Ptitchitza u niskom letu

Message to certain someone, in Avgvstvs

(You know who you are. I saw you moments before you've walked in, in that pastel blue that I remember complements you so well, as you drove by in your Honda Civic.)

I was thinking of you yesterday. A sad thought occured to me for some reason, I didn't know why -- that you were no longer working here. But in actuality the thought had a sad overtone only because I knew I would probably not see you again had you stopped working here. Actually, I was sad. In general. But today I'm not and I understand that the thought was a hopeful one, because since you said you're "not dating customers", it allowed for the possibility (however distant) that I might see you again, and this time you wouldn't have that so beautifully convenient excuse!)

Of course, it's not a secret that I had a crush on your colleague, J. But I get over these things quickly, once I realize it's a no-go. I know you longer and better than I know J. and I know it's you. You're the Queen of Hearts. You are A Woman if not The Woman. Beautiful and mature, clever and sensitive and mild, firm when required... and young. Like the girl in Prince's Batman video said on her T-shirt: ALL THIS AND BRAINS TOO! I just saw a sexy, stylish picture of (older) Sophie Marceau on the cover of the May issue of the Vogue, but you're sexier. By the way, remember how stupidly I behaved with that girl I was dating? I said, that probably because I am (or like to think of myself as being) so damn smart I cannot just make an ordinary stupid mistake. My stupid mistakes have to be extraordinarily stupid. But believe it or not, I managed to recover from it (or rather: WE managed). We (that girl and myself) are not "an item" (as in "the couple") but are developing a fond and solid friendship, which is maybe even better. (Certainly, any relationship not based or founded on friendship is doomed.) If I (if we?) succeed in establishing something like that I will not be dissapointed if I don't get to be Your Man. (I'm so lonesome in the Netherlands that in my ten years here the only Friend I made is still that beautiful, Dutch-Suriname lesbian woman in Amsterdam, "the love of my life" as I (semi)jokingly refer to her, even though in Rotterdam I'm close to making some lastings friendships, I feel. I like Rotterdam. Rotterdam is sincere, it's pure in some ways and it strives to become better. I love Rotterdam. I can imagine my life here in NL for the future, now finally! - I feel.)

Anyway, 'nuff about me writing epic appreciation notes. I wish you a very good day! It's looking very sunny to me, even though it's cloudy outside.




P.S. Interestingly (methinks), only several weeks ago, it seemed like everywhere I went they would play "Rehab" of Amy Winehouse, as if they chose to play it to tell me something. To chill. To relax. To Re-habilitate myself of my former sad self. Nowadays, it seems everywhere I go, I hear "Bitter Sweet Symphony", Rolling Stones tune for the old but hip (?) geezer like me, in the Verve's rendition, with those lovely string arrangements. Yes, the Future is Bright. The life goes on and for me it starts again, after being done with so much plain, miserable surviving. Ik ben de Rotterdammer nu and heb ik nu ook mijn brand new apartement in Charlois, yeah baby!