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Ime: Laura
cudna je... povucena, blesava...
voli tog jednog prekasnog decka...
sve bi napravila za njega
i sve vas voli da ne zaboravim :)
nije sigurna u sebe, ne vjeruje nikome, pa ni sebi... iznenaduje samu sebe svojim ponasanjem... luda je
MSN/mail
laura16anna@hotmail.com
slobodno mejlajte il dodajte...
×X MJERE I SLIČNO X×
visina: 179
02.11.2008. - novi pocetak 
oko 66 kg 
×X CILJEVI X×
64 -
63 -
62 -
61 -
60 -
59 -
58 - najveca zelja
2.11. +
3.11. +
4.11. +
5.11. +/-
____
6.11.
7.11.
8.11.
9.11.
×XLEPTIRICEX×
nekadasnje i sadasnje:
Ambra
Just me
Ne težim za savršenstvom, samo želim smršaviti
Samo želim biti lijepa
Thin Fantasy
Baby Ana
Nesretna i debela
Yellow
Tia
crvena
I wanna be thin...
debela sam
Anna Freak
*look what they have done to my dream*
ghetto girl
UN-kica
Mulla
Miss Ana
Smjer Ilica
Best friend to Anna
Apple
Be my baby
Jedna od mojih najdrazih:
Beautiful_disorder :)
Chat:
Leptirice chat
Ovo nemojte shvacat Pro-ana jer ja nisam Proana... ovo je samo za cure koje poremecaj u prehrani vec imaju i dobro znaju kaj je to i kak je to.... nadam se da ce vam pomoc bar malo....
1.) ne preporucam vaganje svaki dan... voda i sve to... radije svaka 4-5 dana
2.) uvijek morate imat cilj, bez cilja cete jako brzo odustat
3.) ponekad je osjecaj gladi najljepsi osjecaj...
4.) zabavite se necim... napravite si manikuru, provedite dan u shopping-centru, zabavljajte se... samo da ne mislite na hranu
5.) nemojte govorit drugim ljudima da ne jedete... pocet ce vas uvjeravat da vam treba hrana, da niste normalni i na kraju ce se udaljit od vas jer nece znat kaj da naprave s vama
6.) ako se zelite nekom povjerit il vam je tesko, sigurna sam da ce barem jedna leptirica saslusat i pomoc... ja sam uvijek tu za vas
7.) nemojte gladovat pa se navecer prezderat... jedino kaj s tim dobijete je uzaaassaaannn osjecaj krivnje, isti tren se osjecate duplo deblje i na kraju pošizite do kraja... radije jedite malo tijekom dana umjesto gladovanja i recite NE
8.) pisite postove redovito... pomaze i vama da pratite kilazu, osjecaje, promjene i da razmisljate o necem drugom, a pomaze i curama koje citaju
9.) nadite neku svoju mantru... ponavljajte ju kad vam je tesko i kad vidite da neide dalje... nek vam to da snage da nastavite
10.) thinspiration... predivna stvar.. svakoj od vas preporucam bar jednu sliku mrsave cure u novcaniku il na zidu...
11.) nemojte se zavaravat s tim da su sve kalorije iste... mozda uneses 500 il kolko vec kalorija dnevno, al nije isto dal je to 500 kalorija špeka, čipsa i čokolade il 500 kalorija jabuka i naranči, kaj ne? zato pazite i na kvalitetu i masnocu hrane, ne samo kalorijsku vrijednost
12.) ZLATNI SAVJET... ako dulje vrijeme ne jedete il jedete npr. samo naranče il nesto kiselo vrlo vjerojatno dobijete žgaravicu ili bolove u zelucu il nesto... sir pomaze... samo kockicu nekog mrvicu masnijeg sira pojedite i odma ce bit bolje... puno bolje nego da (na vjerojatno jaaako prazan zeludac) pijete tablete...
to bi bilo to, dodat cu jos toga kad smislim nesto pametno :D
DEAD CELEBRITY STATUS
"Someone I Once Knew"
She wasn't born anorexic, but nowadays she suffers,
staring at these half-naked stars on magazine covers.
feeling pressured by the public.
She only weighs 90 pounds but still sucks in her stomach.
On the inside she's dieing, lying to herself, thinking:
- 5 more pounds won't jeopardize my health.
One day she might just collapse, she can't avoid it.
Too many sleepless nights spent bent over a toilet.
Spewing vomit, like she was an alcoholic.
Praying to a God she never believed in to stop it.
Hasn't eaten in weeks, drinks water by the heaps.
Now she looks like the skeleton she sees in her closet.
So close to death she can taste it, body looks wasted.
Hates life, hates you, hates the way she looks naked.
Now she's feeling drowsy, lousy,
thinking maybe this world's better off without me
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
She's staring at her belly, she's so scared to touch it,
imagining the feeling when it kicks inside her stomach.
Too late for safe sex, should have used a latex.
She can't afford a baby on minimum wage paychecks.
Her waistline climbs by inches,
'cuz she traded in the morning workouts for morning sickness.
Feeling nauseous, sleeps on a mat because she's cautious.
Give life or take life, that's her only options.
Only if she had a magic wand, she'd go back to that night
and put her clothes back on.
But she can't change time, or what's growing inside.
How could she love something that's barely alive?
Her body's aching, shaking, from sweaty palms, and cold sweat.
Mentally exhausting like phone sex.
No regrets, life or death, it's high stakes.
'cuz right or wrong, it's only her choice to make.
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
[Side]
- Help!
[Girl:] You smell like perfume. That's NOT mine.
[Guy:] Your head's going fucking crazy, Your head is going crazy.
Gotta get outta here and look after myself.
[Girl:] What? What's so wrong with me that you can't love me?
[Guy:] Look-
[Girl:] What is wrong with me? I do everything for you.
I, I, I make myself look good, I go to the gym.
I, I eat like a fucking rabbit.
I don't, I don't know what else to do.
Tell me.
[Guy:] Baby, you don't understand because-
[Girl:] What it is I have to do to make you love me.
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
----------------------------------------------------
SUPERCHICK
"Courage"
I told another lie today
And I got through this day
No one saw through my games
I know the right words to say
Like "I don't feel well," "I ate before I came"
Then someone tells me how good I look
And for a moment, for a moment I am happy
But when I'm alone, no one hears me cry
I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be OK
Together we can make it through another day
I don't know the first time I felt unbeautiful
The day I chose not to eat
What I do know is how I've changed my life forever
I know I should know better
There are days when I'm OK
And for a moment, for a moment I find hope
But there are days when I'm not OK
And I need your help
So I'm letting go
I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be OK
Together we can make it through another day
You should know you're not on your own
These secrets are walls that keep us alone
I don't know when but I know now
Together we'll make it through somehow
(together we'll make it through somehow)
I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be OK
Together we can make it through another day
----------------------------------------------------
SILVERCHAIR
"Ana's song"
Please die Ana
For as long as you're here we're not
You make the sound of laughter
and sharpened nails seem softer
And I need you now somehow
And I need you now somehow
Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you
Imagine pageant
In my head the flesh seems thicker
Sandpaper tears corrode the filth
And I need you now somehow
And I need you now somehow
Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you
And you're my obsession
I love you to the bones
And Ana wrecks your life
Like an Anorexia life
Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you
Open fire on the needs designed
Open fire on my knees desires
On my knees for you
---------------------------------------
RADIOHEAD
"Creep"
When you were here before
Couldnt look you in the eye
Youre just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
And I wish I was special
Youre so fuckin special
But Im a creep, Im a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.
I dont care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When Im not around
Youre so fuckin special
I wish I was special
But Im a creep, Im a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.
Shes running out again,
Shes running out
Shes run run run running out...
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
Youre so fuckin special
I wish I was special...
But Im a creep, Im a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.
I dont belong here.
------------------------------------
JOYDROP
"Beautiful"
If I was beautiful like you
All the things I would do
Those not so blessed would be crying out murder
And I’d just laugh and get away with it too
Like you do
If I was beautiful like you
I would never be at fault
I’d walk in the rain between the rain drops
Bringing traffic to a halt
But that would never be
That would never ever be
Cause I’m not beautiful like you
I’m beautiful like me, beautiful like me
If I was beautiful like you
I’d be quick to assume
they’d do anything to please me, why not
To see their reaction when you walk into the room
But that would never be
That would never ever be
Cause I’m not beautiful like you
I’m beautiful like me, beautiful like me
Beautiful, beautiful like me
Like me, Like me...
If I was beautiful like you
I’d have so many friends
All fighting for my time to be next in line
So if I hurt one, I wouldn’t have to make amends
That would never be
That would never ever be
Cause I’m not beautiful like you
I’m not beautiful like you
I’m not beautiful like you
I’m beautiful like me
Beautiful like me, beautiful like me
I’m beautiful like me, I’m beautiful like me.
Dugo me nije bilo i nemozete ni zamislit kolko mi je to falilo...
Stvari zbog kojih sam se vratila:
dobila sam 2-3 kg
poludila sam totalno
deprimirana sam od jutra do mraka
udaljila sam se od svih
nemogu pogledat svoj odraz u ogledalu
nemogu podnjet to kako mi noge lelujaju i salo koje skakuce okolo dok hodam
stalno jedem i imam binge-purge epizode svakodnevno
moram se mijenjat
u nekoj cudnoj fazi sam
FALILE STE MIIII
iako me dugo nije bilo, nisam vas zaboravila, citala sam vas redovito, procitala sam sve komentare koje ste objavljivale na tudim blogovima, al ja nisam vama komentirala... razlog? bilo mi je neugodno... vama ide, ja bi kao trebala rec da cemo zajedno kroz to prolazit il kaj vec, a nemogu... tako bi htjela da sve bude kao prije... a to je tako nemoguce... svima je potrebna podrska, pa bi ja stvarno bila presretna kad bi barem jedna od vas htjela ic samnom na vodene dane, pocevsi od sutra kad je mjeseceva.same si odredite na kolko dana cete ic, ja idem na 3, pa kud puklo da puklo. bolesna sam ovak ionak, imunitet mi je uzasan (tocnije, nema ga), ponasam se grozno i bez toga, tak da nemam kaj izgubit... tako da plan za iducih par dana:
pon - voda
uto - voda
sri - voda
čet - jabuke
pet - jabuke+vecera (nekakva proslava)
sub - jabuke+juha
ned - rucak+povrce
a nakon toga prelazim opet na carobnu juhicu... jako mi je fina...
nadam se da cu sad imat snage ponovo pisat jer ako opet odustanem, stvarno neznam kaj ce bit samnom, dobro sam samo kad pisem.
volim vas sve Leptirice moje najdraze
samo se drzite, a i ja cu probat
i sad opet: MOZEMO MI TO, jer na kraju krajeva, Nothing tastes as good as thin feels, tako da na kraju ce ipak bit nagraden nas trud, samo treba izdrzat
P.S. ---> AnnaFreak, tebe sam najvise citala i mala, molim te, daj sve od sebe!! znamo mi svi da ti to mozes :) mislim da imas dovoljno jaku samokontrolu i da to dovoljno zelis tak da ti je uspjeh zagarantiran. tebi najveca pusa
UPDATE
prerano je za novi post pa cu samo apdejtat stari...
nisam opet mogla spavat pa sam stvarno puno razmisljala i zakljucila da bi mozda stvarno bilo najbolje da jos jednom dam sve od sebe i probam po 4. put UN-ku. mnogima je pomogla, al ja se do sad nisam mogla natjerat tolko jest... al mislim da bi bilo vrijeme da isprobam i svoju samokontrolu na drukciji nacin, tj. da se prisilim pojest i da ne povracam vise... to ce mi bit teze i od bilo kakvog gladovanja, al moram jednostavno, ovo nikud ne vodi, kak ste i same rekle - zacarani krug...
znaci, od danas na UN-ki... za ovo trebam veliku podrsku jer sam vec sad uvjerena da necu uspjet... nikad do sad nisam duze od 3 dana izdrzala na njoj... al sad cu dat stvarno sve od sebe...
Kako to planiram izvest?
-necu planirat obroke unaprijed nego jednostavno rucat/vecerat ono kaj je na redu taj dan (kad planiram nikad ne ispadne dobro)
-strogo cu se pridrzavat svega
-jest cu tocno odredene kolicine, dakle, ak pise 3 kuglice sladoleda, pojest cu 3 kolko god me to bolilo....
-nema vise meduobroka
-javljat cu se redovito, mislim da cu u pocetku morat cak svaki dan jer cu bit jakoooo pod stresom... bojim se...
-ponasat cu se kao da gladujem... pustit cu Anu da me vodi** (objasnjenje dole)
-molit cu cure koje su bile il koje su sad na UN da mi pomognu, daju savjete i upute me malo kaj se smije kaj se nesmije (osim onog osnovnog) i kaj je eventualno njima pomoglo...
**za nove ili stare koje to ne rade tako
KAD TE VODI ANA:
u trenucima kad mi je bilo najteze, znala sam se skroz prepustit... dat joj da radi iz mene kaj god oce... na taj nacin sam znala i po 11 dana gladovat bez problema... doduse, to onda nisam ja, ja sam nekak odsutna.. ko da je dusa napustila tijelo, a Ana uselila...neznam tocno kak se to dogodi, al znam da je od velike pomoci... ja sam dugo bila uvjerena da mi je Ana najbolja frendica.. mislim cak da je jos uvijek... posvecujem joj naslove u dnevniku, pjesme, sve moj misli i razmisljanja upucena su njoj... znam cak i pricat s njom kad mi je tesko... ona mi je ko neka imaginarna prijateljica, al ujedno i jedina za koju znam da me nece napustit... ocajno? mozda, al to je dio mene, protiv toga nemogu... tjera me dalje i pomaze kad zapnem... zato joj se s vremena na vrijeme prepustim... u zamjenu za tu podrsku i ljubav, poklonim joj svoje tijelo i dozvolim joj da radi s njim sto zeli... ona ga najbolje pokori i zivim po njenim pravilima... doduse, ocijene mi se pokvare, posvadim se s par dragih osoba tijekom toga il radim stvari koje inace nebi, al rezultat je tu...
sad u UN-ki cu dozvolit Ani da me kontrolira i da mi odreduje kad/sto/koliko/kako cu jest... i da me natjera da zadrzim svu tu hranu u sebi, kolko god to meni bilo tesko
znam da sad nakon ovog kaj sam pisala o Ani svi mislite da sam pukla do kraja il da sam luda il kaj ja znam kakva, al svaka od nas ima neki svoj nacin il neki ritual il neku mantru il nesto vec kaj radi da bi uspjela u svojoj namjeri, zato vas molim da me zbog toga ne klasificirate ko ludakinju, nego jednostavno prihvatite to kao moj nacin... probajte, moglo bi i vama pomoc....
ovo je za mene neuobicajeno dugi post, al to je zato kaj se stvarno bojim... neznam kak cu to izvest... jeza me hvata od toga.... UN mi je najteza od svih upravo zbog te kolicine hrane... lakse bi cijeli dan provela na vodi il na jednoj jabuci nego pojela 2 vocke ujutro, 2-3 snicla koje zalijem juhom za rucak, pa onda opet puno toga za veceru.... a o ugljikohidratnom da ni ne pricam... srce me boli kad moram jest nesto napravljeno od bijelog brasna il secera... neznam kak cu to, al s obzirom na moju trenutnu tezinu imam motivaciju... 64,8kg ... dugo nisam bila na tolko... cilj mi je do 1.6. bit na 59, mislite da je moguce?
5 kg i nije tolko puno.... stvarno se nadam uspjehu....
konstantno cu se javljat i komentirat vas (hahaha, znam, dosadit cu vam, al nemogu drugacije pa me istrpite
)
zahavljujem na svim komentarima! jako mi je ljepo ujutro upalit komp i nac vase rijeci podrske i potpore, par savjeta i puno pusa 
to mi uzasno puno znaci, tako da vas molim da ne prestanete :)
ljubim vas Leptirice moje male ( i uskoro savrseno mrsave )
