who am i to say

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discreetly continuous and infinitely disrupt&..i try to pull up ma head only to be smeared once more in ma own blood&smaked on the face with the same old cold fact that what ever the F*** i do&i simply cant get thru wid it&daem man&i soo fuckin hate maself&neva eva thought i can be so fuckin fragile&so fuckin insane&so fuckin naive&.man&this is rediculously stupid&.

But&who am i to say somethin&i am the one who should..always&.compensate&who who am i to say be the one giving way to others&who should be the one sacrificin ma happiness for others joy&who should be the one who is destined& to suffer&.never&.ever&.i thought i could be that cursed&.that worthless pile of crap who enriches your soil by slowly decomposing and loosing its life&.

time&..time &..time&.they say its the best healer&then y the fuck isnt it working on me!!! y the hell man&what have i done that bad that who am i to say time is not able to heal ma wounds!!! is loving someone who tiger attack i to say the depths of yr heart a sin&..is caring for someone from the deepest part of your soul a crime!!! if not then y the fuck am i being treated like that&a sinner of unforgiven sin &a committer of unforgotten crime!!!! I am contiously uncontious&i am uncontiously&.CONTIOUS!!!!

hmmmm savour the flavor of pain i say&.completely expose yourself to it and let it come full throtle to ya& i mean if ya cant escape from it then whats good hiding from it&.those pretty little happy moments&those pretty little happy days&those days&man y&fuckin insane&losing cohesion&can;t seem to walk on the straight path anymore&whats the use&.whats the use&losing cohesion&need that poison&

the same old story told again and again and again yet ya just seem to cant get enough of it and can;t seem to lessen the effect at the same time&Sometimes i wonder&.i wonder if the heavens are not playing games wid me&i wonder if this will even end sometime&somewhere&somehow&

for now&it doesnt look that way&.seems like ma life is stuck in a roundabout or somethin&goin in circles&always movin but never goin anywhere&.the present which i soo wanna make ma past&remains the present and this consumes me&.till the end&come to think of it&..i AM san francisco news knower of all this &i have known this from the very beginin&had it in the back of ma mind from the very startin&even from the time unknown to me or to anyone else&.

sometimes i wonder&..if&.if&.the fate can be changed&.if the decisions of the heavens can be undone&.can be who am i to say be reincarnated&can be rewritten&.i wonder&.could this be done&or will it always remain ma freakin dream&.

I remain contiously uncountios of these little facts&cant disclose them&cant state them&man dammit&i cant even speak about them&.man this is insane&.this is freakin insane&.and this is the exact reason that i am losing cohesion&.losin ma dreams&losing the hope to live&to survive and to struggle&.losing it all&losing ma insanity!!!