-electrochoc-

utorak, 11.10.2005.

Impossible love....Priča o M (broken heart) II.dio

Prošlo je dosta vremena,ali još sam na njega mislila,još mi nije dao spavati,sanjati....Mučio me je danima,noćima,satima...znala sam da ovako neću moći dugo...Morala sam ga vidjeti,bar poduzeti nešto,biti mu blizu...Jednu večer sam ga nazvala i dugo smo se raspravljali...gotovo me rasplakao,al nisam htjela da on to osjeti...Inzistirala sam da se nađemo...na to je hladno rekao:Ne znam,mislim da je bolje da se ne vidimo...sve to više nema smisla...

-Moramo popričati u živo,ovako nema smisla ,kužiš me,pa valjda bar to možeš....-inzistirala sam...
-Dobro,ali ja ne vidim razlog za to...,al ajde doći ću po tebe..čekaj me..
Bilo je već kasno vani tek bi poneki prolaznik prošao..Smrzavala sam se,cupkala u svojim čizmicama na full visoku petu...Bila sam nervozna i ne znam ni sama koliko sam puta provjerila šminku,frizuru...Morala sam misliti pozitivno,ali ipak sam nekako u dubini znala da ,kad on nešto kaže ne popušta...nikada...
Iz daljine sam prepoznala njegov auto,ugrizla sam se za usnicu..To je to,znala sam da će sad sve bit gotovo,da će mi reći šta misli i da više neće o tome htjeti pričati...Jako je tvrdoglav,čak gore od mene i ne oprašta ništa,ne popušta...Glupo se ponašao,jer smo znali da smo full ludi jedno za drugim i zbog njegovog ponosa sad smo eto nekako pomalo nesretni a mogli smo probati,mogli smo biti zajedno...






Donekle ja njega razumijem,ali mislim da je glupo da zbog ponosa sve zaboravi.
Kad je došao,ušla sam i neko smo kraće vrijeme samo šutili...bilo je toliko napetosti u zraku...bilo je sve gore šutjeti..došlo mi je da ga poljubim,ali kad sam ga pogledala odustala sam..
Gledao me je ispod dužeg pramena svoje vjeverske frizurice i
odjednom napokon rekao:
-Ja sam glup,jer ti si mi rekla da imaš dečka,sve sam znao,al jebiga sad desilo se i sad je gotovo..
Ti si sama otišla iz mog života...

-Znam, M sve kužim,al daj shvati da mi je stalo do tebe,samo do tebe..M ti me više ne voliš?-pitala sam ga pomalo razočarano...
Ma volim te još...ali daj shvati da si imala velike šanse kod mene...-i dalje me gledao i šta je najgore oči su mu govorile drugačije...
Opet šutnja...dugo sam buljila u njegove pune usne...primjetio je to..opet me dugo onako zločesto pogledao svojim plavkastim očima i malo je podigao obrvu...
-Zašto to radiš ,zašto...pa šta ne možemo ostati frendovi?Tek sad neće ništa imati smisla ,ako te više ne vidim nikad ,ne čujem!-tužno sam mu pokušavla objasniti

-Ne bolje je ovako,jer se ne namjeravam vračat na sve šta se desilo...da ,znam da znaš da mi je još stalo,ali iskreno sad me zaboli kako je tebi... Nisam onu večer mogo puštat koliko mi je bilo muka od svega...zaboravi sve...-govorio je sve ljučim glasom
-M pa jel ti sebe čuješ ...kažeš da ti je stalo ,ali ono baš te briga ..ok...kako hočeš-umirala sam u sebi...od bijesa mi je skoro kapnula suza..al mu nisam htjela dat gušta.. Stani tu!!!!!-zaviknula sam...-

Naglo je zakočio a ja sam izletila van i glasno sam zalupila vratima...nisam se okretala..bilo mi je preteško....Suze su mi tekle niz lice,skrivala sam se iza svoje duge plave kose...
Tu sam večer dugo hodala ,više ni zimu nisam osjećala,nisam ništa osjećala,baš ništa...doslovno me ubio te večeri...Mučile su me njegove riječi,stalno sam ga čula....molila sam se da izbljedi to njegovo predivno lice...koje me progoni...
Dečko je preponosan,ne oprašta lako....postali smo stranci.....
Još sam ga više puta srela po partyima..(šta je logično ,jer naša ljubav je techno:),ali trudila sam se izbjegavati partye di bi on puštao,jer bi mi bilo prebolno gledati i slušati ga....
Mada mi je još teško kad netko spomene njegovo ime,kad vidim da negdje pušta,nije mi svejedno,ali on je tako odabrao..on je odabrao živjeti bez mene.....znam da će mu se vratiti...možda će i shvatiti sve,ali kao i obično prekasno------------
Tek sad vidim jasnije što sam učinila i ti si zbog toga otišao što dalje .Povrjedila sam te i molim te oprosti mi što ti je moja slabost nanjela bol..........Al i ti si na isti način i mene povrjedio...

Sad je već neko drugo vrijeme i znam, dobro znam da ga nikada neću moći zaboraviti,
jer bio je tako drag, tako poseban...
**************************************************************************************************** Obadvoje smo bili preponosni,obadvoje smo pogrješili u nekim stvarima....


*****NAŠA LJUBAV JE NEMOGUĆA*****



- 17:36 - Komentari (9) - Isprintaj - #

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    Friendster

    Sve o svemu:) i svačemu:)),al najviše o technu i o partyani!!Ja sam malena plavuša
    (na početku blogića je moja fotkica)
    koja obožavaaaaa elektroniku(najviše techno:)),
    eto pišem o onome šta mislim;),volim,šta me ljuti...


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    Paul Van Dyk- Crush
    (I know you want me! )

    Can't run away, can't run away from me
    I'll navigate the seven seas just to find you
    Can't hide away, can't hide away from me
    I'll be a shadow when the sun don't shine
    I'll be a fly on the wall, your wreckingball, your wakeup call
    on a sleepless night
    I'll be your cigarettsmoke, your junkies dope, you'll be hanging
    by a thread and i'll be holding the rope

    Chorus
    Cars and planes and boats won't do, yeah you can be sure i'll
    find you
    I know you want me
    Why won't you see me?
    If I suffer than you'll too, i'm not alone out in the blue
    You can't escape me
    I won't just disappear

    Can't fly away, can't fly away from me, I'll grab your wings and
    pull back down
    Can't walk away, can't walk away from me, can't you understand
    we're ment to be
    I'll be the souls on your feet
    Your sticky sheet
    Your big black cloud on a sunny day
    I'll be your shoulders chip, your sinking ship
    Dont' try to turn the page, it's not that easy to split

    (chorus)

    I know you want me!

    (chorus X2)

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    Timo-Maas - First Day

    I see you found my underground
    Help yourself to guns and ammo
    Nothing here has ever seen the light of day
    I leave it in my head

    It's the first day of the rest of your life
    It's the first day of the rest of your life
    It's the first day of the rest of your life
    It's the first day of the rest of your life

    You'll remember me, for the rest of your life
    You'll remember me, for the rest of your life

    It's the first day of the rest of your life
    It's the first day of the rest of your life
    It's the first day of the rest of your life
    It's the first day of the rest of your life

    It's the first day of the rest of your life
    It's the first day of the rest of your life
    It's the first day of the rest of your life
    It's the first day of the rest of your life

    Don't fuck it up
    Don't fuck it up

    You'll remember me, for the rest of your life
    You'll remember me, for the rest of your life

    It's the first day of the rest of your life
    It's the first day of the rest of your life
    It's the first day of the rest of your life
    It's the first day of the rest of your life

    It's the first day of the rest of your life
    It's the first day of the rest of your life
    It's the first day of the rest of your life
    It's the first day of the rest of your life

    It's the first day of the rest of your life
    It's the first day of the rest of your life
    It's the first day of the rest of your life
    It's the first day of the rest of your life

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    Paul Van Dyk - Time Of Our Lives

    Time of Our Lives
    There's a time for us to let go
    There's a time for holding on
    A time to speak, a time to listen
    There's a time for us to go

    There's a time for living low down
    There's a time for getting high
    A time for peace, a time for fire
    A time to live, a time to die

    A time to scream, a time for silence

    A time to scream, a time for silence
    A time for truth against the lies
    A time for fate, a time for science
    There's a time for us to shine

    There is a time for mis-believing
    There's a time to understand
    A time for hurt, a time for healing
    A time you run, to make a stand

    Oh, this is the time of our lives (x 4)

    Hold on

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    Laurent Garnier - Coloured City

    When i first saw you
    In the coloured city
    I didn't realize
    You were the girl for me
    I walked to watch you
    Your eyes were starring me

    When i looked at you
    In the coloured city
    I took you in my arms
    And you made love to me
    Everything went blue

    I was in ecstasy
    I was in ecstasy
    I was in ecstasy
    I was in ecstasy

    I was in ecstasy
    I was in exstasy
    I was in ecstasy
    I was in ecstasy

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    Underworld - Born Slippy

    Drive boy dog boy
    Dirty numb angel boy
    In the doorway boy
    She was a lipstick boy
    She was a beautiful boy
    And tears boy
    And all in your innerspace boy
    You had
    hands girl boy
    and steel boy
    You had chemicals boy
    I've grown so close to you
    Boy and you just groan boy
    She said comeover comeover
    She smiled at you boy.

    Drive boy dog boy
    Dirty numb angel boy
    In the doorway boy
    She was a lipstick boy
    She was a beautiful boy
    And tears boy
    And all in your innerspace boy
    You had
    hands girl boy
    and steel boy
    You had chemicals boy
    I've grown so close to you
    Boy and you just groan boy
    She said comeover comeover
    She smiled at you boy.

    Let your feelings slip boy
    But never your mask boy
    Random blonde bio high density rhythm
    Blonde boy blonde country blonde high density
    You are my drug boy
    You're real boy
    Speak to me and boy dog
    Dirty numb cracking boy
    You get wet boy
    Big big time boy
    Acid bear boy
    Babes and babes and babes and babes and babes
    And remembering nothing boy
    You like my tin horn boy and get
    Wet like an angel
    Derail

    You got a velvet mouth
    You're so succulent and beautiful
    Shimmering and dirty
    Wonderful and hot times
    On your telephone line
    And god and everything
    On your telephone
    And in walk an angel

    And look at me your mom
    Squatting pissed in a tube-
    hole at Tottenham Court Road
    I just come out of the ship
    Talking to the most
    Blonde I ever met
    Shouting
    Lager lager lager lager
    Shouting
    Lager lager lager lager
    Shouting...
    Lager lager lager
    Shouting
    Mega mega white thing
    Mega mega white thing
    Mega mega white thing
    Mega mega
    Shouting lager lager lager lager
    Mega mega white thing
    Mega mega white thing
    So many things to see and do
    In the tube hole true
    Blonde going back to Romford
    Mega mega mega going back to Romford
    Hi mom are you having fun
    And now are you on your way
    To a new tension
    headache

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    Paul Van Dyk - We Are Alive

    Have you seen a mother
    Kiss her son goodbye?
    Have you seen a dark cloud
    Fight a silver line?
    I have seen a loved one
    Tell a million lies

    Karma's like a boomerang
    Whirling deep inside.

    May not know
    A thing about you.
    You don't know
    A thing about me.
    May not know
    A thing about you

    But if we really feel...

    We are aliiive...
    Take a break
    We are aliii-ve...
    Take a deep breath
    We are aliiive...
    Take a break
    We are aliiive...
    Take a deep breath

    We're alive

    Put me on an loveplane
    Let's fly up to the sky
    Help me, love will be
    The foolest game to get me high.
    Let's drive out this highway,
    Feel the future vain.
    Let this twist and wanna love you so,
    Here we go.

    You don't know
    A thing about me.
    I don't know
    A thing about you.
    You don't know
    A thing about me.

    But let's enjoy the view...

    We are aliiive...
    Take a break
    We are aliiive...
    Take a deep breath
    We are aliiive...
    Take a break
    We are aliiive...
    Take a deep breath

    Don't take yourself too seriously.
    Relax, release the heat

    We may wear different clothes,
    Pray to God, different robes.

    But we're not alone.

    We are alive...

    We are aliiive...
    Take a break
    We are aliiive...
    Take a deep breath
    We are aliiive...
    We are alive, we're alive yeah
    We are aliiive
    We are alive
    We are alive
    Take a deep breath
    Take a deep breath
    Take a deep breath
    Take a deep breath

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    David Guetta - The World Is Mine

    I believe in the wonder
    I believe this new life do can
    Like a God that I'm under
    There's drugs running through my veins

    I believe in the wonder
    I believe I can touch the flame
    There's a spell that I'm under
    Got to fly, I don't feel no shame

    The world is mine
    The world is mine
    The world is mine

    I've lost my fear to war and peace
    I don't mind that (the world is mine)
    You take the price and realize
    That to your eyes (the world is mine)

    Take a look what you've started
    In the world flashing from your eyes
    And you know that you've got it
    From the thunder you feel inside

    I believe in the feeling
    All the pain that you left to die
    Believe in believing
    In the life that you give to try

    The world is mine
    The world is mine
    The world is mine

    I've lost my fear to war and peace
    I don't mind that (the world is mine)
    You take the price and realize
    That to your eyes (the world is mine)

    The world is mine
    I've lost my fear to war and peace
    I don't mind that (the world is mine)
    You take the price and realize
    That to your eyes (the world is mine)

    I've lost my fear to war and peace
    I don't mind that (the world is mine)
    You take the price and realize
    That to your eyes (the world is mine)

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    Armand Van Helden - Hear My Name

    you've been through it all
    nothing has to change
    take it all - the pain in me
    but what if that's all there is?

    a-a-a-all the way and we would
    a-a-a-all the way and we would
    are you all there is in my heart
    it does believe that you are - just my age.

    here my mind is empty
    oh nobody comes away
    here time is ending
    here I'm gonna stay.

    hear my name
    doesn't anybody want to play
    hear my name
    can anybody find a way.

    say my name now baby
    loud and clear
    say my name now baby
    say it so I can hear your voice.

    all I wanna do is get next to you!
    all I wanna do is get next to you!
    all I wanna do is get next to you!

    here my mind is empty
    oh nobody comes away
    here time is ending
    here I'm gonna stay.

    hear my name
    doesn't anybody want to play
    hear my name
    can anybody find a way.

    here my mind is empty
    oh nobody comes away
    here time is ending
    here I'm gonna stay.

    hear my name
    doesn't anybody want to play
    hear my name
    can anybody find a way.

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    Too many times you have been high... Too many times you run away,no need to cry... Too many times these pills you take... Too many times you;ve woken up depressed...
    Too many times you put your life to the test...
    Too many times you;ve taken this trip...
    Too many times you have slipped...
    Too many times your body can;t take...
    Too many times you;ve made a mistake...
    Too many times you haven;t realized...
    Too many times your mind became paralyzed...

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