One of the times when Maria scared me was when she started yelling at me, out of the blue:
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
I just gave her a puzzled, surprised look thinking that she's not feeling well, and is thinking who knows what.
Now I think she was testing me. I think I've passed the test then, but am failing it spectacularly now, without her.
Then I was just too tired of all the shit and stress that came my way but thought No, I did not give up on life just yet (like Maria sometimes implies).
What is wrong with me? I think it's said in two songs rather well.
"I've been up so G_ddamn long, that it looks like down to me." - is one, only Jim Morrison was singing it other way 'round.
"When I'm 64", sang the Beatles, like... when I was younger I never needed anybody (true), but I am no longer young. I am, as we would say in Croatia, "younger", which means precisely that: no longer young, but not enough "old" to earn our unconditional provincial acclaim. Thus, "younger". Young, younger, old.
Too old to Rock 'n Roll, too young too die. - Jethro said in a similarly themed song.
Yup, I'm an old soul, like Maria. I'm older than 64 in my mind, captivated in the body of an 41 year old.
I thought I was through with my middle age crisis three years ago, when I've discovered that my hair has thinned somewhat. Then I let it grow rrreally long, one last time and started keeping it really short and was OK.
I need work now to be OK again, and don't feel like going to Kazahstan or back to Croatia to get some, and I'm not yet ready for the Netherlands.
Post je objavljen 21.01.2008. u 17:28 sati.