la vida termina

You overshadow me completely, in your presence, I am small
i am not used to it, not used to the shadow
my feelings are again too many, my frame is again too tight
I am in love with the wrong people, I love another smile
I cannot explain this strange vulcano that rages inside
I cannot understand why keeping it simply is so impossible
maybe if I was more strict, but I can't, I am in love
unhappily in love with life and the world, with people around me
is this the big crisis?
I sat on the metro station today, looked at the people
feeling, not that I was in Berlin, but that I was just there
in a reality, which is the same, always, after a while
I am feeling worthless, maybe these extreme depressions are not normal
maybe there IS something wrong with me
today I wish that someone would just save me
whoever, it does not matter, it could be just anyone
just a talk, on facebook or wherever,
I cannot deal with anything right now...

My emotional life taking over my private life
my professional life
i am more than a journalist, more of me belongs to other spheres
I am a complete dreamer, idealist, freedom fighter, if not something else
I am child, a nasty little brat,
I am a WOMAN, but also a man, a bolding fat little man in a clown suite
with a sad flower on my head
I give my smiles for free, I write "hahaha" alot, never "lol"
my breasts hurt, it is too empty now
they want to feed small babies, keep them safe
my legs have already chosen another destination...
a sad chest, a sad smile
I am generous but poor

Sve bi bilo jednostavno, da je stvarno tako, da jedna prava ljubav, iskljuci sve druge ljubavi... Kod mene nije tako, ja uvjek volim njih vise... i muskaraca, i zena, i zivota... ja ne mogu sama, ne znam sama, nisam sama sebi dovoljna. mozda me je zato tako opcinila izlozba fride kahlo, prepoznala sam se u toj njenoj ovisnosti o drugim ljudima, o ljudima koji me vole, koje volim... u njenom dnevniku, velikim slovima je pisalo vise puta: estoy sola, estoy sola... kao neka molitva, kao da ce je neko cuti... ne znam odkuda mi taj strah, i kad nema ni najmanje razloga da se bojim, znam da me kontrolise, znam da stoji iza mojih izbora... ali ipak sam lojalna, da ne kazem vjerna... iako ni ne vjerujem u potpunu vjernost... ne mogu lagati... mozda bih mogla iznevjeriti ali ne bih mogla lagati, to ne mogu... to mi je veci strah. kroz laz bi postala neko drugi, toga se jos vise bojim - ne biti ja... od svih ti silnih ljubavi, samo jedna je stvarna, samo jedna je fizicka, samo jedna je tako nesavrsena da joj vjerujem...

My emotional life taking over my private life
my professional life
i am more than a journalist, more of me belongs to other spheres
I am a complete dreamer, idealist, freedom fighter, if not something else
I am child, a nasty little brat,
I am a WOMAN, but also a man, a bolding fat little man in a slown suite
with a sad flower on my head
I give my smiles for free, I write "hahaha" alot, never "lol"
my breast hurt, it is too empty now
they want to feed small babies, keep them safe
my legs have already chosen another destination...
a sad chest, a sad smile
I am generous but poor

volim te kad si sretan
kad si tako pun sebe da te nije briga sta cu ja misliti, nakon treceg mejla
zar nije smjesno kako smo dobri online, a tako losi offline
na netu mozemo zivjeti od praznih obecanja
mislim da nam je oboma to potrebno
dodjem ti i kao majka i kao prijateljica
i mozda i simpatija, nikako zena
tu sam uz tebe i kad si zao, i kad si kao neposlusno djete...
volm te, nekim meni novim osjecanjima

***

ceznje su mi obuzele tjelo
ti val toplote sto se krece prema meni
ja te cekam i vec gustam pri pomisli na taj zagrljaj
na taj dodir usni, vlazno, tvrdo, njezno
ti i ja smo okovani strastima i svakodnevnicom
niko me ne poznaje kao ti, a ni ti me nikada neces potpuno znati