goodbye madrid
03.07.2006., ponedjeljak
when ur family meets ur family...
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its been a fun time at home lately...ive been spending weeks in zagreb and weekends at the beach, and its been as unproductive as i could make it - which i always greatly enjoy.. first my sisters old roommate from berlin came to visit and then 3 of my friends from st louis - including my roomie! i just loved having them here, in some ways it felt really weird but in other ways it just feels so right to be around those ppl :) especially vanda, my roomie. it was like introducing family to my family. and to celebrate the great moments of our croatian get-together, we took some pictures that are censored forever, and these times made me decide to quit drinking for the next few months. that was basically today, the Day of Big Decisions. also, day of big shocks, which i guess always kinda stand behind big decisions. it finally occurred to me that ive been wasting my time on something that exists only in my head..ive been putting all this energy into worrying about it and trying to somehow make it...good again, i guess. but today, even though i heard it so many times before, i ACTUALLY heard it, like it processed in my mind. the whole crusade has been a fucking waste. a sad attempt of incredible self-deception that actually worked for a long-ass time. so, ive decided to say fuck it.. im done with this shit. and even if it hurts like hell, and it will probably get worse, im gonna start a new project - making myself a careless individual. everyone else can take care of their own fucking shit, cos im not picking up any more pieces. |