paula stalker

by WindUpDoll

Last week, Simon Cowell paula stalker a group of TCA reporters that hes sure talent has slipped through the American Idol cracks. However, none of those talents have made it big. Well, tonight begins the festival of thousands that will, inevitably, slip through the cracks. Talent or no.

Were starting off with the required shots of folks in the crowds — some talented, some delusional. This, is American Idol.

And so begins the opening theme music that has such a Pavlovian effect on me. It makes me want to sit on my butt and eat Cheetos. I cant eat Cheetos and blog at the same time, though, as it would mess up the keyboard and leave crumbs all over the couch. Were beginning in Philadelphia.

First story of the day is a guy who lost over 200 pounds. Kudos to — heres hoping you can sing. Uh, oh, he said he have to fake the funk. Thats not a good sign. But, actually, hes not bad. Hes through, and was nice enough to ask before he went up to shake their hands. Simon says he looks hungry. Ryan is schmoozing his grandmothers. The preview for paula stalker the commercial promises me some folks of questionable mental health. Sweet.

Weve begun this section of tonights auditions with an immigrant — Aala from Egypt. His English is ok, and he seems like a sweet guy. He gets schooled by a woman in a white boa — she asks if hes got kids. He replies that hes not married. She tells him thats not necessary. Hes definitely not the worst singer thats ever been on American Idol. I mean, hes not good, but hes one of the average bad. Hes on this show because Simon & Randy are torturing Paula as she struggles to be nice to him.

Melanie is up, and shes claiming that she sung backup for paula stalker Hicks. She sings the required Natasha Bedingfield song and makes it through.

Weve got paula stalker guide up next. Hes been compared to Eddie Vedder and Paul Robeson. Oh, Lord. Its not good. paula stalker singing Go Down Moses and, well, his voice is deep like Paul Robeson. The judges lose their composure completely. Randy tries the hand & papers in front of the face thing, which never works. So, of course James starts singing again. Because if at first you dont succeed, keep singing until they say yes. Which theyve never done. Do these people not watch the show?

Theyve just shown me a close-up of a Philly Cheese Steak. I just ate dinner, but I totally want one.

Oh, goody! Someone just butchered Unchained Melody, Simons favorite song! Its the montage of bad singers! Bad screamer girl. Bad expressionless Chinese guy!

So you know a good singer two are coming up. Good black guy, good Latin guy, good White guy — its a rainbow of good singin.

And we meet Temptress Brown — a 16-year-old girl middle linebacker. She says if you make her paula stalker enough, shell break your bones. Shes auditioning for her mom, whos very sick, and Temptress has to take care of her many times. So I really hope shes at least halfway decent. At 16 shes got a lot of time to develop as a singer, if shes good. Shes singing Im Not Going Nowhere and she mistakenly credits it to Jennifer Hudson, who did sing it, but Jennifer Holliday sang it first. Shes 16, what are you gonna do?

Shes not very good, but the judges to try to be kind to her. Shes 16, so of course shes crying. Shes a sweet kid — shes insisting she cant go out to her family & say that she so the judges go out with her. Its genuinely sweet. Its one of those moments that makes you realize there are folks who really bank on things like this to make a better life. Which is kind of a downer when youre watching American Idol. Thankfully were not dwelling on it — look, theres a guy who really cant dance, and a girl who looks a bit rough if shes really within the Idol age range who cant stop flipping off the camera. I take it she doesnt get a Golden Ticket.

Mark Hays can a cricket impression. He can also sing&. really&. slowly&. Theres a bar here in Milwaukee called Angelos. If he were to go to Angelos on a Friday or Saturday night and sing with their paula stalker Norma, who is the older, tanned woman with fabulous blond hair, Norma would roll her eyes as she does with everyone who sings that slowly, even if theyre good.

The next guy likes to incorporate music in the workplace. He does financial work at an auto company. He thinks of dressing as MC Hammer as a creative way to lead a meeting. Its David Brent bringing his guitar out at a staff meeting. Is it a spoiler if I tell you he cant sing? Is it a spoiler to tell you that he actually questions the judges rejection? Is it?

The song everyone sings badly this episode is paula stalker Love Rock & Roll. Theres country-styled bad, rockin bad, drag queen bad, costumed freak bad, the entire stadium full of not-so-bad. Were hoping somewhere Joan Jett is on a tour bus just raking in the cash off paula stalker now were up to Alexis Cohen, who claims to be 23. Please, Stacey & Clinton from What Not to Wear, have an intervention. She wants to be a vet, but shes also an artist. I actually like some of the pieces they showed. Shes all manic before she gets into the judges room. We know that she doesnt stay that way. She claims shes been compared to Janis Joplin, Grace Slick and Pat Benatar. Shes singing Somebody to Love, the Jefferson Airplane song. Shes pretty much learned how to copy Grace Simon calls her performance possessed. Simon actually says shell probably be a vet or be in a small-town band, but that stalker competition isnt for her.

She actually holds it together in the room. When she leaves, Simon asks who the baddy was in Spider Man. Hes told Willem Dafoe, and Simon says Yes!
And then the meltdown, and its a good one. She ranks on Simon, who, from what were shown, didnt really say anything rude to her. Im assuming if he said something rude to her face, we would get to see it. Weve seen him say some pretty rude things. She tells us where shes going next, and next shes going for Actressing. Her mother tells her that acting is the hardest thing of all and that Simons British. What that has to do with anything, I dont know. Alexis rants, raves, flips off the camera and gets bleeped all the way out the door.

Angela Martin came all the way from Chicago with her family. Her daughter has Retts Syndrome, so will have problems for the rest of her life. Various family members are talking about her daughter & their love for her. She wants to make it to make a better life for her daughter. She talks about working full-time as a singer in Chicago. She sings Signed, Delivered paula stalker is quite good, but she does the little runs & other things that annoy Simon. He tells her to de-weddingize her singing. She makes it.

Simon marvels at the American ability to celebrate in a friends good news. I dont know if thats a British thing, or just a Simon thing.

Were at the paula stalker point, so of course, we need to recap the first hour — just in case you missed one second.

Alyse is a dancing fiend in the waiting room, and a screaming fiend in the audition. Volume does not necessarily equal passion, folks, and we have the montage of paula stalker loud, awful singers.

We also have the old guy who wants to sing his song No Sex Allowed to the judges for the teenagers of the country. Hes a social worker & a songwriter. Its all about a boy whos being tempted by his girlfriend. No Sex Allowed, I dont want to be a part of your crowd! Simon says in Britian, they call what he does creepy. I would have to agree. Hes happy he got be on TV.

Kristy is a cute girl from Oregon. She sold a horse to get to the audition. She also kickboxes and does martial arts, and does a nice job with Amazing Grace. Shes a little country for my taste, but sweet and could likely kick my butt. Shes through to Hollywood.

Theyve the next section Star Wars. Now, Im a huge Star Wars fan, but I dont have a Star Wars belt buckle. Even if I did, I wouldnt wear paula stalker to American Idol auditions. Ill admit it, though, I have done the Princess Leia buns when I had long hair. It was Halloween, though.

You know the producers knew what Ben had under his cape, since a guy in a cape cant go anywhere without being searched. He reveals his Princess Leia Jabba the Hut captive bikini outfit. Yeah, hes a guy, and hes not in shape. Paula cant get past the chest hair, so she tells him he can come back if he waxes his chest. He agrees & goes in search of a salon.

Hey! Its the woman who tried to school Aala! She runs all over America the Beautiful. Weve got another swearing montage from bitter rejectees.

Then weve got a Paula stalker. Hes singing original song he wrote for her — its all about stalking her, breaking into her house and other things that rhyme with the word stalk. Hes really, quite creepy. Man, I hope he was doing it just to get on TV, otherwise I fear for Paulas safety.

Beth Stalker sings Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered I really like her. Of course, I also really like the song, but shes got a lovely voice. Simon doesnt think she would stand out in a crowd, but Paula and Randy put her through.

Oh, man, I didnt see this one coming. Of Idol cameras followed our weirdo Ben to the salon to get his chest waxed, so we get to witness the horror. Man, just from the little Ive seen, Ben has selected an inexperienced waxing professional. Yikes!

So were back from break and Ben is back. Hes a little pink, but hes not bleeding, so I guess hes ok. Of course hes going to sing Dontcha. He gets about 5 seconds into that song before he gets kicked out.

Wow, the next contestant is quite pretty. Chris is 20 with some nice dreadlocks. Hes singing an Uncle Kracker song, Follow Me. Hes got a good voice, but for me, hes more confident & pretty than a good singer. Simon says that the girls will like him. I think Simon misses that some of the boys will like him, too. Hes not bad, and hes through.

Christina is rockin the Princess Leia buns and Star Wars belt. She even gives a Star Trek rip. She believes in herself, but shes a little Mary Katherine Gallagher. Shes singing Dont Let the Sun Go Down On Me and specifies the Roger Daltrey version. Of course shes a little weird and a self-declared goofball. Of course, they dont think shes right for the competition. Shes convinced that it was her exterior that got her rejected. Shell probably think that for a long time.

Our final contestant is Brooke and shes a nanny for twins. Shes also never seen a rated R movie, drank or smoked, but she seems sincere. She is married though, and her husband hasnt either. Shes 24. Shes got a good voice. Simon says hes going to bring her over to the dark side. She dares him, but takes it back.

We leave with a preview of Texas auditions, where of course folks have to try and sing Kelly Clarkson songs. Do I even need to tell you that theyre sung badly?

Say goodbye to my productivity.