I'm not crazy. My reality is just different than yours.

I'm coming out of my cage and I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down because I want it all...

Rađamo se u malenim zatvorskim ćelijama. Milijun puta manji od ičega, jedna kap promjene i postajemo netko tko se ne boji mraka više. Možeš razbiti rutine, možeš biti mali tvrdoglavi korov koji u gomili betona polagano trga pločnik i kreće prema suncu. Trgaš si i kralježnicu, ali barem se krećeš prema svijetlu.

It started out with a kiss how did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss...

Ne možemo vidjet sve. Ne možemo čuti sve. I ponekad moje slabosti, nisu tvoj problem. Ono si što odlučiš biti, ne ono što si bio prije. L. i ja smo se zapleli u razgovorima o suprotnostima. Znam da je namjerno započeo tu temu.

Now I'm falling asleep and she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke and she's taking a drag...

Riješenje može biti u izboru ili mrak ili svijetla. Rekla bih idealno blokiranje receptora prema svijetu, ne samo izbor jednog smjera. Kažu da bi čaša vina pomogla prije sna, prehladno je, a tak i tak ne spavam, barem ne ovih dana. Potrgana sam od tog ne spavanja, ali i dalje ne mogu.

Now they're going to bed and my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head but she's touching his chest
Now, he takes off her dress...now, letting me go...

Kapi kiše me uhvate na trenutak, odavno sam se pomirila sa nekim stvarima, no kao i korov kroz beton taj tračak nade se probije i svaki put pomislim...dovraga, možda zrcalna slika u prokletoj kapljici što reflektira prošlost može skliznuti sa stakla mog automobila i nakon pridruživanja lokvici.. ne znam, pričam o kapljicama kiše kao da su ljudske duše.

I just can't look its killing me and taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis but it's just the price I pay...

Umoriš se od borbe sa kartama koje su ti dodjeljene ali si takav čovjek da nećeš ništa reći, ti nećeš prigovarati, niti ćeš išta promjeniti. Nismo svi takvi. Ako je najbolje što mogu i dalje ne dovoljno da zaustavi ili promjeni karte koje imam, čemu se truditi? Na kraju nisu li uvijek isti završetci partija?

There'll be oats in the water, there'll be birds on the ground
There'll be things you never asked her, oh how they tear at you now.


Neovisno o svemu....razvijam ovisnost prema Polar Pop smeću od soka =D i imam još 21 dan turneje, kad postane preteško pogledam gluposti, usput umirem od smijeha na random vrištanja u autu dok svi spavaju. Is this real life? I quit.

Nakon nekoliko sati objašnjavanja što je to rakija zaključili smo da je zlo, izravan oblik smrti i zahtjeva ljudske žrtve, Hrvati su lud narod jer rakiju mogu konzumirati umjesto doručka, kod njih preko oceana je malo mirnije. Koliko nas je koja tetovaža bolila i koja je priča iza tinte, čija je baka bila bolji kuhar i kako miriši koža po kolačima i medu ... nekako, popodne nam je prošlo za čas. Spakirala sam ga za put, zbilja je trebao doma... no nije. Moje slaganje rečenica ga je očaralo... kao što je mene deathcore pranje zubiju. Zjutra dok sam se vratila sa kruhom i svježom kavom, upalio je laptop, haha apsolutno kontradiktorno njemu, iz zvučnika se začulo ...

...a beautiful girl can make you dizzy
like you've been drinking jack and coke all morning
she can make you feel high
full a single greatest commodity known to man
promise, promise of a better day...

Dobila sam poljupce i pijane sms-ove. Dobila sam maškanja i ples u krilu, haha, da, i iznenađenja, spojeve, ljubavne ugrize i filmove, riffove i telefonske pozive iz svakog grada gdje se zatekao na turneji, preuzeo me, potpuno. Aposlutno kontradiktorno.

...promise of a greater hope, promise of a new tomorrow
this particular aura can be found in the gait of a beautilful girl
in her smile and in her soul and the way she makes every
rotten little thing about life seem like its gonna be ok...

Još samo pet minuta sna, tiho je promrmljao...Iz sobe sam izašla na prstima.. Ok, ali za 5 minuta se izvuci iz kreveta, zakasnit ćeš na vražiji bus, a onda i avion i onda smo oboje pokojni... yeah, hun, i willl...




haha a šta sad.... ok je =)

You still cross my mind from time to time. And I mostly smile.
Still so set on finding out where we went wrong and why...

So I retrace our every step with an unsure pen,
trying to figure out what my head thinks,
but my head just ain't what it used to be...

And then again, what's the point anyway?

I remember you ascending all the stairs up to the balcony
to see if you could see me - hidden quietly away...

And I remember the skin of your fingers,
the spot three quarters up I'd always touch when I was out of things to say.
You held my hand, but you were too afraid to speak and I could never understand...

I remember when you leaned in quick to kiss me, and I swear,
that not a single force on earth could stop the trembling of my hand...

And I remember how you smiled through the smoke
in a crowded little coffeehouse and laughed at all my jokes...
...and I remember the way that you dressed and,
how we wasted all the best of us in alcohol and sweat

And I remember when I knew that you'd be leaving, how I barely kept up breathing
and I bet if I had to do it all again, I'd feel the same pain...
...and I remember panicked circles in the terminal in tears.
How I wept to god in fits. I've hated airports ever since.

It must be true what people say, that only time can heal the pain.
And every single day I feel it fade away, but - I still remember how the distance tricked us
and lead us helpless by the wrist into a pit to be devoured...

I still remember how we held so strong to this,
though we had never really settled on a way out...I
... still remember the silence, and how we'd always find a way
to turn and run to our mistakes...

I still remember how it all came back together just to fall apart again.

My dear, I hear your voice in mine.

I've been alone here, I've been afraid, my dear.
I've been at home here. You've been away for years. I've been alone.
I breathed your name into the air; I etched your name into me.
I felt my anger swelling; I swam into its sea.
I held your name inside my heart, but it got buried in my fear.
It tore the wiring of my brain; I did my best to keep it clear...

.......So, dear, no matter how we part, I hold you sweetly in my head.
And if I do not miss a part of you, a part of me is dead......


If I can't love you as a lover, I will love you as a friend.
And I will lay a bed before you; keep you safe until the end.

Prošlo je nekoliko tjedana, sukladno toku svega očekuješ pomicanje - volim te paralele sa vlakovima i putevima, no bez obzira na ritam, promjene, ma čak i stih u glavi koji šapuće ...what good is your heart if it doesn't break... sva ta spektakularna heartbrejk očekivanja,hm, pa nikakav kurac se nije, ekstra promijenio, da budem najiskrenija. Najveći problem svega kao i uvijek dosad je baš to pretjerano analiziranje i očitavanje i iz početka zajebavanje sa glupostima koje idu u krug. Kao i nada.

You get caught in a hurricane. Scattered thoughts make you go insane. You lock yourself in your own cage. Hide the keys and then fade away.You are not alone.

Najviše me brine što se držim nekih situacija, hm, osoba, i dalje. Unatoč obećanju samoj sebi da takvo nešto ne trebam u životu i dalje se veselim svakoj riječi, ma koliko to banalno i retardirano bilo sa obje strane.

We can get through it tonight. I will be the anchor to your runaway train tonight. I will be the beacon when you're feeling insane. I know it hurts sometimes, so I'll get in line with you. Tonight, I will be the anchor to your runaway train.

I znam te gluposti, već sam to sve prošla, znam da nema nikakvog smisla, osobito čekati ali i dalje ... mislim da sam zaljubljena nakon toliko dugo, baš onak 16-godišnje blentavo za popizdit - zaljubljena.

You think this could be the end, an afterlife is just pretend. Illuminate the darkest days. I'm never leaving your side, I'm here to stay.

Kao što sam već rekla, teško mi je otići, teško je i ostati, no ipak manje boli nego odlazak.

Never look back, never regret, all of the words you said in hope. Never pretend, never the end, there's always a fight to win.

Bit će ok, vrijeme brzo prođe. Stiže jesen. Skulirat ću se, mislim, nadam se.
Više ne vjerujem u ideju o postojanju srodnih duša, kao ni o onim pričama o ljubavi na prvi pogled. Ali počela sam vjerovati da rijetko, jako rijetko - ponekad u životu ako imaš dovoljno sreće možeš susresti nekoga tko je bio pravi za tebe. Ne zato što je osoba bila savršena za tebe, ili si ti bio/bila savršena za nju, nego jednostavno zato što je kombinacija upravo vaših nedostataka i mana bila posložena na način kako bi dopustila da dva bića budu skupa.

I could be your anchor.

do not fall in love with people like me...
I will take you to museums, and parks and monuments...
and kiss you in every beautiful place...
so that you can never go back to them without tasting me...
like blood in your mouth...
I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible...
and when I leave you will finally understand...
...why storms are named after people...

Tako sam na rubu da poznajem samo dvije emocije. Ili sam beskrajno tužna, ili sam beskrajno bijesna. Nema ništa između.



So I backed away, and I held my tongue...