vesnyinka diary

petak, 31.07.2009.

THIS YEAR SUCKED GEORGE W. BUSH'S TESTICLES

AND THAT AIN'T NO EXAGERRATION, I'M SAD TO SAY.It was supposed to be my year too! YEAR OF THE DAWG, REPRESENT.1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?I started a doujinshi scanlation group! That's pretty cool, right?2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?I don't make new years' resolutions. Uh, I don't think? Maybe I did. LOL3. Did anyone close to you give birth?No thank god.4. Did anyone close to you die?Yeah.5. What countries did you visit?LOS ESTADOS DE UNIDOS6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?money7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?Steve Irwin's death. ;___;8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?Wrote a fic I'm actually really proud of.9. What was your biggest failure?life10. Did you suffer illness or injury?uh, I'm sure I got sick a few times.11. What was the best thing you bought?doujinshi12. Whose behavior merited celebration?mine13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?mine14. Where did most of your money go?doujinshi. oh, and root canals (three of them! :D)15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?IchiIshi? LOL16. What song will always remind you of 2006?I'M BRINGIN SEXY BACK17. Compared to this time last year, are you:i. happier or sadder?probably sadderii. thinner or fatter?about the same I think (FAT)iii. richer or poorer?Debt is much greater, so poorer18. What do you wish you'd done more of?reading19. What do you wish you'd done less of?eating20. How will you be spending Christmas?I opened presents, ate food, and masturbated.21. Did you fall in love in 2006?Twice! With Ishida Uryuu, and then his papa. ♥22. How many one-night stands?17,85123. What was your favorite TV program?n/a24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?LOL. What kinda question is that? I guess I might *dislike* someone?25. What was the best book you read?probably the Kushiel's Dart trilogy by Jacqueline Carey26. What was your greatest musical discovery?post-rock, namely Mono27. What did you want and get?doujinshi28. What did you want and not get?more doujinshi29. What was your favorite film of this year?Clerks 2!30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?I don't remember what I did. .__. I do remember I turned 24 though.31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?More Kat! 32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?What do I have that still fits?33. What kept you sane?Kat34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?*snort*35. What political issue stirred you the most?Iraq duh.36. Who did do you miss?Kat ;__; (also, my grandmothers. :<)37. Who was the best new person you met?I dunno, I met a lot of awesome people. Finny and Leigh and Lauren and Di and Kadey and Tara and THERE'S TOO MANY T__T38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:A T E N T A C L E I S F I N E T O O39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:THEY SEE ME ROLLIN'THEY H8INPATROLLIN'THEY TRYIN' CATCH ME RIDIN' DIRTAY40. Overall, have you been a good boy/girl this year?Fuck you.I'm gonna do another 'year in fic' review, but not right now. I need to go to bed. Shows you how much I care about New Year's. IMA GONNA SLEEP THROUGH IT LOL.PEACE OUT MY HOMIES, AND HAVE A PORN+MONEY+HAPPINESS-FILLED 2007. ♥

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četvrtak, 30.07.2009.

TEH SELLING POST

I'M TRYING TO SELL STUFF. DIRT CHEAP. LOWEST EVER. EVERYTHING MUST GO. I'VE GOT PICTURES AND EVERYTHING.A bunch of manga, some anime dvds, a few doujinshi, and a few HK bootleg DVD sets.EDIT: I forgot and felt I should mention that everything listed here is in absolute perfect condition. The mangas have been read once (and I'm always careful not to crease spines cuz I'm anal), the dvds work great, everything is as close to brand new as used gets. ;oManga: (all English releases, by Tokyopop, Viz, ect.)1 ~ Alice 19th volumes 1-7 (complete) - $20 SOLD2 ~ Naruto volumes 1-3 - $83 ~ Wedding Peach volumes 1-3 - $8 *if you're into shoujo/magical girl, I actually highly recommend this series. It's quite cute.4 ~ Planet Ladder volumes 1-6 - $205 ~ Legend of Chun Hyang - $3 SOLD6 ~ Miyuki-chan in Wonderland - $37 ~ The One I Love - $38 ~ Wish volume 1 - $39 ~ Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicles volumes 1+2 - $8A ~ Kare Kano volumes 1+2 - $5B ~ Sgt. Frog volume 2 - $2C ~ Kizuna volumes 1-2 - $5 (YAOI) SOLDD ~ Golden Cain - $3 (YAOI)E ~ Juvenile Orion volumes 1+2 - $5 (volume 1 has a creased spine) SOLDF ~ Tokyo Mew Mew volume 1 - $3 G ~ FLCL volumes 1+2 (complete) - $5H ~ Shaolin Sisters volume 1 - $3Prince of Tennis Doujinshi:I ~ Instant Gossip by Flower Place (24 pgs., Oshitari/Atobe + Ohtori/Shishido, rated R) - $5 SOLDJ ~ Tennis Nation volume 3 (anthology, about 200 pgs., pairings include Golden Pair, TezuFuji, and TezuRyo. Mostly gag, I'd rate in PG-13) - $3K ~ Neighborhood Wives by Flower Place (78 pgs.) For an example of this series, check out minkyleigh's scanlations. - $10L ~ Another doujinshi by Flower Place (84 pgs., mostly ToriShishi) Ditto to above - $10DVDs:M ~ Azumanga Daioh volumes 1+2+series box - $10N ~ Wedding Peach volume 1+series box - $5*as I mentioned with the manga, if you're into shoujo/magical girl, I highly recommend this series. It's quite cute and a lot of fun.O ~ Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi volumes 1-3+series box - $15 (*note that this isn't complete - it's a 4-disc series)P ~ Steel Angel Kurumi complete (7 dvds, contains seasons 1+2+OVAs+Extras) - $20Q ~ Cowboy Bebop The Movie - $5R ~ Getbackers volume 1 - $5S ~ Prince of Tennis Fan Disc - $10 (note that this is a REGION 2 DVD - unless your DVD player is region-free, you probably won't be able to play it on your dvd player, although you can still play it on a computer.)Bootleg HK boxsets (all complete series):T ~ .hack//SIGN (subtitles subpar) - $5 (**shipping for this is $4)U ~ Haibane Renmei (subtitles decent) - $5 (**shipping for this is $3)V ~ Excel Saga (subtitles subpar) - $5 (**shipping for this is $5)*when I say "subpar," I mean that you can follow them if you pay attention, but there are times where it gets confusing. And they also almost never get the characters names right. TEH IMPORTANT SHITE:***PAYPAL ONLY PLZKTHX***SHIPPING IN US:$3 for first book + $2 each additional$2 for first dvd + $1 each additionalOTHER COUNTRIES:I DUNNO. I'LL HAVE TO LOOK INTO IT. XD**also an important note: I'm lazy. Like, really lazy. So if you buy something, don't expect me to ship it within 24 hours. I promise I'll ship it within a week, but I can't promise anything better.AND. UH. I THINK THAT'S IT. Any takers? ;o;

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srijeda, 29.07.2009.

SPOILER: SADDAM DIES

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utorak, 28.07.2009.

Disappointment

You know, Bleach wank really lacks the . . . the vigor of PoT wank. It reminds me why I disliked wank in the first place - it's all so PASTEDE ON YEY. Where are the tearful entries? The God-modding? The enraged threats? It's just not funny when it's not real.In other news, I have a final (my final final!) tonight and I'm gonna fail and I don't give a rat's ass. And I have to work the next 4 days (possibly 5) in a row. At least I'll be able to pay my bills next week. Always a good thing./is boringCards 'n stuff received from maycat55555 and tatsuta_hime! ♥ *molests the both of you simultaneously* Your cards are gorgeous this year, Momo. *_____*P.S.: Grimmjow = Suwabe Junichi = YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

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ponedjeljak, 27.07.2009.

I love how livejournal keeps me from going to bed by just EXISTING

I love how livejournal keeps me from going to bed by just EXISTING. D:

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nedjelja, 26.07.2009.

Last two drabbles

Finally did those last two drabbles. They seriously suck very much, and for that I apologize. #4 for miyuki_minaYou shouldnt let them bully you, you know. Ganju stared at the sky with his arms crossed. He wasnt facing Hanatarou, and didnt see the range of expressions passing over the boys face.Oh, not at all! Hanatarou protested half-heartedly. They dont-You could stay with me. I mean, Nee-chan could hire you to ah . . . you know. Do what you do. Something like that. He grinded his teeth together, frustrated with his inability to say what he really wanted to say.What are you talking about? Hanatarou was confused. Im a shinigami of the 4th division. Im proud of what I do!Ganju winced. I didnt mean it like that! I just . . .We can still see each other, Ganju-san! Ill come and visit you! Hanatarou decided immediately, and found himself cheered up almost instantly. For Ganju, however, the dark mood remained. Whats wrong, Ganju-san?Nothing, of course! Ganju was facing him them, and before Hanatarou had a chance to protest, he was pulled into an embrace that shouldve been a friendly hug, but to him felt like something more. He wondered if Ganju felt so too, but decided he was being ridiculous.Youve got your loyalty, Ive got mine, eh? Ganju let him go after a few seconds too long, charming grin wrinkling the features of his face. Hanatarou looked up at him with his wide, questioning eyes. He didnt quite understand, but he chose not to pry.He gave a genuine smile and nodded in agreement.---#5 for anewsymphonyRenji was living it up in the human world. Hed gotten his very own room now, a school uniform, and even one of those little cellophane things everyone carried around. Supposedly, he could talk to people on it, but all hed been able to figure out so far was how to play this cool game where a line would grow longer each time it ate one of the little dots. The trick was that it couldnt touch the sides though. Renji was convinced it was practically battle training. Technology mystified him for the most part. Rukia said she knew all about human technology, but Renji wasnt sure he believed her. Regardless, Soul Society had a sudden desire for more direct contact, and as such, he was currently trying to figure out this camera thing Urahara had set up. He could see his face on a screen. How was this going to help things?His confusion quickly turned over into delighted concentration as he discovered the thrill of watching himself on the screen. It was sort of like a mirror, but somehow cooler. He walked around, watching the way his gigai moved, twisted his arms, let his hair down, even made strange faces. He took off his shirt, and admired how closely the gigai resembled his spirit form. Caught up in the moment, he took his pants off as well.These gigai really were well made. He examined his body through the screen and with his hands, moving in odd and random ways, testing muscles. He looked good, he thought. He smoothed his hands down his chest, and bit his lip as he realized he was turning himself on. There was something incredibly vain about that, but Renji didnt really care. He touched himself, there, and gasped as the gigai responded perfectly.He couldnt stop himself. He tipped his head back, closed his eyes, and indulged in sensation. Hed just gotten his very own room yesterday, after all, and itd been so, so long since . . . He was in heaven when he opened his eyes and saw his captain staring back at him through the screen.Renji gave a yelp, flailed his arms a bit, and settled for simply cupping his hands over his modesty. Taichou! I-Continue, Renji.Renjis breath hitched. He recognized the tone of Byakuyas voice, and it was a tone that heeded no argument.---ugh, they're both so terrible. I'm sorry. T_T

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subota, 25.07.2009.

Requested by spurious

Requested by spurious, here's a fresh new porn clip for you guys: ♥Nothing too special, just twenty minutes of hot, hard mansex. Emphasis on the hard. The top is very sexy, and the bottom has an adorable pasty ass. |DPlease comment if downloading, you perverted freaks. ♥

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petak, 24.07.2009.

♥

I had a dream last night that I was working all day at Macy's and they for some reason gave me a payout for the day as I was going home - and the payout was $628. I was all "omg now I can pay my bills and get my shopping done!!" But then I woke up and wanted to cry because it was a dream. My subconscious is so mean to me. ;_;I am decidedly mellow and lazy today. The good has been rubbing off - the getting accepted into the program, getting packages of love from people, getting praised at work. I'm feeling like maybe things aren't as bad as they appear. Maybe. I've been feeling lots of love with the flist lately, which always kinda gives me a buzz in its own way. Thanks to everyone who gave me a hearty congrats - I wanted to respond to all of them, but since I'd be repeating "thanks!" over and over again it felt a bit on the patronizing comment-whoring side, so I'll just say it collectively now: THANKS! ♥So the other day I bought a copy of Good Omens for my brother, because he's been getting into books lately and I thought he'd like it. But then I started reading the back, which progressed to the reviews , which progressed to the author's notes, which progressed to the Dramatis Personae, and before I knew it I was 30 pages in and the spine was already creased. I'm clearly a failure at buying Christmas presents. I'd forgotten how much I liked the book though. I first read it like, 7 years ago, and could honestly not remember much about it for the life of me.But now one of the books Kat got for me has come in (they only sent ONE Kat - they're apparently shipping all books seperately, because they're apparently retarded T-T) so I'm conflicted over whether I should continue with Good Omens or start this shiny new Kat book (Assassin's Apprentice), which looks very good. The being mellow, lazy, and also having cramps is not conducive to decision-making. I think I'll have to do Eenie Meenie Miney Mo. Anyway, the original point of this post was to do that 7 songs meme I've been tagged for like 8 times over the past two months. I don't remember how it goes exactly, something about listing 7 songs you're into right now. Naturally, I had to provide uploads because that's just what I do.[Deva Premal - Homage to Krishna][Mono - Mere your pathetique light][George Micheal and Mary J. Blige - As][Beyonce - Irreplacable][God is an Astronaut - Forever Lost][Lucia Hwong - Journey to Lhasa][Muse - Knights of Cydonia] I really do have the most random taste in music. I was going to summarize each of these so you could know what you're downloading, but eh. BE BRAVE. None of it is terrible, I assure you.Gods. Okay, I'm probably emotional from my period and everything that's happened, but I am so full of love for you guys today. Do you guys want any more uploads - music, doujinshi, porn, manga, whatever? You want picspam - IchiIshi, other Bleach, stupid crack, cats, pedobear? I feel like doing something for you guys.After I curl up with the heating pad and get some reading done though. Mmmmm books. ♥

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srijeda, 22.07.2009.

Guess what guys

Guess what guys?I didn't apply too late. I got accepted into the Applied Arts program.*is so happy and relieved she's actually crying*

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utorak, 21.07.2009.

AM I DOING IT RIGHT

QUESTIONCan you guys see this page and can you navigate around it effectively? And if so, how does it look?

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ponedjeljak, 20.07.2009.

I GOT UR PACKAGE DIBUTT

ahahahahahahaha. It's Kat's fault, I swear.ILU. ♥ I love the card and the HK stuff and and the Kon keychain. <333333Everyone else, consider this a GIP. The wondrous art in my new icon is by the almighty whitereflection, but semecucumber made the icon cuz she was like "that should be iconed" and I was like "yes plz" and then she did it for me cuz I was lazy. Yep.SUPRIZE BUTTSECKZ WEEEEEEEEEE.ETA OMG LIVEJOURNAL WARN ME BEFORE YOU GO CHANGING LIKE THATAlso: there's something incredibly sadistic about having to get up at 4:30 to go to class at 6:30 for the sole purpose of DROPPING A PAPER OFF. Maybe I'll just get up and go without shower and makeup, then come back and go back to sleep? That'd be scary though - going outside without makeup. OH NOES.

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nedjelja, 19.07.2009.

IMPORTANT

[o]__[o] <--- it's an Ishida emoticon! Get it? GET IT???? Hahahahahahahaha I kill me.Uh. Yeah. Surveys ganked from Finny cuz Ima bored too.SURVEY ONE1. How old will you be in five years?29 BABY2. Do you think you will be married by then?OH, WHO KNOWS3. How tall are you?5'3"4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?Christmas presents5. What's the last movie you saw?I rewatched Army of Darkness last week. It was awesome.6. Who was the last person you called?Pharmacy? Althought thats an automated system, so . . . work? LOL7. Who was the last person to call you?A friend.8. What was the last text message you received?Booty call from your mom.9. Do you prefer to call or text?I prefer to eat hot dogs and read porn, actually.10. Do you have any pets?A cat. Someday hope to own a human.11. What were you doing at 12am last night?Dreaming about being chased by badgers. No, really.12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?Married.13. When is the last time you saw your mom?2 minutes ago.14. What color are your eyes?Blue.15. What time did you wake up today?4:30 A.M. FTW16. What are you wearing right now?Oh . . . nothing. ;)17. What's your favorite Christmas song?Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer18. Where is your favorite place to be?Right here.19. Where is your least favorite place to be?Anywhere else.20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?Bed21. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years?In your pants22. do you tan or burn?I avoid the sun altogether23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?Rod Stewart24. What was the last thing that made you laugh?Your face25. How many TVs do you have?126. How big is your bed?Sleeps 7 men, 1 woman. Or 8 men.27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?Desktop. Although it resides below the desk, so I dunno why they call it a desktop.28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?LOL29. What color are your sheets?Pink.30. How many pillows do you sleep with?3 or 431. What is your favorite season?Fall32. What do you like about fall?It means summer is over.33. What do you like about winter?Comfy clothes and blankets34. What do you like about the summer?I used to like that there was no school.35. What do you like about spring?Nothing.36. How many states have you lived in?137. How many cities/towns have you lived in?138. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?Depends on season, but generally socks.39. Are you a social person?HAHAHAHAHA no.40. What was the last thing you ate?Hot dog.41. What is your favorite restaurant?No one else will have ever heard of it, so theres no point.42. What is your favorite ice cream?Chocolate chip cookie dough43. What is your favorite dessert?Cheesecake44. What is your favorite kind of soup?Chowder45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?None47. Do you like coffee?Not really48. How many glasses of water a day do you drink on average?049. What do you drink in the morning?Mountain dew50. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?Alone. Unless were talking penis here.51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?No52. Do you know how to play poker?Sure53. Do you like to cuddle?Not usually with people54. Have you ever been to Canada?Yeah55. Do you have an addictive personality?Ill say56. Do you eat out or at home more often?Home58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?Voltaire59. Do you want kids?Not really.60. Do you speak any other languages?No61. Have you ever gotten stitches?No62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?No63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?Pool64. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seats?Window. Who in their right mind would prefer an aisle seat?65. Do you know how to drive stick?Technically, I know how, but Ive only done it twice and both times were at least 6 years ago.66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?Doujinshi. Or food.67. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7?No.68. What is your favorite TV show?Sifl and Olly69. Can you roll your tongue?Sure70. Who is the funniest person you know?Me when Im really, obliteratingly high.71. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?Not anymore.72. What is the main ring tone on your phone?It goes RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?My mom might74. What color are your bedroom walls?Green75. Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth?Yeah76. Do you sleep with your closet doors opened or closed?My closet is not in my bedroom, but closed.77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?WTF KINDA QUESTION IS THAT. BEES.78. Do you flirt a lot?When Im wasted79. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?Ive gotten food poisoning two times in my entire life, and both times were from McDonalds chicken nuggets. I dip them in barbecue or sweet n sour. Or Wendys has that good honey mustard sauce.80. What is your favorite food?Quincy sandwich81. Can you change the oil on a car?Yeah, but my dad generally does it for me82. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?Nope83. Have you ever run out of gas?Yeah84. What is your usual bedtime?11-ish86. Do you read the newspaper?No88. Best comedian?George W. Bush89. Do you watch soap operas?If my flist counts. Which it probably should.90. Do you dance in the car?I once danced ON a car.91. What is your favorite thing to do when mad?Run over a small child92. What's the first thing you notice about the OPPOSITE sex?I check the size of their penis93. What do you usually order from Starbucks?Ive been to Starbucks like, 3 times in my life. I think all 3 times I got hot chocolate.94. Ever had a drunken night?LOL95. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?Uh. I dont really watch movies or tv shows at all.96. What's your fantasy?I wanna lick lick lick you from your head to your toe then I wanna move from the bed down to the down to the to the floor then I wanna AH AH you make it so good I dont wanna leave but you gotta let let me know what whats your fantasEEEE.97. Name something funny that happened to you.I took this survey. RIOT.98. What's your favorite smell?Rat pissSURVEY TWO1. Would you marry for money?Hypothetically2. Have you had braces?Yeah3. Could you live without a computer?NO4. If you could live in any past time period, where would it be?Id rather live in the future5. Do you drink enough water?I drink enough mountain dew6.Do you wear shoes in the house or take 'em off?OFF. HUGE PET PEEVE OMG.7.What is your favorite fruit?Ishida Uryuu8. What is your favorite place to visit?Downstairs.9. Are you photogenic?Some people tell me I am.10. Do you dream in color or black and white?Both, I think.11. Why do you take surveys?They ENTHRALL me12. Do you drink alcohol?Yes13. What is the most beautiful language?None14. Do you like being kissed when you are asleep?WHAT. I mean . . . WHAT.15. What do you like more: sunrise or sunset?I like both equally.16. Do you want to live for 100 years?If I can keep off disease for that long, sure.17. Is a flat stomach important to you?It might be if I had one.18. When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights switched on or off?On.20. Do you believe in magic?Not really22. Do you like to watch cartoons?Heh.23. At what age did you find out that Santa Claus wasn't real?I dont remember24. Do you write poems?Sure! Heres a haiku:Masochist babyhow do you feel about schlonglets go to Wal Mart25. Do you snore?I dont think so26. You sleep more on your back, front,or sides?Sides27. Would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler?Neither28. Are you basically a happy person?No29. Are you tired?Yeah30. Did you drink anything with caffeine today?Oh yeah32. How many landline/cellphones do you have in your household?133. Do you get along with your parents?Usually34. Do you smoke?Nah36. Do you like/love anyone now?Of course37. What do you do when you're sad?Cry38. What do you need most now?Money39. What song are you listening to now?Something Telemann40. What are you craving?BIG JUICY MANCOCKWasn't that fascinating?So about those drabbles . . . uh, I'll finish them this week. REALLY I WILL.Also, minkyleigh, I got your package, and you are like Jesus in my eyes. JESUS I TELL YOU. I don't even know what to say I loved the most. I loved it all. The cookies are fantastic - there's only two one . . . crumbs left. And LOL the bottle holder! XDDD So many wonderful goodies EEEEEEEEEEEEE. ♥♥♥ I was gonna say "it feels like christmas" but I suppose that's the point.On a final note, where the hell is everybody? Livejournal is seriously dead today. *pokes it with a stick*

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petak, 17.07.2009.

Viva La Freud!

. . . ok, that was just retarded."You need to see your advisor if you want to drop the program.""Aren't you an advisor?""I'm not YOUR advisor.""Who is?""*some guy I've never even heard of*"". . . k."At least he cleared whatever pointless hold was keeping me from registering online, so I have my classes for next semester sorted out. I'm probably not even going to bother meeting with "my advisor" at this point. I mean, why? I have classes lined up, I have my app sent in. Administration will figure out I'm not completing the program eventually. That's what they're there for, right? I thought of all the stupid, irresponsible retards who go to this school, and I realized this kinda shit must happen all the time - retards deciding to fuck it and not bother notifying the school. It doesn't bother me to be considered one of those retards.Speaking of Teh College, I sometimes wondered if my alma mater was a bit too on the liberal side. This did well to remind me of that. "The world is changing with regard to how gender is expressed." That's the kind of vague rounding about of an important social issue that makes me want to engage in massive facepalm. (Denise Darrigrand is a very nice woman btw, but really now.) Is coed rooming an "expression of gender"? I *guess* you could say so. Are we going to share bathrooms next??? NO THANK YOU.Not that there's anything wrong with coed rooming, it's just . . . well, you have to look at the article. A 200 signature petition? 200?! Clark has a 3,000+ student population. 200 signatures can get you to change a rule that's been in place for decades, no- centuries even. But that's the kind of school Clark is. You should have seen how bad the "Young Republicans" club got slandered sometimes, even by teachers. It's part of a Massachusetts mentality, I think, which is a very liberal state. That the "right" or non-liberals among us only think the way they do because "they don't see things the way we do." i.e. they're not as smart as us liberals. And if you even try to call them on it (which I have!) then you're just like them - not seeing things as clearly as you should. But I digress. But yeah. If you watch the little video you can see where I went to school! It's a gorgeous campus, despite the fact that it's situated in the most ghetto and run-down neighborhood in the city. XDD Where the announcer dude says "rooming together on campus" you can see our Freud statue in the background. Viva La Freud! And I'm really just procrastinating having to start my homework. So it goes.Shutting up. For now.

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srijeda, 15.07.2009.

At Home on the Tundra

This did not actually lead to any porn, and for that I am very sorry. There may also be a sequel at some point, and for that, I'm even more sorry.Title: At Home on the TundraPairing: Kurosaki Ichigo/Ishida UryuuRating: PG-13Summary: Ichigo, Ishida, and the building of a place called home.Feedback is loved. ♥ Pointing out of typos is appreciated.Ishida, Ichigo thinks, needs to lighten up.What drives you, Ishida? Ichigo is sitting on the couch - their couch, the beaten-down couch he found at a yard sale last summer, the one Ishida hates - with his head resting against one of its torn arms, facing Ishida as he finishes rolling a joint.Ishida, who refuses to sit on the filthy, used couch, is sitting on the two-seater that he bought when they moved in. Occasionally, he allows Ichigo to sit on it, but only if hes sure hes clean.What drives me, he repeats the question deadpan, implying with his usual haughty air how utterly simple Ichigo is and that clearly Ichigos mind is an evolutionary step beneath his own.Ichigo slumps further into the couch. He is not wearing a shirt, which he knows Ishida hates, and his well-toned abs scrunch up into tiny folds of skin. He reaches into his jeans and takes out a lighter - his favorite Zippo - and lights up. The momentary flame makes the circles beneath his eyes seem larger than life. He puffs in once, making sure the bud is lit, and takes a long drag. He offers it to Ishida, and Ishida almost refuses on the basis that it would be polite of Ichigo to get up and bring it to him, rather than holding it out and expecting Ishida to be the one getting up.As he goes to take it from him, Ichigo grabs his wrist. Sit here.What? No.Come on, Ichigo is whining, which Ishida hates. Ishida glares at him, then concedes; he dislikes the shadowy look on Ichigos face, and it makes him uneasy as he sits down on the floor, cross-legged, to Ichigos right.Its not until Ishida hands the joint back to him that Ichigo resumes with his questioning.You know, what drives you? What keeps you going? What motivates you?An ironic conversation to be having as they sit here on a Saturday night, both of them single, both of them struggling for cash, and both of them becoming increasingly stoned. Ishida chooses not to point this out, and gives the answer he always has ready for these types of questions.Pride.Ichigo scoffs, and Ishida shoots him an angry glare.Oh, come on. Ichigo prods him gently with his foot, which Ishida does not appreciate. What? You asked a question, and I answered it. He pushes up his slightly-falling glasses and looks away, bringing the joint to his mouth.Thats such a copout answer.Fine, then whats your answer? Ishida feels his anger fading away as his head becomes lighter. Mine? Ichigo looks at him wide-eyed, and almost burns himself on the end of the joint as he reaches for it in Ishidas outstretched hand.Ishida rolls his eyes, and the left side of his mouth almost lifts in a smirk. Dont you know?Ichigo holds out the joint, and Ishida holds up his hand, passing; hes feeling it enough. Ichigo leans from the couch to place the half-smoked joint in an ashtray, and lies back on the couch, reaching his arms up and cradling the back of his head. Ishida watches him for a moment, then mimics him as he closes his eyes, and leans his head back on the couch.I think . . . Ichigo begins an entire minute later. Ishida almost forgot what they were talking about. Family. And friends. To protect. To . . . make them proud, I guess.Its an honest answer, the kind Ishida has come to expect from Ichigo, and the kind that always, somehow, makes him feel ashamed.Family and friends, huh? Ishidas eyes are still closed and his voice is soft and a bit raspy. That must be nice.He feels Ichigo shift on the couch behind him. Hey. Dont say shit like that, moron.Like what? Ishida rolls his head over and opens his eyes, and sees Ichigo looking at him with that dark, shadowy look, the one that sends a chill up his spine.Like that. Like how youre always acting like youre all alone. You know thats bullshit.This is a matter theyve discussed (argued, even screamed over) before. Ishida knows deep down that he is terribly unfair about it because it is an issue of resentment; he wishes he had the bonds that Ichigo has with others. Ichigo is convinced that Ishida could if he just gave a little effort, and this bothers Ishida, because it is naive.Despite all hes been through, Ichigo is still, on the whole, blindingly naive.I dont want to talk about this. Forget I said anything. Ishida sighs and closes his eyes, but he knows Ichigo will most likely not give up.Especially since the matter lurks far, far too close to another matter, one that is absolutely taboo: the matter of them.Ishida feels a faint, barely-there tickle on the back of his scalp, and he realizes after a moment that Ichigo is touching his hair. He snaps open his eyes and jumps to his feet, pulling away before Ichigo can grab his wrist again.Im going to bed.Ichigo knows better than to argue.Theres a string unraveling from the bottom hem of Ishidas shirt. Ichigo stares at it over breakfast, but cant bring himself to say anything. They have mornings, even entire days like this; where the tension between them is so taut that to say anything feels like it might bring down the walls around them. Or at least thats what it feels like to Ichigo.He knows that the string is a testament to how tightly-wound Ishida is this morning. He knows he shouldnt have touched him last night; grabbing his wrist was one thing, but letting his hand wander towards his hair . . .Ichigo jumps as the chair Ishida is occupying squeaks irritatingly across the floor as Ishida rises rather abruptly. He dumps out the rest of his coffee - a good half a cup gone to waste, Ichigo notices sadly - and grabs his posh briefcase/shoulderbag, the one he made himself. Judging from the way he is dressed, Ichigo is fairly certain he has a job interview; he wants to tell him good luck, but still cant bring himself to speak.His shoulders slump down and he lets out a sigh as he hears the door to their apartment slam shut.Sharing an apartment was his idea. Living at home was driving him crazy, but he couldnt afford an apartment of his own. Chad had gone away to school in Tokyo, and there was no way hed be able to tolerate living with Keigo, or Mizuiro (with his twenty girlfriends) for that matter. So, he thought, why not Ishida?It took a month of arguing before he convinced Ishida, and even then it was only because it was the most logical and economically-sound option for the two of them in their present circumstances.Its hard to believe, Ichigo thinks, that theyve been living together for almost two years now. Living with the worlds biggest tight ass isnt an easy feat, but Ichigo is resolute about sticking with him. Ishida accused him once of pity, but Ichigo knows its not pity that keeps him with Ishida.Theyve certainly grown more tolerant of each other over the past two years at least, and Ichigo likes to think that theyve developed a queer sort of friendship. Ishida, for his part, doesnt like to talk about friends.Ishida, Ichigo knows, doesnt like to talk about anything having to do with bonds and relationships, even the most trivial ones. He doesnt like to talk about his feelings either, but Ichigo has ways of making him talk sometimes; its all a matter of making him comfortable enough. Hes even gotten Ishida to talk about the way he feels about his father. The one thing Ichigo hasnt gotten Ishida to talk about, however, is how they feel about each other.What are we?The question hangs in the air between them so palpably they can almost hear it spoken. Ichigo knows that he is not imagining it; this ambiguity, this indecisiveness, this tension. He remembers with biting clarity the exact night it started.[minus one year]As he is wont to do on occasion, Ichigo is seeing a girl. Shes a sweet little thing, innocent and pretty, and her name is Mamiko. Except, as it happens, shes not so innocent, and they are watching a movie on the couch - their couch - when he finds her hand making its way up his inner thigh.Ichigo isnt entirely sure what Ishida will think about a girl sleeping over - its been almost a year by this point, and while hes brought girls here before, hes never actually had one stay the night - but he doesnt think on it too long; shes eager, and hes horny, and Ishida is working late at the restaurant where he waits tables.She is still there at breakfast when Ichigo realizes hes made Ishida angry, and this makes him angry in turn, as he doesnt think hes done anything wrong. She nibbles on toast, shy and fairly oblivious, and Ichigo is relieved that none of them speak a word, not even to introduce themselves. He drives her to school after breakfast and promises to call her again, and he means it.Ishida will not speak to him; he will not even so much as glance at him, although he still acknowledges Ichigos presence by making him a portion whenever he cooks. It is a week later when Ichigo snaps.Why the hell are you so mad at me? So I had my girlfriend sleep over. Whats so wrong about that?Ishida is sitting at the kitchen table and reading a book, and he acts like he doesnt hear Ichigo. Ichigo grabs the book from his hand and throws it to the side, and Ishida tenses as it lands face down on the floor.Dammit, Ishida! Look at me when Im talking to you!Ishida does that particular thing he does with his eyes, where it looks like theyre drawling up at him, slowly deigning himself to glance at Ichigo.Is there something wrong?You tell me! Ichigo growls in frustration. Ishida is an insanely frustrating person to argue with; he is vague, avoidant, condescending, and he always makes Ichigo spell things out, as if he couldnt possibly imagine what the problem is.I dont see anything wrong, except for the fact that youre violently angry once again.Ichigo doesnt take the bait about violence, resolving himself to stay on the issue. Youre mad at me. Admit it.Why would I be mad at you?Because I had a girl over.Ishida sits back in his chair and crosses his arms. What makes you think Im mad about that?You havent said a word to me in a week!Neither have you, Ishida shoots back, and Ichigo realizes hes right.Ishida sighs and pushes up his glasses that Ichigo is sure are not falling down. Look, your sex life is no business of mine.Ichigo is quiet for a moment. Yes it is. He sees Ishida raise an eyebrow at him, and he elaborates. We live together. Of course our sex lives are going to become each others business.Ishida fidgets, clearly becoming uncomfortable. Well, I dont care wha-Stop lying.Ishida bites his tongue to keep from snarling. Ichigo has been doing this too often since they moved in together; catching him in a lie, and bluntly calling him on it.What do you want me to say, Kurosaki?I just want you to be honest, Ishida. Say what you really think. How else are we going to make this work if you dont tell me whats bothering you?Ishida lays his hands on the table and takes a deep breath. Kurosaki, what bothers me is that you brought a strange girl to our kitchen table and expected me to be mad about it. If you expected it would upset me, why would you do it?Ichigo opens his mouth and pauses. Its a fair question, he realizes, and he isnt entirely sure how to answer it.I didnt want to make you angry. I did it . . . Why did he do it, really? Because he was horny? While its true he can occassionally be a slave to his dick, it isnt normal for him to let the girl stay the night, and even invite her to have breakfast with them. This is because he knows it would make Ishida uncomfortable, to have a stranger in their home. Hence, he usually just skips out on the sleeping with part altogether, and if he cant, well, there are love hotels for this kind of thing. I guess, he swallows nervously at the truth when it comes to him. I wanted to see how youd react.Ishidas gaze is calm and neutral. So you did it to get my attention, is what youre saying?Ichigo thinks on it. I guess . . . yeah.Why?Why?Yes, why.Because . . . I dont know.Ishida gives one of his long-suffering, I-cant-believe-I-LIVE-with-this-idiot sighs, and gets up. He retrieves his book from where Ichigo threw it, and walks into his bedroom. If you figure it out, let me know. The door closes softly behind him.It takes Ichigo seven hours, three beers, and a blunt with some particularly potent hydro before he figures it out. For once, Ishida has a night off from work, and at Ichigos insistence has come out with them (them being him, Chad, Chads girlfriend, Keigo, Keigos girlfriend, and a couple other new friends). Ishida, generally a light drinker, has only one beer, but partakes in the blunt as well, and is feeling as giddy and euphoric as Ichigo as they saunter back into their apartment.They both fall onto the couch wearing matching smiles, and Ishida is so high he doesnt even notice that hes sitting on the filthy used couch. He asks Ichigo to get him something to drink, and grins when Ichigo actually complies instead of trying to argue. Ichigo returns with two cans of soda, and Ishida has to wrestle it from him before he can get his. He opens it, still laughing, and downs half the can in a single drink. When hes done, he belches loudly, and then gasps in embarrassment. Ichigo keels over laughing, and Ishida punches him playfully in the side a few times.Honestly, why do I put up with you? Ishida questions a minute later, although they both know he doesnt mean it in the same way he usually does. Right now, they are both high, happy, and more content in each others presence than theyve ever felt before. They are sitting closer than Ishida is usually comfortable with, but he cant bring himself to care, because right now, having Ichigo there next to him feels right.Because youd be lost without me, Ichigo says with a melodramatic air, and Ishida laughs softly. Something occurs to Ichigo then, and he turns to Ishida, expression devilish.What? Ishida sees the mischievous glint in his eyes, and is immediately suspicious.You know, I think I figured it out. Why I was trying to get a reaction out of you. You know, trying to get your attention.Ishidas face becomes serious. You did?I did. Ichigo looks smug.Are you going to tell me, or do I have to beat it out of you?Ichigo laughs and blocks the half-hearted punch Ishida throws at him. Im not sure I can explain it, really.Ishida gives him a look. Surely you can try.I could, Ichigo nods and sighs, and moves closer to Ishida on the couch. But I think itd be better if I showed you.Ishida is immediately confused. I dont understand, he says, and watches as Ichigo takes the half-empty soda from his hand and puts it on the table next to his own. He becomes even more confused when Ichigo removes his glasses and places them carefully on the table as well.He is most confused, however, when Ichigos hands are suddenly on either side of his face, and he thinks to himself how unexpectedly gentle they are. It is only when Ichigo hesitantly presses his lips to his own that Ishida begins to understand.Ichigos lips are even more gentle than his hands, and it makes the kiss feel comfortable, like the brushing of soft fabric over his lips, a sip of warm tea, a relaxing breeze of sweet-smelling spring air.Ishidas eyes pop open and he pushes Ichigo off. Ichigo falls off the couch and lands with an ow on the floor, looking stricken. Ishida stands up, and almost makes to wipe his mouth. Hes not sure what stops him from doing so.What the fuck are you doing? he yells, upset, disturbed, embarrassed, indignant. Is this some sort of sick joke?What? No! Ichigo sounds like a yelping puppy being scolded by its master, until he comes to himself and rises to his feet as well. What the hell is your problem?Whats my problem? Ishida repeats, dumbfounded. You just kissed me, you imbecile!Well fuck, sorry Mr. Im-so-repressed-I-cant-even-talk-to-girls!What is that supposed to mean? Ishida is fuming now, and knocks over one of the cans of soda as he snatches his glasses from the table. Ichigo raises his hands to the ceiling in a gesture of giving up. Nothing. Never mind. It doesnt mean anything. Im sorry I kissed you. Stay repressed, for all I care.Ishida balks, then does the only thing he can think of to do, which is stomp really hard on Ichigos toes.Which leads to an all-out exchange of fists and feet and angry snarls, in which the table is knocked over, the rug is soiled with soda and ashes, and Ishidas glasses are broken, crunched beneath Ichigos back as they roll across the floor, hands grappling angrily at each others necks. A minute later and both of their shirts are torn and coming off, and Ichigo has the advantage despite his bloodied lip; he rolls Ishida out from on top of him and crushes him.Ishida gives a sharp cry of pain that Ichigo knows immediately isnt from their fighting. He crawls off Ishida as Ishida arches his back and curses loud enough that Ichigos ears ring.Ishida? What . . .?Ishida winces and struggles to sit up, and he reaches a hand around to feel his back. He brings his hand back around and its covered in blood, and Ichigo realizes what happened.Shit, your glasses, Ichigo gets to his feet, paces for a few moments, runs to the bathroom, and returns with a wet towel and some bandages. Ishida is trying to get the remainder of his shirt off without catching it on the glass that is apparently lodged in his back, but is in too much pain to really concentrate, and is really just making it worse.Stay still! Ichigo snaps and crouches down behind him. Let me do it. Just dont move.Ichigo performs first aid that any licensed doctor would be proud to witness. He removes the small shards of glass, washes the few tiny gashes, and wraps Ishidas torso in a tight bandage.He finishes, and he notices that Ishida is crying; his shoulders are still, but tears are flowing freely from his eyes like an leaky faucet.Im sorry, Ishida. Ichigo doesnt know what to say. He feels terrible. I-Just shut up. Please. Ishida sounds frightened. Ichigo wants to tell him hes sorry again, but keeps quiet. Ishida gets up and strolls slowly, aching, towards his bedroom.Dont sleep on your back, Ichigo warns and is ignored. Ishida disappears behind his bedroom door, and Ichigo is left alone. He cleans up the apartment, tends to his bloody lip, and goes to bed, but can only doze in and out of a restless sleep for the remainder of the night.Weeks roll by, and the both of them act as if nothing happened. The only proof that the night even occurred is the wounds on Ishidas back, which he reluctantly allows Ichigo to care for until they are healed. Though they act normal, the tension is at an all-time high, and there are repeated occurrences where one of them comes dangerously close to saying something. Ishida wants to understand why Ichigo kissed him, he wants to thank him for taking care of him, and he wants to beat him over the head for starting his whole ordeal. Ichigo wants to apologize for what happened, he wants to punch Ishida in the mouth for being such an ass, and mostly, he just really wants to kiss him again.The idea occurs to him while hes studying, engrossed in his sociology book like a good student. He knows its risky, but he has always liked taking risks, and now it is no different.Ishida comes home from work; it is just past midnight, and he has just finished a long, stress-filled shift that has left him exhausted and irritated. He walks in and finds Ichigo on their ugly, dirty couch, making out heatedly with a girl - a different girl from last time - and doesnt so much as glance at Ishida as he enters. For a few shocked minutes Ishida just stands by the door, mouth open, eyes glued to the spectacle before him. He can only see the back of the girls head, but he can see Ichigos face plainly, can see his skin glow by the light of the television, can see how his lips are wet and puffy, can see the heavy, languid seduction in his half-open eyes. For one brief, inconsequential moment, those eyes flash towards him, and Ishidas breath hitches in anticipation, but Ichigo just goes back to kissing her and ignoring him.Ishida feels his blood go hot with rage, but rather than act out on it, he walks quietly toward his bedroom so as not to alert the girl, and it is only because his hand is sweaty and slippery that the door slams shut loudly behind him. Ishida is surprised (and secretly relieved) that the girl is not there when he wakes up. Ichigo stumbles to their kitchen table in his usual half-awake morning state, and sits down as if nothing happened. Ishida sips his coffee nonchalantly, and Ichigo pours himself a bowl a cereal already laid out for him. Although Ishida does not notice, Ichigo is watching him for a reaction.It is a morning like any other. Ichigo does not push Ishida, not right now; the confrontation will come later. For now, he wants Ishida to stew in his feelings a little while longer.Ishida does for most of the day. He works the morning until the late afternoon at his second job, and when he comes home, Ichigo is not there because he has class until six. Ishida makes himself something to eat and curls up on his two-seater, waiting for Ichigo to come home and pretending to read. Over his book, he stares at Ichigos couch, the one Ichigo always insists is theirs even though Ishida wont go near it; the one Ichigo kissed him on, the one Ichigo was kissing a strange girl on last night. Images burned into his memory are unrelenting as he waits and waits, and he bites at his nails subconsciously to ease his tense nerves. It is 7:08 when Ichigo returns, and he walks in and sees an obviously tightly-wound Ishida sitting with his feet on the sofa, arms holding his knees to his chest, teeth chewing furiously on his fingernails.Ichigo takes a deep breath, toes off his shoes, and sits down on the couch. They sit in silence, and the clock on the wall ticks on relentlessly, each barely audible sound of the hands clicking in place pinching at a nerve.Did you eat dinner? Ishida breaks the silence, staring at the floor as he addresses Ichigo.Ah . . . yeah.Another stretched-out silence.You did it to provoke me, didnt you?Ichigo isnt surprised that Ishida has figured it out himself. Ishida is a lot smarter than him, after all, and generally good at figuring things out.Yeah.Do you make it a habit to use random girls for your own satisfaction?Ichigo blushes with shame at that. The girl is not something he is proud of; he simply doesnt know any other way to get to Ishida. He doesnt answer, and the silence resumes.Ichigos leg is shaking with tension, and his fingers pick at a couple strings along the seam of his jeans. Ishida is deathly still now, and his eyes have not left that particular spot on the floor for a good ten minutes.Ichigo is the first to break. He curses under his breath and rubs his face with his hands. As he lets his hands fall to his sides, he looks over nervously at Ishida.Ishida. Come here.Ishida shakes his head lightly.Come on. Please? He pats the cushion next to him, but Ishida does not move a muscle. Ichigo realizes with a sigh that hes the one who will have to move. He gets up, walks over, and sits down next to Ishida. The lack of space on the two-seater makes it so they sink towards one another.Ishida- is all he gets out. A cold, trembling hand is on his collarbone, and Ishida is both kissing him and biting at his lips, as if torn between desire and anger.I hate you, he whispers against Ichigos lips, and Ichigo thinks that this time, he might be telling the truth.Ichigo wakes up and sees an empty space where there should be another body; Ishidas body, long, lanky, and smooth. Through his sleepiness, he senses immediately that something is wrong. Ishida is at the kitchen table, dressed and drinking his morning coffee while reading the newspaper.Ichigo sits down across from him and stares. You went to sleep in your own bed last night. Somehow, he just knows. Even though he didnt see him leave, even though Ishida is always up before him in the mornings; Ichigo feels cold in a way that leads him to this truth.Ishida doesnt look up. Is there something wrong with sleeping in my bed?Why didnt you stay with me? He fit so perfectly against him, head tucked beneath his chin, neck cradled in his arm, torso curled sensuously against his own.Why would I? He still doesnt look up, sharp eyes trailing down the newspaper as he continues reading. Its not like were lovers.Ichigo opens his mouth, closes it, then opens it again. Not like were lovers? he repeats, dumbfounded. Then what are we?Ishida sips his coffee. How should I know? Housemates. Friends, of a sort.Friends? Ichigo repeats, disbelieving. Do all your friends fuck you?Ishida looks up at that, eyes filled with anger. Excuse me? Frustrated, Ichigo presses his thumbs against his eyelids, seeing a kaleidoscope of dark color. I dont know, Ishida. I just thought having amazing sex actually meant something.It means you went too far!Ichigo blinks, brain not willing to process what he just heard. What?You heard what I said! Ishida is acting strange, Ichigo thinks. Hes angry, defensive, and he seems to be trembling. Hes afraid of something. Ichigo? But why would he be afraid of Ichigo?I didnt . . . Ichigo pauses, remembering the night before with a shiver. You wanted it to happen. Dont bullshit me. You loved it. You came four times!Shut up! Ishida gets up, his face turning red. Just shut up! It was a mistake!Ichigo wears his hurt plainly on his face, and Ishida swallows around his guilt. Ishida turns away, hiding from Ichigos betrayed gaze. Look. If were still going to live together, wed better just forget about it, okay? Otherwise, Im going to be looking for someplace else to live. I have enough money to live on my own now.I thought you were saving up for school, Ichigo speaks, but feels numb.Ishida scoffs. Thats looking more and more like a pipe dream. Whos going to let me in now? For gods sake, you graduate next year. I should be graduating with you.Ishida works because he can not afford university, and due to the frequent and prolonged absences in high school, given their double lives as killers of hollows, he had been unable to keep up the grades necessary for a scholarship. His father will not help him unless he decides to take up medicine, but Ishida does not want to take up medicine; he does not want to become his father. Thus, he works and saves up so he can go back to school on his own. He wants to become a journalist.You can . . . look, you know my family can help you out-Stop. Stop it, Ichigo. Dont start this with me, not after what you did last night. Forget I brought it up.What you did last night . . . Ichigo feels like hes going to be sick. He rises to his feet, slouching, Ishidas rejection weighing on his chest.I get it. Hey, Ishida?Ishida looks over his shoulder, and winces inwardly at the pained look in Ichigos eyes.Im sorry, okay?What hurts the most, Ishida knows, is that he means it.Their lives fall back into place as if nothing happened, but they both feel that their previously peaceful coexistence has been shattered irreparably. Ichigo is surprised when Ishida does not follow through with his threats and move out, but he does not allow himself to hope that it means anything. From then on, he pushes any potential lovers away; he only wants Ishida now.It isnt really any sort of revelation or a realization that leads to him knowing that its Ishida he wants. Its more a culmination of thoughts and events; the thousands of times hes seen Ishidas face, the hundreds of times theyve brushed hands, their fights and their friendship, their opening up to one another and their shared secrets. He looks back on the past five years of his life and he sees Ishida everywhere within them, and he doesnt so much as realize but remember that hes wanted Ishida there all along. Hes wanted Ishida all along.He dreams about it almost every night, now. The pressure of fingertips along his back. Hot, feverish flesh under his palms. The rigid expression of pleasure, open-mouthed, gasping. The sharp, dizzying scent of sex. Jagged nails getting caught in his hair. Sweet, stinging abandonment in wild thrusts, entangled limbs, and the burning ache of muscles. White, papery skin over a graceful collarbone that tastes like honeysuckle. The sound of his heart pounding in his ear drums. A resounding beat against his chest, pushing and pressing and panting. The roll of thunder, the howl of wind, the bright white flash of lightning.It is Ichigos first time without a girl. He thinks it is Ishidas first time, period, although he cant be sure. He expects cold, hesitant, rigid limbs, half-hearted refusal borne out of fear. He expects awkward, shy kisses and blundering, barely-there touches. He expects to find resistance. He expects a struggle. Ishida is nothing like he expects. Ishida is pure sensuality. Ishida is a man; not a girl like hes used to, and not a boy like he expects. His kisses are fierce and burning hot, his hands strong, intense. His body is pliant and demanding and mind-blowingly responsive, and even though he does not speak, his every movement seems to cry out to him more, more, more. He is hunger, and fire, and passion, and frenzy. He is mad, agonizing lust.Even though Ichigo is the one pinning him to the mattress, Ichigo feels like hes the one being consumed by Ishida. He eats Ichigo alive and spits him back out, only to eat him again more slowly, long, leisurely bites and a measured, stagnant swallow.The longer he goes without it, the more vivid the memory appears in his dreams. In waking life, he can distract himself, fool himself into believing it never happened. But when he goes to bed each night - the same bed that he held Ishida against and fucked him with a soul-deep slowness - everything returns to him, and he feels he might go crazy if he dreams it one more time. [the present] Two weeks after Ichigo touched Ishidas hair on the couch, Ishida arrives home from work with the mail in his hand. Included are the water bill, an arts and crafts catalog, one letter addressed to Ichigo that turns out to be another pointless credit card offer, and a letter addressed to Ishida, which he promptly opens and reads, still standing over the kitchen table.He reads it over three times, and the smile on his face widens more each time. He looks like hes about to read it again when Ichigos curiosity gets the better of him.Alright, what are you so happy about? Ichigo is laying on the couch, feet up, channel surfing out of boredom. Ishida turns to him startled, as if he forgot Ichigo was there, and grins. I got accepted. To Tokyo University.Ichigo knows how much this means to Ishida; he actually helped him a little in putting together his application. He jumps from the couch with a whoop of delight, and tackles Ishida. They both stumble to the floor laughing, and Ichigos heart stops when Ishida suddenly hugs him.Thank you, Kurosaki. I couldnt have done it without your support.Ichigo hugs back lightly, afraid of getting carried away. He feels the urge to shiver, and fights it off. After a moment, he gently pushes Ishida off of him and gives him an earnest smile. I think a celebration is in order. What do you think?Ishida cringes. No parties. Im done with parties, Kurosaki.Ichigo laughs, remembering embarrassingly the last one he dragged Ishida to. No parties, he agrees. Whatll it be, then?Ishida shrugs. Im not in the mood for celebrating, really.Oh, come on, Ishida.What? How about a nice, relaxing evening at home? Does that count?Ichigo crosses his arms. It depends. What are we going to do?Order take-out. And drink. Is that enough?Ichigo thinks about it for a minute and nods his approval. Thats enough, he says while rising to his feet. He holds out a hand and helps Ishida up. But youre letting me handle the dinner and the drinks. No excuses.Dinner is soba from Ishidas favorite restaurant, and the drink of the evening is two expensive, top-shelf bottles of sake. Theyve eaten dinner and have finished the first bottle. The television is on, but most of their attention is on each other; Ichigo is discussing academic life, and the frightening prospect of graduating come next month. He still has no job lined up, despite a few offers. He wants to be a teacher, he thinks . . . he isnt entirely sure.They are laughing over the strange teachers they had in high school when it suddenly hits Ishida; hes going to be moving away.His face goes serious, and he pretends to find something interesting on the television, but Ichigo immediately picks up on the change. He takes the opportunity to slide a bit closer, and nudges Ishida with his elbow.Hey. You okay?Ishida seems edgy and a bit frazzled. He looks at Ichigo, and deliberates whether or not to share his thoughts. He concludes that it would be foolish not to discuss the matter with Ichigo, as it is essentially Ichigo that he will be moving away from.Im going to be moving to Tokyo. Thats . . . kinda strange, huh? He tries to smile, but the failed quirk of his lips easily betrays in unease.Ichigo, who has already realized this, feels a weight attach itself to his chest. Yeah. I guess it is. Youll be okay, though.Will I? Ishida stares blankly at the tv screen. Although he feels buzzed from the alcohol, the realization has effectively sobered him to a degree.Of course, Ichigo takes a chance, and puts a hand on his shoulder for reassurances sake. Youll be fine, Ishida. I promise.Ishida turns and looks at the hand on his shoulder, then looks up into Ichigos eyes. Right now, he needs comfort; Ichigo, he knows, is a veritable haven of comfort. It is Ishida who leans forward first, instinctually drawn to Ichigos solace, and it is Ichigo who closes the distance, kissing him softly on the lips.Ishida pulls away almost immediately, and Ichigo curses.Sorry. Damn it. Hey, Im sorry, Ishida. He wants to touch his shoulder again, but thinks better of it.Ishida shakes his head, as if to deny it just happened, and pours the both of them more sake. The bottle is almost empty.They both drink, glancing at each other, and Ishida puts his glass down, face troubled. Its a look he gets when hes searching for the right words to express himself, and Ichigo watches and waits patiently.I dont want to be alone again. Being alone is . . . hard. He cringes, thinking he sounds foolish. When it comes to his feelings, Ishida never knows what to say. He used to think there was just nothing substantial enough about his emotions that was worth expressing; he knows now that hes really just plain bad at it.He looks up at Ichigo, needing to hear something, some sort of reaction or reassurance. Ichigo looks sympathetic, and somewhat wary. What he says next surprises Ishida.I could go with you. We could get an apartment together, somewhere close to campus. Im sure it wouldnt be hard for me to get a job there.Ishidas eyes widen. W-what? Why would you . . .Ichigo shifts nervously and scratches his head. Well . . . I dont want to be alone either, you know.You have other friends you could-Other friends arent you, Ishida. Ichigo says it with a sad smile, and he almost looks like hes going to cry. I was going to go anyway if you were, even if I had to get a place by myself. Im not ready to give up on you just yet.Ishidas eyes widen even more, then squeeze shut, then open, looking pained. Kurosaki, he starts, then stops. He fists his hands by his side and bites his lips. I cant. I just cant, Kurosaki. Im sorry.Ichigo does not want to hear this, although it is what he expects. He gets to his feet, filled with sudden aggression, and takes it out on the couch, which he kicks. Ishida acts unfazed by his anger, but is trembling all the same.Why? Ichigo looks at him, and his eyes are angry, hurt, full of despair. Tell me why, Ishida.We just cant, Kurosaki. Its . . . no. I cant.What are you so afraid of? Is it because Im a shinigami?Ishida gives a painful laugh. A shinigami? How about we start with the fact that youre a guy?Who cares?I care! People care!Like who? Your father?Yes! Like I havent disappointed him enough? How am I supposed to tell him about this?So youre afraid of your father.No! I mean, its not just that, of course.Then what? Please, Ishida, you know me. I need everything explained to me or Im not going to get it. I cant read your mind.What about our futures? What if we decide we want kids? What if we realize we actually dont want to spend the rest of our lives hiding who we are?Ichigo is quiet for a moment. Ishida . . . listen to me. This may sound heartless, but hear me out. Who said this had to be forever? Not that Im not serious about you, its just . . . well, why not worry about that stuff when the time comes?Why not now?Because Im not asking you to marry me. Im asking you to act on what I know you feel. You know, maybe we wont last forever. Maybe we wont even last a month. But dammit, Ishida, I dont want to regret not even taking that chance.Ishidas eyes are wide before they look away. He curls in on himself, as if in pain, and when he speaks, his voice is small.Im afraid, Ichigo.Ichigo blinks at the use of his first name and speaks gently. What are you afraid of?Because youre all I have. Has that ever occurred to you? Ichigo shakes his head sadly. I dont know what you mean.Who else do I have in this world? My father, yeah, while he might be sad if I died, he has little to no interest in me while Im alive. My friends are all your friends, people I barely know, people who barely know me. Ichigo, youre the only person on this earth who actually cares about what I feel, who even notices if Im happy or sad. Our friendship is fragile enough. I dont want to risk making you even more important than you already are.Ichigo reflects upon Ishidas words in a humbled silence. Truth is, he hadnt realized any of it, and while hes secretly relieved that Ishida has told him, he doesnt know how to react to such a confession. Theres a responsibility pinned to his shoulders with Ishidas words, and perhaps he should feel weighed down, but he really just feels inadequate. At the very least though, he feels like hes finally beginning to understand why Ishida does what he does.I dont know what to say, Ish- Uryuu. On the one hand, I see what youre saying, and I get why youre afraid. On the other hand . . . well, its still just fear. Since when are you the type of person who lets fear control you?Ishida snorts. You have a way of bringing out the worst in me, it seems.Ichigo snorts back. Its not just you. I think we bring out the worst and the best in each other, Uryuu. I mean god, look at what I did to those girls, using them to get your attention. What a horrible thing to do.Ishida looks up at him sadly. Did you feel anything for them?Ichigo frowns and shakes his head. Honestly? Ive only ever really wanted you. It just took me a while to realize it.Why me? Ishidas voice isnt more than a whisper.Fucked if I know. All I know is that I like you. I like you a whole fucking lot, Uryuu. I might even go so far as to say I love you.Theres a look in Ishidas eyes that tells Ichigo he wants it to be true. Youre my first and only crush, you know. Or is it no longer called a crush if it lasts this long?Ichigo goes to him. He sits down next to him, puts an arm around his shoulders, and presses their foreheads together. I dont know what its called, and I dont really care. I just know I want it, and Im not going to give up on you until I get it.Ishidas fingers curl into Ichigos shirt and hold tight. If you break my heart, Ill shoot an arrow up your ass.Ichigo, who is in the middle of leaning forward to catch his lips, stops and doubles over with laughter.[a moment in time]Odd occurrences are always happening around Ichigo, Ishida notices. He thought this the first time hed ever seen a stuffed animal talk, and he still believes it. Ichigo attracts strange company from all walks of life - or afterlife, if you prefer. Ishida still doesnt quite get the series of events that brought them together. Before Ichigo was a shinigami he was a delinquent, and after . . . well, after he was a shinigami. An alliance was forged out of need, but the friendship was something else. And this is the occurrence that unsettles Ishida the most. Ichigo has countless friends, human and shinigami and vaizard and even hollow; so why does Ichigo choose to live with him?Theyre at a party. Ishida hates parties and Ichigo knows this, and yet somehow Ishida is there. How this always manages to happen is one of the great mysteries of life.Ichigo is drunk. Again. Some people might think Ichigo would possess a hardy stamina when it comes to alcohol, but he doesnt. His endless supply of spiritual power is a crutch in times of weakness, and he needs all his physical strength to endure it, which alcohol robs him of to a certain degree. Not that hes a particular danger to himself; it just means he gets smashed very easily.The party is fairly crowded and full of unfamiliar faces. Ishida is not nervous and does not feel out of place; he is merely annoyed, because he could be doing something more constructive, like reading or sleeping. Instead he has to babysit Ichigo.Why me? He thinks to himself as he wanders the spacious(ly filled) house, following the random fluctuation of spirit power. There are a dozen people he can name off the top of his head who would be both a better friend to Ichigo, and a better housemate. And why is it that Ishida is the only one who ever gets to see Ichigo like this, even though he really doesnt want to?He finds the Ichigo-like-this in the kitchen, hitting on some girl who, from the looks of her, is probably underage. Ichigos body is lax, leaning against the wall, near-empty beer in his hand. His eyes are rimmed with red, his face is flushed, and Ishida can tell before even hearing him, just by the way his lips move, that he is slurring.Maybe you gotta friend or sumthin? Yanno, cuz I gotta friend, and he needs one. A friend, I mean. One a yours.Kurosaki, Ishida approaches and sees a flash of barely-concealed relief in the girls eyes. Kurosaki, lets go home.Ichigo rolls his head over towards him in a way that makes his neck look unhinged. What, already? He grins and his eyes sparkle for a moment, then he begins to laugh.Ishida sighs and takes the beer from his hand hes about to drop. He finishes it himself and puts the empty bottle on the table behind them. Whats so funny?Ichigo pushes himself off the wall and leans into him, arm hooked around his shoulders. His breath reeks of cheap beer, and Ishida almost gags. You sound like my girlfriend. Youre gonna give the girl the wrong idea, yanno, like were homos or sumthin. He dignifies the statement with a hiccup.Um . . . the girl sounds afraid, and by her voice, Ishida is now almost positive that shes underage.I apologize for my friend. He cant handle his alcohol very well. Please excuse us.The girl nods and darts away, grateful, and Ichigo only vaguely realizes that Ishida is talking about him, mumbling something about pretty homos and cute girls. Ishida drags him out of the house and the fresh air seems to awaken Ichigo somewhat; after a minute, he can even walk by himself.Until theyre within a block from their apartment building, and Ichigo leans on him from behind, suddenly enough that they almost topple over.Kurosaki! Ishida snaps, then freezes as he feels Ichigo rubbing his face in his hair. What the hell are you doing?You always smell so damn good.What? Ishida wonders briefly if hes hearing him wrong.Everyone else there smelled like beer and cigarettes. Hell, I probably smell like it. Ichigos arms tighten around Ishidas shoulders and his nose flattens against his ear. His breath is warm, too warm against Ishidas ear. But you still smell good. Like you. How do you do that, Ishida?Ishida is speechless for a few moments, and then a car drives by and he remembers where they are. Get off of me, Kurosaki. Youre drunk. He pushes Ichigo off of him and continues walking. Ichigo follows a step behind, so close that Ishida knows if he stops abruptly, Ichigo will slam right into him. He turns a final corner, and the footsteps behind him slow to a stop. He stops himself and turns, confused and a bit exasperated by this point.What is wrong?Ichigo is looking up at the sky. Ishida feels his breath catch. Ichigo is staring with wide, searching eyes, mouth open in an o-shape, his face the perfect picture of sweet, unsullied childhood innocence.He notices Ishida then, and he grins wide enough that Ishida can see every single one of his straight white teeth. He points to the sky. Look, Ishida!Ishida looks. His mouth falls open a little. Is that an eclipse or something? Ichigo asks, sidling next to him, their arms brushing.Ishida stares and nods. A lunar eclipse. The moon is visible only by an overarch of bright, glowing red, that is slowly but noticeably being eaten by darkness.Its beautiful, huh?Ishidas turns his eyes until he can see Ichigo, and marvels at the look of boyish innocence once again. How does Ichigo do this? Why does everything always happen when Ichigo is around?And what would life be like if he wasnt around?Ah, Ishida agrees softly, and although his mind is telling him to watch the moon, because this is a once in a lifetime chance, his eyes linger on Ichigos face for a few moments longer.-FIN-______*Note - Hydro is a variety of marijuana, named because it is grown through hydroponics. While not by any means the strongest type, it is much more potent than the average grade sold on the streets.And any of you anti-druggies rolling your eyes at me right now can go suck a cock. :D♥

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