ponedjeljak, 22.05.2006.
uobraŽENE
Čitam ja na popodnevnoj kavi Cosmo, koji mi se slučajno našo pod rukom (ne opravdavam se zbog toga šta ga čitam, nego sam mišljenja da je 25 kuna bolje uložit u 2 pive i pelinkovac, nego u neku novinicu) i čitajući ga dođoh do zaključka – JA NISAM ŽENSKO!
Materemi, prema svemu šta tamo piše, ja definitivno nisan žensko. Izuzmemo li atribute fizičke prirode.
Ali nije se jedanput reklo – izgled vara...
Elaborirat ću to po točkama (optužnice, to je in u zadnje vrime)
- žene su: a)samosvjesne (???)
b)neovisne (ovisin o starcima – dok god će me trpit
prijateljima – dok god će me trpit
cigaretama – dok god ću ih trpit)
c)samostalne (značenje ovog pojma je diskutabilno – ako samostalna znači znat platit račune u pošti, skuhat nešto jestivo, samostalno se oblačit i brinut o vlastitoj higijeni - samostalna sam. Al to nekako može 90% populacije iznad 16 godina, tako da...ima to neko veće značenje, garant, koje samo tete iz Cosma znaju. A morate priznat i da zakon zvuči.)
- žena će svaki misec prije dati 25 kuna za Cosmo nego za dvi pive i pelinkovac
- žena mora svašta nešto radit da nađe savršenog dečka:
a) glumit bespomoćnu ledenu princezu da u njemu pobudi instinkt lovca (nikad nisam pušila takva sranja, a i ne mogu baš bit nešto šta nisam)
b) biti 100% ženstvena (duga kosica? Plava k tome? Dekolte? Minica? Možda u minimalnim količinama, a i onda nisu to baš toliko ženstvene kombinacije)
c) tolerirat njegove prijatelje kad dođu na prijenos utakmice Lige prvaka da bi ostavila dojam divne cure ( šta se tu točno ima tolerirat? Ekskjuz mi, al otvorila bi pivu i na kraju 90. minute pivala s njima BARCEEEEEEEEELOONAAAAA...)
- žena mora pazit na svoje tijelo ( ok, nekad zaprdim s dijetama, al ja ne volim fizičku aktivnost. I točka. Vrhunac fizičke aktivnosti mi je picigin, badminton i bicikla (jer mi se ne da hodat)
- žena mora biti vrhunski obučena, pratiti trendove, a opet imati svoj stil (jedan dan sam klošar, drugi bi se mogla prodat pod šminkericu...oblačin se prema raspoloženju....ili
sam samo nedosljedna??)
- žena mora biti dosljedna (no comment)
- žena mora naučiti kama-sutru napamet (ja ću visit s lustera samo da bi on doživio najbolji orgazam u životu??? Sorry, neće ići...)
- speaking of sex – najčešće postavljno žensko pitanje je : Zašto on zaspe odmah nakon sexa? (a zašto ne? Nema većeg gušta...a ne, čekaj ima – zapalit cigaretu, a onda zaspat)
- pod «ženski razgovori» podrazumijeva se:
a) moda
b) cipele (ili i to spada pod moda??)
c) jet-set trash
d) tračanje drugih «najboljih frendica»
e) dečki (ovo zadnje stoji, šo jes, jes...al ostalo se svede na : «Lipa ti je majca, posudit ćeš mi je u subotu»)
- jedan «pametan» Cosmo savjet:
«Zašto čekati da on Vas nazove? Nazovite Vi njega!»
i varijacija na temu:
«Napravite Vi prvi korak!»
(o topla vodo, zašto te sama nisam otkrila??)
Iz svega gore navedenog, nameće se logičan zaključak: ja nisam žensko.
Tj., ja nisam COSMO žensko.
Now, that's a difference.
Jer, na kraju krajeva, ipak jesam žensko.
Zašto?
IMA JEDNA LJETNA HALJINICA KOJU ŽELIM POŠTO-POTO.
(i u to ime spremna sam odreći se cigareta na misec dana.)
- 03:36 -
pljuni... (7) -
...pa prilipi -
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:P
And maybe you're the Circle Line girl, trying so hard not to let on you know I'm looking at the way your toes poke out through your sandals, at funny angles to your feet, and how you know it turns me on
Or maybe you're the Spanish girl, playing with your hair as you wait for your friend in that wild octagon of mirrors the Tate calls a coffee shop ..... And I can smell that hair from here, and I can see from eight different angles the way your nipples look through that thin black cotton top, reflected to infinity ..... And oh God it's places like that and purple-tipped prose like this, that's going to haemorrhage me girl .....
Ooh it's true:
Girl I'm only doing it to be closer to you
Or maybe you're the bay window girl in Wandsworth Town, in ripped jeans and open venetians, painting the difficult corner of an empty room white under a naked bulb, leaning across the bar at the top of your stepladder at the precise moment I'm passing on the steep street at the bottom of your garden in the gathering night ..... voyeur's delight
Ooh it's true:
Girl I'm only doing it to be closer to you
Or maybe you're the foundation painter at the Central School, looking so fine-boned I could carry you home in your portfolio case, laced up gently so you won't cry out on the bus and give the game away, tied up lightly, because girl, how could I knowingly injure someone with your perfect lips and wrists, your exquisite structure ..... Oh little acrylic painter, I can kiss eggshells, I can be ginger, all the critics say I'm such a sensitive singer .....
Ooh it's true:
Girl I'm only doing it to be closer to you
And maybe you're listening to my voice now, on your Walkman or your bedsit Dansette, letting my songs slip into you on this quiet night in with your pads of doodles and your fingers full of pencils and low tar cigarettes ..... And the music's light and pleasant so you hardly notice what I'm singing about in 'Paper Wraps Rock' and 'Murderers, the Hope of Women', my voice is just a sound that pleases you, that enters you and leaves you just the same, and that's how I want it to stay, because, you know .....
Ooh it's true:
Girl I'm only doing it to be closer to you
But some of those were bitter records, records which accuse women, girls like you, of using your attractiveness wantonly and wilfully to trap and to paralyse men who wanted you and could never have you, men who sometimes felt the perverse urge to trash the women they desired the most, men who imagined they despised all those immaculate visions ..... what adolescent crap, what kind of idiot would sing that? Oh, not me because, you know .....
Ooh it's true:
Girl I'm only doing it to be closer to you
But sometimes I think that every man who writes, every man who paints or composes, deep soul or symphonies, it makes no difference, all those men are only making do with substitutes: Solomon, Confucius, Franz Kafka, they'd never have done it if they'd been as beautiful as you, sitting cross-legged there with gentle music lapping around a promise, there where your thighs meet, of fertility a million artists couldn't compete with
Ooh it's true:
Girl I'm only doing it to be closer to you
And all the time I see you there in the eye of my mind, and all that cheap macho stuff about de Sade and misogyny vanishes into thin air and I'm moved to tears just like any other sucker who's been bruised by all the things that weren't to be, and yet who's ready to fall down on his knees in front of a woman and say "Whatever you may do, whatever you may be to me, despite the times we disagree, your ridiculous ambitions, your conventional inhibitions, I want you to know that I respect you, I accept you and I want you to accept me, I want to kiss you, kiss your stockinged knee, accept the uniquely soft flesh on the undersides of your hips"
Ooh it's true:
Girl I'm only doing it to be closer to you
glupe, besmislene i nadasve komične svakodnevne izjave...da niste ni svjesni koliko su glupe
1. pribit ću te ko vola u kupusu (???)
2.ubiti oko (livo ili desno?)
3.najebat ko žuti (kako to žuti, pobogu, najebaje?)
4.ritko na plitko
5. ...puca pogled
6. obukla si se u široke gaće
7. raspojasa si se
8. jadna ti maništra
9. pijan ko majka
10. prodavat muda pod bubrige
11. s koljena na koljeno
12. na licu mjesta
13. nisan ja veslo cica
14. na sto muka
15. na po uha
16. aj ti tuda
17. baš si neka (kakva?)
18. idi doma gazit zelje
19. za babino brašno
20. ni vrit ni mimo
)