laguna544 diary

ponedjeljak, 31.08.2009.

Love Soup - As The BBC Say

I forgot to mention that my computer has long since been fixed. Old cunt face, otherwise known as Lee, my Mothers boyfriend fixed it for me. Hes an incredibly stupid person, and as a result the computer is not perfect. Had I been on the same education course or whatever the hell it was he learned about computers Id have built the new computer myself, with exactly the same parts, though the difference is it would be just perfect, and I could correctly run Creatures 2 on it, and not have a 33kb connection on a 56k modem.An example of why I dislike him so much is thus: One day whilst sitting in the lounge (Back when I used to be able to use the other rooms in the house when he was present, without wanting to snap a hideous insult his way) He started to have one of his long winded bullshit smeared rants. Fuck knows what caused it; his paper of choice is the Daily Mail, so it could have been anything And he starts painting this utterly false and puerile layer of Philosophy and Intellect about himself and starts asking me like a goggle wearing Yoda Who are you? Who is Neil Askey? Yes, but WHO are you As you can imagine it was dire, and I soon made my excuses and left the room. Fuck right off, Swami Talks-a-bunch-of-shit.A while later Im watching one of his DVDs (Which he hides in his room, so no one can watch them. Which is why I make a habit of watching at least one a week, without permission). It was a box set of Babylon 5. Suddenly this Alien dude with crazy powers that later turns out to be jack the ripper starts interrogating one of the Babylon 5 guys. Who are you? Who are you? he says, and I become quite sick as I realise he ripped off that entire wankload from the Babylon 5 dvd so he could look clever or great or whatever!Err So yeah I have a computer, of sorts But I dont have a proper Internet connection yet, and shant bother to create one till Im back from living at the Temple.A couple of weeks ago I took my cat Raj to the vets to have his balls chopped off and his kitten body pumped full of injections. A couple of days after he comes back its clear that in return for his balls, he was given the cat flu. Being the nasty virus that it is the other two cats catch it as well.My Mother is a childminder and she works from home. Being an idiot, she told everyone that the cats have cat flu, and the mother of the new baby my mother is caring for calls my mother and says Oh Ive just been to the doctor because the baby is sick, and he says shes got the cat flu.Stupid fucking bitch, humans dont get cat flu. My Mother calls up the vets and asks the receptionist if it was possible and she laughed at her, and then the vet was put on the phone and said it was impossible, which we already knew! Anyway So I take Raj to the vets to get him sorted and the vet pops his head out of the door and asks for Mr Ohsky and Reg.Then today I take Lyekka and Willow to get them sorted. How do you spell Lyekka? Why did you name her that? I should have told them their names were Muffkins and Cherry-Blossom.I have a horribly sore throat, due to having also contracted Cat Flu. So I havent been eating anything that isnt soup. The only soups they sell in cans (because who the hell wants to stand there making soups?!) that I can eat is Tomato soup But technically it being Chatamasya I shouldnt eat Tomatoes, but Im not following chatamasya. Fuck Chatamasya in the ass.So for lunch I had tomato soup and not wanting to have the same thing for dinner I went to the Chinese take away and ordered me some Wonton soup I didnt know what it was; I just liked the name, and had been seeing it advertised on the shop window every time I open my curtains in the morning. So I had to get me some. I thought the Wontons would just be little cakey dumplings like you have with stews, but a bit more noodily (What the hell was I thinking?!). I was so horribly wrong! I vomited after I removed the tentacle sucker and entrails or whatever the fuck it was from my mouth. I cant imagine myself ever again eating flesh. I think its now impossible, my body has shifted or something. The thought truly makes me retch.WONTON SOUP IS BAD, AND I WAS WANTON TO WANT IT!

subota, 29.08.2009.

The Plan

Okay, so in two weeks time I'm moving into the Gangamatas Temple for six weeks with Ragunandan and Pitambara.I think Ragu will eventually get on my tits, and that I will eventually get on Pitambara's.

četvrtak, 27.08.2009.

I Have No Control Of My Life

In two weeks time the Gangamatas will all be off to India for six weeks, and I and some other people have been asked to move in there and take care of things as Brahmacharis while they are away.I really don't know what to say next about this, as my thoughts are not yet fully formed on this matter.Today I applied for what I thought was a job in banking, only to phone the provided number and be confronted by a man asking me if I had any experience or interest in perfume... I do not, on both counts, and said so with an apology before he put the phone down on me.Hopefuly a bus will hit me later on in the week, thus negating all need for thought and action on my part. I'd like it to be a number five, or a 147. Surely not a 25, as a stretched bus will never reach the required speed.I'm being humorously morbid, of course... Not actually suicidal! Heavens no.

četvrtak, 13.08.2009.

I Have Deities!

On Wednesday I went to Bhagavad-Gita class at the temple. I hadn't been to the temple for a while and in their separation the girls decided to spoil me, and of course why wouldn't they?!So I came home with a basic Arati set (Brass tray, flower dish, ghee lamp, and a little pot to make the ghee wicks with.) and a huge bunch of flowers.This morning I went to the temple again for class, having been begged to the night before. I came home with a picture of my disciplic succession of gurus, a water dish, an altar cloth, some Tulsai leaves and Manjaris (Tulsai flowers)... Oh yes... And the deities of Sri Nishrmhadeva and Prolard Maharaja!!!When I got home I dusted the altar and set it up all nicely and installed the deities onto the altar. I fetched them some water with Tulsai, placed some flowers at their feet, and went into the kitchen. I cooked some dhal and rice and offered it in the pukka brahmin way. Then when it got dark I laid out their bed on the altar and took off their ornaments and said the mantras to lay them to rest.I'm loving it. I adore Puja!Tomorrow I'm getting up early, waking, dressing and then offering mangala arati to them.Eeee!

ponedjeljak, 10.08.2009.

I'm fake-famous!

I was just innocently searching for some information and what should I find but a link to my own journal!http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=How+to+care+for+tulsai&ei=UTF-8&fr=FP-tab-web-t&fl=0&x=wrtThe seventh result.I may just need a bigger hat now.... Or a life.

nedjelja, 09.08.2009.

Oh Blah... Lemons

I'm sat in waiting for the guy who said he'd rebuild me a new PC to call. I'm starting to think that he's not a serious person though and will do jack all for me. But what can I do about it? He's doing this as a free favor after all so I can hardly have an argument and speak my mind to him in case he is a serious person inside a coincidental set of set backs.I'm using my Mother's laptop by the way.If he doesn't help me out I'll have to depend on the aid of Cunty MacCunt Face (Lee) and I am loathe to do so. I really deeply hate him.Lots of people have been failing me lately. A while ago when my computer first broke and I was reeling from the boredom of it all I arranged to meet Nicholas. An hour before we were due to meet he sends me a feeble text message "I spent all my money last night and my Mother won't give me any more" what an asshole. But I went out anyway, and it was great because they had turned regents street into a giant street party with live music, rides and lots of free junk.Ha life's lemons, take that sweet lemonadey goodness.It's really cold today. But thankfully I sleep late and the sun coming down on the closed curtains heated up the room so it's like the tropics in here.Adam and Joe are back on xfm radio and I love those guys, and I have a bottle of cherry coke. Later on I'm going to buy something from play.com or amazon, and feel a lot happier for it.Ha lemons, I smote you!

subota, 08.08.2009.

Argh

My computer died a couple of weeks back so you may have noticed my absence.It may get fixed, it may not. I may be getting a new computer by Saturday, I may not.It's not so good, eh?Anyway, see you soon, maybe.

petak, 07.08.2009.

Janmastami Report

On Friday I celebrated the birth of Krishna. It went on till past midnight and I stumbled home at 2am-something, having somehow given my e-mail address to a medical student. It's worth noting that the combination of sleep deprevation, fasting and then being stuffed full of food produces a tipsy affect. Mother Ashashrani (She's the one in charge of the bathing in the pictures) brought Srilla Prabhupada to the Temple, and at midnight we bathed the dieity of Gopala. Two Gopala's infact - Perhaps one was Mathura-Krishna and the other Vrndavana-Krishna? :PThe medical student's back, whilst it was his turn to bathe the deities.

četvrtak, 06.08.2009.

Too Much With The BBC4 Hoojamaflip By Golly!

Apparently Thomas Edison invented the word Hello.Before that we had the word Hullo, which is what you said when surprised "Hullo, the cats in the bread bin!" or something.It must be true, because Stephen Fry ('im off Wilde) said so.Don't say I never educate you. Also he said something about Koala Bears making soup and being the only animal to do such a thing. Soup for their babies. Soup from a pouch in their bums. Soup from their bums for their Koala babies.Ahh Stephen...

srijeda, 05.08.2009.

Eee! I've Gots It!

Is it possible to fall in love with a CD Walkman?It does everything I want it to, and it can play all those MP3 disks I have laying around, collecting dust.It totally drained me of all my cash though till I get paid back some money I'm owed soon. But it's worth it, oh yes!Tomorrow is Janmastami, the birth of Krishna. Fasting till midnight.I think you should make and send me CDs full of music now, to celebrate my affair with the walkman, and Krishna's birth. E-mail me for my address (Neil147a@Yahoo.com of course).

ponedjeljak, 03.08.2009.

Oh How I Love All The Complicated Things Of Life

I did something unspeakably naughty and delicious in terms of gossip today. But I can't tell you what; it's just too good and also terribly embarrassing.So instead I'll tell you what else I did today:I went to the British Museum in London today with my parental and three of the kids she looks after to help entertain them during the summer holidays - I'm such a good and pleasant child. It was absolutely pissing down with rain and we were on the bus there for ages and I had to stand for most of it. It was one of those stupid bendy buses, and I was stood on the bendy bit, holding the bars of the non-bendy part of the bus, so it was almost like skiing!When we get there I ditch my Mother and the kids to go to the museum on their own for a bit whilst I went to Soho Street.I thought I'd do a bit of business, see if any business men during their lunch break fancied a bit of fanny, so I stood there with my umbrella up and my ass hanging out of my jeans, prancing up and down Soho Square. But not one punter did I draw up from the quagmire.Okay... So I didn't try to sell my body. Instead I did the rather predictable and boring activity of going to the Temple on Soho Street to see the deities there. So I did, and when I went to leave I bumped into the Temple's vice president, Jaya-Nitai. Saying he's a bit arrogant is an understatement, last time I met him we talked about Plato and because he couldn't understand the theory of forms which is not difficult to grasp at all, especially when your religion contains a lot of it - He totally poo-pooped it and went "Some Philosopher" in a jarring American accent. Anyway... He recognized me and said hello and asked me to remind him of his name, and I told him it was Niladri Dasa and he asked how that happened and I told him very quickly about Holland and then made my excuses to leave. I then met my dear parental inside the museum, by the Elgen Marble or whoever his name was who stole them from Athens. I've been to the museum so many times I now find it all quite boring. We didn't stay very long - Good old Mum, trust her to be well cultured.We then went to Pizza hut and afterwards I went into HMV where there was a big sale on. I brought three CD's: Morrissey - Beethoven Was Deaf, and The Clash - Combat Rock & Give'em Enough Rope. They came to a grand total of 13, which is about what one CD costs, so a great deal there.Yesterday I brought a new bag. It's a converse satchel type one, made by the same people who make the punk rock skater type shoes - All Stars. I like it; it's handy and a little fruity. I also tried to buy a new CD Walkman player because I managed to break my current one in Holland. I had no luck finding the right one, but tomorrow I'm going to try again. I saw the perfect one, but it's very expensive.But I have money to burn right now, so it's all just grand.I also have Prozac - Finally! My moon swings were getting really bad without it. So there we have it, life is grand and heavily medicated. Joy to everyone!

Oh How I Love All The Complicated Things Of Life

I did something unspeakably naughty and delicious in terms of gossip today. But I can't tell you what; it's just too good and also terribly embarrassing.So instead I'll tell you what else I did today:I went to the British Museum in London today with my parental and three of the kids she looks after to help entertain them during the summer holidays - I'm such a good and pleasant child. It was absolutely pissing down with rain and we were on the bus there for ages and I had to stand for most of it. It was one of those stupid bendy buses, and I was stood on the bendy bit, holding the bars of the non-bendy part of the bus, so it was almost like skiing!When we get there I ditch my Mother and the kids to go to the museum on their own for a bit whilst I went to Soho Street.I thought I'd do a bit of business, see if any business men during their lunch break fancied a bit of fanny, so I stood there with my umbrella up and my ass hanging out of my jeans, prancing up and down Soho Square. But not one punter did I draw up from the quagmire.Okay... So I didn't try to sell my body. Instead I did the rather predictable and boring activity of going to the Temple on Soho Street to see the deities there. So I did, and when I went to leave I bumped into the Temple's vice president, Jaya-Nitai. Saying he's a bit arrogant is an understatement, last time I met him we talked about Plato and because he couldn't understand the theory of forms which is not difficult to grasp at all, especially when your religion contains a lot of it - He totally poo-pooped it and went "Some Philosopher" in a jarring American accent. Anyway... He recognized me and said hello and asked me to remind him of his name, and I told him it was Niladri Dasa and he asked how that happened and I told him very quickly about Holland and then made my excuses to leave. I then met my dear parental inside the museum, by the Elgen Marble or whoever his name was who stole them from Athens. I've been to the museum so many times I now find it all quite boring. We didn't stay very long - Good old Mum, trust her to be well cultured.We then went to Pizza hut and afterwards I went into HMV where there was a big sale on. I brought three CD's: Morrissey - Beethoven Was Deaf, and The Clash - Combat Rock & Give'em Enough Rope. They came to a grand total of 13, which is about what one CD costs, so a great deal there.Yesterday I brought a new bag. It's a converse satchel type one, made by the same people who make the punk rock skater type shoes - All Stars. I like it; it's handy and a little fruity. I also tried to buy a new CD Walkman player because I managed to break my current one in Holland. I had no luck finding the right one, but tomorrow I'm going to try again. I saw the perfect one, but it's very expensive.But I have money to burn right now, so it's all just grand.I also have Prozac - Finally! My moon swings were getting really bad without it. So there we have it, life is grand and heavily medicated. Joy to everyone!

nedjelja, 02.08.2009.

Jaya Baladeva, Jaya Subadra... Krishna Krishna Hare Hare...

So today was the birthday of Balaram. He's Krishna's elder brother, and the origin of Guru, oh yes... And he's everything.. In that, he literally is everything. He manifested into a series of avatars that created the universe. The computer you're using is Baladeva... And so are your clothes, your flesh.. Oh yeah, and your soul too.Cool.Anyway... We had to fast until noon, which is when he was born. Then we stuffed our faces with an obscene amount of food. But before we did that we bathed the deities.We don't have a deity of Balaram in our temple. But we do have Gaura-Nitai. Baladeva is Lord Nityananda Prabhu. So we bathed them in honey, milk, juice and yogurt. Like so:We all got to have a turn bathing the deities with a conchshell full of juice and flowers.Then after the Abisekam (That's the word for it) we ripped up the towels the deities were wearing and tied them to our wrists still soaking wet and drank the Caramrita (The remains of what we washed them with)It was an excellent day, and marks the seven days before Krishna is born, on Janmastami.The rumors are that Sripad Von Maharaja is going to come to our temple for Janmastami :D

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