lera-92-07 diary

subota, 19.12.2009.

http

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/factsandargumentsSweet Adeline, my AdelineAdeline can still belt out a tune, yet she worries: Who will look after the future old folks?TOM CAVANAGH My mother-in-law celebrated her 100th birthday not long ago. That may sound like a lead-in to a Henny Youngman joke, but it's simply an observation about a happy event.Her name is Adeline and we have always got along well. She actually wanted me to marry her daughter, Rosemary. Although Adeline and I don't meet often, whenever we do I bring my guitar and we sing a few verses from Rosalie's Good Eats Caf. Yes. She sings along. She's blind and bed-ridden but bright as a button. Of course she doesn't remember all the words, but it's her favourite song and she joins in when and where she can. One verse she never forgets, and there's no more joyful sound in the world than her faint high-pitched voice kicking in -- in both perfect tune and time.The short order cook with the Momma tattoo / He's turning them hamburgers slow. / Eggs over easy and whole wheat down / "Hey, y'all want your coffee to go?" / He never once dreamed as a rodeo star / That he'd ever end up this way, / And it's two in the morning on Saturday night / At Rosalie's Good Eats Caf.Sometimes aging can be a stressful and difficult time -- although it does beat the alternatives. For Adeline, despite physical setbacks, her latter years have been close to an ideal period -- perhaps unique. Family is nearby; three daughters live in the same town. Two of the three were nurses (retired) and they all visit on a regular basis. Daily. Three visits a day, seven days a week is the norm with ongoing reading, conversation, and assistance.Small wonder she is alert and conversant about the world around her. After she turned 90, I sometimes feared she would start forgetting things -- such as me, for example. We live far apart and our visits are irregular. Not to worry. She remembers me, and asks about all our five children and four grandchildren. By name! I find it amazing.Adeline also maintains a sharp sense of humour. Not long ago we drove up for a visit and a nephew's party. My wife brought along home-made buns and cookies, and spoke about work in the kitchen. I added a comment as a sort of test. "Yes, we've been quite busy cooking and baking."Instantly Adeline shot back: "We? We? What do you mean 'we'? You wouldn't know what to do in the kitchen! You wouldn't even know where the stove is. Don't try to fool me!"Adeline had seven children and expresses concern about two of ours who are childless. Who will look after them when they get old? In years past, I brushed aside her worries, but lately it seems a more sensible concern. Life expectancies grow longer, and 100 years old is not that uncommon while close-knit extended families are.I dislike long digressions, but demographics are important, and things are changing rapidly. New acquaintances raise eyebrows when I mention our five children. Yet in the 1960s our "crew" was far from abnormal. When I was a child, five was probably under par. There were families of 10 and 12. The Crough family in Peterborough had 22. I played football with Paul but could not keep track of his brothers and sisters.Demographics are not the be-all and end-all but they are important, and Adeline is on to something. Whenever demographics change, the impact is considerable. Countries like Italy and Japan are heading over a demographic cliff. Same in Greece. And Canada.So we're back to Adeline's worry. Who will look after the old folks? Believers in the capacity of our social safety-net to do the job are not getting out enough. They are not looking around, not looking ahead.More than a year ago the CBC did an investigation/commentary on the lives of the elderly. One story involved a couple who sent the husband's mother off alone to an old age home. They were too busy to accompany her. It was painful listening. In a later interview the couple expressed total confidence that their children would never do that to them. I wonder. What goes around comes around.Adeline enjoys lots of company and varied stimulation. She's happy and lucky, but she paid her dues. I love to visit. Yet I find the homes/institutions where she has lived invariably and hopelessly depressing. Old people alone staring at walls.Thinking what? I have no idea. I hope I never find out.So I'm tired of the baby boomers wondering who will take care of them.Wasn't it a bad thing when people had 22 kids and there was no birth control?Young people can't afford to have kids these days. It's just an evening out of the population to match resources.Get over it.

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