Ladrona

petak, 19.01.2007.

stuck in the moment (and i canT get out)..

već nekoliko dana pišem post:

- o sms-u
- o tome zašto sam dobila taj sms
- kako sam 'riješila' pizdarije vezane za sms
- i svemu ostalome popratnom...

ali nikako da napišem nešto suvislo, nešto što drži vodu i što zapravo odražava moje trenutno stanje,
koje bi mogla nekako opisati kao

teški kurac od zimske depresije koja zapravo nije depresija


naime:

1. serem o sms-u, a nisam zapravo ništa konkretno rekla
2. u medjuvremenu uz sve, uhvatilo me i nekoliko boleština – prvo jbna pitirijaza
(daboga da propao pilates studio u kojem sam to pokupila), pa neka viroza, upala mjehura, upala grla itd..
3. pa.....tzv depresija izazvana promjenama u mom životu, koju da mi bude lakše pripisujem zimi
4. ponovno čitanje iste knjige i podgrijavanje juhe koja ni friška nije bila nešto (u posljednje vrijeme)???
5. znakovi od onog gore koje ne znam kako protumačiti
6. ponuda za novi posao


i.
dobila sam sms nakon 7 mj, u kojem bijah ostavljena u tri riječi...gahahahaha
to je bio moj komentar...koji mi je otvorio oči....da dvoje različitih ljudi, koji pripadaju različitim svjetovima, različitim krugovima ljudima, imaju različite stavove o životu, različite prijatelje, probleme, želje, interese, ne mogu preživjeti...
a ja sam se usprkos svemu navedenome ipak borila...i uspjevala..do sms-a..
onda je sve lijepo palo u vodu, razlike isplivale do kraja van, komplexi manje vrijednosti koji kao nisu postojali sad su postali nepremostiv problem...da skratim...sve što je bilo, kao da i i nikad nije bilo......

kako se sve lijepo tako lako zaboravi u određenom trenutku...

kako sam se osjećala? čudno....jaaakoo čudno...kao da se nešto dogodilo a ja nisam mogla shvatiti da li je to dobro ili loše..za mene naravno..
kako je on, nakon svega, bez obzira kakav je u suštini ili čak i površno (a dobar je čovjek) mogao poslati tek sms?
i to ON koji je do juče htio da stavim njegovo prezime iza svojega, koji je rekao, čak i pokazao da sam sve što je ikad htio, želio i trebao?
nije problem u nestanku emocija, košmaru u glavi, nemogućnosti shvaćanja što čovjek zapravo želi / ne želi, niti u prekidu nekog odnosa (jer sve ima rok trajanja), jer, jbmu, ljudi se razilaze i nakon 20g, ali prekinuti preko sms-a, a do juče sam praktički živjeli s njim (ako uspoređujem neke površne veze mojih prijatelja koje se svode na kavice i sex god, dvije pa čak i pet????)
uglavnom, ja sam preko toga prešla u stilu jedna budala manje u mom životu...a onda je počelo kajanje..

a svi znamo da poslije jebanja nema kajanja!!!!!


poruke, pozivi, moljakanja, isprike, ovo ono...
da je to bio rezultat mentanog skolpa u jednom trenutku a da je već nakon 20 min mislio drugačije...i da se zajebo..i da ako je već nepovratno sjebao da mu bar oprostim, ako ništa drugo...
nije mi ni laskalo ni godilo niti išta značilo sve to...
oprostila sam mu, to nije sporno, iako to prije onog ljeta i ex ljubavi nisam znala činiti..
niti oprostiti niti pokušati razumjeti..
prvi put sam sam iskreno bez razmišljanja i psiholoških analiza oprostila..
ali u mojoim očima on je nakon tog sms-a tek mala travčica koju ja kad god želim mogu zgaziti...a nakon sve nisam imala poriva čak ni za tim činom..
taj ga je sms dokrajčio i u mojoj glavi i u mom srcu...

kako lako ljudi uspiju uništiti baš ono što najviše vole??
kažem to, jer sam i sama znala učiniti isto, jer samnom se, kako ex kaže nikad nije znalo, koliko volim, dali volim, da li mi je stalo jer nisam govorila jer sam se borila protiv svih, pogotovo same sebe, ali ovaj put sam se pustila...dala sve od sebe..
i dobila fckng sms...
dugogodišnja prijateljica se našla u takvoj situaciji nakon 5 godina veze...čekala je jadna da on shvati da je ona prava..on je shvatio nakon mjesec dana i sada su sretno oženjeni...
u najboljoj namjeri, rekla je, oni su takvi,moraš to prihvatiti kao nešto normalno i jednostavno staviti sa strane, ako ga voliš i ako želiš da uspijete..
a kako se to radi?
i da li ja uopće imam dovoljno ljubavi u sebi ili samo razočarenje i ravnodušnost jer ruku na srce ne želim ga natrag tek tako, i zapravo ne znam da li ga želim, unatoč njegovom trudu da dokaže da je pogriješio i da je pokleknuo trenutku sebičnosti...

sve u svemu...dobio je priliku dokazati, prvo sam sebi, a i meni da je vrijedan svega – mene, moje pažnje, pa nadalje..dobio je priliku učiniti sve da opet gledam onim očima i da opet poželim buditi se ujutro kraj njega i ići na posao iz njegovog kreveta, iako je to duži put, a ja sam neumorna jutranja spavalica.

ravnodušna sam...pre-realna, pre-svjesna svega..a opet imam neki intuitivni feeling da moram ostati i dovršiti neke stvari..
ipak se ne želim pitati jednog dana jesam li učinila sve, i dala sve od sebe da naša veza uspije ili sam kao i inače u maniri pre-ponosne goropadice otišla visoko uzdignute glave, a nesretna....

ii.
ponekad se pitam da li taj moj urođeni ili naučeni obrazac ponašanja gdje ne pokazujem emocije, gdje ne volim biti slaba i emocionalna jeenostavno poteže neke čudne konopce i izlazi van kroz sve te moje bulimične eskapade, upale, sitne ali dosadne bolesti...koje me ubijaju...
sanjala sam nedavno da mi je kolega s posla, u snu u ulozi doktora, priopćio da bolujem od tamo nekog tumora...
iskreno usrala sam se...od tad sam na iglama i non stop strepim, prvenstveno čekajući rezultat papa testa a onda surfajući non stop po internetu i tražeći sve moguće informacije koje bi mi mogle objasniti zašto sam kronično umorna (nije to fizični ni psihički umor, već neki unutarnji, duboki...), a ne bi trebala biti, zašto mi je stalnio vrti, povraća, zašto sam jedan dan u vrhunskoj formi, a drugi na dnu ljestvice...
loše, jednom riječi...


iii.
rekla sam depresija, a ne radi se o depresiji, već nekom ne zadovoljstvu svime što radim, ne ukupnom već su to sitnice koje me jbno živciraju, a ne ovise o meni i ne mogu ih promijeniti..i onda se to odražava na sve drugo, ne direktno, ne u velikim količinama ali dovoljno..da ja znam da stanje nije onakvo kakvo bi ja htjela..


iv.
taj neki novi odnos s njim varira...oprost je shvatio zdravo za gotovo i sjebo već na početku...sad smo reklo bi se ni vrit ni mimo ali ja sam zadovoljnija znajući da je sada prvi put svjestan da te neke svoje meni pre-goleme probleme mora početi rješavati, jer.......stvari nikad neće biti bolje u slučaju ako nastavi s ignoriranjem...i da je taj njegov problem zapravo i uništio na neki način naš odnos...
sad smo ništa, a nešto smo, čijom se definicijom neću zamarati jer sam doista sve stavila u njegove ruke i ruke onog tamo gore...ja se više ne borim......statična sam i čekam...
tisuću puta sam rekla da je fraza vrijeme liječi sve toliko otrcana da mi povraća na samu misao, ali ne mogu poreći da nije istinita..tako da se nadam da je vrijeme, na mojoj strani, a i na našoj..
if not, bože moj nije kraj svijeta....



v.
u posljednje vrijeme gdje god se okrenem ili u kojoj god se situaciji nadjem vidim te neke 'znakove', poruke...a u svemu tome sam nekako naivno glupava da se samo pitam da li su to zaista znakovi ili tek moja pusta priviđanja..da se drogiram znala bi do čega je..ovako to na kraju ipak gledam kao da su mi se još više otvorila neka čula...
sanjam čudne snove...osjećam stvari koje ne mogu dokraja osjetiti da bi znala točno što, tko, kako..
vraćaju mi se ljudi u život, otvaraju nove prilike, kušnje...
ima svega...istovremeno sam uzbuđena kao malo dijete, ali ona bolesnica u meni se plaši...pitaj boga čega...valjda je to do onih predhodnih točaka...

vi.
volim svoj posao...iako ako sam potpuno iskrena, volim prostor u kojem radim, jer se osjećam kao kod kuće ili na odmoru..volim slobodu koju mi daje, ležernost, mogućnosti, putovanja, kreativnost...ali prezirem tu financijsku ne sigurnost kaja je neophodna da bi se našla u svemu tome neka neravnoteža...nemam stresan posao, imam odličan suradnički odnos i poziciju, moji prijedlozi uvijek prolaze, moje su sugestije uvijek dobrodošle i ne ostaju na papiru..moj glas se čuje...
ali sve to nije dovoljno potkrijepljeno s one druge strane..
znam da mi neki zavide, ali u svemu tome ja sam u zadnje vrijeme pomalo nesretna..
i premišljam se..i u svemu tome kao neki znak mi je došla takva poslovna ponuda koju ne mogu odbiti...budimo realni novac je nužan za preživljavanje, i za one male stvari koje čovjeka čine sretnim...
i u samom razmišljanju se osjećam kao da ostavljam zabavnog ali skromnog dečka, zbog nekog novog zabavnijeg i bogatijeg!!! užasan osjećaj, a s druge strane zapravo želim novi posao jer sam pomalo zasićena i ona prvotna kreativnost više nije toliko izražena..ima puno praznog hoda, i iako nikad nisam mislila da cu to reći – ubija me nedostatak posla i dosada..previše vremena koje ja istina bog dobro iskorištavam na honorarne poslove, ali ipak..
nova financijska ponuda je duplo bolja od sadašnje i ima intenciju napredovanja, usavršavanja, novog iskustva, ma sve..posao nije stresan, atmosfera je relativno ležerna, ne kao sada, ali ponekad mi i taj višak slobodnog vremena toliko smeta i izludjuje...nije da sam radoholičar neki, ali ponekad se osjećam beskorisno kad nekoliko dana nemam posla već da provodim u osobnim interesima..
ne znam..sve mi je nekeko poremećeno u percepciji..ali jednostavno trebam neku novu dimenziju, trebam osjetiti neku novu motivacijui filing koji će me ponovo pokrenuti...
ja se ne mogu truditi ako nemam to nešto za što se borim, kako u ljubavi, tako i u poslu...
a pokretačke snage mi fali posljednjih mjeseci..
ova prilika jednostavno ne može biti ne iskorištena, čak i pod cijenu pogreške...
a ni ona druga, bez obzira na sve, ipak je puno toga u pitanju..

ako i sjebem, što se posla tiče,
ako on sjebe ili oboje sjebemo,
i u jednom i drugom slučau znam da sam probala i dala sve od sebe..
pogriješila ili ne, sasvim svejedno..ne griješe samo oni koji ništa ne rade i lišeni su hrabrosti da učine sve za svoju sreću..

u takvom kurcu ipak nisam..

19.01.2007. u 08:51 • 1 KomentaraPrint#

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Komentari da/ne?

***




odrastao čovjek mora pisati da se oslobodi otrova
koji se u njemu nagomilao,
jer nije živio onako kako bi morao..
kad bi čovjek bio dovoljno hrabar da živi ono što vjeruje,
ne bi nikad zapisao ni jednu jedinu riječ..
henry milller



"...Jedan dio svoga srca,
jedan dio svojih želja,
s povjerenjem ja ću otkrit
ispred starih prijatelja.
Ali nekih stvari ima,
što ne govore se svima,
što se samo nekom šapnu…"





tek onako...zbog istine i Ljubavi..
kilimandžaro iliti njegov b-day..
nogomet vS. sex..
as tears go by..
yesterday..
o Lavicama i kurvicama..
ženski korner..
pandorina kutija..
rok upotrebe 4. kolovoza!
doLazi cirkus..
ima nešto u tome što me neće-Š..
o ženama, KVAZI ženama..
o ovim iLi onim stvarima..
o evi (i jabuci)..
ribice..
dođe i taj dan..
obrigado otra vez..
what is 4 me wiLL not pass me by..
donT go away n-ever again..
thE biG..
po-novo..
metamorfoze..

bye bye Z.
nth speciaL..
otišLa, vratiLa se..
getting away with it..






postoje ljudi koji vam izvade srce,
ljudi koji vam ga vrate na mjesto..
zbog onog tko nam ga izvadi,
ostatak života provedemo
trgajući drugima njihova srca...
jer moramo nekako ostati živi....



***


To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn’t think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can’t explain.
So would I be out of line if I said,
I misS you..


Una Musica BrutaL

Descubrimos vos y yo
en el triste carnaval
una musica brutal
melodias de dolor...

Despertamos vos y yo
y en el lento divagar
una musica brutal
encendio nuestra pasion...

Dame tu calor,
bebete mi amor

***

Prvi korak u tamu.
Ne pali svjetlo, prati moj glas.
Dođi u krevet.
Započinjemo novu igru.

Prvo me osvaja tvoja kosa po licu.
Kosa kubanskog revolucionara
iz koje se prosipaju riječi po mojim obrazima.
Danas si svojim snažnim dlanovima
obranio jedan cijeli grad,
a sada se opiru o moja ramena.
Sav si zažaren,
Zrak počinje tek negdje iznad naših glava.
Srce ti kuca unatrag, tako je uvijek
kad se spusti među moje noge.

Revolucionari su najpitomiji i najodaniji.
Pa se malo zadržavamo…
Jedno drugo, kao pred kućom u ljeto
kada pada mrak, ništa se više ne vidi
i zrak je pun slutnje.
Ipak, tvoj lik se izdvaja
Iz svih meni dosad poznatih oblika.
Još me samo malo pričekaj…

Danas je nedjelja.
Oprala sam kosu.
Ne moramo nikud.
Osim na Kubu…

i.b.s.

OTKAKO TE NE VOLIM
Vraća mi se okus, kao poslije bolesti,
strah me kad se sjetim kuda me to moglo odvesti.


Osmijeh mi se vraća – nećeš me prepoznati,
kao na slobodi opet učim jesti, hodati.


Otkako te ne volim
opet noću kiše moje
izgubljeni zvuci boje,
ni sa kim ih ne dijelim.

Otkako te ne volim
netko mi iz vlaka maše,
prazno mi je, ali lakše
otkako te ne želim.

............................




Zamisli

S tobom samo se smijem, s tobom sam ono što jesam
Ti mene trebaš, ja tvoj sam mir
Bježali mi smo, od tog da ćemo jedno drugog trebat
Za preživjeti...


S tobom živim u svijetu, daleko od sviju
Gdje ljubav vodi glavnu riječ
Meni je sunce
i kad vani je kiša, meni si blizu i kad te nema
Od tebe postojim...


Zamisli
Kad svaki bi čovjek imao nekog
Da pruži mu pola što pružaš mi ti
Zamisli...

Gdje bi doveli taj svijet
Samo zamisli...



***


Kuća za ptice

Već sedmi dan je kišilo
ko sa mnom da je čitav svijet
zaboravljen.

A ti si se nasmiješio
i nebo se nasmiješilo
u isti tren.

I život svoj si listao
i zvijezde su svjetlucale
u život moj
a onda si me ljubio
ko ptice što su kucale
na prozor tvoj


Ja slavim večeras
dan ljubavi tvoje
u kući za ptice
u kući za dvoje ...

I dok ti pričam o nama
ti gledaš me i smiješiš se
jer sada znaš

i makar dani prolaze
još uvijek ptice dolaze
na prozor naš...

Ja slavim večeras
dan ljubavi tvoje
u kući za ptice
u kući za dvoje
...



You Owe Me Nothing In Return

I'll give you countless amounts of outright acceptance if you want it
I will give you encouragement to choose the path that you want if you need it
You can speak of anger and doubts your fears and freak outs and I'll hold it
You can share your so-called shame filled accounts of times in your life and I won't judge it (and there are no strings attached to it)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have

I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return


You can ask for space for yourself and only yourself and I'll grant it
You can ask for freedom as well or time to travel and you'll have it
You can ask to live by yourself or love someone else and I'll support it
You can ask for anything you want anything at all and I'll understand it
(and there are no strings attached to it)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return


I bet you're wondering when the next payback shoe will eventually drop
I bet you're wondering when my conditional police will force you to cough up
I bet wonder how far you have now danced you way back into debt
This is the only kind of love as I understand it that there really is

You can express your deepest of truths even if it means I'll lose you and I'll hear it
You can fall into the abyss on your way to your bliss I'll empathize with
You can say that you have to skip town to chase your passion I'll hear it
You can even hit rock bottom have a mid-life crisis and I'll hold it
(and there are no strings attached)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return


Ex-Factor

It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will


Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can't stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't workin'
It ain't workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy

This is crazy

I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else
See I know what we got to do
You let go and I'll let go too

'Cause no one's hurt me more than you
And no one ever will


Care for me, care for me
I know you care for me

There for me, there for me
Said you'd be there for me

Cry for me, cry for me
You said you'd die for me

Give to me, give to me
Why won't you live for me


Anestezija

Dobro znas svaku rec
svaki znak, kako najlakse
najbrze, najsladje
reci odlazim....

Rastemo, pazimo
slucajno gazimo
tvoje najblaze usne
kazu odlazim...

Anestezija....
Anestezija....

Smeje se zrcalo
mojim ocima
srebrne bube
zricu odlazim...

Zamisli, ti si ja
zamisli, ja sam ti
otvaram oci
i kazem odlazim...

Anestezija...



MEXICO

You could see me reaching
So why couldn’t you have
Met me halfway
You could see me bleeding
But you could not put
P
ressure on the wound
You only think about yourself

You only think about yourself
You’d better bend before I go
On the first train to mexico

You could see me breathing
But you still kept
Your hand over my mouth
You could feel me seething
But you just turned
Your nose up in the air

You only think about yourself
You only think about yourself

You’d better bend before I go
On the first train to mexico

You only think about yourself
You only think about yourself
You’d better bend before I go
On the first train to mexico


You Oughta Know


I want you to know, that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on you in a theatre
Does she speak eloquently
And would she have your baby
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, till you died

But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away

It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

You seem very well, things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her


Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, til you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

Cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

The Look Of Love

the look of love
Is in your eyes
The look your smile can't disguise
The look of love
Is saying so much more
Than just words could ever say
And what my heart has heard
Well it takes my breath away

I can hardly wait to hold you
Feel my arms around you
How long i have waited
Waited just to love you
Now that i have found you

You've got the look of love
It's on your face
A look that time can't erase

Be mine tonight
Let this be just the start
Of so many nights like this
Let's take a lover's vow
And then seal it with a kiss

I can hardly wait to hold you
Feel my arms around you
How long i have waited
Waited just to love you
Now that i have found you
Don't ever go..


I can hardly wait to hold you
Feel my arms around you
How long i have waited
Waited just to love you
Now that i have found you
Don't ever go
Don't ever go
I love you so


Green eyes


Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand


That green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you
And how could, anybody, deny you

I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter, now I’ve met you
And honey you should know, that I could never go on without you
Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know

That green eyes, you’re the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who, tried to deny you must be out of their mind


Cause I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter, since I met you
Honey you should know, that I could never go on without you

Green eyes
Green eyes

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand



cure - love song

whenever i'm alone with you you make me feel
like i am home again whnever i'm alone with
you you make me feel like i am whole again


whenever i'm alone with you you make me feel
like i am young again whenever i'm alone with
you you make me feel like i am fun again

however far away i will always love you however
long i stay i will always love you whatever
words i say i will always love you i will always
love you


whenever i'm alone with you you make me feel
like i am free again whenever i'm alone with
you you make me feel like i am clean again

however far away i will always love you however
long i stay i will always love you whatever
words i say i will always love you i will always
love you



Hedonism (Just Because You Feel Good)

I HOPE YOU`RE FEELING HAPPY NOW
I SEE YOU FEEL NO PAIN AT ALL IT SEEMS
I WONDER WHAT YOU`RE DOIN` NOW
I WONDER IF YOU THINK OF ME AT ALL
DO YOU STILL PLAY THE SAME MOVES NOW
OR ARE THOSE SPECIAL MOODS FOR SOMEONE ELSE
I HOPE YOU`RE FEELING HAPPY NOW

JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL GOOD
DOESN`T MAKE YOU RIGHT
, OH NO
JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL GOOD
STILL WANT YOU HERE TONIGHT

DOES LAUGHTER STILL DISCOVER YOU
I SEE THROUGH ALL THOSE SMILES
THAT LOOK SO RIGHT
DO YOU STILL HAVE THE SAME FRIENDS NOW
TO SMOKE AWAY YOUR PROBLEMS AND YOUR LIFE
OH HOW DO YOU REMEMBER ME,
THE ONE THAT MADE YOU LAUGH UNTIL YOU CRIED
I HOPE YOU`RE FEELING HAPPY NOW

JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL GOOD
DOESN`T MAKE YOU RIGHT, OH NO
JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL GOOD
STILL WANT YOU HERE TONIGHT


Odlaziš njoj

Ne krivi sebe
Što mladost ti nije znala reći
Tko je za tebe
Da mijenjaš se, kasno je
Jer jesen tvoja s tobom zadnje vrijeme putuje....


Mene još život stigao nije
Naučit sve što ti znaš
I misliš da ne znam, al ja te osjećam
Poljubi me i idi
Netko čeka te...

Odlaziš njoj, vidim ti lice
A odavno joj ne pripadaš
Odlaziš njoj, sa bremenom čežnje
Što mojim se imenom naziva...

Odlaziš njoj, dok ispod kože s tobom
Putujem ja...



11 am

7 am
The garbage truck
Beeps as it backs up
And I start my day thinking about
What I’ve thrown away
Could I push rewind?

All the credits strewn
In signifying the end
But I missed the best part
Could we please go back
To the start?
Forgive my indecision

Then again, then again, then again
You’re always first when
No one’s on your side
Then again, then again, then again
The day will come when
I want off that ride

11 am
By now you would think
That I would be up
But my bedsheets shade
The heated choices I made

What did I find?
I never thought I could want
Someone so much
’cause now you’re not here
And I’m knee deep
In my own fear



Forgive my indecision
I am only a man


Then again, then again, then again
You’re always first when
No one’s on your side
Then again, then again, then again
The day will come when
I want off that ride

12 pm and my dusty telephone rings
I get up from my pillow
Could it be?
I hope it’s you
It’s you, oh

Then again, then again, then again
You’re always first when
No one’s on your side
Then again, then again, then again
The day has come and
I want off that ride


Tuga Dolazi Kasnije

Jednom kad sve ovo sad
bude daleko

kad svane dan, nestane mrak
kad dođe neko
i rasplete sve što veže me

sve niti ovog sna
možda tad ću ti priznat`
koliko sam te voljela...

Jednom kad mi sretnemo se
u vrevi grada
ako ti ime izgovorim
i ne zadrhtim tada
i ako se ti osmjehneš mi
kao nekada
možda ti priznam
koliko sam te voljela..


Možda ću tad reći ti sve
ali danas još ne

to ne rade velike djevojke
one tek nasmiješe se
i odu bez tuge, jer tuga
dolazi kasnije..

Jednom kad ti pogledaš
u oči moje
kad ponos više ne bude
igra za dvoje

tad ćemo mi pričati
dugo ko` nekada
i možda ti priznam
koliko sam te voljela...


LIVE FOREVER


Maybe I dont really want to know
How your garden grows
I just want to fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain
As it soaks it to the bone

Maybe I just want to fly
I want to live I dont want to die
Maybe I just want to breath
Maybe I just dont believe
Maybe youre the same as me
We see things theyll never see
You and I are gonna live forever


Maybe I dont really want to know
How your garden grows
I just want to fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain
As it soaks it to the bone

Maybe I will never be
All the things that I want to be
But now is not the time to cry
Nows the time to find out why
I think youre the same as me
We see things theyll never see
You and I are gonna live forever
Were gonna live forever
Gonna live forever
Live forever
Forever





TE EXTRAńO

Te extrańo
como se extrańan las noches sin estrellas,
como se extrańan las mańanas bellas,
no estar contigo, por Dios que me hace dańo.

Te extrańo
cuando camino, cuando lloro, cuando río,
cuando el sol brilla, cuando hace mucho frío
porque te siento como algo muy mío.

Te extrańo
como los árboles extrańan el otońo,
en esas noches que no concilio el sueńo,
no te imaginas amor, cuánto te extrańo.

Te extrańo en cada paso que siento solitario,
cada momento que estoy viviendo a diario,
estoy muriendo amor porque te extrańo.

Te extrańo
cuando la aurora comienza a dar colores,
con tus virtudes, con todos tus errores,
por lo que quieras, no sé, pero te extrańo.
Te extrańo, te extrańo.



Ne kupuj me

Ne trebam te, ne želim te, više sresti u svom snu
Mene čeka buđenje, a taj mi dan ne znači previše
Neću priču koju znam, samo idi čuvam te na polju sjećanja...


Ne kupuj me svojim pjesmama
Ne diraj me gdje sam najtanja
Jer ja znam tko si ti, tebe zovu tupi gradovi
I to malo milosti na mene sad potroši
Ti si čovjek svačiji, ali nikad nečiji..





VUELVO AL SUR

Vuelvo al Sur,
como se vuelve siempre al amor,
vuelvo a vos,
con mi deseo, con mi temor.


Llevo el Sur,
como un destino del corazon,
soy del Sur,
como los aires del bandoneon.

Sueńo el Sur,
inmensa luna, cielo al reves,
busco el Sur,
el tiempo abierto, y su despues.

Quiero al Sur,
su buena gente, su dignidad,
siento el Sur,
como tu cuerpo en la intimidad.

Te quiero Sur,
Sur, te quiero.

Vuelvo al Sur,
como se vuelve siempre al amor,
vuelvo a vos,
con mi deseo, con mi temor.

Quiero al Sur,
su buena gente, su dignidad,
siento el Sur,
como tu cuerpo en la intimidad.
Vuelvo al Sur,
llevo el Sur,
te quiero Sur,
te quiero Sur.


Supergirl

You can tell by the way, she walks that she's my girl
You can tell by the way, she talks that she rules the world.
You can see in her eyes that no one is her chi.
She's my girl, my supergirl.

And then she'd say, it's Ok, I got lost on the way
but I'm a supergirl, and supergirls don't cry.
And then she'd say, it's alright, I got home late tast night,
but I'm a supergirl, and supergirls just fly.

And then she'd say that nothing can go wrong.
When you're in love, what can go wrong?
And then she'd laugh the nightime into day
pushing her fear further long.

And then she'd say, it's Ok, I got lost on the way
but I'm a supergirl, and supergirls don't cry.
And then she'd say, it's alright, I got home, late last night
but I'm a supergirl, and supergirls just fly.

And then she'd shout down the line tell me she's got no more time
'cause she's a supergirl, and supergirls don't hide.
And then she'd scream in my face, tell me that leave, leave this place
'cause she's a supergirl, and supergirls just fly

Yes, she's a supergirl, a supergirl,
she's sewing seeds, she's burning trees
She's sewing seeds, she's burning trees,
yes, she's a supergirl, a supergirl, a supergirl, my supergirl.


Turn You Inside-Out


Divide your cultured pearls in haste
I’m looking for to lay to waste
Of all the things I cannot taste
And this not the racy race
They spoke loud

I believe in what you do
I believe in watching you

It’s what you do

I could turn you inside-out
What I choose not to do
I could turn you inside-out
What I choose not to do


Given the choice
Given the heart

Given the tool
Given the word
Given the cheers

I believe in what you do
I believe in watching you
It’s what you do

I could turn you inside-out
What I choose not to do
I could turn you inside-out
What I choose not to do


I Could Have Lied

There must be something
In the way I feel
That she don't want me to feel

The stare she bares cut me
I don't care
You see so what if I bleed

I could never change
Just what I feel
My face will never show
What is not real


A mountain never seems to have
The need to speak
A look that shares so many seek
The sweetest feeling
I got from you
The things I said to you were true

I could never change
Just what I feel
My face will never show
What is not real


I could have lied I'm such a fool

My eyes could never never never
Keep their cool
Showed her and I told her how
She struck me but I'm fucked up now

But now she's gone yes she's gone away
A soulful song
That would not stay
You see she hides 'cause she is scared
But I don't care
I won't be spared

I could have lied I'm such a fool
My eyes could never never never
Keep their cool
Showed her and I told her how
She struck me but I'm fucked up now



Zamijenit ću te gorim

Iako te ljubim bezmjerno
Zamijenit cu te gorim, namjerno
Jer srce ti je trošno, nevjerno

Zamijenit cu te gorim ležerno...ležerno...

Jer ostati uz tebe
svoje vrijeme ti dati

I tijelo koje zebe
To se ne isplati...

I mada još te trebam, razmjerno
Zamijenit cu te gorim namjerno...namjerno
Jer proći ce mi mladost i dragocjeni sati
I bolje mi je radost nekom gorem dati

I mijenat ću te gorim
posvuda i stalno
Pred licem javnosti i ilegalno

I mada još te trebam, razmjerno
Zamijenit cu te gorim namjerno
I mijenat ću te gorim
posvuda i stalno
Pred licem javnosti i ilegalno....


The Blowers Daughter

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time

And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory

No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?


I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new


Volcano

Don't hold yourself like that
You'll hurt your knees
I kissed your mouth and back
But that's all I need

Don't build your world around volcanoes melt you down

What I am to you is not real
What I am to you you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me

You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for the sea

Don't throw yourself like that
In front of me
I kissed your mouth your back
Is that all you need?
Don't drag my love around
volcanoes melt me down

What I am to you is not real
What I am to you you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me

You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for the sea

Is just what I'm going through
This is nothing new
No no just another phase of finding
what I really need
Is what makes me bleed
And like a new disease she's still too young to treat
Volcanoes melt me down
She's still too young
I kissed your mouth..

DOSED

I got dosed by you
(and)
Closer than most to you (and)
What am I sposed' to do
Take it away I never had it anyway
Take it away and everything will be okay


In you a star is born (and)
You cut a perfect form (and)
Someone forever warm
Lay on Lay on Lay on Lay on
Lay on Lay on Lay on Lay on

Way up on the mountain where she died
All I ever wanted was your life
Deep inside the canyon I can't hide
All I ever wanted was your life

Show love with no remorse (and)
Climb onto your sea horse (and)
This ride is right on course
This is the way I wanted it to be with you
This is the way I knew that it would be with you

Lay on Lay on Lay on Lay on
Lay on Lay on Lay on Lay on

Way up on the mountain where she died
All I ever wanted was your life
Deep inside the canyon I can't hide
All I ever wanted was your life

I got dosed by you (and)
Closer than most to you (and)
What am I sposed' to do
Take it away I never had it anyway
Take it away and everything will be ok

Way up on the mountain where she died
All I ever wanted was your life
Deep inside the canyon I can't hide
All I ever wanted was your life


Šta me sad pitaš šta mi je

Ne, nisi ti kriv
Što si u blizini bio tako daleko
Mada čisto sumnjam
Da ćeš ikom biti bliži

Ti stvarno nemaš
Nikakve veze sa tim
Što više nikom ne dam
Da mi se tako približi
A donosio si stvari
Koje me vesele
Valjda svak' dobije
Ono što zasluži
Dobro si znao
Šta me raduje
Ali nikad ono što me rastuži
Šta me sad pitaš šta mi je
Šta nisi pitao ranije
Što nisi gledao znakove kraj puta
Sad više nisam ni tužna ni ljuta
Svejedno je….

Šta me sad pitaš kako si
Lopove moje mladosti
Puno sam bolje otkad te nema
Al sam i dalje nesretna žena
Sretno ti moja bivša radosti

Šta me sad pitaš šta mi je
Šta nisi pitao ranije

Sretno ti moja bivša ljubavi.....


Meni je svejedno

Kad godina još jedna pokuca na vrata
I zaprijeti nekim sasvim drugim jutrom
Samo neka uđe, samo neka vlada

Meni je svejedno
Ona ne zna da sam svakim novim danom
Tebi samo bliža, sve još više tvoja
Ona ne zna da me moj cijeli život sjeća
Samo na tebe


I da sutra ničeg ne bude
Ja hodat ću stazom tvojih dodira
I sakrit se tamo gdje smo sve pronašli
Gdje smo saznali bez čeg se živjet ne smije
Bez čega ništa nema smisla, ljubavi

I USED TO LOVE HIM

As I look at what I've done
The type of life that I've lived
How many things I pray the father will forgive
One situation involved a young man
He was the ocean and I was the sand
He stole my heart like a thief in the night
Dulled my senses blurred my sight

I used to love him but now I don't
I used to love him but now I don't

I chose a road of passion and pain
Sacrificed too much and waited in vain
Gave up my power ceased being queen
Addicted to love like the drug of a fiend

Torn and confused wasted and used
Reached the crossroad which path would I choose
Stuck and frustrated I waited, debated
For something to happen that just wasn't fated
Thought what I wanted was something I needed
When momma said no I just should have heeded
Misled I bled till the poison was gone
And out of the darkness arrived the sweet dawn

I used to love him but now I don't
I used to love him but now I don't


Father you saved me and showed me that life
Was much more than being some foolish man's wife
Showed me that love was respect and devotion
Greater than planets deeper than oceans
My soul was weary but now it's replenished
Content because that part of my life is finished

I see him sometimes and the look in his eye
Is one of a man who's lost treasures untold
But my heart is gold I took back my soul
And totally let my creator control
The life which was his to begin with

I used to love him but now I don't


DESECRATION SMILE

All alone not by myself
Another girl bad for my health
I've seen it all through someone else
(Another girl bad for my health)

Celebrated but undisturbed
Serenaded by the terror bird
It's seldom seen but it's never heared
(Serenaded by the terror bird)

Never in the wrong time or wrong place
Desecration is the smile on my face
The love I made is the shape of my face
My face, my face

Disintegrated by the rising sun
A rolling black out of oblivion
And I'd like to think that I'm your
(I'm rolling black out of oblivion)

I wanna leave but I just get stuck
A broken record running low on luck
There's heavy metal coming from your truck
I'm a (A broken record running low on luck)

Never in the wrong time or wrong place
Desecration is the smile on my face
The love I made is the shape of my face
My face, my face

We could all go down to Malibu and make some noise
Coca Cola doesn't do the justice she enjoys
We could all come up with something new to be destroyed
We could all go down

I love the feeling when it falls apart
I'm slow to finish but I'm quick to start
Beneath the heather lies the meadowlark
And I'm (Slow to finish but I'm quick to start)

Never in the wrong time or wrong place
Desecration is the smile on my face
The love I made is the shape of my face
My face, my face

Never in the wrong time or wrong place
Desecration is the smile on my face
The love I made is the shape of my face
My face, my face
Yeah...


HARD TO CONCETRATE

Hustle, bustle, and, so much muscle
Cells about to separate
Now I find it hard to concentrate
And, temporary this
Cash and carry ‘em
Stepping up to indicate
The time has come to deviate

And, all I want is for you to be happy
And, take this moment to make you my family
And, finally you have found something perfect
And, finally you have
found…


Death defying this
Mess I’m buying its
Raining down with love and hate
Now, I find it hard to motivate

And, estuary is, blessed but scary
Heart’s about to palpitate
Now, I’m not about to hesitate
And, want to treasure the rest of your days here
And, give you pleasure in so many ways dear....

And, finally you have found something perfect
And, finally you have found…
(Here we go)

Do you want me to show up for duty?
And, serve this woman, and honor her beauty

And, finally you have found something perfect
And, finally you have found…

Yourself… with me, will
You, agree to take this man
Into your world
And now, we are as one

My lone ranger
The, heat-exchanger
Is, living in this figure eight
Now I do my best to recreate
And, sweet precision
And, soft collision
Heart’s about to palpitate
Now I find it hard to separate

And, all I want is for you to be happy
And, take this woman and make you my family
And, finally you have found someone perfect
And, finally you have found…

All I want is for you to be happy
And, take this woman and make you my family
And, finally you have found someone perfect
And, finally you have....



YOU DON'T OWN ME

You don't own me,
I'm not just one of your many toys
You don't own me,
don't say I can't go with other boys..


And don't tell me what to do
And don't tell me what to say
And please, when I go out with you
Don't put me on display, 'cause

You don't own me,
don't try to change me in any way
You don't own me,
don't tie me down 'cause I'd never stay

Oh, I don't tell you what to say
I don't tell you what to do
So just let me be myself
That's all I ask of you


I'm young and I love to be young
I'm free and I love to be free
To live my life the way I want
To say and do whatever I please

A-a-a-nd don't tell me what to do
Oh-h-h-h don't tell me what to say
And please, when I go out with you
Don't put me on display

I don't tell you what to say
Oh-h-h-h don't tell you what to do
So just let me be myself
That's all I ask of you

I'm young and I love to be young
I'm free and I love to be free
To live my life the way I want..


IT'S TOO LATE

Stayed in bed all morning just to pass the time
There's something wrong here, there can be no denying
One of us is changing, or maybe we've stopped trying
And it's too late, baby, now it's too late
Though we really did try to make it
Something inside has died and I can't hide
And I just can't fake it...


It used to be so easy living here with you
You were light and breezy and I knew just what to do
Now you look so unhappy, and I feel like a fool

And it's too late, baby, now it's too late...
Though we really did try to make it
Something inside has died and I can't hide
And I just can't fake it..

There'll be good times again for me and you
But we just can't stay together, don't you feel it too
Still I'm glad for what we had, and how I once loved you
But it's too late
, baby, it's too late
Though we really did try to make it
Something inside has died and I can't hide
And I just can't



NAPOSLETKU

Naposletku... Ti si dobro znala ko sam ja... Otkud sad te suze, moja mila?
Rekla si da se za točak bršljan ne hvata... Zalud izgužvana svila... To je tako... Ne pravi od tuge nauku... Mami svetlo na sledećem bregu... Okopniće moj otisak na tvom jastuku... Kao "jezuška" u snegu... Razbiću gitaru... Crn je mrak ispunjava... Odavno se svoje pesme bojim... Pomera u meni one gene Dunava... Pa ja tečem... I kad stojim... Ali opet... Dal' bi ikad bila moja ti da sam vojnik u armiji ljudi? Rekla si da baš ne umem novce brojati... I da je nista sve što nudim... Naposletku, ti si navek znala da sam svirac... Brošić što se teško pribada... Da me moze oduvati najblazi Nemirac... Da ću u po reči stati... Da se neću osvrtati... Nikada... Ređaš po vitrini fini porculanski svet.... Al' ja nisam figurica bez žiga... Pazi... To je bajka što ti pada na pamet... Fali ti baš ovaj cigan? Tek u jesen otkriju se boje krošanja... Sve su slične u leto zeleno... Naposletku... Ti si dobro znala ko sam ja... Čemu suze lepa ženo? Draga moja, ti si navek znala da sam pajac... Moj je šešir šatra pomična... Usne, tice-rugalice... A u oku tajac... Da sam kaput sa dva lica... Da sam Gospo'n Propalica... Obična... Naposletku, ti si navek znala da sam svirac... I da je nebo moja livada... Da me može oduvati najblazi Nemirac... Da ću u po reči stati... Da se neću osvrtati... Nikada...


Stvari se polako vraćaju na mjesto
ovako nešto se ne događa često
premda priznajem ponekad pretjeram
i nekud otplovim sam i tad slike izblijede sve
i tad zatvaram se u sebe
i tad nisi mi potrebna
kazaljke i dalje krugove crtaju
umjesto zvijezda kišne kapi na grad
padaju
prazno mjesto u mom krevetu sjeća me
bila si tu
tko zna kuda si otišla
tko zna zbog čega se ne vraćaš
tko zna
sve piše u zvijezdama
još jučer poljupcima mi smo se borili
i dodirom smo jedno drugom tajne otkrivali
što se dogodilo
gdje je ta kap
što je prelila čašu
što natjerala da odneseš
sve što sam volio
a tebe sam volio
sve što sam sanjao
a tebe sa
m sanjao
ma zar sam pogriješio
što sam se smijao
kad su mi govorili
da sve su žene kurve..

kad bi zauvijek zaspao ovaj grad
kao u bajci prekriven trnjem i travama
sve dok se ti ne vratiš
a vratit ćeš se znam
i sve dok tvoja ruka
ne dotakne moj dlan
dok me ne zagrliš
dok me ne poljubiš
dok me ne zagrije tvoj dah..



Karma killer

Are you cut up or do you easily forget ?
Are you still around, why haven't you managed to die yet ?
You could prop up the bar in hell
How do you sleep, you've never loved
Why was I never good enough ?

You thought you'd leave me falling forever
Karma killer

Needless to say, I guess you know I hate you
You're so full of sin even the devil rates you
I hope you choke on your Bacardi and Coke
How do you breathe, why don't you cry ?
How come you never ask me why ?
You're not a man
, stand and deliver
Karma killer
How do you sleep, you've never loved
Why was I never good enough ?
You thought you'd leave me falling forever
Karma killer, karma killer
Karma killer, karma killer
I hope you choke on your Bacardi and Coke
Look what you didn't take from me
Look what you didn't take from me

No no no no no no no no no no no no
(I don't need to take revenge cos they're coming to get you)
No no no no no no no no no no no no
(There's no hope for you my friend cos they're coming to get you)
Karma killer