Ainulindale

Every soul that feels on this world has felt pain at least once. Pain has become our way of life. I believe that by the age of 18 everyone is carrying it within. We deal with it the best way we can. There is an eastern belief that says that pain is the main feeling that keeps us going. We try to hide it, but there are times when it's more than obvious. It happened more than once that I saw pain in other people's eyes. At that moment nothing triggered it, nothing forced it to surface, but it was there...it is always there. Within me I hold a far greater pain than you think. I rarely show it. I walk around smiling. Every day I think about it...I try to find the cause...I try to find that point in my past when it all began. No effect. I've known pain for as long as I can remember. However, the cause is always the same. Feelings like...loneliness...absence of love...helplessness...they are all inside of me. Do you see it? I don't think so. But you should...you should know better than to look at me as an ordinary, satisfied person. I may seem that way because I hide what's inside of me...everyone hides it, they are afraid of speaking about it, it's just too painful. But that is no excuse for you to not notice it. Everything you say or don't say, everything you do or don't do can initiate a feeling of pain in someone else. It's up to you to recognize it...it's up to you to sympathize with it. Discomfort...caused by my many flaws is another feeling. This too can be provoked by words or deeds.
It's been a long time since I last felt love. It's impelling me to collapse into myself...I am slowly decaying. It's a pity too. I could have given someone so much. Since I've been in this state, nothing else mattered...nothing else is important to me more than keeping myself together. I try so hard...i try SO hard. I'm pushing forward. I'm advancing. I linger on with it all stuck deep inside my chest. Do you see it? I think not...