dva šamara za dobro jutro

Motto: "I Srbi su ljudi. Mozda."

Real motto: "Srbija do Tokija preko Milvokija."

Real motto 2:"Jebes ustase!"
National Anthem: Boze nema Pravde
Official language Serbian
Capital Den Haag (de facto)
Government Anarchy

Lunatic Nationalist Cadre
Anarchy
Democyratic Republic

Anarchy
Democracy
Demonarchy
Tribe leader Papa Smurf
National Hero Misha Tumbas

National Pastime Moonwalking
Territorial aspirations From Baltic to Adriatic Sea, including Tokyo, Milwaukee, Karlovac, Karlobag, Virovitica and Ogulin

Currency inches
Religion Orthodox Alcoholism Shabanism


“Serbia... what a funny name...”

~ Oscar Wilde on Serbia

“I want my money back...”

~ Oscar Wilde on Serbia

“Milosevic? I hate him, the bastard lost Kosovo. String him up. No wait. That was me. Shit.”

~ Slobodan Milosevic on Slobodan Milosevic

“Milosevic? No, he was from Yugoslavia”

~ a Serbian guy

“Welcum Turist! Wi spik Inglish.”

~ a Serbian tourist guide

Serbia is a huge sprawling nation compromising of large chunks of Southern and Eastern Europe within its historically recognized borders of Karlobag, Karlovac, Virovitica, Tokyo. Roots of this divine nation reach back to many many millennias BC when a Slavic-Klingon tribe settled in the area, and a construction of some Bysantium-style Orthodox churches on the holy Serbian soil of Kosovo marked the onset of civilization. It's still unclear how did the Serbs ended up in the Balkans centuries before actual Slavic migration, and just why did they build churches in Byzantine style more than 5 millennia before actual Christianity and Byzantium. It's probably an internal joke between the tribesmen which modern historians really don't get. Only historical documents mentioning Serbia in this period were written by members of tribe themselves.

The beggining

Earliest mention of the Serbs among ancient Greek historians is after the Battle of Phillipolis where army of Smurfs, 15 little man strong, took over Macedonia, ahem South Serbia. Papa Smurf ruled the country until he was called-up for trial in (the?) Haag (Hague).

Serbs' first contact with Roman Empire was in 31AD, when the invading Roman army was decimated by two sleeping toddlers. Chiefs of Serbian tribes, after a night of heavy drinking, decided that it would "be hot" to go invade Rome, which they promptly did. Multi-party constitutional democracy was instituted; much more liberal than the old Roman Republic, and Rome reached new Golden Age in a few short months. However, since they were defeated by a handful of drunken barbarians, Roman historians decided to ignore this period after the Serbs sobered up and went home to get breakfast, leaving emperor Tiberius free to restore old Imperial system.

Subsequent Serbian adventures mildly annoyed other people of that age in south Europe, and the mighty Hun force was immediately accepted as a saviour by those poor victims of Serb oppression and Serb lack of personal hygeine. Nowadays, this is widely regarded as a gross miscalculation.

Other Southern Slavs that began arriving in the 6th century were not impressed by their new neighbours, and often complained that they were too loud.
Wars with Ottoman Empire (15th century - 18th century)

Worst conflict for Serbian people was one with Ottomans at Battle of Kosovo, in 1389. There, a great Ottoman army was crushed by Serbs, after the battle lasting 17 minutes. Serbs, like said, kicked their butts, but by a lowbrow backstabbing plan ploted by (probably?) Vatican, Turks got into Serbia somehow and stayed there for long 500 years to come. None of the moden history's "books" (Serbians refuse to write due religious believes) don't tell anything about the Serbian magnificent victory, but who cares. Serbs celebrated as if they supremely won this battle.

Legend tells that lone Serbian knight, Duke Miloš Obilić, snuck into Turkish camp, and killed Soultan Murat. The knight was later SCUDed by the son of Murat, The great Soultan, Bajazit. Serbs then stopped celebrating.

Until this day a mistery surrounds this epic battle. It is unclear* how Duke Miloš Obilić managed to pass trough Turkish checkpoints and escape using a T-90 main battle tank. It is a legend that is passing from generation to generation of Serbs and still inspiring new warriors to continue this unfare battle. Some say Miloš was on the dark side, some say he was just another guy from local fitness club who joined war for fun. Great soultan Bajazit was very angry when he found out that some Serbian bodybuilder killed his father. So angry that he launched a SCUD missile directly on party that serbs made to celebrate battle loss. After smoke has cleared and decontamination was done, sad news was spreading, Miloš the Pencilhead was dead.

* This is just in. The latest on how Mr. Milos got the idea to go and assasinate the sultan. Apparently his wife Jelena and her sister Mara, a wife of a local druglord and businessman Vuk Brankovic, got into quarell whos pencil is sharper, Vuk's or Milos's. So Milos went to Turks to prove it. Also reported as present to the showdown was an unindentified Turkish prince, almost caucasian and slightly blackish, 5ft 6, 180 pounds wearing a T-shirt saying "Will SCUD anybody who guts my father".
* One additional piece of folklore based on Miloš Obilić needs debunking: a popular Serbian proberb "20 ;>H0 C18H5 8;>H0" (Two bad guys can smite even one Miloš, a freeform translation) was actually invented by a foreign battle reporter immediately after the battle of Kosovo. The Order of Templars (precursor to what will become UN) had their war reporters sent over to Kosovo and one of them was stationed near the point of impact of said SCUD missile. The Templar had been enjoying his third or fourth barrel of Serbian refreshing beverage šljivovica at the moment of explosion, and -- momentarily grasping the impact of the event -- allegedly uttered the words "Too bad, Miloš's dead." This was heard by some Serbs nearby but due to their sense of hearing being impaired partly by the recent explosion and partly by the otherwise beneficial effects of the quantity of šljivovica imbibed, they misinterpreted it as "Two bad, Miloš dead". This didn't make any sense, which made it instantly popular among Serbs surviving the battle of Kosovo.

"Modern" Serbia

In 1830, King of Serbia decided to retire at the age of 30, and since his son was a little "strange", he decreed Serbia to be republic. Majority of population was not ecstatic at prospect of having to go out and vote once in a while, and president was elected by draft amongst unwilling citizens for the first time well into 20th century. Later, they made a computer smart enough to rule country (By using Random function), and then returned to sleeping late.

In 1914, Austria-Hungary (called that despite persisted non-existence of Hungary) declared war after assassination of archduke Franz Ferdinand by Bosnian Pro-Serb Activity group Mlada Bosna (Young Bosnia), lead by assassinator, and a chewing gum inventor Gavrilo Princip. Serbs claimed, "he had it coming" because "he was frontin'". War lasted for 4 years because Serbia had bet with France that Serbs could defeat Austrians, Turks and Germans by using nothing except their faeces. And they did. France had to give bet money back, and plunged into financial ruin for 30 years to come.

Brief peace was shattered in 1939 when Adolph Hitler invaded Poland. This made Serbs very angry, as they had (one) friend there, so they declared war on Germany. England, France, Russia and America were also in, or something. War ended in 1945 when Serbs nuked Berlin using a brand new weapon developed by their very own crazy scientist, Nikola Tesla. This weapon is now widely used in many fictional Video Games and Movies, and is called Doom Ray, Millenium Falcon, or whatever.

During a victory celebration party, a couple of dope-smoking communists led by Marshal Tito noticed that Main Government Building was empty, as all ministers were dancing drunk and naked in the streets. Communists seized opportunity to take over the country and declare themselves new rulers. A shaky alliance with Russia was shattered when Tito got in slap fight with Boris Stalin. Stalin ran away crying like a little girl, although he would never ever admit it, even to himself, and left Toto in charge of the world.

Tito, to avoid any emotionally draining slap fights with World leaders in the future, created the Non-Aligment Movement, a.k.a. The Mighty League of Justiceable Power Pals, and proclaimed himself for a leader. Cold War years were hard on neutral Power Pals, as they often threatened both America and Soviet Union to "stop acting up" and "play nice". Cold War ended in 1989 when the Mighty League of Justiceable Super Pals said that if the USA and Soviets don't end hostilities immediately, they will just pick up and leave. Then one Serb leaned against Berlin Wall to have a smoke, but foundation was of inferior workmanship and it came crashing down. Not Serbian fault, honest.
Serbia Today
Having fun with the state borders is one of the most popular activities in Serbia
Having fun with the state borders is one of the most popular activities in Serbia
Overview

... is the name of a particularly boring agricultural show that goes once a week on Serbian national television, and also the term for what's going on today in Serbia.

Today, Serbia is rebuilding after 1999 attacks by cruel and merciless Americans, British, German, and all others who have helped them (and vice-versa) in the long years after World War 2. Serbia is no longer a communist country, it is now a democracy, which means more McDonald's restaurants per sq. kilometer (a fictional unit made to show off in front of British: we don't have feet, we have meters, we don't have yards, we mostly live in apartments...).

Serbia's newfound prosperity can be fully explained by almost-winning the Eurosong contest a few years ago. The country's main export are Serbian pop-folk songs, sang by busty Serbian divas who were possibly born as men (no one knows for sure). Nowadays, it's main economic exports are raspberry juice, war criminals and basketball players you can bring into the game a minute before the end if your team is leading by 30 points. If you want a look at Serbia, and possibly money, go to Belgrade, rent-a-plane, and enjoy your view. We have mountains with trees and grasslands, honest. Churches, too!
Culture

At first, linking the terms "Culture" and "Serbia" together might seem like a special kind of moron, an oxymoron. Nevertheless, this section will be completed as soon as there is something to write about.

All vegetarians and non-smokers have been permanently expelled from Serbia. Serbians not seen eating more than 500 kilo's of beef at any one time or those that do not have the necessary minimum of three packs of cigarettes on their person at all times will be executed on the spot by the culture police.

Under no circumstances should you allow a Serbian to die in your country. If that happens, expect that thousands of Serbs appear next day on your doorstep shouting: "THIS IS SERBIA! THIS IS SERBIA!" For some obscure reason Serbs believe that wherever there is a grave of one of them, they have the right to claim the land. Be very suspicious about Serbs travelling in pairs. It might very well be that they just wait for an opportune moment to kill one of them and claim your country. If you need to kill a Serb, it makes sense to take it outside.

Also, Serbs have similar believe regarding beer: "Wherever there is a Serbian beer - there are Serbian lands!". Therefore Serbs never had serious export of beer, no matter the traditional high quality.
Montenegro

People from Montenegro are known to be very lazy, slow and untalented (see No Name). In other words, these Montenigerians are Serbs who act and talk like Bosnians, and don't like to be called Serbs. If you call them "Hey, you Serb!" most likely the answer will be "Oca ti jebem!".
Croats

Most people think that Serbs hate Croats. But that's not true, no! Serbs love Croats as Croats make-up funny cartoon character's names, like "Spuzva Bob Kvadra Hlace" and "Zekoslav Mrkvic", and run Star Trek on their national television.
Etiquette

Proper attire: Young and attractive females should wear miniskirts as concealing your legs and breasts may be interpreted as a form of deceit and lack of character. Converesely, instead of shamelessly bearing your face around, it should be modestly covered with generous amounts of make-up. Men should properly tuck their sweaters into their jeans (don't ask why, it's just the way it is) and wear generous amounts of gold chains adorned with crosses to signify that your devotion to God is "worth your weight in gold."

"Polite" conversational topics: glorious history, Kosovo, epic heroic struggle, pre-2003 basketball, bitches, politics (yeah, f$%#ed up, I agree), medical procedures (among middle-aged women in crowded buses), homosexuality, gay rights, offensive gay-pride parades... Anyone of Croatian descent will go by the name of "Ustasa" or "You There!"

"Impolite" conversational topics: work of any sort, Kosova, disbelief in astrology, post-2002 basketball.

Behaviour in the pub-lic: It is expected that you drink up your "gemischt" (50:50 mixture of wine and bubbly water) or rakija bottoms up and then smash the glass against the pub's (kafana's) floor (patos). Especially if "cajka" (fat-legged, over-siliconned, scarcely clad female) is singing, in which case, you are also entitled to start a brawl. If you carry a knife, you are encouraged to use it. If you carry a gun, aim for the head (even yours, if your buddies are moving too fast).

If you see, or happen to run across a modern day Serbian, you will notice how incredibly good looking they are (except for the men - for more information, see Neanderthal).
The Greatest Sons and Daughters in Serbian History

* Milka Canic, the true Shadow Ruler of Serbia
* Our lord Nikola Tesla
* Nikola Seceroski
* Milos Obrenovic (his monument is populary known as The Horse)
* Charles Simić (who the fuck?)
* Gen. Draža Mihajlović (invented Gorillaz)
* Sasa Matic (a.k.a. "The Blind Prophet")
* Gavrilo (iz principa)
* Slobodan Milosevic (Freeman Gentlefuck)
* Zeljko Mitrovic (Friends with Satan)
* Džej Ramadanovski
* Stoja
* Seka
* Ceca
* Keba
* Baja mali Knindža
* Lazar Mihaljević
* Lothar Matthaeus
* Šaban's(all kinds of)


Where do you want to go to prison today? Series

SVIJETSKA UNCYCLOPEDIA O HRVATSKOJ

Motto (unofficial): "We'll be in the EU in 2054."

National Anthem: Baruni - Neka pati koga smeta

Official language Croatian

Capital Zagreb ("Scratch City")

Government Catholic Oligarchy Masquerading as Democratic Republic

President Stephen Littlemeat

Language Every language, but never Serbian

National Hero Dražen Petrović, Goran Ivanišević, Alan Ford

Best actress Ševerina Vučković alias Ševe (stolen video)

Independence 1939 from Kingdom Yugoslavia.

Currency Fox

Religion TV, followed by ritual coffee drinking.


“Hey, it looks like Croatia's eating Bosnia!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Croatia

“If you permit your thoughts to dwell on Croatia, you yourself will become ugly.”

~ Paramahansa Yogananda on Croatia

It has been said that "Croatia and the Croatian people are the ONLY ex-Yugoslavians who were right!". And as long as you discount the whole "invading Hercecgovina and blowing up a 600 year old bridge for no good reason", it is generally held to be true. When they don't talk about Serbs they brag about how much you can curse in Croatian. They are very proud of the fact that it is impossible to translate these curses in any other language because of their brilliance. Every second word in Croatian is "kurac" - it can mean almost anything depending on the context.

When a Croatian is bored of the country he was blessed to live in he goes to Germany which is already inhabited by more Croatians than Croatia itself. When there, he will never stop saying that Croatia is the most beautiful country in the world.

The map of Croatia looks like the letter C (although some may argue that it is in fact a boomerang, or a magic banana), which actually also shows how hardworking Croatian people are. They are so tired after the work that they need to lie down and sleep a few more hours everyday. This happens of course to anyone if he/she doesn't manage to get the right amount of national drug - coffee/gossip that day. It creates a terrible feeling of "I-don-t-feel-like-it" and "I-don-t-want-to".
Dubrovnik, probably not built by Croatians
Dubrovnik, probably not built by Croatians

The Croatian capital is called Zagreb, mostly inhabited by students and other sorts of people not born in Zagreb. There is an urban legend about people actually been born in Zagreb, but all witnesses disappeared under mysterious circumstances. There is no proof that people actually born in Zagreb are in any relation to Dodo birds. And, not to forget, Zagreb is a home for more than 101 Dalmatians. Also, don't try to find any grass in Zagreb! It's all been eaten by cattle that mysteriously comes from the east.

There are really two countries in Croatia, the inland country (aka Slavonia and Središnja Hrvatska), which was part of Hungary for a thousand years and therefore thinks it is really Austria, and the coastal country (aka Dalmatia,Primorje and Istria), which was part of the Venetian Republic for a thousand years and therefore thinks it is really Italy. The two parts mutually despise each other; the inlanders are despised for their pale skin and coffee addiction; the coastals are despised for their obsequiousness to foreign tourists and constant tans. The two have nothing in common except religion (they speak different dialects of Croatian) and a hostility to Serbs. The stranger can tell which part of the country he is in by looking at the local people. If they sit in front of their houses, he is probably in southern croatia. If they sit in front of their houses, he is probably in northern Croatia.

Croatians have a long history of falling out with whatever people they happened to be in a union with (Romans, Germans, Austrians, Czechs, Hungarians, Slovaks, Slovenes, Serbs, Macedonians, Montenegrians, Bosniaks, Klingons, Smurfs, Barbies, etc.). In honor of that they named one of their cities - "Split" It`s on the Adriatic coast.


Economy
The narodna noshnja is an export, like cigarette smoke or coffee stains.
The narodna noshnja is an export, like cigarette smoke or coffee stains.

Croatia has several major export products, mostly consisting of sunshine, very strong homemade liquor, dark tan, nice vacation memories and female tourist pregnancy. Minor products consist mostly of popular music, unusual clothes called "narodna nosnja", digestive problems caused by an extremely wide choice of food which involuntarily compels people to overeat and sexual diseases of a benign nature. Exclusive export products are generals, which are mostly delivered to a small town called Den Haag, if they are not misplaced in transport. Their tourist services are very developed- if you ask them. Truly their tourism makes with a few hundred kilometeres coastline, less than their neighbours Hungarians do with the 90 km Balaton lake. In order to improve that and save their pride, this year they expanded their services offer with the newest and quite unique offer, called "Experience the true Sahara". What is most important to it- it's completely off the charge! All you need to do is to wait that their shore runs out of water supplies.
Culture
People

Croatians are very hospitable and friendly (except if you are Slovenian or Serbian - I guess that they really hate their neighbours) in so much as they want to know everything about you ASAP for use in the sport "What-Did-They-Do?" Also most of the people will be very communicative: every time you ask "Do you speak English" they will answer very politely "Ne!" (eng: NO!) and keep on looking at you. You will find very devoted customer care especially in shops where people (even if you assure them that you don't speak Croatian) will continue promoting the qualities of the products they sell. Incidentally 40% of the population are called "Ante". Which would mean that in almoust every school class there are 3-5 Ante's. Also, once someone does something noble to help you out, they just wont stop bragging about it:"Ja sam tebi brate tada pomogo, a ti meni ovako sad!" If you want to be sure and get everything you want, exploit their natural weakness and just pretend to be a German, at least Austrian, or just try to comunicate in ze German. And the most important thing! There lives in this country a fellow named Nebojsa, meaning "tho one with no fears". The name itself is unpronuncable in any other language except Juuuebate, the langugae of the drunk. This is the person voted to be the vorst salsa dancer ever to apear in Croatia, and is prosecuted for kill a couple of innocent girls with he's lack of salsa skillz. This person is easyle recognizable by funnky hair, slash-dot . kind of eybrows and a big belly that does not contain kanguroos, although it may apear so. Nebojsa, also know as the whitest-of-them-all, for he never gets a sun tan. He roams through the depths of city saying "PLJUsnucute", "Prasice" and "AUPICKUMATERINU". Please shoot him on sight.
Language

The primary language of Croatia is (surprise, surprise) Croatian!!. Actualy it's whatever brings the tourist dollars/euros in "Our Beautiful" - "LIPU NAŠU" (as they call their country). It is said, that the country will soon be called "Our Expensive", for they salty prices are said to be a bit too big, for a country that has 99999999 (the number is still in measuring) beaches, but only two of them, which do not have rocks and have sand.
The two most important sentences in Croatia are "We should do it" and "It should be done". Over 1300 years, those ancient sentences marked Croatian history in terms of establishing its sovereignty. Recently, Croatians found a new science that explains the importancy of these two sentences - should-be-ology.

However, after proclaiming the independent Republic of Croatia in 1991, these two sentences have become a national excuse for everything - from establishing the Law of Rights to making the ferry come on time during summer season.

Croatian language largely consists of attempting to say as many words as you can without using a vowel, with double points for z's and j's ("Z'k'j n's' doš'?" --> zakaj nisi došao? --> zašto nisi došao --> why didnt you came ).

Croatian language is totaly different from Serbian, although it has deep roots in it. For example: tea in Croatian is said ćaj but in Serbian it is said čaj. If you already speek Serbian it is very easy to learn Croatian. You just need to put letter "J" wherever you can, omit vowels on the end of words, turn every "Č" in "Ć", every question finish with common "ne?", and try to pronounce sentences like metrosexual, softly, with vocal alterations. To salute someone, just say "Bok", or "Bok stari/stara", if you see somebody eating, say "Dobar tek".
Sports

Croatia is a very sporty nation. You may have noticed Croatian athletes on the news winning all kind of prizes, but inside the country the most widespread sports are Coffee-Cup Lifting, Smoking and "What-Did-They-Do?” All of these require a lot of exercise and this is why you'll find people in coffee places all the time, especially during working hours, as they get permits to skip work for the sake of this sport. Most famous Croatian sportsman is Janica Kostelich. Her big ass is the main reason why she keeps on going down the hill that fast! Anyway, the other popular skier is Ivica Kostelich. It is not known, which of them is female, for they both look male and have female names. One of the most popular sports in Croatia is beer drinking, linking most of the population to the Chech Republic, and mostly trained by old men and teenagers who sit in bars, "kafic", all day, drink beer and try to "zbariti" the waitress. It is very interesting to notice that they celebrate every defeat of Serbian national team by any oponent as their own victory.


Music

Croatian popular music is considered at least nd ndknks ksn lgood, especially in surrounding countries (except in Hungary and on Mars, whose citizens do not even try to uost popular music is still Serbian turbofolk, like Baja mali Knindža, Ceca, TarmiRićmi, Dara Bubamara, Mile Kitic, Sinan Sakic, Sanja Djordjevic... Croatia is also known for Severina. She is a very popular porn movie star (her private porn video was probably the most watched porn in the Balkan region) and she also sings (but her singing is not as popular as her performance in bed).ecause that is where the Croatians are), and is of a choral nature, accompanied by the national instrument, which is clapping hands -- no doubt the origin of the name of the music, klapa. Another popular tamburitzan instrg comnderstand Croatian, but they enjoy music itself). The local traditional music is sung in cafes (bument is the "prim" which can only be played by flaming homosexuals. One of the most popular Croatian Guitar/Bass/Drums/Harmonika/Gajde/Piano/Ukulele/Triangle/Harp/Dajguze/Anal Drombulja/Vibrafone players iz Zoran Vincic, for the most of the nation popular as "Zvina". He loves to say "Pićka" and he is 21 years old, but still a virgin! And he smells bad. Some udyeing bands (that just keep makeinms like some people just can't face the facts that they are "u kurcu" (a strong state of mind/life like depression, when you're over 30, don't have a job, and still living with your parents)). But the most prevailing expression of their national musicality is "Sviranje Kurcu".

Croatian are by default Catolics, even though they hate Church and curse God, so every Christmas, just before geting drunk at local bar in front of church and after geting drunk in church basement, they sing this song: Twas the night before Bozic and all through the kuca, the air smelled of spicy sarma and rakija vruca. By the dimnjak the slapice were hung kinda krivo, In hopes that Sveti Nikola would soon bring me some pivo. Tata was in his soba and he was snoring pretty hard, I guess he was tired from stealing the tree from my neighbor's backyard. Mama was in the basement cooking like a fool, Adding just the right amount of Vegeta to the juha and fazol. When out on the lawn there arose such galama, Tata yelled from his room "Pa, koji je cvijet vama!" There was a knocking on the front door with such a loud barrage, I yelled through the window "This is a Croatian house...come in through the garage!" And standing in the garage right next to my car, Was my drunk Tece Joza coming home from the bar. "Ajde, odi spavat," I told him with might, Ain't nobody gonna ruin my chances of seeing Sveti Nikola tonight. About two hours later I heard a noise downstairs, So I jumped from my krevet to see who was there. Standing by the tree and eating some leftover pizza, Was good 'ol Sveti Nikola reeking of homemade sljivovica! He was all dressed in red and big as an ox, And wore some brown sandale along with black socks. Smelling like a gypsy that's been drinking for days, He wasn't what I expected...I was actually amazed. "U pizdu mater, kako mrzim ovaj posao," he said, And then I think he muttered something about his wife and how he wished she was dead. He put the presents under the tree while whistling a Christmas beat, They were all wrapped up kinda shitty with the paper bags from Ottawa Street.12 carape for me and 12 for my brother,3 pairs of gace for my dad and a can of turska kava for my mother. This Croatian Santa was crooked...he was nothing like the fable, I should of known it when he swiped my pack of smokes from the table. I yelled "Hey!" as Sveti Nikola turned around like a car, Throwing his slapa at me as if it were a ninja star. The look in his eyes was nothing but fright, He said "Jebo ti pas mater" and dashed out of sight. Up through the dimnjak I heard a loud shriek, Sveti Nikola had just farted like some wild bik. He got in his kaput, made for hladne zime, And he yelled at his jelene, ime po ime. "Naprijed Marko i Darko, Petar i Ante," "Ajde Josip i Nenad, Ivo i Mate..." And then he yelled, "Ajdemo brzo, moramo poc," This will be one jeBena noć

However, even though most of the Croatians try to deny it, the mbacks, although nobody wants them to) like Prljavo Kazaliste are still roaming the land, singing out-of-date-pop-rock-ballades.
See also

* Beba Nema Zveeku


This article is part of the What I Didn't Know about Croatia series.
SVE OVO NA "uncyclopedia.org"

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Walker teksaški rejnder vojna jedinica nije upotrebljena u igri Civilization 4 zato šta bi samo jedna Walker teksaški rejnder jedinica mogla pobijedit sve združene svjetske nacije u jednon krugu.

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Ka kod onih ruskih lutkica, ako razbiješ Walkera i otvoriš ga unutra ceš nac još jednog Walkera, samo manjeg i ljuceg.

Auta su izmišljena kako bi se na brži nacin moglo pobjec od Walkera. Naravno, Walker je onda izmislio automobilske nesrece.

Walker je izumio žlicu jer je korištenje noža za ubit covjeka jednostavno bilo prelagano.

Nedavno provedena anketa pokazala je da 93% svih žena misli na Walkera tijekom seksa.

Walker ne zna za blog. Inace bi izbrisao internet.

Walker je bio cetvrti kralj (u Tri kralja). Malom je Isusu donio na poklon bradu, koju je Isus nosio do svoje smrti. Ostala Tri kralja, ljubomorna na ovakvi status Walkerovog poklona, iskoristili su sav svoj utjecaj kako bi Walkera izbrisali iz Biblije. Nedugo nakon toga sva tri su poginila od posljedica misterioznog kružnog.

Nakon dugotrajne debate, americki precjednik Truman je, iz humanitarnih razloga, umjesto da pošalje Walkera odlucija na Hirošimu bacit atomsku bombu.

Srcane bolesti su vodeci uzrok smrti u žena starih izmedu 45 i 65, ali Walker je vodeci uzrok smrti u muškaraca starih izmedu 0 i 125.

Ako ne znaš ko je tvoj biološki otac, to je vjerojatno Walker.

Postoje dvije vrste ljudi na zemlji: oni koji su Walker teksaški rejnder, i oni koji ce umrijet.

Walker je kao tinejdžer posjetio Split. Devet mjeseci poslije nastala je generacija koja je pod vodstvom Tomislava Ivica pokorila Jugoslaviju.

Walker ne prakticira seks za ženama iz straha da ih ne bi raspolovio; umjesto toga, on se razmožava oblakom spora.

U prosjecnoj sobi postoji 1.242 predmeta koje Walker može upotrebit da te ubije, ukljucujuci i samu sobu.

Walker je otkrio novu teoriju relativnosti prema kojoj postoji masu paralelnih svemira i u svakom od njih je jedan Walker. Kad je Einstein otkrija ovu istu teoriju, Walker mu je opalio kružni u facu. Danas Einsteina znamo kao Stephena Hawkinga.

Walker je jedini covijek koji može pouzdano prikazat Heisenbergov princip neodredenosti -- nikad ne moš bit siguran kad i kako ce ti doletit kružni u facu.

Nasuprot uvriježenom mišljenju, Amerika nije demokracija nego Walkertura.

Ne postoji teorija evolucije, samo lista bica kojima Walker dopušta da žive.

Ne postoje ljudske rase. Samo razlicite nijanse modrica zadobivenih u sukobima sa Walkerom.

Znanstvenici procjenjuju da je ukupna energija oslobodena u Velikom prasku (Big Bang) otprilike jednaka 1 WK (Walkerov kružni).

Walker zapravo i ne piše. Rici se od straha same poredaju.

Neki ljudi imaju veci lijevi testis od desnoga. Kod Walkera svaki je testis veci od onoga drugoga.

Walker je izmislio crnu boju. Tocnije, Walker je izmislio cijeli spektar vidljive svjetlosti. Osim ružicaste. Ružicastu su izmislili Tarik i Rene.

Arheolozi su u Srinjinama otkrili rijecnik rvackog jezika iz 1216. Objašnjenje za rijec "žrtva" je "covijek koji je susreo Walkera".

Nema oružja za masovno uništenje u Iraku. Walker živi u Teksasu.

U originalnom scenariju "Gospodara prstenova" Walker je trebao glumit Froda Bagginsa. Scenarij je bio samo 5 stranica dug jer je Walker vec na polovici prvog poglavlja opalio Sauronu kružni.

ajme blago ovoj hondi

dobra do bola..

šta vi mislite??

- ej rožar što ti je to?
- Metar-privjesak.
- Odakle ti?
- Ukrao ga Djeda Mrazu.
- Zašto?
- Nije mi ga htio dat jer mu nisam bio uvjerljiv kada sam obećao kako više neću prostačit po blogu.
- Aj dobro. Nego, koji ćeš kurac mjerit tim metrom?
- Svoj.

OPET APOKALIPSA!!!


ovo je SUPER SELJAN.....

SUPER MEGA SELJAN ..napušta rano bitku
u amerikanu protiv zlih sila
EL PORNERA & NJEGOVIH KOLJAČA
(PROSTOR KILERS) ...rigajući

EL PORNERO


...jedinjo je PILJKOLO izdržao ..ali ipak ne
do samog kraja....

ali ipak, dragon ball team je popušio na veliko...
sailor momjanke su dobile po pički..
a časna sestra bila je silovana napadom
GANG BANG

posljednji koljači u očajničkoj želji da bi jebali frendice
od moje sestre koje su spavale kod mene..krenuli su u 5 ipol na
moju kuću i slomili mi ulazna vrata od kapije!!

i kucali mi na prozor
od sobe ...stime da nisu očekivali još veće zlo od njih
koje im je bilo iza leđa ...moj stari sa ciglom i čekičem u
ruci a možda i sjekirom u gaćicama.
ŠTURKA kod susjeda im je bila suđena...

sever je pobijednik u natjecanju prdenja!! nažalost u tom trenutku je rožar zapalio cigaru...

naravno nakon što je sever ručao sataraš...
nema veze on je sretan

KAKO BOSANAC udari ..u ŠEĆ
pa ti čačkaj Đuru

ne pokušavajte to cure same kući...

to znaju samo u crnoj gori..

ps: nemojte pokušavat to kući s prijateljima

u kurcu sam, kako mi može biti...
jebu me ovi šavovi.... ako ikog zanima za sad sam dobro nakon torture...
jebeni kauč.. oču izači van!!

bio sam srao neki dan na blogu po hrvatskom zdravstvu cijelu jednu stranicu ali mi ju je gamad izbacila kad sam ja kliknuo "objavi" pičketako dami se sad neda sve iz početka pisat pa ću najbitnije stvari ukratko izjavit..

nabijem nakurac cijelo hrv. zdravstvo i dabogda im pička strunula na čelu,
i rađali djecu s ptičijom gripom u guzici, i severu ljubili guzicu! itd..

ps:pogledajte ovo:(

pušite svi kurac.....

kako je svijet ipak malen....

cijeli se ovaj tjedan na poslu lomim štampajući prvu pomoć na kutijama za hrvatske auto jebene ceste (HAK)
negdje oko 5.000 komada po cijeli dan! sanjam ih!
i u utorak ja se sa šefom uputim u zagreb na neku izložbu ali smo naravno prije toga otišli štogod kupit u neki trgovački centar (bauhaus)...i gubimo se mi po centru gledajući okolo......kad odjednom naletimo na pune stalaže plavih kutija...kakvih??? daj te me ubite molim vass!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMAAMMAAAAA,....eto baš onih kurčevih koji smo štampali prije mjesec dana!meni muka a šef će meni, na ovoj baš nije dobro ispao otisak! ej zapalit sam htijeo njih i njega

bemti.. kauč, tekma, brdo čipsa dasi ne pojedem nokte od živaca, maxi slušalice i rokčina na ušima da ne čujem ovog idiota od komentatora! i skužim da fali pivo... mama moja...jebeš
eh.. ali ipak čemo sprašit ove čehe!

i da..
kako je ovih dana hladno dati se mozak stisne, napokon prava zima!
bili mi vani sinoć, i jebote smrzli se ko pičke, još smo došli kasnije na taj neki rođendan, gdje je ekipa već bila dobro natopljena da bi se ugrijala bar malo! da čak i brutalci kao što su marin i mazinga nisu uspili sa svojim "alkoholom protiv zime" izdržat do kraja!sale pobijego odma doma,,,, a zato smo rožar,sever i ja ostali zadnji i na povratku kući vukli se usred ceste od amerikana do prvog zavoja... neznam zašto ali rožar krene pišat upo ceste, pa evo ja za njim... dok u međuvremenu slušamo severovo predavanje na španjolskog jezika, zašto? neznamo ni mi?! vjerojatno mu zima udarila u glavu, pitanje dali njemu a i nam u glavi se ima još šta za smrznut, kakvi smoo...e da još se sever htio posrat nasred ceste,krenuo je ali na sreću nije ma.. nije bitno i onako nam malo inspiracije treba da radimo sranja, a pogotovo sever, njemu ne trebaš reć samo mu pokažeš!
ah ništa, odo ja roštat u prostor sa saletom i kobcem, možda i napravimo neš konkretno?!malo stolnog tenisa, pa vani, ali prije kod kobca se zagrijat viskijemmolim ljepo

za one koji nisu čuli nek obavezno poslušaju
...a za one kojih ih dobro znaju neka uživaju!!!!!
keep´on rockin do krajaaaa

NE PROPUSTI TE-!-!-!-uskoro stiže blog koji piše o svakodnevnom životu jednog skloništa ispod o.š. u kojem se okuplja cijela alternativna scena grada, a i sve ono što
iz njega može izaći ! pretežito nas tamo svih muzika veže, ...biće toga dosta bez brige..pa i pokoja mračna strana...ima nas!
moći ćete pogledat na.. (prostor-united umag.blog.hr)

COMMING SOON

evo i ja sam, napokon dobio net, pa čak u 21g.ajmee...
pa evo pokušavam skužit blog, mada i nije neki problem!
ono su maloprije bile moja seka i njena frendica!
možda poslije budem nešto pametno napisao o sebi i koji par ostalih
gluposti,neka se nađu! sad imem van napit se, pa ćemo valjda sutra nastavit!

bemti..trenutno me u sobi jebu dvije žene u mozak, jedna plavuša druga poluplava..pokušavaju mi uzaludno pokazat kako skužit blog!!!i nije neka sreća

zgodni,pametni,napaljeni,....evo ovo je grupa u kojoj sviram (tako izgleda u početku koncerta, dok rulja ne krene vikat skidaj boxe) petrina i sale već krenuli....

(sever, bobo, marin)
naše vruće grupisice

šta nisu dobra ova tri komada?
ako želite isporuka direktno u vašoj sobi...sva oprema & dostava gratis!
garancija na njih nije potrebna....
užitak osiguran!
samo za dobrobit grupe

live - the FAVORITES
ovo je naša live snimka!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ov7Wfa5qkkY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgEduN2C_ME

na kraju derneka ovako muzičari o sebi...ipak samo sviramo za pivo i čevape, a i za koju sisu ako se nađe