la vida termina

It's been a long time since I have been alone with my thoughts like this
exposed to my fears, wrapped in the familiar: night, chaos, cup of tea
I lift from this sofa, levitate, never mind the dust, never mind the gravity
you fly as long as you don't look down
but I always do
so, now I can sit and pretend to be the only misunderstood person on the planet
or in other ways unique in my blues
I can play sad music, dance and cry,
I could watch a movie, and turn my back to the darkness
but I prefer to be still, to replay all the things that had scared me during this day
the complete lack of interest for sex or party
the lazyness and irritation, the memories of the week gone by,
the feeling that things are never going to fall into place
they are all ghosts of the mind
that grow bigger in the dark
I keep telling myself that they are not real
as if it matters
what is real
it is that night again and I know the drill