Ptitchitza u niskom letu

Happy & Bleeding

I've spent four apsolutely fun-filled, wild days in a row.

I think I can know consider having two friends in Rotterdam. The first is this South African guy, who is somewhat messed up after a seven year relationship with someone that never deserved his unconditional love and commitment and was betraying it constantly for sever years. After it, he became a recluse and is spending his time on the couch, drinking beer and watching television, taking his medicins daily and living on social support. I hope I will eventually be able to draw him out of his shell a little, but that's not likely to happen soon. (I am actually writing this in his place, after we got high on some super-polm marrocan hashish and beer, watching Tarantino/T. Scott's True Romance, the film I love (and that I will now give, through an intermediary, to Maria, because she needs to see it to help her realize how True our Romance was and could have stayed.)

The other is this Die-hard Righteous, but wise for his 30 years of age, Punker, who is also damaged goods, but a very sensitive and kind person. The kind of people I like to surround myself with: I try to help them, I understand them, and being occasionally able to help them makes me feel better about myself. The guy calls himself a "brother of Maria" (he's in love with her; Who isn't? EVERYBODY LOVES MARIA! But Maria loves ME!!! That's why no matter how low & unhappy I get I still never get quite that desperate... only frustrated.) so he's practically related to us!

These are no only Beautiful Loosers (like myself, Maria and Leonard Cohen, hahaha), but because they live on the street (not my South-African buddy) they know the city in an intimate way I want to know about, the way most of the city's white inhabitants never get to know it. It's the Rotterdam Arcana, the hidden charms, hidden places, the hidden beauties of the city never mentioned in the touristic tour guides and the such.

They are powerful allies, dear friends, because you never know in the city that can be somewhat dangerous when the situation will arise in which a friend that comes out of nowhere does that decisive gest of support or help that'll keep you in one piece.

Alain is the Newest Angel in my life, and a new Tzadik (hebrew for a mentor, a holy man, a teacher). He's got a much more present death-wish than I ever get. He could sell his talents for big money but essentially has no belief in him-self... that's why he chooses to dress and behave in a confrontational way: he craves attention. He cannot see past his present ways, and it's a damn shame. He's a fuckin' great guy.