Rose Madder
29.08.2005., ponedjeljak
simple facts
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loss, shock, denial, madness, fake comfort, responsibility, weariness, sickness, seclusion, and the pain, the everlasting pain |
27.08.2005., subota
sitting in my room,my own little sanctuary simply trying to be still, to feel the air circulate around me shadows forming into shapes... will my presence fill the room, or will it just crouch and hide in the darkness my own darkness, so thick and overwhelming maybe there is a tiny ray of light somewhere... if I could only concentrate harder maybe I could see it, if only for a second, just a flicker would be enough why can I only see the light when my eyes are closed? |
26.08.2005., petak
bez posvete ovaj put
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how can you be human a creature made in god's own image and still seem so unreal how can you smile so gently overpowering me in such a simple way and push your sword even deeper into my heart how can you look like an angel with eyes that shine with a golden glare and still drag me down to the depths of hell go ahead...drink my blood drain me don't waste a drop soon I won't need it anyway |
24.08.2005., srijeda
za ach
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if a tear ran down my cheek right now... would it be red with my warm blood or just transparent and insignificant would it be noticed by anyone somehow validated or would it just drop and melt into the ground like it was never even there would it hurt to cry |
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you were supposed to take care of me, how did we switch roles like this? so many medications... they could never heal a soul you just sit there staring into space or looking at something invisible to me would you even hear me if I screamed? he may be gone, but I still stand before you why can't you see me? |
voices
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so many voices taking turns in my mind some whispering wisely some ranting endlessly some are incoherent but still demand to be heard others make too much sense to be taken seriously sometimes they scream in unison and fill my head with shattered glass |
23.08.2005., utorak
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who is this person that makes me ache that shatters all my dreams that erases all my warm memories and leaves only the brutal coldness that cuts me until the whole world seems red with my blood that reopens every single one of my wounds that feeds on my sadness and loneliness that loves me only when I'm miserable it's just me...it has always been me |
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I run so fast, no one can catch me; I hide so well, no one can find me; I sleep so restlessly, no one can wake me; I stand so firm, no one can break me; but I yearn to be caught, found, awoken, broken, loved. |
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can you cry when you have no tears can you scream when you are mute can you dream with eyes wide open can you be blind and still see beauty can you be cursed and still have a soul |
22.08.2005., ponedjeljak
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thank you for protecting me, thank you for teaching me, thank you for believing in me, thank you for trusting me, thank you for loving me, fuck you for leaving me behind |
dedication
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I still hear your voice every single night, when I'm alone and darkness captivates me; after all this time I still ache the same, yearning for a time when I was happy, innocent, sane. I wish I had a chance to say goodbye, but what good would it do; I wouldn't know what to say, maybe I would just hold you, cry on your shoulder, and beg you to stay. |
why do I feel this way
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words flutter in my mind never to be spoken sweet notes ring in my ears never to be heard dreams overwhelm my soul never to come true shadows fill my world never to be chased away |
objašnjenje samoj sebi
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Kreirah ovo u nedostatku boljeg ispušnog ventila. Iz jednostavnog razloga da napravim mjesta u glavi i da me neke misli više ne bodu poput sitnih iglica. Svatko ima svoj način olakšavanja težine tijeka svojih misli...ovo će, u velikom naletu tehnologije, morati biti moj. She sits in the corner, trying to draw air out of a room which seemed to have plenty just a few minutes ago and now seems to have none. |
nered i mirisi
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soba je u neredu primjećujem da je stanje sobe obično u skladu s mojim psihičkim stanjem...u glavi je zbrka i misli lete nekontroliranom brzinom tako da uhvatim tek svaku treću već me pomalo guši dim mirisnih štapića...miris tamjana, ruže i sandalovine se širi prostorijom i čini mi se da je svake sekunde sve jači i jači, iako bi trebalo biti suprotno...inače mi pomažu da se koncentriram, ali sada me čine ošamućenom i zbunjenom pa su slike u meni mutne i teško čitljive ipak ih nemam srca ugasiti...pružaju mi određenu dozu mističnosti koja mi ponekad tako nedostaje...želim živjeti u snu..nekom prekrasnom snu koji sam sama kreirala od tankih niti stvarnosti isprepletenih s nitima snova i želja prepunih boja koje svojom jarkosti posramljuju svaku nijansu koju vidim oko sebe...volim kišu, ona sve boje čini ispranima i daje mi mogućnost da se uvjerim da su takve zbog vode što se slijeva po njima, a ne zato što su već po svojoj prirodi blijede i mutne...i što će se jednog dana sve možda stopiti u sivu Sadness comes knocking constantly Filling up my eyes, for all to see Peace will come some day, I pray that it finds a way Darkness caressing my mind and soul My spirits rejecting, I'm feeling whole Emptiness goes away, fills with the light of day Iced Earth |
