smoo

nedjelja, 25.05.2008.

or goblins. goblins work too.

uostalom, valja dati narodu penisa. i kurčeva, i koječega sve ne. jer što smo, ako ne pimpekoljupci najvećeg kalibra? heh.

blah blah, get laid a lot, blah, more penises, blah blah blah, testicle gangrene, blah blah, more italian spiderman.

so i'm thinking jesus is actually lucifer. sons of god, want to do right by mankind, beards. maybe my mind is just kinda warped from reading too much hellblazer and grant morrison, but it should be pretty obvious that satan=bad is propaganda. the whole thing is based on the assumption that free will, used to its full extent is bad. which is what satan is advocating. with jesus, it was probably a deal along the lines of 'okay, you sanction me, and i won't tell them to goagainst you.' except what he did was tell everyone to go the other way. and thanks to the circular nature of something or the other, accomplished the same thing.

bananas amaze me. first off, they're yellow, which is amazing in its own right. also, they're totally prepackaged. skin off->food. i will forego commenting on their phallic nature. they don't look very natural. it's like nature figured it was about time to stop fucking about with shit like durians and coconuts, and give animals a break.

ice makes water taste good. hence ice is not actually water. ice is actually drugs. the government is keeping us docile by feeding us ice.

zagreb je otprilike 30 gaziljona kuna u dugu i nitko nikoga ne pita zašto. odlično. jebeno odlično. motive for killing the mayor? not being retarded.

so i was dreaming the other night, and i was in one of those pond-lakes in gravel pits, and my mom was christening my sister while a thunderstorm was going on, and the thunder was all sorts of wacky colors. but the point is, she handed me a buddha statue and asked me whether i had a purple coin. unfortunately, i did not. whereupon she called me a retard. which i deserved, really, not having a purple coin for the buddha statue. jolly buddha is happy despite being overweight. this is because he is aesthetically pleasing despite his weight. is he was covered in cysts i bet he wouldn't be smiling like that.

those of you living well-adjusted, normal lives have no idea that dungeons&dragons came out in its 4th iteration a little while ago. or is coming out in a while. something like that. to break it down for you: everyone is a dragon with a giant penis. a giant magic penis that shoots fire.

all star superman is one giant case of blue balls after another. one should never be given blue balls by a scotsman except through blunt force trauma.

petak, 23.05.2008.

i like to think that is takes something special to, at 3 am, puking your guts out into a salad bowl, while simutaneously going through a nasty bout of diarrhea, covered in a cold sweat, feel a certain sense of contentment.

obviously, no post deserves that name if it lacks russian dancing and penises. and possibly gay anime things. and russian dancing penises.

the leading cause of death among kalthirs is identity crisis (followed closely by rectal prolapse). in this state the kalthir, being the most fickle of jesus' creations, suffers from not being able to be a kalthir, and is instead reduced to a baser creature, the human. it is at this point that the kalthir manages to do things like cut his nose while shaving.

all my socks have holes. either a malignant force is at work here, deliberately sabotaging my footwear accessories, or this is a natural occurrence, a hole migration, wherein untold numbers of holes are forced to abandon their habitats by harsh and uncaring seamstresses and must brave the perils of immaterialism until they find a suitably frayed piece of fabric.
after being annoyed by people complaining about stereotypes, it is now my official opinion that calling your mother your mother is a stereotype. the only thing your mother has in common with all other mothers is that she gave birth to a child. other than that, your relationship to your mother is unique (or at least, as unique as any stereotyped person, which is to say not very). the same applies to fathers, brothers/sisters, friends, boy/girlfriends, pets, probation officers and jello.

i miss my coat. i feel naked without my coat. but with nakedness being something far worse than being without clothes. being penisless, for example. i have shed my big black long seasonal penis. and the longing for summer turns into longing for winter. blah blah never content blah blah true satisfaction being the end of existence blah blah blah. i wouldn't mind a week or so of not being absolutely miserable, though.

walking down the street the other day, the mp3 player battery died on me. being the indigo child of the 21st century that i am, i could not keep my brain idle! so i started really percieving people. seeing them, thinking about what they were doing. walking home turned into an extreme human wilderness observation safari. i also realised how many advertisements there were and got really really annoyed and i'm still really mad about it every time i think about it i'm not kidding i'm grimacing and squeezing a little blue ball right now. it's a cool ball, it has a picture of a dolphin and it's all soft and stuff. also my hand keeps cramping up. i'm like *holding things* and all of a sudden the hand is like "woah, CLENCH CLENCH" and i'm like "shit, i can't move any of my fingers or my wrist" so then i have to use my other hand to pry it open. this would be amusing if it wasn't an early warning sign of demonic posession.

kratkometražni animafest je od 31.5 do nekog.6. dugometražni animafest je bio dobar, pogotovo po pitanju analnih čipova i seksualnog zlostavljanja maloljetnica, pa se svakako isplati otić pogledat i kratkometražni.

the new portishead cd is about a woman singing and cowbell and a drum techno machine. making it an ideal candidate for album of the year.

it's gonna be so great when 70 years from now, Superman is taken as a figurehead for the genetic enhancement movement, resulting in the segregation and ghettoization of non-enhanciles. like escape from l.a., but in the sahara desert, and without kurt russel. eventually to be overthrown by cybernetic enhanciles and neopagan druidists. however, their tenous alliance soon comes apart, and a second cold war springs to inaction, with the cybernetic enhanciles and neopagans both utilising the superior genetic enhancile technology.

did I just have to look up my sister's icq profile to find out when her birthday is? yes. yes I did.

it only hurts for a little while. and therein lies the problem.

srijeda, 07.05.2008.

Let me tell you about pizzas. The thing about pizzas is, after a while you get tired of the mushroom/ham/tomato/cheese combination. And when you get tired, you get stupid. When you get stupid, you start doing things that seem fun. Like eating a pizza with chilli peppers and cream cheese. Without too much exaggeration, easily the worst 24 hours of my life. My sphincter hates me so much right now.

Now let me tell you about pregnant cats. I am a condescending asshole and feel sorry for pregnant cats because I imagine their life will be much harder once they have their kittens. While it is quite possible that said cat is actually very well situated and is filled with maternal bliss. I am a horrible, horrible person.

Let me tell you about my entirely-far-too-stable state of mind. It is wonderful and terrible. My hate for you is limited and waning fast. I have uttered words and they were not bristling with sarcasm. I fear for myself.

Let me tell you what I think of Siddartha. Cute. A fine book by all means. But far less life-altering than you were led to believe by dirty hippies.

Apparently Goran Parlov is a Croat. Huh. I cannot fathom this for some reason.

That was over a month ago. This is Now. Blessed are those who bear not the burden of calculus in physics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KUqHzk26kI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnXQk5EGxKo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0DbcUUO-hI
http://cgi.fark.com/cgi/fark/vidplayer.pl?IDLink=3565605
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Fo_WP_w1Fmg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=At-pfAFUldE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oe3FG4EOgyU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HLx5u9kaWw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eL6Gmy94y4

Blah blah blah. You know what else is never dull? Urinating with an erection. The celtics went seven games against the hawks. The minister of health is scared of faggots in the sauna. I haven't played a game in two weeks. Seen most of my friends in six. This is what dying feels like.

You know what this is, don't you? Consumer pressure. I've become a cog in the consumption mekanizm. My soul is in one of those quasi-cyberpunk chambers straight out of a westwood rts cutscene, with millions of other souls, clamoring. Not clamoring for anything in particular. Just clamoring. Because that's what souls in giant chambers sequestered with millions of other souls do. They clamor.

Would a one-legged rabbit really jump in circles? Would a one-legged rabbit jump at all? How about a three-legged rabbit? Those of you who answered: 'What bloody rabbit? There's no fucking rabbit, it's all bollocks.' are neither right nor wrong but 'allright.'

Is gluttony, when forcibly adopted, that is to say, when no pleasure is derived from it, and in fact , a certain amount of discomfort is procured, a form of ascetism?

Nah. Loše je. Kasnije. Ovo je čisto onako. Simbolično.