The cries cannot be...heard anymore
subota , 26.01.2008.Darkness.
Everywhere around me.
Seeping into my skin.
Coming out of my mouth.
Filling my vision.
My erratic breathing pressed against me like a brick wall,the heart hammering like thunder.
My eyes refused to open.Gushing blood was pooling under me.
Broken bones protruded out of my mangled corpse,sticking out of the once unblemished skin.
The darkness stirred suddenly.Fingers danced across my shoulders,trailing up my neck.
Tickling breath.
Whispered words of love and comfort soothed the pain.
Light.A beam of translucent warmth landed on me as I gazed brokenly at the wanning moon.
The caress intensified.Sliding across the once again whole body.
Someone´s cheek smoothed down my own.
Thunder.The scent of an electric discharge filled my vicinity.Drowning me in it.
Moon calling to me,I tried to loosen the powerful hold.To no awail.
The sudden pull jerked me against the storm,away from the much needed light.
Darkness started to consume me.
Shattered dreams,faith and hopes lay scattered before me,reflecting the moon rays.
From becoming free,I became a slave to my hunger,the rage,the vengence,the fear.
A scream stiffled as the darkness closed in on me.The fingers latched on tighter.
Everywhere around me.
Seeping into my skin.
Coming out of my mouth.
Filling my vision.
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Yesterday...
utorak , 15.01.2008.Bare feet grazed over the cool concrete roof of a tall tower raising above the town skyline.
The whiping wind trashing about wildly did nothing to stop me from my path.
Come,take me...
The bloodied clothing twirled around me in a silent dance beconing me closer.A whispered promise tickled past my ears,deafening the howl.
Come,take me...
Stepping near the edge,my eyes scanned over the rapidly darkening sky as the lights start to shine brighter. Soft rays of pink, orange and yellow glided away with the reciting sun as night’s heralds twinkled down secretively.
Come,take me...
Standing directly on the edge, I raised my arms stretching them parallel with the ground. The wind turned gentle, caressing my face, drying my tears, allowing me to heal.
She stood there, purposely testing my ire, thinking I am no threat to her. How bloody wrong she was. Glaring at her back, I felt the burning inferno just bellow the surface of a cold exterior. The flames licked the insides of my shredded mind and I had to grit my teeth together not to allow them to surface. They all thought I was weak, timid and meek. And I was certainly trying my hardest to keep them believe I was sane. But she was calling to me. Screaming at my carnal instincts, blind to the danger. My hands twitched in anticipation unwillingly.
Memories of pain, tears, blood, smiles, laughter, hugs, kisses, dreams, sunny afternoons, autumn rains, warm tea, ice-skating, train rides, moonlight, sparkling snow and Christmas trees crust over like scorched wounds and flake away with the wind.
Serenity covered me as I took the last step over the edge.With a gust of wind,I plummeted to the awaiting ground.Descending as if in a slow-motion movie,a mangled scream ripped itself from my smiling lips followed soon by insane laughter that startled humanity.
Madness embraced me feverishly as the rage broke out of its chains taking full control set on one thing only. Revenge.
Then nothing…but darkness.
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Why do you always push me away..?
utorak , 01.01.2008.Dialing an ancient number that was engraved in my soul,I listened to the constant beeping tone.
A few moments after no one picked up,the answering machine made its presence known.
The person you are trying to reach is momentarily unavailable,so please leave a message after the beep.
beep
With a rejected sigh,I hanged up.
No matter how many times I tried,nor how persistent I was,or the fact that I had good intentions,it just served no purpose whatsoever.
Some deny and search for things that never come around
Do I feel like a fool?
The places I have ran to all my life have disappeared
And I owe this all to you.
My call,my wish to help,to heal,to assure,to be... was ignored.I was afraid to show more compassion in trepidation of being mocked,laughed at,repelled.It felt horrid to hide such a need,until one day it just got burried.
I'm feeling like I'm sinking
And nothing's there to catch me, keep me breathing.
Still just a sniveling child,shivering in the cold,but this time not hopeless.No more dead.Hollow.Helpless.
This time I am outstretching my arms forward.Willing to repay.Wishing to participate.
Why won't you please let me through?
I don't understand why you always push me away.
Merely slightly disappointed at the lack of courage.Lack of the so oftenly spoken strong will.
At the way one thing is said and decided,but another thing takes place.Something else happens.
But even so... I understand.
I don't understand why you always push me away
Why you always push me away
Why you always push me away
Why you always push me away
I just want your torment to stop.And yet again I feel helpless. Laying forgotten in the snow...
Frustrating and agitating.Forgive my brash insolence.
Its just that I care.
....
...
*Ispričavam se za ovaj neobičan,neshvatljiv i krajnje imbecilan post koji većina(99,9%) mojih stalnih,ali i prolaznih čitatelja ne razumije,no shvatite ovo kao moronic rambling of an exhausted mind that hasnt slept at all for 36 hours straight and pranced around in her cursed high-heeled boots all night.
Stoga hvala vam svima na razumijevanju,a za zainteresirane(2-3 osobe!YAY!!!!XD) pravi post uskoro slijedi.
Sretna vam svima Nova 2008.godina!
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