11.03.2005., petak

walk unafraid, I'll be clumsy instead, hold my love me or leave me..high Nema me neko vrijeme. Ne znam što to znači. Svaki dan nadoknađivanje zaostataka. Neke nove aktivnosti, novi i stari ljudi, telefon, mejl, diplomski, cv, gastroskopija, pilates, zubar, svađa koja je trajala dobrih 10 dana i napokon je završila pomirenjem. Pitam se gubim li ja to zanimanje za ono u čemu sam uživala mjesecima.. Je li to zasićenje? Umor? Ili neimanje materijala? Bilo mi je dosta ispunjavanja tuđih očekivanja, prvi put sam odlučila ispuniti svoja očekivanja i još uvijek ne znam rezultat. Bilo mi je dosta ljudi koji svoje frustracije iskaljuju na drugima. Makar to lijepo zapakirali u pametno i duhovito obličje. Uvijek sam svoje frustracije usmjeravala prema samoj sebi, pa mi je zato ovaj drugi način stran i odbojan. Ali u konačnici puno zdraviji zar ne? Bilo mi je dosta snijega, paralizirao me je, iako sam se borila.. velikim loptama, izmišljanjem razloga da počastim auto vožnjicom po gradu, a sebe sokićem, R.E.M.-om (uvijek, uvijek me oraspoloži:), novinama nakon doručka, napolitankama, duugim telefonskim razgovorima, dobrim slikicama (kosa mi je strašno narasla.. skoro do guze, a nisam to stigla ni primjetiti), blogovima dragih mi ljudi, mojim malim anđelom koji rješava Dalaj Lamin test osobnosti (zašto sam za kavu napisala crna? Zašto? Zašto?), kupovanjem školske torbe, pa zamjena iste i traženje torbe s princezom, kreativnim (nadam se) prijavama za posao, planiranjem puta u Rijeku (nakon dugo vremena tulumarimo!)… hrabrenjem, smijehom, snom… Nije mi dosta: ljudi koji su se pitali gdje sam, njihovih riječi, nadanja i svakodnevnih šetnji njihovim malim kutcima .. Nedostajete mi ..neopipljivi ste, ali postojite.. i svo ovo vrijeme osjećala sam se kao da sam nekog iznevjerila. Dok sam tražila sebe. Nisam spremna napustiti ovo mjesto. Kolikogod maleno bilo. Moje je. as the sun comes up, as the moon goes down these heavy notions creep around it makes me think long ago I was brought into this life a little lamb a little lamb courageous, stumbling fearless was my middle name. but somewhere there I lost my way everyone walks the same expecting me to step the narrow path they've laid they claim to walk unafraid I'll be clumsy instead hold my love me or leave me high.

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• This story is about Truth, Beauty, Freedom; but above all things, this story is about LOVE
  
  parakeet@net.hr

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  buba mara
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• 
  When I look into your eyes.
  Your drop like an anchor eyes.
  I scudded and clipped the sky
  Just shy of making it.
  
  And you almost got away.
  I told you I was afraid.
  Did I really want to try
  You're holding me to my claim
  
  I jump on a high speed train
  I'll never look back again
  I flail like the antelope
  Who jumped from the building
  
  and you caught me on the sly
  you've taken me by surprise.
  you've mirrored my best disguise and
  turned it back on me.
  
  I jump on a high speed train
  I'll never look back again
  I flail like the antelope
  Who jumped from the building
  
  I jump on a high speed train
  I'll never look back again
  To Berlin, Kyoto or Marseilles
  I'd go anywhere for you
  
  I'll bring you a big bouquet
  I picked it myself today
  it compliments your eyes
  there's love at the end of the line
  
  I jump on a high speed train
  I'll never look back again
  I flail like the antelope
  Who jumped from the building
  
  I jump on a high speed train
  I'll never look back again
  To Berlin, Kyoto or Marseilles
  I'd go anywhere for you
  
  And that's what I always knew
  I'd like to have hung the moon.
  I'd wrestle you for a spoon inside your sleeping bag.
  Just us.
  
  No war. no hate. no past.
  It's real.
  I'm here. I'm yours. I'm fast.
  I'm long in the eye
  I'm cry when I try
  I just want to fly
  Just you and I, together
  
  sve te vodilo k meni
  iz daljine, iz mraka…
  sve te vodilo k meni
  već od prvih koraka…mada ništa nisi rekla
  ja sam znao, ja sam znao…
  istih kretnji i porijekla
  sve je isto, sve je kao…
  
  sve te vodilo k meni,
  sve što rode samoće
  mala primorska mjesta
  isti pisci i ploče…
  
  kad te baci kao lađu
  noćni val do moga praga
  nije bilo teško znati
  da mi moraš biti draga
  
  da mi moraš biti draga
  
  sve te vodilo k meni
  tvoje oči i usta,
  tvoje ljubavi mrtve,
  moja loša iskustva.
  mi smo bili na početku
  istim vinom opijeni…
  i kad si išla krivim putem,
  sve te vodilo k meni…
  
  sve te vodilo k meni.
  
  I follow the night
  Can't stand the light
  When will I begin
  To live again?
  
  One day I'll fly away
  Leave all this to yesterday
  What more could your Love do for me?
  When will Love be through with me?
  
  Why live life from dream to dream?
  And dread the day when dreaming ends
  
  One day I'll fly away
  Leave all this to yesterday
  Why live life from dream to dream?
  And dread the day when dreaming ends
  
  One day I'll fly away
  Fly, fly away
  
  
  
  
  You wake up in the morning
  And fall out of your bed
  Mean cats eat parakeets
  And this one's nearly dead.
  You dearly wish the wind would shift
  And greasy windows slide
  Open for the parakeet
  Who's colored bitter lime.
  
  Open the window
  And lift into your dreams
  Lately, baby
  You can barely breath.A broken wrist
  An accident
  
  You know that something's wrong
  You fold the leavings of your own past
  No one knows you've gone.
  The sunspot flares of the early
  Nineties light up your wings.
  And scan the shortwave radio
  It's tracking outer rings.
  
  The tectonic dispatcher shifts
  To smooth the ocean floor
  And flattens out to warmer winds
  Of Brisbane's sunny shore.
  Where Buddhas tend to mending wrists
  A tea made from the leaves
  Of eucalyptus fragrances
  And coriander seeds.
  
  You wake up in the morning
  To warm Pacific breeze
  Where mean cats chew on licorice
  And cannot climb the trees.
  
  Open the window
  And lift into a dream
  Baby, baby
  Baby starts to breathe.
  
  The rain came down
  The rain came down
  The rain came down on me
  The wind blew strong
  And summer's song
  It fades to memory.
  
  I knew you when
  I loved you then
  In summer's yawn, now hopeless
  You laid me bare
  You marked me there
  The promises we made
  I used to think, as birds take wing,
  They sing through life, so why can't we?
  We cling to this, and claim the best
  If this is what you're offering
  I'll take the rain, I'll take the rain,
  The nighttime creases
  Summer schemes
  And stretches out to stay
  The sun shines down
  You came around
  You loved the easy days
  
  But now the sun
  The winter's come
  I wanted just to say
  That if I hold
  I'd hoped you'd fold
  And open up inside, inside of me
  
  I used to think, as birds take wing,
  They sing through life, so why can't we?
  We cling to this, and claim the best
  If this is what you're offering
  I'll take the rain, I'll take the rain, I'll take the rain
  
  This winter's song
  I'll sing along
  I've searched its still refrain.
  I'll walk alone
  If given this
  Take wing, and celebrate the rain.
  
  I used to think, as birds take wing,
  They sing through life, so why can't we?
  We cling to this, and claim the best
  If this is what you're offering
  I'll take the rain, I'll take the rain, I'll take the rain.
  
  trazio sam na vrhu planine
  andjele visine
  da mi kazu ime
  
  trazio sam u dubini mora
  odavno zaboravljenu tajnu plime
  
  a pogledaj sta sam nasao
  prevrcuci raj i pakao
  divlje kose, tamna oka dva
  cvijet bez korjena
  ples je sve sto zna
  
  tko te k meni poslao
  da mi andjelima kvaris posao
  
  dit moi qui t'ai envoier
  pour empeche mes anges de travailer
  
  

• It's hard to find
  hard to find
  hard to find the strength now but I try
  and I don't want to
  don't want to
  don't want to go on and speak now
  of what's gone by
  Couse no matter what I say
  no matter what I do
  I cant change what happened
  No matter what I say
  no matter what I do
  I cant change what happened
  
  
  The show must go on
  The show must go on
  Inside my heart is breaking
  My make-up may be flaking
  But my smile still stays on
  Whatever happens I'll leave it all to chance
  Another heartache another failed romance
  On and on
  Does anybody know what we are living for
  I guess I'm learning
  I must be warmer now
  I'll soon be turning round the corner now
  Outside the dawn is breaking
  But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free