Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
Laughter is supposed to be the best medicine, however, it should never be at the expense of someone?s feelings or ignoring truth.
I don't like composers who think. It gets in the way of their plagiarism.
I'd never looked down the barrel of a gun before, but everything you've heard about the experience is true.
You have no control over what the other guy does. You only have control over what you do.
The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is.
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
History is indeed little more than the register of the crimes, follies and misfortunes of mankind.
I phoned my dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter.