utorak, 14.02.2006.

...nothing to do with me...

Osoba koju si prvu ugledao nakon dolaska na svijet bila je ona...ona kojoj si bio nov početak nakon već jednog uništenog braka i djeteta...novi život...sićušna bespomoćna beba koja joj je pružala mogućnost da jednog dana ispuni svoje snove...sve ono što je zaista željela, a nije uspjela dobiti...mjeseci su prolazili, a ti si je voljela sve više...tu osobu koju mnogi nazivaju majkom...obožavala si je, bila je zapravo jedina osoba do čijeg ti je zagrljaja i poljupca stalo...kontrolirala je sve u tvojoj maloj glavi kao što zapravo i sve one čine...podmuklo ne razmišljajući o tvojoj budućnosti, onome što ti želiš...planirala je kako ćeš ti jednoga dana ispuniti njene snove...dosegnuti njene zvijezde...tijekom jednog poziva proricateljici saznala je da ćeš ti biti sretna onoliko koliko je ona patila...po tome bi ti trebala bit jedno vraški sretno dijete...a jednoga dana i izgrađena ličnost koju neće gaziti kao što su nju gazili...ali upravo u svim tim težnjama, pokušajima...upala si i ti, a na neki način i ona sama u mrežu, njenu mrežu koja će ostati vaša jedina poveznica jer vrlo je malo ostalo od nekada velike privrženosti...mjeseci su se polako pretvorili u godine...mreža je postajala zapetljanija...ti sama si postala ovisna o uspjehu, ispunjenju njenih snova, njenih, ne svojih...čak i sad kada ti je ostalo još samo nekoliko godina do konačne odluke jedino što znaš je da ćeš ispuniti njena očekivanja, pa makar to bilo jedino što ćeš postići u životu...mislim, realno gledajući...nema smisla sada pokušavati se izboriti za ono što ti želiš, prekasno je...već si gotovo postala ona...ironično je da ti ovisiš o njoj, da je još uvijek jedino što želiš njena pohvala...njen zagrljaj...njeno dopuštenje da živiš...a upravo to zadnje nikada nećeš dobiti dok je ona tu...dok živiš u svojoj sjeni odigravajući njenu surogat dramu...dramu koja nema sretan kraj...kao što ni njen original nije imao, niti će ikada imati osim ako ti to ne promijeniš...a hoćeš, znaš da hoćeš...i dva života biti će uništena, ali to neće biti važno sve dok se nadaš da će mreža nestati...da ćete na kraju ostati samo vas dvije zagrljene bez skrivenih spletki...možda joj jednom i oprostiš...možda...biti će dovoljno da ti kaže da je nisi razočarala...a to se neće dogoditi koliko god se ti trudila...samim tim gubi se ono možda, a nestaje i jedina nada koja te drži u nastojanju da ispuniš očekivanja, da je ne razočaraš...no ti i dalje pokušavaš biti ona, svoja vlastita noćna mora...i bijedna si kao što je i ona bila...i je...
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- 23:45 -

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¤Opis bloga¤

...::caught between who I am and who I wanna be::...

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Linkovi

Blog.hr
Forum.hr
Monitor.hr
forum o kojem sam ovisna
otrovna cura iliti najlegica
tamni leptir iliti najlegica
nessi iliti najlegica
demba iliti Bog iliti jedan jako ispravan čovjek
veki iliti princeza lavljeg srca
nina iliti cura koja sve zna :P
pali anđeo
subo iliti loodi lega zbog kojeg malo učim
zerathul iliti bivši, sada prijatelj
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...colorful...

The show is over close the story book
There will be no encore
And all the random hands that I have shook
Well they're reaching for the door
I watch their backs as they leave single file
But you stood stubborn, cheering all the while

I know I can be colorful
I know I can be gray
But I know this loser's living fortunate
Cause I know you will love me either way

Most were being good for goodness sake
But you wouldn't pantomime
You are more beautiful when you awake
Than most are in a lifetime
Through the haze that is my memory well
You stayed for drama though you paid for a comedy

I know I can be colorful
I know I can be gray
But I know this loser's living fortunate
Cause I know you will love me either way

Look ahead as far as you can see
We'll live in drama but we'll die in a comedy
I know I can be colorful...

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...hold me now...

Don't - Don't close your heart to how you feel
Dream Don't be afraid the dream's not real
Close your eyes Pretend it's just the two of us again
Make believe This moment's here to stay
Touch - Touch me the way you used to do
I know Tonight could be all I'll have with you
From now on You'll be with someone else instead of me
So tonight Let's build this memory...
and for the last time

Hold me now
Don't cry
Don't say a word
Just hold me now
And I Will know though we're apart
We'll always be together
Forever in love
What do you say when words are not enough

Time - Time will be kind once we're apart
And your tears Tears will have no place in your heart
I wish I - I could say how much I'll miss you, when you're gone
All my love For you will go on and on and

Hold me now
Don't cry
Don't say a word
Just hold me now
And try To understand that I hope at last you've found
What you've been searching for
And though I won't be there anymore
I will always love you

Don't say a word
Just hold me now
And I Will know though we're apart
We'll always be together
Forever in love
What do you say when words are not enough
What can I say now My words are not enough

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...live in you...

I need you like a vampire needs blood
am I in love for real
my whole soul is aching for you

should I be happy or should I cry
I don't know I've never felt this way before
there's nothing sacred but you

if you'll bleed I'll bleed with you
if you! (will) die I will die with you
is this the feeling called love

will you take this death from me
if it makes us feel that we are alive
there is nothing sacred but you and I

as the blood runs in your veins
I wanna be inside of you
I wanna live in you as the pain you
wanna keep inside! (you) !

I need you like the devil needs sin
you are my obsession
I will never let you go!!!



nothing else matters

So close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

never opened myself this way
life is ours, we live it our way
all these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters

trust I seek and I find in you
every day for us something new
open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know

so close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know

never opened myself this way
life is ours, we live it our way
all these words I don't just say

trust I seek and I find in you
every day for us something new
open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they say
never cared for games they play
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
and I know

so close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
no nothing else matters

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...vermillion, pt. 2...

She seemed dressed in all of me,
stretched across my shame.
All the torment and the pain
Leaked through and covered me
I'd do anything to have her to myself
Just to have her for myself
Now I don't know what to do,
I don't know what to do when she
makes me sad.

She is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings
The unattainable, Shes a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason
I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes
me sad.

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me

A catch in my throat choke
Torn into pieces
I won't, nO!
I don't wanna be this...

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me

She isn't real
I can't make her real
She isn't real
I can't make her real

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...alone I break...

Pick me up
been bleeding too long
Right here, right now
I'll stop it some how

I will make it go away
can't be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone
these feelings will be gone
these feelings will be gone

Now I see the times they change
leaving doesn't seems so strange
I am hoping I can find
where to leave my hurt behind
All this shit I seem to take
all alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Shut me off
I am ready,
Heart stops
I stand alone
Can't be on my own

I will make it go away
can't be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone
these feelings will be gone
these feelings will be gone

Now I see the times they change
leaving doesn't seems so strange
I am hoping I can find
where to leave my hurt behind
All this shit I seem to take
all alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Am I going to leave this place?
What is it I'm running from?
is there nothing more to come?
Is it always black in space?
Am I going to take it's place?
Am I going to leave this race?
I guess god's up in this place?
what is it that I've become?
is there something more to come?

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...more than words...

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words
Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

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...here without you...

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same

All the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, there's only you and me.

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there's only you and me.

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done.
It gets hard but it won't take away my love.



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