SINESTETIČKI IMAGINARIUM
31.01.2015., subota
_Nikola Tesla’s last letter to his mother____________
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_Wednesday, 18th of november___ Mother, the very thought of you makes me feel somehow gloomy and sad, I do not know how but i do know you are not doing well. I wish I was beside you so I can bring you a glass of water. All of these years of my service towards mankind did not bring me nothing but assaults and humiliations. This morning I got up before sunrise because I have heard again in my room something i’ve been hearing for some time now through my dream. I’ve heard a voice singing and praying in some Moorian lament or a moan. This morning i’ve chased dream from my eyes and have noticed that the voice is coming from everywhere and that I cannot locate it whether it is coming from outside or inside [him or room?].I am afraid to have lost my mind. About this I must not talk even with dr. Laynolel as I do not trust him anymore. I have heard he has visited mr. Edison 2 weeks ago. _Thursday. 19th of november Again I am thinking of you, mother. And I feel the same anxiety and sorrow in my whole body. Today I shall write to Patent Office to reschedule my experiment opened for public for a week, because I must travel home to Yugoslavia, to see you. Now I know for sure you are not doing good because that voice, that saddling, I’ve heard it again completely conscious and awake. I am still healthy in head. _Friday, 20th of November I did not write to Patent Office. Their agent stopped by to bring me certificates. So I spoke with him about my plans but he said he is sorry but the schedule for experiment cannot be moved, since congressmen from 20 federal states barely managed to coordinate their schedules.. So I went down by the Waterfall and said to my guys to start water turbines and to wait ready for my call tomorrow. I have decided to give humanity what belongs to it and return to Europe, to you mother. Governments of federal states are as same as the one at home. I have realised now that people depend on governments and one person cannot change the world. But the strange voice worries me. I do know it means something and it has to do with you, with my experiment, with something transcendental. _Saturday, the 21st of November Mother, tomorrow I depart to Yugoslavia. Miss Nora went, by my order, to the harbour office and got me a ticket to Lisbon, from where I’ll take a train to Cihir, and from there i’ll go direct home. I think I will need at least 10 days or 2 weeks the most. Today I entered the Congress building and on a conference of congressmen I asked for few minutes of attention. It didn’t suit them but they agreed. I asked for a telephone and to be connected with laboratory on Niagra Waterfalls. On my order guys started turbines and the congress hall glew in light from my electricity, ten times stronger than the regular one, just as I announced it. Their reactions did not interest me. I stepped out of building right away after the experiment, because I did not do this for them, but for the humankind. In the moment when I looked at the lamp and waited for "my" wireless electricity come from turbines, I sensed I am not the creator of all of this. I felt that someone or something is carrying it from the Waterfalls to congress hall and that in this law that I considered to be “my” discovery, there is something that was always there but only to me was given the inspiration to define it and explain it to humanity. Instead of happiness and triumph, one big emptiness appeared. I have realised I have missed something big in my life. As if I have left out something important, as if I did not comprehend something that was given to me, some equation [formula] that I was so close to get but I did not find it or did not wanted to find it. It has something to do with that maur sadsong, I am sure now. _Sunday the 22nd of November This letter you will never receive, mother. I do not know why I am writing to you, the one who can never ever read this. Rest in peace mother, and do forgive me that my roads brought me so far away from you that I cannot even come to your funeral. I am reading the telegraph with the news of you passing away and I despise people who were not ready even two years ago to realise that electricity can be transmitted wireless. Now they saw it can be done but still they will not be able to use it for centuries, because someone has burned to the ground my laboratory in the centre of the town, with all my records and technical drawings. I have been told that the suspect is Mr. Edison. I am so indifferent that I do not recognise myself. Before I would be miserable, but not now, because I do know that someone is keeping all of this under control I that “my” discovery came to early for human kind. And in fact, it is not even mine. I know that someone is watching over all and has a plan, that is why I am probably so indifferent. My boat for Lisbon departs at 11am. Car is waiting for me. This letter I shall live at your grave when I arrive. Now I believe something I never did, that somewhere out there “you” still exist and your life did not stop for ever. Now I feel sorry I have never wanted to socialise with Turks, because they sang the same laments as the one from my dawns. Now I do remember they knew a lot more about this things that I come to realise just now. In vein were all my years spent in science, when it was no good. Pray for me up there, mother, if you can, pray with that sad maur lament, for the lost soul of your poor ignorant son. _Nikola Tesla_________ Oznake: prvi engleski prijevod posljednjeg pisma Nikole Te |
