Ptitchitza u niskom letu

Not bleeding, just happy.

Not only have I worked today for six hours, but upon my brief evening visit to Thirsty Garry (not the real name, but I'll give you a real hint: it's close to Dizzy Jazz Club), I found out from someone that Maria has been there earlier today! This makes me happy.

You probably won't believe me for all the emotions I have about Maria, but I'm really very easy when it comes to her: I just want her to be happy. Her happiness is the closest path to my own. Only she knows why is she so seemingly uncomfortable when seeing me, like she was on Xmas.

This is the first time she came to Thirsty Garry's after we broke up, other than Xmas, that I know of.

Thirsty Garry's the ultimate proof the Maria is not selfish or cruel. Like I keep telling you, everybody loves Maria, but TG is her home turf. Having worked there for six years and thus becoming a permanent "presence" there, I am sure that she could have simply told the owners that she doesn't feel comfortable coming there if she knew I was there and they would have banned me. I would, if I was on their place, even if I haven't given them any reason to ban me.

She never did, and I am eternally grateful for having some real, physical proof that we still somehow share our lives, the proof that exists not only as a memory of the events long gone.

I have, after Xmas, cut down on my visits there, precisely because Maria made me feel so accepted (and protected!) there that I allowed myself to act how I felt even when I get too emotional. I've become more discriminative of how ofen & where I choose to let go. After all, I worked hard to establish my reputations in parts of this tough city to which I gravitate toward to allow a few easy tears to spoil it!