some time off

srijeda, 31.10.2007.

San u snu

Moj život je kao priča, nikad nije dosadan; da budem zahvalna? eek
Vrtim brojne opcije našeg postojanja i znam...ako otkrijem tu tajnu više neću postojati, u pravom smislu.
Zaključila sam da mi je mobitel pun poruka štokakozašto i dajobjasnitemuške...uplašila se ja...zaboga pa ja nemam pojma a druge savjetujem - koji mi je kurac? Cijeli tjedan visim na predavanjima, tučem glavom od zid čemusvetopobogu mislima i onda uhvatim samu sebe kako nabacujem najbolji fejkani osmijeh dok mi kolegica uživljeno prepričava nešto (????) što je njoj očito funny - kad sam izgubila svo ono strpljenje s ljudima?? Sav onaj entuzijazam da ih slušam i slušam...i slušam...?
Umorila me buka slušanja, otupila me, ovo je tužni post. Jebiga. Sad imam svoj mir. Sjetila sam se srednje škole, borba i krize identiteta...kako mi se zgadila ona shizofrenična žuta boja zidova...na kojima se svaka ploča činila kao izbuljeno lice aliena. "Kuda plovi ovaj brod" rekao bi prof. matematike...plovi gdje god ja želim, mislim u sebi - plovi što dalje, daleko od danas, daleko od svega podložnom vremenu i prostoru.
Donosim odluke, u biti one nose mene zujo fijubrijuosjećaj - ne bojim se odrastanja, počela sam savijati grane u svom smjeru, gdje mi odgovara...puštam ljude da se udalje, da odu, one koji drukčije i ne znaju...ne borim se s tim - vrijeme je, prihvaćam, spremna sam. Ja se hranim glazbom, ja sam mjuzogriz. Odradila sam svoje vrijeme u zatvoru, zaslužila život i slobodu. Svaki osmijeh što ga uputim nebu i oblacima dugujem tebi...hvala ti, life just wouldn't be life without ya sweety kiss

U srednjoj sam posebnu žicu pronašla kod jednog depresivnog gospodina - i'm a big fan wave

SAN U SNU

Stojim i slušam huku
valova što u obalu tuku,
u ruci se mojoj ljeska
pregršt zrnca zlatnog pijeska
koliko ih je!
Ali gle kako curi mi u dubinu svako,
dok plačem tako - dok plačem tako!
zar jači stisak ove kože
ne može ih zadržat Bože?
Zar spasit ne mogu bar jedno
od vala što ih čeka žedno?
Zar sve što vidimo il tu jesmo
to tek je san u snu?

EDGAR A. POE

- 15:58 - Komentari (0) - Isprintaj - #

četvrtak, 11.10.2007.

Faithful friend

She watched all those lights in the distance,
she watched a little spot blinking, surrounded by darkness,
almost as if it followed her heartbeat.

Another city and behind her back she heard the one she loved taking a shower;
they had just made love/had sex - it was all perfect.

She wondered if he was just as confused, just as sad/mad, in the same denial as she was.
They didn't understand each other eventhough they had so much to say - probably nothing smart, nothing that would make any difference, nothing that would help them.

She felt a cool breeze on her feet, sitting on the balcony seemed comforting enough all by itself.
So many mixed emotions;
he was great
she was confused
he doesn't care
he's so loving
she's cold
he's lost
he'll never be hers
they're different
he's all she wants
she's...in love?

They sat by each other on a bench, he said nothing, didn't even show the need to speak - he turned out to be so much smarter than her. She had a lot to lose, right person at the wrong place, at the wrong time.
Why wasn't she stronger?
Why did she let the whole thing fall out of hand?
Why didn't she just move away from him instead of being happy like a little love-sick puppy everytime he payed attention - what was so special bout him anyway???
Why isn't he feeling guilty...why isn't he missing her...
How the fuck did he get inside her head?!

She heard someone listening to "Knockin on heavens door" - the irony, a smile appeared on her face, then it turned into an empty gaze. God damn you! And that night, and that day...and everything!

She knew she was crazy, crazy for missing him - what the fuck was she thinking - such a perfect couple, such a stupid story. He hugged her so tightly, she responded with her body and mind...dreamed a kiss...And the light at the distance stopped blinking...she stopped breathing, that's how bad it got...
The light appeared again..flashed twice, in the distance, like a faithful firend.

She looked into the sky, wished a hug and went back to bed, curling next to the one that loved her so...a tear fell down her face.

The light blinked twice.

p.s. ponekad mi se sto puta lakše izrazit na engleskom, nemojte se ljutit, to je jače od mene. rolleyes ipak studiram engleski pa eto logična posljedica!

- 13:44 - Komentari (1) - Isprintaj - #

Priča Za Laku Noć

Otvorila je oči - opet taj osjećaj, opet...on.
Nije se razumjela, nije razumjela tu potrebu
koja joj je titrala u mislima;
dovoljno velika da ju nije mogla ignorirat
dovoljno mala da ju ne odvede korak dalje.
U njenim tajnim odajama sad vlada kaos,
mislila je da ima kontrolu nad svim
nadala se da neće izgubit dodir sa stvarnošću.

Na trenutak su se vidili kroz onaj zid što su digli jedno oko drugog
Je li bilo stvarno...
Je li trajalo dovoljno dugo da i njemu znači nešto...

Borila se s tim a više od ičeg je želila da se nije prevarila,
da je ona u njegovim mislima.
Dodiri su zaustavljali misli, bila mu je prepuštena.
Igrali su se poput male djece, samo njoj to nije bila igra.
Molila se da prođe.
Iscrpila se željom da ga poljubi, ne - da on poljubi nju...
da je pogleda još milijun puta onim pogledom
da bude kraj nje
da je dodirne.
Bez toga - ostala joj je samo želja da bude njegova
i da on bude njen,
želja ili grijeh.

- 13:34 - Komentari (1) - Isprintaj - #

ponedjeljak, 01.10.2007.

5. simfonija

Ja i moje misli. Opet. Tu.
What to do.
Zbunjena sam, toliko da ne nalazim riječi da to opišen, ma kvragu ne mogu se uopće ni izrazit, a ne znam ni kako bi nazvala taj problem....koji možda to i nije?? Možda samo meni, sad..i tu. I ne mogu ništa napravit, mogu samo gledat kako situacije skaču na ljestvici moje osobne agonije i muče moj mozak do granice da se pitam postoji li uopće zdravi razum??? Molim udijelite ako imate lud

Dobro? Loše? Uzbudljivo? Krivo? Jadno? What should I feel??????
U početku se sve činilo tako jednostavno; ja, summer, sunce, fun. A sad jesen...na svaki način, u svakom kutku...osim osjećaja...koji su tu, ne mogu ih ignorirat. Želim da nestanu. I want my life back. Ne može ovako ostat, ne mogu to radit, ne mogu bit takva...istovremeno me hrani i uništava. Zašto sam takav mekušac?

He's got the best of me, can't give the rest of me
so lost in this battle, lost for words - it's hard to struggle
gives me that glowing spark, takes my sight - leaves me in the dark
alone but not lonely
alive but not living
something's missing (for you)

pjeva

- 18:39 - Komentari (5) - Isprintaj - #

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glazba

Coldplay
Maroon 5
Smash Mouth
RHCP
UB40
Keane
Sting
John Legend

Somewhere Only We Know

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know?

KEANE