smoo

utorak, 23.10.2007.

ova narkoleptičnost je sasvim pogodna za gubljenje prijatelja.

ali uglavnom, gledam neki plakat za poginule u vožnji zbog alkohola, i vidim dva imena, promilka i alkomir. sasvim mi je drago da netko ima dovoljno perverzan smisao za humor da tako nešto stavi. moja predrasuda prema pederluku djelatnika reklamne industrije je vidno smanjena.

man, I'm burgin' real hard. it is up to you, my faithless and disillusioned readers, to find me a place where I can buy (and eat) a giant hamburger (of reasonably limited rancidness) for a relatively reasonable price. possibly two. but remember, size (meat volume, that is) takes priority.

so evidently the fair people of zff think it's a great idea to have projections lasting nearly three hours. because hey, it's not like anyone's gonna be uncofmortable, right?

also, http://www.animafest.hr/ .

these...people around me are growing more obsessed with intercourse with every passing moment. it is annoying, this inability to expund the virtues of a wrench plasmid-build in bioshock with someone because they are far too preoccupied with fornication. but like i was saying, you've basically god two viable options. one, taking wrench lurker 1&2 making you effectively invisible and giving you the ability to one-shot most splicers. however, this doesn't work quite as well with multiple enemies. the other option is getting either frozen field or electric skin, whoch incapacitates your enemies, giving you a much needed damage bonus. wrench jockey 1&2 is a must here, as is bloodlust. i'd recommend armored skin 1&2 as well, but that's optional. the resulting awsomeness enables you to drop a big daddy with a wrench and a med pack, effectively breaking the game. needless to say, the next person to suggest i stop playing video games and go outside will be subsequently beaten to death with a wrench.

vijesti koje trebate znati su sljedeće. idem u osijek i treba mi netko tko će se vozit samnom u vlaku. ako ćete nakon toga samnom na essekon super, ali je i samo druženje u vlaku sasvim dostatno. time više, ako netko od vas živi u osijeku i želi mi ponuditi mjesto za spavati, daleko od toga da ću odbiti. čak se neću ni buniti ako mi tijekom noći prekrijete glavu vrećom i naživo izvadite bubreg. ali od vas se naravno očekujete da se barem malo potrudite pri šivanju rane. a postoperativni morfij je stvar pristojnosti.

vrijeme je za novi mmorpg.

utorak, 16.10.2007.

expounding on the math beard idea. while backed by empirical evidence, i'm more partial to a hybrid beard/penis thesis than a solely facial hair one. mainly because quite a few people I know, who are endowed with substantial mathematical skill, have no beard at all. hence it is my belief that each individual has a primary and a secondary mathematical tool. males have their beards, penis and brain, while females are restricted to the brain. obviously the most voluminous tool has precedence over the lesser ones. hence an unbearded male would use his penis as a primary and his brain as a secondary, whereas a small-penised bearded male would use his beard as a primary and his penis as a secondary. this would explain my relative failiure to achieve an acceptable result during the recent math exam, since it has been but a fortnight since my last shave. but what about mathematically endowed females you ask? it is quite obvious that this rare breed of woman has learned to utilise their clitorises as some sort of vestigal penis.

with that in mind, one must be told why i favour women over men. women are favoured by the kalthir because they have no penises! but this blatantly redundant, sexist and shallow exclamation is not what it seems! allow me to expatiate. a side effect of a penis is the continual instinctual need to measure said penis against other penises. not in a literal sense, of course. this measuring usually takes place during oh-so-witty verbal battles, sports and other competitions (sometimes escalating into physical violence) in which the hidden agenda is to demean your opponent and force him into submission. male friendship has two variants. the first one occurs when one male has claimed penial superiority over another. the subordinate male accepts the alpha male's authority, albeit subconciously. this sort of "friendship" is very violatile, and is prone to failiure. in the second variant both males are comfortable both with their own penis and with the penis of the other male, and penis measuring does not occur. this sort of friendship, while extremely costly in terms of time, is far more stable. obviously, lacking the required physical attributes, women generally do not take part in penis measuring (although exceptions do exist). hence, having female friends is vastly superior to having male friends. i have however heard rumours that among females a similar "measuring" exists, although just what is being measured i cannot say, due to my extremely limited experience in having a vagina.

i have decided that in order to increase my overall sense of enjoyment in life, a series of guidelines which will assure my lasting success must be recorded. they are as follows:
-do not shave.ever.
-never drink again. being able to eat and play coh is more important than acting in a socially acceptable manner during social gatherings. make up erisian excuse for not drinking.
-when unable to sleep, do not play bioshock. beating mentally unstable women to death with a wrench and looting their cribs is not good dream material.
a work in progress, of course.

well, today is the 21st. of october. what's that evil monopolistic internet service provider? you're giving me a speed increase? gee golly, that's so nice of you! apart from the fact that you advertised the speed increase as being effective october 1st. and my ping is awful. and i hate you. i hope your children get perpetual n00b syndrome.

this whole "sleeping during the day-living large at night" thing would work far better if people didn't have such an annoying tendency to be asleep at night.

portal and furries. how bad could it be, right? heh. :D

petak, 12.10.2007.

heh. you know how you stash money around the house and then fifteen years later you go read a book and absurd amounts of money fall out? i wouldn't know what that's like because I spend all my money on heroin, but I would assume it is comparable to what just happened to me. namely, being the brain-damaged degenerate I am, I forgot my blog username/password. so, cycling through the endless possibilities, i stumbled upon what was actually my first blog. now, most people don't realise this but I don't actually delete blogs. i just change the adress and forget the passwords. and copy/paste the html. which is why most people don't even realise it's a new blog.
so yeah. don't ask me why, but the adress is http://whataloadofbo.blog.hr/

enough reminiscing! important...metaphysical introspection...now. *puts sunglasses on*
YEEEEEEAHHHHHH!

heh. so anyway. kid falls into a pool, gets brain damage. whatever. thing is, mom pulls kid out, drags the kid to the living room. cops arrive, cop slips in puddle, falls on his knee. this is where it gets gruesome. cop sues family for gross misconduct or some shit. so, final score:family has kid in a coma on life support for the rest of his life, with a lawsuit from the cop who came to ostensibly save the kid. i onda neka mi netko kaže da ne dolazi do degradacije morala u svijetu. :D

heh. bagpipes are to be had for as little at $50. on the other hand, trumpets are to be had for as little as $10. none of you can even begin to comprehend how much i hate not living in a country where one might encounter a 50-year old trumpet being sold at a garage sale for less money than it takes to buy dinner for two.

heh. so the other day, during an exam, my math penis* failed me and I did terribly on the exam. so today was another exam day, and I was nervous that my programming penis wasn't up to par, when I saw a kitty and all was made well and the exam went smoothly. which is why i am going to need a cat if I am going to pass my courses.

*the thesis and such is that since men are better at mathematics and the like than women on average, the penis is a more potent mathematical (et al.) tool than the brain.

i wonder whether mentioning "penis" and "kitty" is prohibited by the geneva convention.

heh. the iron man movie will feature "ultimate nick fury". why am I undecided on whether or not this is a good thing? because the original nick fury kicks ass, and the ultimate nick fury is retarded for not being the original nick fury. but! ultimate nick fury is based on samuel l. jackson, who will be playing ultimate nick fury in the movie. while samuel l. jackson kicks ass, he is in fact not nick fury. to put it on a more accessible level, it's like having samuel l. jackson replace johnny depp in PotC.

heh. that is all for today. do not forget to thank eris for this bi-monthly blessing you have recieved.

ponedjeljak, 01.10.2007.

it's a particularly worriesome matter when looking at the screen causes stabbing pains in the backs of one's eyes. all the more so when the blasted venetians have just conquered your recently aquired citadel in naples and denmark, who helped secure this victory, is under the gaeas of the pope.

all the same, this year's 25 fps is somewhat...pathetic. i dalje stoji da bi 80% filmova bilo neizmjerno gledljivo i zanimljivo da su upola kraći. a i ono. shvaćam da neki ljudi ne znaju možda najbolje engleski i sve to, ali zaista ne bi trebalo bit teško nać nekog tko je u stanju prevest pet rečenica. iako, donekle žalosnije jest to da kanađani lošije pričaju engleski od hrvatske voditeljice. goddamn cheese-eating surrender-monkey colony. čak ni englez nije bio u stanju složiti koheretnu jednostavnu proširenu rečenicu, ali mislim da je to zbog ispijanja droge, as opposed to neznanju engleskog. što zapravo nije istina, kao što se pokazalo nekoliko dana kasnije, kada je retrospektiva takoreći chris shepherda bila jedina normalna projekcija na kojoj sam dosad bio. zabavna, štoviše. my only problem with the man is that he has no moustache. but because I am a benevolent god, i shall give you links! well. a link. and i charge you with finding me more chris shepherd movies online! go!

there was also a german called matthias. but he was more of a hans, if you ask me. and he talked about his movies. for 24 minutes. i had a stopwatch. i then managed to watch one of his movies, lasting 20ish minutes, before admitting surrender and going home.

i'm not very clear on the adjective "pretzel". i used to be under the impression that "pretzel" indicated the shape of the bread thingy. but now i'm leaning towards believing that it is in fact the bread thingy is the actual "pretzel", regardless of shape.

Because we all know that you all come here only to read words like "penis" and "cunt" and giggle, I shall give you penises and cunts galore! In the form of a mid 20th century pulp erotica novel.

it's a point of intense personal pride, the fact that every time i open a dozen or so random "fresh" blog links, at least one of them starts playing an evanescence song.

ova neka faksovska furioznost je deprimirajuća. nikad prije nisam učio za išta ranije od vikend prije ispita. dok sad to činim puna dva tjedna ranije. još k tome relativno intenzivno. ne raduje me implikacija da mogu očekivati barem još pet godina istog.

nedostaje mi izmorenost. spavanje postaje rutinska monotonija bez nekakve fizičke iscrpljenosti. trulo je to. trulo.

my nightmares, let me tell you them. anyway, i keep trying to fall asleep despite chemically fuelled awakeness, and at some point during the half-asleep point my mind wanders to something really scary (like pale emaciated bald men, or a hostile takeover of thq by ea). at which point falling asleep triggers unspecific nightmares, and staying half-awake triggers an overwhelming feeling of fear and loathing. and getting up triggers taking another hour to fall asleep again.

a beard of sorts has returned after the fatally flawed idea of "shaving". luckily i now have a part of myself that i can stroke in public, while maintaining some modicum of decency.

does our stalwart writer have the inspiration to close this post with a worthwhile sentence? no.