pookapookapookapookapooka

Moj prijatelj, koji je neko vrijeme bio na heroinu i o kojem sam pisao u izbrisanom blogu, je OK. Trenutno je detoksifikacijskoj terapiji Subutexom. Subutex je najnoviji lijek za prolazak kroz heroinsku apstinencijsku krizu bez grozota koje idu sa prekidom uzimanja heroina tako što briše gotovo sve simptome krize. To je ono "pola tablete dnevno" koju je on meni u pripitom stanju spomenuo, a ja sam mislio da govori o Heptanonu. Isto tako zna do u detalje zbog čega mu je majka morala biti operirana i sad je u bolnici. Onu večer mi je rekao da ne zna jer je bio pijan i nije htio razmišljati o tome. Istu večer mi je rekao da je bio na "dnu dna" i meni je to djelovalo kao neko pasivno agresivno idiotsko samosažaljenje u koje se ugodno uvaljaju ljudi koji misle da im je život nešto dužan. I tu sam pogriješio. Bio je na dnu dna i toga je svjestan sa strahom da ne osvane u tom stanju ponovo. I nije malodušan. I svjestan je da mu je ovo posljednja šansa. I ide dalje u pravom smijeru.
A ja sam ispao idiot, koji je u cijeli razgovor ušao sa već izgrađenom slikom o njemu. Pa sam sve krivo razumio. I još to objavio na internetu. Mogu se opravdavati da je on bio pijan i da šuška dok govori i kad je trijezan pa da je zato došlo do nesporazuma. Ali sam u stvari zajeb'o, a zajeb se sastoji u tome što sam prestao vjerovati da se on može promijeniti. Na neki način sam ga otpisao.
A to je u kurcu, pogotovo ako ti je neko prijatelj. Eto. Pouka? Kakva je korist od stava da se ljudi ne mogu promijeniti? Nikakva, osim osobne komotnosti u glavi tako što si neke ljude koji imaju problema u životu rashodovao pod stavkom "izgubljeni slučajevi". Kakva je korist od stava da se ljudi mogu promijeniti? Čak i oni zajebano sjebani? Korist je neki feeling između ušiju, luđački feeling (govorim o sebi) koji kaže: Grrrrrr... hahahahaha... grrrrrr... hahahahaha... grrrrrr... hahahaha... a onda malo šuti pa tiho šapne: no... no... no... no pasaran.
Evo malo Henry Rollinsa... nekako mi baš leži... za dobro jutro. Svako jutro.

SHINE

if I'd listened everything that they said to me, I wouldn't be here!
and if I took the time to bleed from
all the tiny little arrows shot my way,
I wouldn't be here!
the ones who don't do anything are always
the ones who try to put you down
and you could spend your entire life walking around
in the nowhere land of self doubt

'coz when you start to doubt yourself the real world will eat you alive!
it's time, it's time to align your body with your mind, it's hero time
it's time, it's time to align your body with your mind, it's hero time
'coz when you start to doubt yourself the real world will eat you alive!
and you know it's true!
I'm talking to you: hero time starts right now! Yeah, hero time, yeah,
time to shine, hey, hero time!

if ya think you've got 100 years to mess around: you're wrong!
this time it's real, y o u r t i m e i s n o w . . . it's hero time!
Yeah, hero time,hey, time to shine, yeah, hero time, yeah!

hard times are gettin' harder, the liars are acting strong
you better get a grip on yourself or you won't be around too long
it's hero time, hey, time to shine, yeah,
hero time, yeah, hero time, yeah!
it's hero time, it's hero time, time to shine, shine, shine, shine, shine!
oh yeah! (X3)

no such thing as spare time, no such thing as free time
no such thing as down time
all you got is life time... go! 'coz it's hero time, 'coz it's time to
shine
'coz it's time to go, go, go! yeah, hou!

when you're gone, you're so gone (X2)
you've got it now, it's time to go
hero time starts right now! yeah, aha..! ...change it!

I got grace in times of friction, I got truth in times of fiction
I've got no time for the hype... suicide!? I'm not that type...
I got no time for drug addiction, no time for smoke and booze
too strong for a shortened life span, I've got no time to lose!
It's time to shine, yeah, it's hero time, yeah, it's hero time, yeah,
yeah!

when you start to doubt yourself the
real world will eat you alive! yeah!
you could spend your entire walking
around, coward: or you can get up!
get up, get up, get up, get up! it's time to shine! yeah...