I struggled to allow myself to rest for a very long time. I've always been VERY GOOD at being busy. I used to wear “busy” like a badge of honor - as evidence that my life was full. As a very ambitious woman, resting would make me feel guilty and lazy. Having a "full" life made me feel good about myself. But, in reality, I was overachieving things I didn't even wanted. I wanted to create and share and express so much from my heart space, but I used to feel so drained that my mind was completely burned out. Sometimes, even just entertaining the idea of being creative would create overwhelm. YET, I couldn't stop DOING. Achieving. Being productive. I felt it was my responsibility. I felt it was my duty, what I had to do to be accepted and valued as a human being. I wasn't spending much time on things I loved to do (mostly creative stuff). I wasn't expressing myself in anyway that was truly, really, ONLY MINE. I was draining my creative energy to do something that honestly, deep down, I had zero connection with. It wasn't mine. It wasn't authentic. It was almost being squeezed out of me. And, instead of slowing down to create more time, I kept speeding up, believing that the only way to finally get some free time was to be faster and more efficient. Then... I understood I had to slow down, instead of speeding up. And that's when my creativity really started to bloom. |