi napravila za njega
i sve vas voli da ne zaboravim :)
nije sigurna u sebe, ne vjeruje nikome, pa ni sebi... iznenaduje samu sebe svojim ponasanjem... luda je
MSN/mail
laura16anna@hotmail.com
slobodno mejlajte il dodajte...
×X MJERE I SLIČNO X×
visina: 179
02.11.2008. - novi pocetak 
oko 66 kg 
×X CILJEVI X×
64 -
63 -
62 -
61 -
60 -
59 -
58 - najveca zelja
2.11. +
3.11. +
4.11. +
5.11. +/-
____
6.11.
7.11.
8.11.
9.11.
×XLEPTIRICEX×
nekadasnje i sadasnje:
Ambra
Just me
Ne težim za savršenstvom, samo želim smršaviti
Samo želim biti lijepa
Thin Fantasy
Baby Ana
Nesretna i debela
Yellow
Tia
crvena
I wanna be thin...
debela sam
Anna Freak
*look what they have done to my dream*
ghetto girl
UN-kica
Mulla
Miss Ana
Smjer Ilica
Best friend to Anna
Apple
Be my baby
Jedna od mojih najdrazih:
Beautiful_disorder :)
Chat:
Leptirice chat
Ovo nemojte shvacat Pro-ana jer ja nisam Proana... ovo je samo za cure koje poremecaj u prehrani vec imaju i dobro znaju kaj je to i kak je to.... nadam se da ce vam pomoc bar malo....
1.) ne preporucam vaganje svaki dan... voda i sve to... radije svaka 4-5 dana
2.) uvijek morate imat cilj, bez cilja cete jako brzo odustat
3.) ponekad je osjecaj gladi najljepsi osjecaj...
4.) zabavite se necim... napravite si manikuru, provedite dan u shopping-centru, zabavljajte se... samo da ne mislite na hranu
5.) nemojte govorit drugim ljudima da ne jedete... pocet ce vas uvjeravat da vam treba hrana, da niste normalni i na kraju ce se udaljit od vas jer nece znat kaj da naprave s vama
6.) ako se zelite nekom povjerit il vam je tesko, sigurna sam da ce barem jedna leptirica saslusat i pomoc... ja sam uvijek tu za vas
7.) nemojte gladovat pa se navecer prezderat... jedino kaj s tim dobijete je uzaaassaaannn osjecaj krivnje, isti tren se osjecate duplo deblje i na kraju pošizite do kraja... radije jedite malo tijekom dana umjesto gladovanja i recite NE
8.) pisite postove redovito... pomaze i vama da pratite kilazu, osjecaje, promjene i da razmisljate o necem drugom, a pomaze i curama koje citaju
9.) nadite neku svoju mantru... ponavljajte ju kad vam je tesko i kad vidite da neide dalje... nek vam to da snage da nastavite
10.) thinspiration... predivna stvar.. svakoj od vas preporucam bar jednu sliku mrsave cure u novcaniku il na zidu...
11.) nemojte se zavaravat s tim da su sve kalorije iste... mozda uneses 500 il kolko vec kalorija dnevno, al nije isto dal je to 500 kalorija špeka, čipsa i čokolade il 500 kalorija jabuka i naranči, kaj ne? zato pazite i na kvalitetu i masnocu hrane, ne samo kalorijsku vrijednost
12.) ZLATNI SAVJET... ako dulje vrijeme ne jedete il jedete npr. samo naranče il nesto kiselo vrlo vjerojatno dobijete žgaravicu ili bolove u zelucu il nesto... sir pomaze... samo kockicu nekog mrvicu masnijeg sira pojedite i odma ce bit bolje... puno bolje nego da (na vjerojatno jaaako prazan zeludac) pijete tablete...
to bi bilo to, dodat cu jos toga kad smislim nesto pametno :D
DEAD CELEBRITY STATUS
"Someone I Once Knew"
She wasn't born anorexic, but nowadays she suffers,
staring at these half-naked stars on magazine covers.
feeling pressured by the public.
She only weighs 90 pounds but still sucks in her stomach.
On the inside she's dieing, lying to herself, thinking:
- 5 more pounds won't jeopardize my health.
One day she might just collapse, she can't avoid it.
Too many sleepless nights spent bent over a toilet.
Spewing vomit, like she was an alcoholic.
Praying to a God she never believed in to stop it.
Hasn't eaten in weeks, drinks water by the heaps.
Now she looks like the skeleton she sees in her closet.
So close to death she can taste it, body looks wasted.
Hates life, hates you, hates the way she looks naked.
Now she's feeling drowsy, lousy,
thinking maybe this world's better off without me
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
She's staring at her belly, she's so scared to touch it,
imagining the feeling when it kicks inside her stomach.
Too late for safe sex, should have used a latex.
She can't afford a baby on minimum wage paychecks.
Her waistline climbs by inches,
'cuz she traded in the morning workouts for morning sickness.
Feeling nauseous, sleeps on a mat because she's cautious.
Give life or take life, that's her only options.
Only if she had a magic wand, she'd go back to that night
and put her clothes back on.
But she can't change time, or what's growing inside.
How could she love something that's barely alive?
Her body's aching, shaking, from sweaty palms, and cold sweat.
Mentally exhausting like phone sex.
No regrets, life or death, it's high stakes.
'cuz right or wrong, it's only her choice to make.
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
[Side]
- Help!
[Girl:] You smell like perfume. That's NOT mine.
[Guy:] Your head's going fucking crazy, Your head is going crazy.
Gotta get outta here and look after myself.
[Girl:] What? What's so wrong with me that you can't love me?
[Guy:] Look-
[Girl:] What is wrong with me? I do everything for you.
I, I, I make myself look good, I go to the gym.
I, I eat like a fucking rabbit.
I don't, I don't know what else to do.
Tell me.
[Guy:] Baby, you don't understand because-
[Girl:] What it is I have to do to make you love me.
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
----------------------------------------------------
SUPERCHICK
"Courage"
I told another lie today
And I got through this day
No one saw through my games
I know the right words to say
Like "I don't feel well," "I ate before I came"
Then someone tells me how good I look
And for a moment, for a moment I am happy
But when I'm alone, no one hears me cry
I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be OK
Together we can make it through another day
I don't know the first time I felt unbeautiful
The day I chose not to eat
What I do know is how I've changed my life forever
I know I should know better
There are days when I'm OK
And for a moment, for a moment I find hope
But there are days when I'm not OK
And I need your help
So I'm letting go
I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be OK
Together we can make it through another day
You should know you're not on your own
These secrets are walls that keep us alone
I don't know when but I know now
Together we'll make it through somehow
(together we'll make it through somehow)
I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be OK
Together we can make it through another day
----------------------------------------------------
SILVERCHAIR
"Ana's song"
Please die Ana
For as long as you're here we're not
You make the sound of laughter
and sharpened nails seem softer
And I need you now somehow
And I need you now somehow
Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you
Imagine pageant
In my head the flesh seems thicker
Sandpaper tears corrode the filth
And I need you now somehow
And I need you now somehow
Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you
And you're my obsession
I love you to the bones
And Ana wrecks your life
Like an Anorexia life
Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you
Open fire on the needs designed
Open fire on my knees desires
On my knees for you
---------------------------------------
RADIOHEAD
"Creep"
When you were here before
Couldnt look you in the eye
Youre just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
And I wish I was special
Youre so fuckin special
But Im a creep, Im a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.
I dont care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When Im not around
Youre so fuckin special
I wish I was special
But Im a creep, Im a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.
Shes running out again,
Shes running out
Shes run run run running out...
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
Youre so fuckin special
I wish I was special...
But Im a creep, Im a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.
I dont belong here.
------------------------------------
JOYDROP
"Beautiful"
If I was beautiful like you
All the things I would do
Those not so blessed would be crying out murder
And I’d just laugh and get away with it too
Like you do
If I was beautiful like you
I would never be at fault
I’d walk in the rain between the rain drops
Bringing traffic to a halt
But that would never be
That would never ever be
Cause I’m not beautiful like you
I’m beautiful like me, beautiful like me
If I was beautiful like you
I’d be quick to assume
they’d do anything to please me, why not
To see their reaction when you walk into the room
But that would never be
That would never ever be
Cause I’m not beautiful like you
I’m beautiful like me, beautiful like me
Beautiful, beautiful like me
Like me, Like me...
If I was beautiful like you
I’d have so many friends
All fighting for my time to be next in line
So if I hurt one, I wouldn’t have to make amends
That would never be
That would never ever be
Cause I’m not beautiful like you
I’m not beautiful like you
I’m not beautiful like you
I’m beautiful like me
Beautiful like me, beautiful like me
I’m beautiful like me, I’m beautiful like me.
Moja tajna? bojim se hrane, debljine, masti, sala, ruznoce, mase, kilograma, SEBE.... zelim da to ostane tajna... zelim to dijeliti samo s ljudima koji razumiju... ali isto tako zelim da drugi primjete rezultate moje tajne... neznam kak da to napisem da ispadne smisleno... ne zelim da znaju nacin nego samo rezultat. bitan je cilj, a ne sredstvo....nikome ne zelim pruziti zadovoljstvo da me vrijeda zbog mojih metoda i da se nasladuje nad mojim mukama... ne zelim da ljudi znaju da mi hrana i prehranjivanje predstvaljaju takav problem.. meni to cak vise i nije problem, to je samo navika. navika koje se ne zelim odrec. uzivam u tome, iskreno i istinski. obozavam gladovati, obozavam povracati. to je tako, to je dio mene. znam da mi to steti, al isto tako znam da me to usrecuje. to je kao alkohol.. naviknes se, znas da je mozda bolje bez njega, al znas isto tako da ce te bar na trenutak usrecit i da ces napokon bit svoja... i bez obzira na stetnost, opet ces pit. to je jednostavno tako...
jedini problem je sto to ljudi ne razumiju. ja bi bila najsretnija kad bi mogla nakon rucka rec mami da me ostavi na miru par minuta jer moram izrigat sve to kaj sam pojela umjesto da joj lazem. ili pojasnit baki da sam na vodenim danima i da nemogu rucat. bilo bi savrseno kad bi svi to razumjeli. al nitko ne razumije. mozda se prave da shvacaju, al to je smao licemjerje i u stvari ti se samo podsmjehuju. oni misle da je jednaka stvar imati ED i biti na dijeti... nezaju da mi imamo ucahuren gen za samokaznjavanje, prijezir, samounistavanje i potrebu za savrsenstvom. kod mene se cak ni ne svodi sve samo na izgled. meni je bitan taj osjecaj zadovoljstva i to ne zbog mrsavih rukica nego zbog mog osobnog uspjeha. obozavam to sto sam svijesna da se unistavam, ali i da se trudim... kada bi meni netko sada ponudio da nestane ED i da imam savrseno tijelo, ja to nebi prihvatila. radije cu se muciti i znati da sam JA i samo Ja zasluzna za to.
isto tako,htjela bi da ljudi razumiju zasto popizdim i planem cesto.. posvadam se s ljudima bez nekog vidljivog razloga... na pamet mi odma padne 100 izgovora: ma, doma su me naljutili; samo sam malo umorna; boli me glava pa sam razdrazljiva... a pravi razlozi su: debela sam!; zajebala sam mjesecevu!; zabrljala sam s dijetom! ali oni to nemogu shvatit, zas da se trudim. pa lažem. svaki dan lažem. vise se nit ne grizem zbog toga nit me smeta...
losa sam osoba? mozda.. ali ni to me ne brine.. i dalje imam osjecaj da mogu sve sama i da mi netrebaju ljudi koji ne razumiju.. istomisljenike ce uvijek nac.. nekog slicnog sebi mozda.. do onda cu lagat..
što se tice hrane, na UNu sam zadnja 4 dana, nisam nis htjela govorit prije jer se uvijek izjalovi. uspjela sam sva 4 privest kraju uspjesno i nisam brljavila...bas sam se trudila i pokusavala ne previse razmisljat o hrani. lakse je drzat dijetu kad imam vise vremena. kad je skola imam previse obveza da bi razmisljala o tome da moram jest u tocno odredeno vrijeme i tocno odredenu hranu. ovako imam slobode i mogu sto ocu.
ispricavam vam se svima na predugom i precudnom postu, al stvarno mi je dosadno i uzasno sa razocarana u primitivne i glupe ljude koji setaju svijetom i zauzimaju mjesto onima koji bi nesto i postigli u zivotu... u bilo kojem aspektu... ljudi su grozni... stvarno ih sve manje i manje volim, trpit ih nemogu vec neko vrijeme, a i samo bit medu njima mi postaje muka... misljenja nam se previse razilaze, nemamo zajednickih tema (oprostite vrsnjaci moji najdrazi al meni se neda slusat o nogometu i puknutom noktu, postoje vaznije stvari u zivotu), neinteligentni su (neda mi se stalno pojasnjavat najjednostavnije stvari koje izgovorim), nepismeni i nenacitani (neznaju skoro nijednu veliku rijec), nemamo iste interese... u stvari, s ljudima nemam nista zajednicko. cast iznimkama, al vecinu ljudi smatram zadrtim budalama s glupim i naivnim pogledima na svijet. zato sam se i odlucila zatvoriti u svoj mali svijet EDa i sama sa sobom provoditi dane i razmisljati o samo meni vaznim stvarima, izolirat se od ljudskog roda i svega sto dolazi s njim.. osim obitelji, ostavila sam si 3 osobe u koje imam povjerenja, 3 osobe koje volim, 3 osobe koje neznaju... nit nemoraju znati... znaju da je nesto bilo prije, al nitko nezna da je i dalje tako... 3 osobe koje dovoljno postujem, cijenim i obozavam da mi mogu zamijenit skoro cijeli ljudski rod i veoma sam im zahvalna na tome.
I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here...
I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around....
ja, zatvorena u svojoj glavi, u svojoj masti s viskom slobodnog vremena koje iskoristavam za samodestruktivne misli i smisljavanje novih nacina za samokaznjavanje, te za pisanje ovakvih puno predugih i vama besmislenih i nepozeljnih postova, sam sebi dobra takva... i ne zelim se mijenjat.. zelim da me On promjeni... zelim da On postane vazniji od hrane, debljine, savrsenstva... zelim da u mojim mislima prije spavanja opet bude On, a ne popis stvari koje sam pojela i planiranje sto cu pojesti sutradan... zelim biti u njegovim mislima, zelim se useliti u njegovu glavu, zacahuriti se tamo bas kako se meni zacahurio ED i zivjeti uz njega... disati uz njega, spavati uz njega i uzivati uz njega.. on ima malo drugacije poglede na to.. on uz jmene samo zeli dolaziti do nekih stvari koje mu mozda druge cure nebi dale.. al mene ljubav (ili sto to vec je) tjera da mu dam sve i on to obilato koristi... samo neka, meni je i to dovoljno. bitno mi je da sam uz njega... tako mi je lijepo uz njega da me ni cinjenica da me iskoristava ne brine i ne ljuti... uzivam u tome... jos jedan aspekt samokaznjavanja i samounistenja kojim se tjesim...
ovo je stvarno ogroman post i ne ocekujem od vas da ga citate... prepun je besmislica.. preskocite ga i odite na blog od neke normalnije cure... ako nista, imat cete manje za citat xD
pusa i hvala na vasem vremenu (onima koji su procitali dakako, makar ne krivim ni one koji nisu :D)
