Ptitchitza u niskom letu

nedjelja, 20.04.2008.

And... looke at these two.

"We should WALK DOWN
and FUCK THEM ALL!"

Not run down
and fuck one.

We Should!
Do.
Them.
All.

When they take down the uniform.
One by one.
All the motherfuckers
And fatherfuckers, too.

All of 'em, one by one.
One at the time.
We're Middle Aged after all, aren't we?
- 03:35 - Komentari (1) - Isprintaj - #

London's Burning.

Babylon's Burning.
Babylon is.

IT IZH.

But there's no Burning Hell,

- 03:30 - Komentari (0) - Isprintaj - #

I Have Existential Problems.

"Where Did I Put The Fucking Beer?"
- 03:23 - Komentari (0) - Isprintaj - #

Somebody Else.

Would Have Broken Your Both Arms.

Caroline. The German Queen.
A Latina. Ma(ri)ja.

Cold Wind To Walhalla.
- 03:20 - Komentari (1) - Isprintaj - #

Bijna? Wat?

Almost What?

Look At Me Now!
Bijna! Bijna! Bijna!
- 03:16 - Komentari (0) - Isprintaj - #

How bad is it?

ÍT'S NOT BAD ENOUGH!

There Is No Burning Hell.
Diamanda said so, and I believe Her.
- 03:15 - Komentari (0) - Isprintaj - #

Ako, ako.

Ako TMF ne prestane s ovim vrlo dobrim mixevima
Pojebat cu se sa Sejtanom.

It's bad.
- 03:12 - Komentari (0) - Isprintaj - #

I Should Broaden My Experience

I switched to Category 2 beer.

It's bad.
It's Yin and Yang.

It's beautiful.

Like 6 to 9.
Like a parachuter.
Like playing a guitar like James Marshall. HEndrix.
Fucking Jimmy!
- 03:09 - Komentari (0) - Isprintaj - #

What is Flog?

It's my Fucking Blog.

What is Smog.
It's a Fucking Smoke, Charles Dickens said.

I need a miracle.
I don't need Musac.
- 03:05 - Komentari (0) - Isprintaj - #

Should.

I should be happy more often.
Everybody should.
- 03:04 - Komentari (0) - Isprintaj - #

It Is The New Day

We just need to re member it when we wake up, I said to Natas.
Yeah. It's gonna be a fucking challenge; he said.

It's a New Day. The (black enough) singer said on TMF.
- 03:02 - Komentari (0) - Isprintaj - #

She Is Like Kate Bush To Me

A Fallen Agnel just said, Michael, my only friend in Rotterdam,
about Diamanda Galas, to whom I introduced him.

Heroin.a.

The (wo)man with the child in his/her eyes.

Maria. Hermina.
Steppenwolf.
- 02:58 - Komentari (0) - Isprintaj - #

Praise to Lord

Praise to alcohol, praise to beer.

And great Maroccan hash, Tbisla.
And to the Natas (Satan), my only friend in Rotterdam.
- 02:56 - Komentari (0) - Isprintaj - #

BACK TO THE ORIGINAL SIN

Back to Maria.
- 02:55 - Komentari (0) - Isprintaj - #

I Have This Thing

About chicken.
(like Mickey Rourke eloquently said in "Angel Heart")

Over zwarte zangeres. Black R&B tough, assertive, self-confident female singers. Like Missy Elliot. Kelly Rowland (?).

I LOVE KILLER BEATS. Pushata na ratata, AK-47 beats. Killer Beats.
I dance against the loudspeaker. It is MARIA>

"You should have been a boxer", Ted said to me in Dirty Harry's.
"Someone else would have broken both of your arms.", Lou Reed said.
- 02:49 - Komentari (0) - Isprintaj - #

četvrtak, 10.04.2008.

The Sufferings of an Elderly Werther

It's getting too much. I've given a carte blanche to the hostess of my homebar to give me a slap in the face everytime she sees me with teary eyes. All the hardworking men (and women) there go about their business and don't spend their days wineing and crying about (or perhaps they do, only I don't understand the language?)... why should I be so different?
- 16:48 - Komentari (3) - Isprintaj - #

Fuck pain, remember Love

Fuck love, feel pain, Kathy Acker said.

But... Fuck pain, I've had enough of it, Remember Love until... Forgetting, Forgiving and Foregoing and... Feeling again.

I found Maria so beautiful in everything She Is, She Does, She Says, but She does not find herself beautiful enough.

This is Nothingness.

I need to reconnect with my own South.
- 16:25 - Komentari (0) - Isprintaj - #

A Bridge Too Far

Soothing words of Maria and her calming "Mia amor..." when -- in my sleep -- I moved my head abruptly towards her in my sleep (dreaming that I was avoiding somebody's punch) and almost hit her... were with me while in detention. I so often wanted to jump outta my own skin there.

It's a beutiful dance of nature, witnessing how the two falling in love begin to "mirror" each other in gestures, already unconsciously making one whole out of two separate individuals.

But I was a bridge too far for Maria. A bridge over troubled waters, a bridge back to the South that she is so afraid of (not unlike myself). I loved noticing how I unconditionally mirror both the best and (what she thinks is) the worse of her.

A friendly handshake is one of the things when the two mirror themselves in the same way (plus vs. plus, minus vs. minus), and it's a gesture of friendship, not love as such.

I feel Dr. Dorothy is right: I had this beauatiful experience "once and for all times, now move on!", but I cannot accept it without resentment because it lasted so shortly and ended so abruptly.

Maria is in some ways making a writer out of me (however bad one I may me...) because I am beginning to fictionalise my own life so that I have an excuse of writing about her more, in absence of new facts about Maria. If it's not related to me somehow, I am just too lazy to sit down and write about it, or check my notes the day after. We'll see.

Maria is too troubled too find beauty in mirroring myself, because when I mirror even her best she does not recognise the truth of it, not recognising all that beauty in herself, denying it evenmore.

(One of) The problem was: I was too lonely, Maria was not lonely enough. She may have well been right when mentioning how the two in love in tragic circumstances in her country (according to tradition) commit suicide together by throwing themselves off the cliff. We probably would have ended like that, because in her I found everything that was lost in my life (which was wrong, it was too much) and She was enough to make everything allright again, instead of wanting (at the time) actively to better my own situation.

I feel my best (and only!) chance of getting Maria back is getting my life back in order and then let the mirroring take place again. It's not and is not going to be easy, but that the chance.

- 16:03 - Komentari (0) - Isprintaj - #

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  • HEINEKEN or: Is there life before death in the Netherlands?
    Ovaj je blog nastao u nesretnim vremenima kao dokument postepenog raspada zivota kakvog sam znao. U posljednje vrijeme pisem ga cesce na engleskom jer mi pomaze ako imam razloga misliti da ga mozda cita moja neprezaljena Femme Fatale.

    This blog has been created in times of a personal crisis. Mistaken is (s)he who thinks that only bad times define me; they do, however, provide a referential point in determining a personal span of happiness.

    Hitmi bejbi vanmortajm:
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Komentari

  • su dobrodosli, osobito ako ih stavite ispod postova kojih se ticu. Bez obzira kada je neki post objavljen, s nekom redovnoscu pregledavam ih sve i odgovor na svaki komentar koji ga trazi ce uslijediti.

Tresla se zemlja...

  • Misliti je [sto?] znati? - I am what I is - Ne hodaj malen ispod zvijezda 1 i 2 - Adios pameti: 1, 2, 3, 4 - Miles to go before YOU sleep: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 - Pticja kreketanja: 1, 2, 3 - I bruise easily - Proljetna depresija - It's O'Gay! - Les femmes fatales: 1, 2, 3 - Shadow Boxing: 1

    (Ova cijela 'arhiva' nije od davnina bila azurirana & posljedicno je sadly out-of-date... a nece biti osvjezena barem jos mjesec dana. Eto.)