četvrtak, 20.04.2006.
Depresivna sam sada već sigurno dvije godine. Prvo sam mislila da je to povezano s adolescencijom. Ali nije. Unatoč tome što se razvijate fizički i psihički, nikako ne možete stalno biti loše volje, izgubiti interes za stvari koje ste voljeli raditi i u kojima ste uživali, svako malo razmišljati o suicidu ili čak i pokušati to napraviti, te niz drugih stvari o kojima mi se ne da pisati ( ako baš zanimaju svi simptomi kliknite na Sandrin blog, on vam je dolje u komentarima). Tako sam došla do zaključka da sa mnom nešto nije u redu. Zapravo sam se osvrnula na svoje vršnjake i uvidjela da sam sjebana. Dosta dugo sam za to krivila sebe, ali sam shvatila da nisam krivac nego žrtva. Depresija se kod nekih ljudi može pojaviti sasvim slučajno. Onako bez razloga. Može netko imati savršenu obitelj, dobre ocjene, imati dobro društvo, izlaziti i sve ono naj,naj ali ipak biti sjeban. No, vratimo se na moju priču. Od mene je moja obitelj uvijek očekivala ono najbolje. Svaki član je zahtijevao određen model ponašanja.Nisam se smjela ni baš družiti jer sam morala biti najbolja u razredu kako bi se moji imali s čime kurčiti. Meni je to predstavljalo veliki teret. Da ne zaboravim reči još i to da sam od četvrtog razreda bila bejbisiterica svom bratiću i to kakve dvije god., a onda sam dobila sestru s kojom gubim živce i sad. Najbitnije je to da su uvijek drugi sebi pripisivali sve zasluge. Da su me oni potakli na učenje, pa je baka rekla da je ona pazila klince, a ja sam naposljetku mogla samo šutjeti. Imam jedan dnevnik,mislim nije baš dnevnik, nego unutra pišem svoje stanje dok sam sjebana. Pa mi je stara kopala po stvarima i našla ju i pročitala. Tako nedavno nisam htjela ić u školu, pa mi je stari odigral lošu predstavu zabrinutosti za mene. I onda iz ladice izvadil taj dnenik i pročital zadnji tekst koji sam napisala. I onda me tjedan dana poslije provociral tako da me pital dali mi se život zgadil i ta sranja. Najgore je to kaj se pred svima preseravaju kako su super ovo-ono, a zapravo su tak prokleto jadni da ih žalim zbog toga. I onda se pitam tko tu nije normalan. 
20.04.2006. u 16:50 •
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˝Jako rano u mojem životu već je bilo prekasno.˝
Marquerite Duras
SKID ROW - I REMEMBER YOU
Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
The wind would whisper and I’d think of you
And all the tears you cried, that called my name
And when you needed me I came through...
I paint a picture of the days gone by
When love went blind and you would make me see
I’d stare a lifetime into your eyes
So that I knew you were there for me
Time after time you were there for me...
Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I’d wanna hear you say - I remember you...
We spend the summer with the top rolled down
Wished ever after would be like this
You said I love you babe, without a sound
I said I’d give my life for just one kiss
I’d live for your smile and die for your kiss...
Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I’d wanna hear you say - I remember you...
We’ve had our share of hard times
But that’s the price we paid
And through it all we kept the promise that we made
I swear you’ll never be lonely...
Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
Washed away a dream of you
But nothing else could ever take you away
’cause you’ll always be my dream come true
Oh my darling, I love you...
Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I’d wanna hear you say - I remember you...
Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I’d wanna hear you say - I remember you...
SKID ROW - IN A DERKENED ROOM
In a darkened room
Beyond the reach of god´s faith
Lies the wounded, the shattered
Remains of love betrayed
And the innocense of a child is bought
And sold
In the name of the damned
The rage of the angels left silent
And cold...
Forgive me please for I know not
What I do
How can I keep inside the hurt
I know is true...
Tell me when the kiss of love
Becomes a lie
That bears the scar of sin too deep
To hide behind this fear of running
Unto you
Please let there be light
In a darkened room...
All the precious times have been put
To rest again
And the smile of the dawn
Brings tainted lust singing my requiem
Can I face the day when i´m tortured
In my trust
And watch it crystalize
While my salvation crumples to dust...
Why can´t I steer the ship before
It hits the storm
I´ve fallen to the sea but still
I swim for shore....
Tell me when the kiss of love
Becomes a lie
That bears the scar of sin too deep
To hide behind this fear of running
Unto you
Please let there be light
In a darkened room...
