I believe that everyone in my class has probably heard of a thing called beard at least once in their life. But still, there are people that still haven't heard and are living their unknowing lives in complete darkness. So, in order to enlighten them, I will explain what it takes to have a beard and what the beard actually is. Firstly, lets start off with the basics. The beard is a widely known thing and lately, it has been getting the attention it deserves. Some perceive it as a force of nature, gifted from the Ancient Ones to man. The legend says that the Ancient Ones had long and mighty beards which held all of their power. They were very proud of them and because of it they centered their whole civilization around them. They were strong and prosperous. One day, an incredible amount of Evil created itself and the Ancient Ones were compelled to fight it, or the Evil would've certainly consumed the universe. After a long and unrelenting battle, the Ancient Ones defeated the Evil, but at a cost. Their beards fell because of the heat that the battle made, and they lost all of their powers. The falling beard hairs fell onto Earth. The hairs started a process we call evolution. Today, people can grow beards, and it is a constant reminder of the sacrifice that the Ancient Ones made to protect the universe. Of course, there are people who simply believe that the beard is actually a big patch of hair covering a man's ( or woman's, I am not judgmental ) lower part of face. I, believe it or not, firmly believe that the beard is indeed the force of nature and the source of an immeasurable amount of power. Having explained the origin of the beard, it is my duty to inform you how to take care of it in a three easy steps.

NUMBER ONE:
Be aware that your beard is nothing more than your facial hair. It is wise to threat it like that. You should wash your beard and keep it clean at all times.

NUMBER TWO:
Believe it or not, your beard can grow and it will overgrow you, if given the chance. Remember, the beard is STRONGER than you and it will BREAK you if you are not in control. You should always be in control. Learn how to control the growth speed of your beard.

NUMBER THREE:
If you have followed and mastered the steps above, you are now ready to shorten your beard. Use only the sharpest of tools ( DO NOT USE THE BUTTER KNIFE, IT DOES NOT WORK ). Do not get alarmed while cutting it, there may be a bit of blood, but that is only your body begging for mercy from the beard.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask me at my e-mail: totallynotmadeupemail@email.com.