Text Editors Computer Scientist: VIM Hacker: Emacs Script Kiddie: Notepad Newbie: Ummm... Microsoft Word? IDE Computer Scientist: Well, they make us use Microsoft Visual Studio .NET 2003 at work, but I prefer VIM. Hacker: Fuck IDEs. Use Emacs. If you must have someone hold your hand, Mono. Script Kiddie: Ummm...JCreator? Newbie: I don't know how to write a program Operating System Computer Scientist: What happened to Unixware? Hacker: I use Gentoo Linux, but I respect Slackware and LFS people. Script Kiddie: Dual boot Windows 2000 and Mandrake. Newbie: I love Mac OS X!! Internet Connection Computer Scientist: Dialup works for me. A couple megs of code doesn't take that long. Hacker: Steal wireless from the neighbors, no one will ever know since I'm tunnelled through 4 proxies, use SSH tunneling, use a spoofed MAC address, meticulously configured IP Tables, and use a quality hardware firewall. Script Kiddie: Not sure what my dorm has...DSL? It's fast. I can download movies in like...oh wait I wasn't supposed to say that :-o Newbie: I love AOL!! Software Piracy Computer Scientist: ...is wrong. Programmers have families, you know. Hacker: ...is stupid. If there's not already a GNU tool to do what you need, write one. Script Kiddie: f33r |/|3 3y3 4m 133T H@x.0RR Newbie: Why is this such a big deal? I just borrow CDs at work, it's just like borrowing a movie or something. Women Computer Scientist: I've been married for years. Don't make me think about my wife while I'm on my computer. Hacker: "I don't know...I just get this feeling that she's cheating on me." Script Kiddie: It's cheaper to download porn :D Newbie: Oh yeah, I talk to girls all the time on AIM. Leet Speak Computer Scientist: I don't know what you're talking about. Hacker: Is gay. Use real encryption if you have something to hide. Script Kiddie: 5uz3r7y 3y3 D0 Newbie: That's so nifty! I think it's funny when my friends from political science do that on AIM. Microsoft Computer Scientist: I hate mice. Hacker: Don't worry, eventually everyone will use GNU/Linux and Microsoft will fade away. Script Kiddie: I like Windows. Everything "just works." Newbie: Macs rule. The guy at the Mac store says that you can't get spyware or whatever in Macs. IT News Computer Scientist: HardOCP.com and Technocrat.net make good reads, although I don't have time to keep up with this new stuff. Hacker: I hear about important stuff on IRC eventually. Script Kiddie: Slashdot Newbie: The New York Times I have a problem with my computer. Can you help me? Computer Scientist: Send me the stack trace and tcpdump and I'll take a look at it. Hacker: Sure, I could use some pizza and beer this weekend. Script Kiddie: Sure! What's your root password? Newbie: Well, let me ask my friend. He's like a computer genius. Instant Messaging Computer Scientist: We used the "write" command when we used UNIX. Hacker: I spend my life in IRC. Script Kiddie: Jabber encrypts all my communications so I can trade warez safely! Newbie: I change my away messages on AIM and MSN like 10 times day. Email Programs Computer Scientist: I've used Elm for years. Hacker: Thunderbird, but Pine is useful when breaking into...nevermind Script Kiddie: Microsoft Outlook 2003 Newbie: Umm AOL and Hotmail? Oh wait, someone sent me a Gmail invite. Web Browser Computer Scientist: Netscape Hacker: links2 Script Kiddie: Firefox with teh Silver theme and ChatZilla plugin Newbie: Internet Explorer |